I think perhaps the hardest thing for any child looking after their elderly parent is that sometimes you simply can’t win for trying. It is almost as if it is a test of wills between the two and yet it really shouldn’t be like that.

Hearing and memory are two things that go, but not like one second you can hear then the next not. It’s gradual and there are lots of reasons for it. Sometimes as simple as needing to have the old ears cleaned and yet somehow it always does become more.

Doctors who love to say ‘well gee you are getting older and things do tend to wear out’ is a standard phrase our family doctor uses but frankly it irritates the hell out of me, and I think mom too. And it really doesn’t help much, not in comfort or in easing stress.

Problem is that as a result of hearing loss, you have to talk louder, then adjust when you talk to others or if you forget to talk louder you get the blank stare. That one is scary too, because all sorts of things start flashing thru your mind, such as is she not able to remember what you asked, is she off somewhere or what.

Then there is the you talk too loud problem to worry about. If you do talk louder suddenly you are yelling at her and then you have to go through the whole routine of trying to explain which doesn’t go over well no matter how you explain it. See you are reminding them that they are old and that some things are failing. I can understand that feeling all too well but still, there is a lack of understanding or perhaps its an unwillingness because to understand can also mean acceptance and that can lead to surrender.

Not sure which is worse. I mean the blank stare raises the blood pressure and stress levels, the other leads to hurt feelings. I dont know at times, which is worse. I suppose hurt feelings one gets over, so maybe to have that is better than the blank stare that might one day become exactly what one fears when they see it.

So yeah sometimes you simply can’t win no matter what but I suppose I’d rather have these irritants than the alternative. I’d much rather have her think I was shouting and not be accepting that it was not meant as a yell, because under no circumstances to I want her to surrender, to just wait for the inevitable.

I suppose that is what life is, an endless circle.