By Ian Kovnats (Gaystoryman)
Copyright © 2007 ◊
All Rights Reserved
is who I am.
No matter what the Religious Homophobic
Racists proclaim from on high, I am Queer, Gay, A Puffter, A Fag, or whatever other term you wish to call me.
It wonít stop me from being a loving husband to David, or from feeling outrage at the fraud you so called Religious
Folk perpetrate on others.
am Proud of Who I Am.
When a child hurts, I hurt. When
an innocent youth is attacked, treated worse than some pets are treated, and all in plain view of School Officials,
I grow angry and shake my fist at GOD. Wondering, how could he allow this, but then I cool down, knowing that HE is the only one who truly can love unconditionally, and that I am one of those he Loves.
It is hard to explain to those
children that wake up each morning, dreading to go to school, to learn how to be adults because of the bullying,
the abuse they are forced to endure, daily. It is hard to tell them that GOD
does love them, when they hear his name evoked as the boots are applied to them in the schoolyard.
It is hard to tell some 13 year
old who is laying on railroad tracks, waiting for a train to end his suffering, that GOD really is merciful,
and that it can get better. It is hard to read of those tragedies, to read about suicide prevention organizations
needing to expand, because of the growing number of calls they must handle.
It is hard to tell someone that
being Gay isnít odd, isnít bizarre or twisted, despite the constant claim to the contrary by influential people,
such as a nationís Prime Minister or President. When Men of the Cloth look down from their lofty perches and
preach about the evils of homosexuality, of following oneís natural urges, it becomes hard to understand that
it is them who are damaged, not you.
It is hard to comprehend the unreasonable
hatred that exists in all levels of government, by people you once trusted. To hear Presidents who can destroy
a nation at their whim, by the simple command can send thousands across a border, to say they will never give
you one cent to support your rights to all their Democracy can offer, is at best, disheartening.
Being Queer isnít a choice, even
though many say that if you pray hard enough, you can change and be welcomed back into GODís arms. Only trouble
is, you never chose to leave his Arms. You simply grew as you were created by him, and now suddenly find out
he has abandoned you. Least that is what they would have you believe, despite it being a lie.
You look in a mirror, trying to
see what makes you different. You stare to find if you have some tell tale sign, like others have. Jews with
the supposed crooked big nose, or African Americans with their different colored skin, but you canít find anything.
Yet society says you are different, in rules and laws and edicts, but when it comes to protecting you, just
as they protect those visible minorities, they say you have no need of their protection.
You hide, telling no one, not
your parents, not your best friends of what you like, of how you feel, for fear of rejection. Your sister gets
pregnant, and she has lots of outside help. There are thousands of support groups, even if your parents wonít
accept her, but you know no such aid exists for you, because no one is allowed to tell you there is.
Schools arenít allowed to let
you find out that being who you are, isnít the sin the Preacher says you are. They canít let groups meet in
your school, because those of Faith find it distasteful. Yet, it was Christ
himself, who supposedly sought the shunned out, who sought the pariahs of society to gather round him, but not
today, not 2007 years after his death. Today you may be shunned by your Government, by your Parents even, but unlike the prostitutes,
the lepers of HIS
time, there is no Church for you. That is the new morality, the
return to old fashioned values that Presidential Seekers pronounce.
It is what frustrated old men
cross the aisles to embrace from the new breed of tyrants, who claim to offer everyone, but you, a welcoming
hand. This is how a society slips from its golden perch, and sinks down into the depths of racism and bigotry.
And it is you, the Queer Boy or Girl, who pays the price for it all.
There are good men out there,
who will try to show you that if you believe, it will not be in vain. There are those who will stand up and
say enough, who will press for laws to insure that you can learn in safety, who will press for laws to insure
that no law is for everyone, but you. They exist, rare but they are also growing.
As you lick your wounds, put ice
on the bruises, it is small comfort to know that at some point in the future, this will all be different. It
is hard to believe in that, in GOD even, but just as GOD does exist, so too will a just society, one day.
No, it may not be soon, but it
will come. Just as years ago people rose up from being tortured and rioted in the streets of
From the President, to the Pope
himself, they might make speeches, twist arms, offer to VETO bills, to keep you down, to keep you as a second class non person in your own country, but it does change. In other nations,
it has come, and the list of governments who are willing to include you, is growing. From all over, whether
to the north of you, across the
GOD does not promise you an easy road ahead. He never did, not even to his chosen people. The road is filled with potholes and
with hurt. Many died, along that road, but it is there. GOD is a true father. He will not kick you out of his life, simply because you are as he created you to be.
Those who say otherwise, speak not for HIM. They might claim that right, but look into your own heart, deep
down where no one can see, but you. There you will find his love, his truth, and it will sustain you for the
fights that must be fought.
I am lucky, I live where being
Queer is not hard. It has its moments, in some schools your fellow students do suffer as you do, but it is getting
better. I live where I can enjoy the rights of all Canadians, and the love of the man I married, without fear
of losing those rights, despite the efforts of our own Conservative Zealots.
Here I can live with my wife,
my man, and share our life in peace, without rancour. I can go shopping with him next to me, holding my hand,
without fear of being beaten, of being tortured by some punk. And when those things do happen, I have a Government
who will step in, who will not allow the bullying to happen, who will not allow the hate to be taught, to be
allowed to flourish. The laws are intact, despite the best efforts of the soldiers of Bush and the Pope that
have come to sit in power here. They have failed to take those rights away, but we must keep a wary eye on them,
for they are relentless in their mission for Satan.
Queer, and odd name for describing
what is odd itself. Yet it is how many see you, and how you may see yourself, but it is nothing to be ashamed
of. All of us are Queer, Odd. It is what makes us Human, our differences. Even Identical Twins have differences,
because that is the Plan, that is HIS
will. To those who are frightened by those differences, it is because in truth, their faith is lacking. They
cannot accept that he is so mighty, so powerful, that nothing is truly different for HIM, it is as he DESIGNED IT TO BE.
The songs talk about the Ďmasterís planí and yet those
who sing the songs, donít understand the meanings of the words. They raise their hands to HIM,
but hide their hearts. They hold themselves up to be HIS defenders, when they do the work of HIS
seeks to unite, to include all who he created, while those who claim to speak for him, work to divide, to trod
on simply because they arenít capable of understanding HIS
In writing all this, I wonder
to what purpose will it serve, other than to release some pent up tension. Damned if I know, though I hope that
in some small way, it might add a bit of thought, to the next time you might use a slang word, without thinking
through the meaning.
You see, Gay is about being happy,
it shouldnít be used to denote lame, or worse. Queer should be about something odd, not be used to refer to
a group of people that are simply different. When you say these words, use them as if they have no consequences,
you demean others, but worse, you set an example for those who look up to you, your children. Itís been shown,
over and over again, that evil exists not because people are bad, but it exists, it flourishes because GOOD
PEOPLE donít do anything. They hear the words, even use them, and do nothing about it. It isnít about politically
correct either, it is about not hurting others you donít understand.
I suppose too, that it about showing
others, there is hope. Faith is a tough nut, it is tested not just daily, but every second that you draw a breathe
of air. Faith is not easy, but it can help you through life, if you let it. I guess I am still an idealist at
52 years of age, but see, I have David. I have someone to love, to hold and go out with and not have to hide
that love. I can tell the grocery clerk that the wife is over there, pointing to David, and not have her flinch,
but instead smile.
Hope is precious, people need
hope and maybe that is what all this is about. To show the reader who might pass by, feeling down, discouraged,
that the battle is worth the fight. It is worth the struggle, because it does work out, eventually.
I just wish that it wasnít so
hard to achieve.