Queer and Proud of It.


By Ian Kovnats (Gaystoryman)

Copyright © 2007 All Rights Reserved

It is who I am.

No matter what the Religious Homophobic Racists proclaim from on high, I am Queer, Gay, A Puffter, A Fag, or whatever other term you wish to call me. It wonít stop me from being a loving husband to David, or from feeling outrage at the fraud you so called Religious Folk perpetrate on others.

I am Proud of Who I Am.

When a child hurts, I hurt. When an innocent youth is attacked, treated worse than some pets are treated, and all in plain view of School Officials, I grow angry and shake my fist at GOD. Wondering, how could he allow this, but then I cool down, knowing that HE is the only one who truly can love unconditionally, and that I am one of those he Loves.

It is hard to explain to those children that wake up each morning, dreading to go to school, to learn how to be adults because of the bullying, the abuse they are forced to endure, daily. It is hard to tell them that GOD does love them, when they hear his name evoked as the boots are applied to them in the schoolyard.

It is hard to tell some 13 year old who is laying on railroad tracks, waiting for a train to end his suffering, that GOD really is merciful, and that it can get better. It is hard to read of those tragedies, to read about suicide prevention organizations needing to expand, because of the growing number of calls they must handle.

It is hard to tell someone that being Gay isnít odd, isnít bizarre or twisted, despite the constant claim to the contrary by influential people, such as a nationís Prime Minister or President. When Men of the Cloth look down from their lofty perches and preach about the evils of homosexuality, of following oneís natural urges, it becomes hard to understand that it is them who are damaged, not you.

It is hard to comprehend the unreasonable hatred that exists in all levels of government, by people you once trusted. To hear Presidents who can destroy a nation at their whim, by the simple command can send thousands across a border, to say they will never give you one cent to support your rights to all their Democracy can offer, is at best, disheartening.

Being Queer isnít a choice, even though many say that if you pray hard enough, you can change and be welcomed back into GODís arms. Only trouble is, you never chose to leave his Arms. You simply grew as you were created by him, and now suddenly find out he has abandoned you. Least that is what they would have you believe, despite it being a lie.

You look in a mirror, trying to see what makes you different. You stare to find if you have some tell tale sign, like others have. Jews with the supposed crooked big nose, or African Americans with their different colored skin, but you canít find anything. Yet society says you are different, in rules and laws and edicts, but when it comes to protecting you, just as they protect those visible minorities, they say you have no need of their protection.

You hide, telling no one, not your parents, not your best friends of what you like, of how you feel, for fear of rejection. Your sister gets pregnant, and she has lots of outside help. There are thousands of support groups, even if your parents wonít accept her, but you know no such aid exists for you, because no one is allowed to tell you there is.

Schools arenít allowed to let you find out that being who you are, isnít the sin the Preacher says you are. They canít let groups meet in your school, because those of Faith find it distasteful. Yet, it was Christ himself, who supposedly sought the shunned out, who sought the pariahs of society to gather round him, but not today, not 2007 years after his death. Today you may be shunned by your Government, by your Parents even, but unlike the prostitutes, the lepers of HIS time, there is no Church for you.  That is the new morality, the return to old fashioned values that Presidential Seekers pronounce.

It is what frustrated old men cross the aisles to embrace from the new breed of tyrants, who claim to offer everyone, but you, a welcoming hand. This is how a society slips from its golden perch, and sinks down into the depths of racism and bigotry. And it is you, the Queer Boy or Girl, who pays the price for it all.

There are good men out there, who will try to show you that if you believe, it will not be in vain. There are those who will stand up and say enough, who will press for laws to insure that you can learn in safety, who will press for laws to insure that no law is for everyone, but you. They exist, rare but they are also growing.

As you lick your wounds, put ice on the bruises, it is small comfort to know that at some point in the future, this will all be different. It is hard to believe in that, in GOD even, but just as GOD does exist, so too will a just society, one day.

No, it may not be soon, but it will come. Just as years ago people rose up from being tortured and rioted in the streets of New York , to bring about a change, your rights to exist will come about. It took people of color a long time to be able to vote, to get the rights you now seek, and they persevered, just as you must now, despite all the hate that is allied against you.

From the President, to the Pope himself, they might make speeches, twist arms, offer to VETO bills, to keep you down, to keep you as a second class non person in your own country, but it does change. In other nations, it has come, and the list of governments who are willing to include you, is growing. From all over, whether to the north of you, across the Atlantic or the Pacific, change is coming.

GOD does not promise you an easy road ahead. He never did, not even to his chosen people. The road is filled with potholes and with hurt. Many died, along that road, but it is there. GOD is a true father. He will not kick you out of his life, simply because you are as he created you to be. Those who say otherwise, speak not for HIM. They might claim that right, but look into your own heart, deep down where no one can see, but you. There you will find his love, his truth, and it will sustain you for the fights that must be fought.

I am lucky, I live where being Queer is not hard. It has its moments, in some schools your fellow students do suffer as you do, but it is getting better. I live where I can enjoy the rights of all Canadians, and the love of the man I married, without fear of losing those rights, despite the efforts of our own Conservative Zealots.

Here I can live with my wife, my man, and share our life in peace, without rancour. I can go shopping with him next to me, holding my hand, without fear of being beaten, of being tortured by some punk. And when those things do happen, I have a Government who will step in, who will not allow the bullying to happen, who will not allow the hate to be taught, to be allowed to flourish. The laws are intact, despite the best efforts of the soldiers of Bush and the Pope that have come to sit in power here. They have failed to take those rights away, but we must keep a wary eye on them, for they are relentless in their mission for Satan.

Queer, and odd name for describing what is odd itself. Yet it is how many see you, and how you may see yourself, but it is nothing to be ashamed of. All of us are Queer, Odd. It is what makes us Human, our differences. Even Identical Twins have differences, because that is the Plan, that is HIS will. To those who are frightened by those differences, it is because in truth, their faith is lacking. They cannot accept that he is so mighty, so powerful, that nothing is truly different for HIM, it is as he DESIGNED IT TO BE.

The songs talk about the Ďmasterís planí and yet those who sing the songs, donít understand the meanings of the words. They raise their hands to HIM, but hide their hearts. They hold themselves up to be HIS defenders, when they do the work of HIS enemies. HE seeks to unite, to include all who he created, while those who claim to speak for him, work to divide, to trod on simply because they arenít capable of understanding HIS plan.

In writing all this, I wonder to what purpose will it serve, other than to release some pent up tension. Damned if I know, though I hope that in some small way, it might add a bit of thought, to the next time you might use a slang word, without thinking through the meaning.

You see, Gay is about being happy, it shouldnít be used to denote lame, or worse. Queer should be about something odd, not be used to refer to a group of people that are simply different. When you say these words, use them as if they have no consequences, you demean others, but worse, you set an example for those who look up to you, your children. Itís been shown, over and over again, that evil exists not because people are bad, but it exists, it flourishes because GOOD PEOPLE donít do anything. They hear the words, even use them, and do nothing about it. It isnít about politically correct either, it is about not hurting others you donít understand.

I suppose too, that it about showing others, there is hope. Faith is a tough nut, it is tested not just daily, but every second that you draw a breathe of air. Faith is not easy, but it can help you through life, if you let it. I guess I am still an idealist at 52 years of age, but see, I have David. I have someone to love, to hold and go out with and not have to hide that love. I can tell the grocery clerk that the wife is over there, pointing to David, and not have her flinch, but instead smile.

Hope is precious, people need hope and maybe that is what all this is about. To show the reader who might pass by, feeling down, discouraged, that the battle is worth the fight. It is worth the struggle, because it does work out, eventually.

I just wish that it wasnít so hard to achieve.