Expressing Your Sexual Needs.

Sex Talk

Personal Opinion by Gaystoryman

Copyright © 2007 All Rights Reserved

No, I am not referring to that naughty talk, that one sometimes uses in the throes of passion. I mean do you actually talk about sex with your partner?

Do you for example, tell him how you donít like the way he sucks your cock, or do you keep silent, enduring his attempts at pleasing you that way?

I wonder, why is it so hard for us to discuss with our partners what we want, or like or donít like. I know at times I have bitten my tongue in the past, though I have to admit, that as Dave and I have grown together, it is easier to discuss these things. Yet, there is still hesitation at times, despite us being together and active for over a decade now.

I mean, we are married, surely that bond should enable us to have frank and open discussion of what is pleasing to us or not, and yet I hear so often how they just canít get the nerve up. Why? What is so hard about saying that you want to try new positions, new techniques or such?

At times I think that simply we wonít talk about sex, because in society, sex isnít something admired. It is looked upon as perhaps more of a physical need, than a sensual one. In short, we are prudes. We forget that sex is a sign of passion, not just a means to relieve some stress or tension.

I also think that with all the crap out there, surely we should be able to trust our partners, more than we do. Sex Talk is just one way to further that trust, to ease the inhibitions that society has placed on us. Without our conscious awareness as well. I mean look at Television, where sex sells, but yet while women parade around in revealing undies, how many males are shown in that same state of undress?

While many leaders oppose homosexuality, for biblical reasons, I have to wonder if it simply isnít out of fear of our sexuality?

If they are afraid to tell their partners that they liked being sucked, that they enjoy doing a woman from the rear, how can they even begin to understand homosexuality? Society has made sex seem dirty, naughty, and yet it really is nothing but a natural act. Sure, some of the acts might be bizarre or downright kinky, but are they? Or is it simply that we are taught that any sex that isnít so called Ďstandardí is somehow deviant behavior?

There are some who will claim they donít discuss their needs, out of not wanting to hurt their partnerís feelings, and that might be a legitimate reason, though I wonder, if they arenít doing a disservice to their partner? Surely if you love someone, they you, then honest dialogue about what makes you passionate, or less, isnít going to hurt for long. I know for myself, when I look at David, I am thinking of how to please him, to make him feel the love I have for him, but I canít read minds. I need him to tell me, to guide me, just as he needs me to do the same.

So, maybe I am not a good cock sucker. If he tells me, least Iíll know, and maybe find new ways to do it better. I mean how else can one know they need to improve if no one tells them the truth? I suppose it would be ego deflating, but then it would also depend on how we discuss the matter. Maybe if schools would teach kids communication skills more, instead of how to use guns, or how to beat the system, we might not be so afraid of our own failures, or inadequacies. I really donít get it these days, at how insecure we really are.

The whole concept of sex, I mean why are we convinced its dirty, or shameful to talk about? When did showing your love in a more physical, intimate way, become dirty, or perverted? I like walking down the grocery store aisles, with Dave holding my hand, or his head on my shoulder as we read the labels on products. Its intimate, arousing, and well, pleasing. So why is it considered abnormal to enjoy?

Is sex just physical?

I mean for me, sex isnít just sucking his dick, having him suck mine or fucking each other. There is so much more to enjoy, the touch of his hand on my face, the breath on my neck as his hands roam across my body. To me that is just a part of sex, and I think maybe we are losing sight of that. Surely being close, isnít just about the orgasm one gets from ejaculation. Surely it is also how you get to that stage, and how can you if your partner isnít finding those spots, those tricks that send you over the top into ecstasy?

Over the years, Dave and I have talked about some odd stuff, but you know, once you talk about it, things donít seem so bad. It might feel strange, awkward even, at the beginning, but then that is just because it hasnít been tried before. Well by us, or me, or him. So yes it can be a bit awkward, but then isnít that also part of being in love? Of being able to share those moments, to feel the other as they grow, as you grow?

Just seems so backwards. On the one hand we want to share our lives with someone. It is drummed into us that being partnered is a life goal, even if America doesnít want to include Gays in that goal. Yet in everything we see and hear, it is about two people sharing, being together, until it comes to sex. Then suddenly the sharing is supposed to stop, to end. Makes no sense really, because relationships can go stale, can stagnate, and if sex is supposed to be a major role in a relationship, then why hide it from each other?

I donít think there is an easy answer, but you know, one thing about porn. It does give you an opportunity to open a dialogue. Dave and I enjoy watching a porn flick on Fridays. Partially because it gives me an opportunity to write video reviews for here, but it is also an opportunity to learn new tricks, that we havenít thought of before.

As much as the Religious Right oppose porn, as much as society seems to be against it, there is a benefit to porn. It does create an atmosphere where inhibitions are lowered. I mean if you are sitting there watching two hot guys sucking each other, it gives you an opening to point out how that looks like fun, or how that is different, might be fun to try. It plants the idea, offers a way to see how it is done too, and you avoid the risk of hurting feelings.

Now it also gives you a way to say, hey not for me too. I mean if you watch a S&M flick, you might be able to get across how that isnít for you, or maybe is. It is simply a way to start the conversation, to lead it to fit into your own sex life, and hell, who knows, maybe suddenly youíll find out that he too wants that, or doesnít.

And isnít that what sex talk should be? To find out?