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No, I am not referring to that naughty talk, that one
sometimes uses in the throes of passion. I mean do you actually talk about sex with your partner?
Do you for example, tell him how you donít like the way
he sucks your cock, or do you keep silent, enduring his attempts at pleasing you that way?
I wonder, why is it so hard for us to discuss with our
partners what we want, or like or donít like. I know at times I have bitten my tongue in the past, though I
have to admit, that as Dave and I have grown together, it is easier to discuss these things. Yet, there is still
hesitation at times, despite us being together and active for over a decade now.
I mean, we
are married, surely that bond should enable us to have frank and open discussion of what is pleasing to
us or not, and yet I hear so often how they just canít get the nerve up. Why?
What is so hard about saying that you want to try new positions, new techniques or such?
At times I think that simply we wonít talk about sex,
because in society, sex isnít something admired. It is looked upon as perhaps more of a physical need, than
a sensual one. In short, we are prudes. We forget that sex is a sign of passion, not just a means to relieve
some stress or tension.
I also think that with all the crap out there, surely
we should be able to trust our partners, more than we do. Sex Talk is just one way to further that trust, to
ease the inhibitions that society has placed on us. Without our conscious awareness as well. I mean look at
Television, where sex sells, but yet while women parade around in revealing undies, how many males are shown
in that same state of undress?
While many leaders oppose homosexuality, for biblical reasons, I have to wonder if it simply isnít out of fear of
If they are afraid to tell their partners that they liked
being sucked, that they enjoy doing a woman from the rear, how can they even begin to understand homosexuality?
Society has made sex seem dirty, naughty, and yet it really is nothing but a natural act. Sure, some of the
acts might be bizarre or downright
kinky, but are they? Or is it simply that we are taught that any sex that isnít so called Ďstandardí
is somehow deviant behavior?
There are some who will claim they donít discuss their
needs, out of not wanting to hurt their partnerís feelings, and that might be a legitimate reason, though I
wonder, if they arenít doing a disservice to their partner? Surely if you love someone, they you, then honest
dialogue about what makes you passionate, or less, isnít going to hurt for long. I know for myself, when I look
at David, I am thinking of how to please him, to make him feel the love I have for him, but I canít read minds.
I need him to tell me, to guide me, just as he needs me to do the same.
So, maybe I am not a good cock sucker. If he tells me,
least Iíll know, and maybe find new ways to do it better. I mean how else can one know they need to improve
if no one tells them the truth? I suppose it would be ego deflating, but then it would also depend on how we
discuss the matter. Maybe if schools would teach kids communication skills more, instead of how to use guns,
or how to beat the system, we might not be so afraid of our own failures, or inadequacies. I really donít get
it these days, at how insecure we really are.
The whole concept of sex, I mean why are we convinced
its dirty, or shameful to talk about? When did showing your love in a more physical, intimate way, become dirty,
or perverted? I like walking down the grocery store aisles, with Dave holding my hand, or his head on my shoulder
as we read the labels on products. Its intimate, arousing, and well, pleasing. So why is it considered abnormal
Is sex just physical?
I mean for me, sex isnít just sucking
his dick, having him suck mine or fucking each other. There is so much more to enjoy, the touch of his hand
on my face, the breath on my neck as his hands roam across my body. To me that is just a part of sex, and I
think maybe we are losing sight of that. Surely being close, isnít just about the orgasm one gets from ejaculation.
Surely it is also how you get to that stage, and how can you if your partner isnít finding those spots, those
tricks that send you over the top into ecstasy?
Over the years, Dave and I have talked about some odd
stuff, but you know, once you talk about it, things donít seem so bad. It might feel strange, awkward even,
at the beginning, but then that is just because it hasnít been tried before. Well by us, or me, or him. So yes
it can be a bit awkward, but then isnít that also part of being
in love? Of being able to share those moments, to feel the other as they grow, as you grow?
Just seems so backwards. On the one hand we want to share
our lives with someone. It is drummed into us that being partnered is a life goal, even if
I donít think there is an easy answer, but you know,
one thing about porn. It does give you an opportunity to open a dialogue. Dave and I enjoy watching a porn flick
on Fridays. Partially because it gives me an opportunity to write video reviews for here, but it is also an
opportunity to learn new tricks, that we havenít thought of before.
As much as the Religious Right oppose porn, as much as
society seems to be against it, there is a benefit to porn. It does create an atmosphere where inhibitions are
lowered. I mean if you are sitting there watching
two hot guys sucking each other, it gives you an opening to point out how that looks like fun, or how that
is different, might be fun to try. It plants the idea, offers a way to see how it is done too, and you avoid
the risk of hurting feelings.
Now it also gives you a way to say, hey not for me too.
I mean if you watch a S&M
flick, you might be able to get across how that isnít for you, or maybe is. It is simply a way to start the
conversation, to lead it to fit into your own sex life, and hell, who knows, maybe suddenly youíll find out
that he too wants that, or doesnít.
And isnít that
what sex talk should be? To