Is Death Really Final?

Chapter 23

PART 1

He could smell the sweet scent of tropical flowers and he opened his eyes to see the glowing rays of the sun beaming down upon his naked body. Terry slowly sat up, pushing himself up with his two arms, so now he sat on the warm golden beach, staring out at the shimmering blue green shade of the great Pacific Ocean. The waves were gently rolling and he could hear their noise as the water lapped up against the outer coral reef. His eyes scanned the water for his friends, but all three seemed to have gone elsewhere and he just sat there, until he heard the soft sound of bare feet slowly making their way along the beach. 

Terry turned to see the old man coming towards him and he smiled now, as he saw how the birds would swoop down and around the old man’s head and how the water seemed to actually glitter as it swirled around his feet. The sand even seemed to take on a deeper hue of gold as he walked slowly to where Terry sat.

He stood there, looking down into Terry’s eyes and he had a huge smile on his face that made Terry feel totally at ease. He had been expecting the old man and now that he was here, he just didn’t seem to fear it anymore and his heart rested easily in his heart and his soul seemed to be at peace as well as he watched the old man kneel and then sit down next to him, all the time smiling and looking so, well so peaceful.

They sat together, staring out at the sea and Terry felt totally at ease as he let the warmth just soak deep into his body, and he felt no shame either at being naked either, and it seemed as if the old man had no interest anyways, but then, he wouldn’t, would he?

Terry “I suppose it is time, isn’t it?”

 Old Man “Time? You feel like it is?”

Terry “I don’t know what I feel, I am so tired actually.”

Old Man “Yes, I expect you would be, it has been a long struggle hasn’t it?”

Terry “Yes, it has been.”

Old Man “And what does the man inside say? Does he too say its time?”

Terry “The man inside?”

Old Man “Yes, the man inside of you, the place you fight all the time, but the place where you live, your heart Terry, what does it tell you? Is it too tired and ready?”

Terry “No, it says one more second, one more minute, but it is tired, I can feel it as it pumps, it is tired.”

Old Man “Yes, it is but does it need rest or does it need your support?”

Terry “My support? How can I support it? All around me is darkness, and all I can feel is being tired, I can do nothing, it does it all for me now, it commands and I obey.”

Old Man “It commands only what you let it, maybe it is time you let it command more?”

Terry “What more is there? I breathe, blood flows thru my veins, what else is there for me now?”

Old Man “There is Ashley for starters.”

Terry “That is true, but Paul is handling that now, I can’t, it is his turn.”

Old Man “Is it? And who shall be there for him now that he has finally taken that step you prayed for so long ago?”

Terry “He has Rob, and Ashley, he has the support he needs.”

Old Man “Does he? Does he have his brother’s support?”

Terry “Of course he does, he knows that, doesn’t he?”

Old Man “For now he thinks he does, but this is all new to him, he still needs you, not to guide him so much as to forgive him and to show him that it isn’t mere words or thought, but that it is real, and that it comes from your heart.”

Terry stared away from the old man’s wizened face and looked out at the rolling waves that came crashing up against the far lagoon’s coral reef. He could see the white water splash high up in the air and fall down as clear drops of water to roll down the other side and rest calmly inside the lagoon. His eyes saw his brother, no more than 10 or 11 as he stood in front of Terry, defying his father one more time for some alleged transgression, and he saw the shoulders squared, and he could hear the tiny heart beating as he told his father ‘no’ and he felt the terror that Paul had felt then and he felt the shame too because it was only one of many times that Paul had stood in front of him. How could he have forgotten all that in such a short time.

Terry “He always did show up at the right time didn’t he?”

Old Man “Yes, only once did he not, and so you paid the price that time.”

Terry “Yes, but it didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would, after all Paul was safe, he got to go where he could become free, and me, I did okay, after all I did finally get to meet Ashley.”

Old Man “Yes, and now you are willing to put all that aside because you are tired?”

Terry “No, it isn’t that, it is just, there is so much ahead, I am frightened, and I have caused enough pain already, how can I do that to Ashley or to Paul, not now, now when at last they have some peace, how can I?”

Old Man “Yes there will be pain, but there will be a greater pain if you don’t, you cannot escape the pain Terry, that is why your heart asks for another second, another minute, it knows it can’t escape the pain, either way and it has a strong desire to see more than what it has so far, it isn’t tired Terry, it is just lonely, it needs your support.”

Terry “I suppose I have always known that, it is just, who supports me when the pain rears up again? Who will be there for me when the slurs and aches grow too much? Who?”

Old Man “I will be there with you every step of the way, if you wish it, but you know that already.”

Terry “Do I? I know that if I choose what you wish, I may have your support, but what if I make another wrong choice? What then? Do you abandon me again?”

Old Man “I never left your side Terry, not since you were a mere thought in your mother’s mind, I have been there but at times you have shunned me, so I could not help, but as long as you wish me here, I will always be here, and that is the truth as you know it is.”

Terry “My choice, yes always my choice, but I am not this wise man, I am nothing more than a queer who dresses up in women’s clothes for the thrill of fooling straight boys, I am not this man of such strength that you think I am, I am nothing but a sex machine for hire, and I have had my fifteen minutes, and I am tired now, I just want to come home.”

Old Man “It is of course your choice to make Terry, you know that no matter what you may think, no matter what you may believe are your faults, you are always welcome back home and into my arms, but it is your choice my son, for that is what ‘Free Will’ really is about, your choice to decide these issues, and that is a gift as well as a burden.”

Terry “A gift? It is no gift, if it was a gift I’d be happy, I would not have the pain of knowing that my own father, the man whose blood flows thru me was such an evil person, or that my own mother who carried me for nine months inside of her was so self absorbed that only money and power meant anything to her, not her sons fears, not her sons aches, not her sons terror, just money and power, that is all that her heart holds dear.”

Old Man “No, that is not true Terry, for what is in her heart is also in yours, but she has blocked her heart and failed to listen to the truth that lies in each of us, and that is her choice, her ‘Free Will’ but it doesn’t have to be yours as well, and that is why it is a gift, because you have that freedom of choice, the one to listen to her example or to ignore it, to listen instead to the beat of your own heart, of your own wisdom and knowledge.”

Terry “But it is not easy, how can it be a gift then? No, it is a burden, one I want to finally put to rest, to just no longer have to deal with it and all that it brings with it.”

Old Man “By doing that, you forsake all of the love and hope and trust that Ashley has given so freely to you, is that your choice? What about Paul and Robert? Do they now twist in the wind because you no longer wish to exercise your rights as one of my sons? Is that truly what you wish for Terry?”

Terry “You make me sound evil, I am not evil, I don’t want Paul and Rob to twist in the wind, nor do I want Ashley’s love to ever leave me, but I am so tired, how can I fight all this if my strength is weakened with each breath, each pulse of my heart? How?”

Old Man “Is it that you fear what you may find in the light Terry? Yes your heart is heavy with its burden of keeping you living, yes your lungs ache as they struggle to give you air to breath and yet your body that is so tortured, so ripped is healing, it is defying the so called odds, because it too has felt Ashley’s love, it is what drives them, what holds them from surrendering to the darkness that you have placed around them, so yes, you are tired, but it is the light that you fear when it is the light you should embrace.”

Terry “No I don’t fear the light, but in the light nothing is hidden, and that I do fear. I know that Ashley loves me, I know that my leaving him now will hurt him deeply but if I stay it will only take that love and break it into tiny pieces that it could never be put together again, is that how I show my love for him? By ruining his? At least in the darkness he can keep his illusions of me, and so it won’t be so bad for him, and is that wrong?”

Old Man “Is it the smooth skin he loves Terry? Is it maybe the way you enter him and fill his insides with your love that maybe is what he loves? Could it be the way you kiss him or maybe how you hold him, is that what drives his love Terry? Or perhaps, it isn’t any of that, but instead it is how your heart beats when he is near, or how you gaze at him when you don’t think he can see? Maybe it is how you stand in front of him when the cruelty of others reaches out for him, or the way your arm naturally fits around his shoulder as you share your joy at his love for you? Which is it Terry?”

Terry “I don’t know… I should know but I am so tired now, I just don’t know, but if it is as you say, then… but why would he feel that? What am I but a street hustler? How could he find anything worthwhile in that?”

Old Man “That is what you do my son, it is not who you are.”

Terry stared up into the old man’s eyes and he felt the love flowing from deep within as it slowly wrapped its warm cloak around his naked body. He felt a tremor inside of him, deep in the pit of his stomach and he knew his soul was stirring once more as the love continued to shine into him from the old man’s face. He felt the fear inside of his body cringing as the warmth filled him and he knew the old man spoke only the truth and he knew that no matter his choice, that he would always have that love that now filled him.

As his eyes brimmed over with tears he felt the leathery hand of the old man reach out for his and he felt the surge of power go thru his whole body as their fingers touched and then weaved their way around each other, joining them together and he saw the soft loving smile grow across the old face, the face that looked so old at times and yet at other times was brimming with youth and vigour. He let the surprisingly strong hand lift him from the sand and stand him on his feet.

They walked forwards from under the shade of the tree and he felt the sun striking at his shoulders, helping to warm his body as they slowly walked along the waters edge, feeling the freshness of the ocean pass by them and yet he felt no fear, felt no panic as they came to the rocks and there they once more sat, side by side, his hand held with tenderness and love across the old man’s lap.

Old Man “The truth is never easy to face, at times we hide behind our own recriminations because we feel it is right, that we have made such a horrible transgression here on earth that there can be no salvation, but that is not the truth of it, and if you reach inside, feel the very essence of your heart and your soul, you will know I speak only the truth, and when I say to you that you are my son, and that I love you with all that I am, then Terry you must know that no matter your choice, your place in my heart is in no danger of being removed, for there you will always dwell, no matter what your mind may tell you, for you know I speak only the truth.”

The tears rolled down his face now as he sat there, next to the old man and he listened to the softly spoken words. He could feel them piercing his heart and he could even feel his heart rising up, its beat growing stronger with each letter of each word as it seemed to simply snatch them and hold them deep inside. He could feel it warm his soul too and as he sat there, he watched the other hand reach around the thin willowy frame of the old man and rise up to his face, where with an never before felt tenderness, he watched in awe as the tears were wiped away from his face and he turned his face back to the old man, no longer afraid to speak his mind or reveal himself to his father.

Terry “I am afraid of the light, the darkness hides who I think I am, no one until Ashley has ever penetrated that darkness, except maybe Paul when we were kids, but I have so many doubts, so many questions, I don’t know what to do, tell me, you tell me what should I do? What shall I choose? You have the wisdom, you have the foreknowledge of what will be, you tell me and I will choose that, so? What do I do?”

The old man smiled and he wiped away another tear drop and watched it glisten in his hand as if it was a perfect diamond. The sun’s rays shone through it and he could see the dark purples and the vibrant green and even the majestic blue. His eyes finally lifted up and he held the finger before both his eyes and Terry’s as he slowly let it dissipate in the warmth of the sun and heat from the fires of his own heart.

Old Man “That would be so easy wouldn’t it? To let me decide for you now, at this your time, but as much as the pain in my heart wishes me to do just that, to ease your pain, your fears, I cannot. To do that would not do you justice, nor would it ease your pain, it would only postpone it and worse, in time you would come to resent me, and that I cannot allow, not from my actions I can’t. If you choose to feel that way, then so be it, it won’t change my love for you or how I shall always stand by your side, but it must be your choice my son, it cannot be influenced by my actions or lack of actions. It is after all your will, your ‘Free Will’ and therefore it is for you to decide, not to have me do it for you.”

Terry “but that is my choice, to have you decide for me, it is my free choice, my desire, why can’t you do this for me?”

Old Man “Why? Because it is not your choice, it is your own way to avoid making that choice, so you do not have to feel the responsibility of it, so when you do meet Ashley again, you can say it wasn’t your choice to leave but mine, and that is not truth, it is not faith and it is not love.”

Terry “Then how do I know if the choice I make is the right choice?”

Old Man “You don’t, but what you do know is that whatever your choice shall be, that I shall still hold you in my arms, and that is the truth.”

Terry “So, if I choose to come home now, I still can sit in your lap? I can still feel the same love that I feel flowing thru me now?”

Old Man “Yes.”

Terry “Why does that answer not make my choice come easier?”

Old Man “Ask the man inside, he will have an answer for you”

Terry “I know his answer already, it has never wavered, but you knew that.”

Old Man “Yes, I have.”

Terry “Then it is what I must do then, I have made my choice.”

Old Man “Yes you have.”

Part 2

The boat rocked gently in the swell coming into the harbour and he could see Ashley still sitting at the prow of the boat. He had hardly moved from that spot, only a few times as he used the head, but he always returned to that spot and Paul knew he was waiting, just as he too was waiting for that final word to come to them all.

He thought they had all come to accept the reality of the situation, it didn’t make it any easier for them but at least they had come to terms with it, at least so he thought. He had many regrets, and he wished that he could have some of that time back to right those wrongs but he knew he could never go back, and the future was not something that held much promise for him, and yet deep inside of his soul he felt a strange patience actually, as if it was saying that he shouldn’t rush into accepting the so called inevitable.

There were still many unanswered questions for him too, many that he wished he had asked Terry long before now, and yet he doubted if Terry had the answers then either. Maybe it was just rotten timing but despite his best efforts to fight it, he knew he was falling hard for Rob. Just what he needed, to love someone who was as confused as he had been?

The sky wasn’t as bright as he thought it would be today, and yet in some ways he knew that the cloudiness wasn’t weather related, but was simply how he felt. There was so much uncertainty, so much for him to doubt and to wonder about that he knew it was affecting how he saw the world. There was still the matter of securing the funds and that was why they had come back to shore. He needed to contact John and make sure that the money had been transferred, yet despite his best efforts, he couldn’t get him to answer his cell phone all morning.

It could just be coincidence but he didn’t quite buy that. Paul was fairly certain that John was ignoring his calls but that wouldn’t help John or his mother and step father very much, and he had decided that if he couldn’t get through this time, his next call would be to the reporter who he knew would write the type of article he wanted.

He leaned against the side of the payphone and lifted the receiver up t his ear, as he fished for the quarter to drop into the slot. Heaviness had invaded his body early this morning and he could still feel it weighing on his heart as he struggled with the change. There was no doubt that he was feeling the stress of the moment but it was more than that, he knew it was also a deep sadness borne from a lifetime of disappointments in his fellow man. 

Paul had never been a people person like Terry. He had always been the reserved one, while Terry was the one who would always speak up, always walk up to strangers to talk to them, but not him, he would always hang back, letting his little brother do the hard stuff. It wasn’t fair, but he had a dislike for most people and yet the instant that he had met Rob he had felt an attraction, a desire welling up inside of him to know Rob, but he still had hung back.

Now, Rob was being kept to a distance as Paul struggled with dealing with all that had happened to Terry. He couldn’t believe Ashley and he prayed hard, hoping that at least Ashley could have some life with Terry, but when it all came down to it, he knew that Terry would not have wanted to be kept alive by machines. It was either his way on his own, or it was no way but then, that always was Terry.

The connection was finally being made, and he heard the ringing on the other end, knowing that this call was a turning point for him and his entire life. Everything that had happened in the past was culminating with this call, and he felt the tightness around his heart grow tighter as the first ring echoed in his ears.

There would be no turning back either way, if John answered and had complied, it really wouldn’t matter because he had never promised his silence beyond this point, and he knew it was time that the bond of silence that had held him this long be finally torn apart. He prayed that he would have the strength to do it, knowing how it would look but he also knew that he could no longer allow all that had gone on to remain hidden under a veil of silence. At least Terry would be spared this, and that was something to be thankful for, though he doubted if his brother would have wished to miss this moment.

Paul took another deep breath as the second ring started to echo and then he heard the tell tale click as the call was being answered, but he was surprised to her a woman’s voice answering, which threw him off for a second.

Paul “Uh, is John there please?”

Woman “Yes he is, is this Paul?”

Paul “Yes it is, may I speak to John please.”

Janice “This is your mother Paul, don’t you think you should say hello to me?”

Paul was taken aback as he finally recognized the voice. Damn, this wasn’t what he had expected but then again, it did fit didn’t it? After all she was the one who masterminded it all, it was only natural that John would run to her to try and have this all sorted out. Well, it had to happen sooner or later, and he might as well deal with this too. It was time anyways.

Paul “Hello… mother.”

Janice could hear the sarcasm dripping off each syllable of the word ‘mother’ and she stiffen her repose, as she could also feel a strange strength in Paul’s voice that she really hadn’t expected. After all, he was just another pansy and he never really had any backbone before, and yet, her memory of him had some doubts too.

Janice “And how are you Paul? You never seem to call anymore, that isn’t very polite is it?”

Paul “Polite? No, I suppose it isn’t, but then why subject both of us to having to pretend? So, I suppose John has called you in on this, and you think you can prevent me from doing what I have to?”

Janice “Yes John called me with your, oh shall we call it, request?”

Paul “And your answer is?”

Janice “I guess you have been off somewhere? If you had been here, you would have heard our answer by now, we held a news conference where your Step Father and I explain all about Terry, in fact we had the conference just outside his hospital room.”

Paul “You what? How dare you, but then I suppose nothing is beneath you and your ambition, so am I to guess at what was said at this news conference?”

Janice “Now Paul, is that nice? I mean you won’t find any additional funds in your account, but we did give the hospital the authority to draw on a special account set up for Terry, where they could draw all expenses already incurred plus an additional $200,000.00 worth if needed.”

Paul “And that makes it okay for you to have abandoned us both for that phony preacher man?”

Janice “Now Paul, I really don’t understand your vehemence for Jerry, what has he done to you or Terry? It isn’t like either of you made it easy for him, but here he has turned over a lot of money for someone he never really got to know, so you could show some appreciation.”

Paul “Appreciation? For a man you manipulate as easy as you change hair colour? I don’t think so Mother, and whether you left $20,000.00 or $2 million dollars, it still won’t change my mind about going public with everything.”

Janice “There is nothing for you to go public about Paul, our news conference has seen to that, we have hidden nothing and if anything, it will only help our cause, so really, there is no longer any need for you to threaten me or your step father.”

Paul “Threaten you? Me? No mother, I wouldn’t threaten you but tell me, how do you sleep at night? Doesn’t any of the past ever creep up and reach at your heart and threaten to strangle you as you lay there, knowing the part you played in father’s redemption of our evil souls?”

Janice “I see you still have a vivid imagination, the past is long gone Paul, you really should move on from there, I hear you are doing quite well with your research, dolphins isn’t it?”

Paul had expected this from John, but as he listened to the sweet lilt of her voice, he was sure he could feel and even see the poison dripping off each word spoken. She was not a kind woman, and if he had any doubts of that, this conversation was putting those lingering hopes aside.

Paul “Yes that always was your line, wasn’t it? That Terry and I were just dreaming it all, but you know Mother, it was so real, why, I can even recall how you directed Dad while taking the photo’s, but of course you’ll just deny that too, right Mother?”

Janice “I really don’t know what you are babbling about Paul, have you been drinking or something else perhaps?”

Paul “You would like that, but no Mother I don’t do the other, as your spies have told you, and no I am not drunk either, just maybe more sane than I have ever been. So you really think you have plugged the holes do you? You think that now people will flock to Hartwell with their cheque books open?”

Janice “Donations are already rolling in Paul, after all Jerry has shown the world just how True of a Christian he is, so, yes the news conference has indeed served its purpose, yours too even though you won’t admit it. You did want sufficient funds to care for your brother didn’t you?”

Paul “Oh yes, I suppose I should thank you and Jerry for your amazing generosity, in fact maybe at my own news conference, I shall do just that as well as maybe add a few revelations of my own, maybe then the donations might just slow down to a trickle. What do you think Mother? After all you are the professional, I am merely your distant pupil.”

Janice had been sitting comfortably in the large white brocade chair, a glass of chardonnay beside her along with a sampling of small finger snacks. Her hand grew tighter as her conversation progressed and the smooth alabaster colour of her cheeks were now tinged by a growing shade of red as her anger also rose deep inside of her. This wasn’t how Paul acted with her, he had always been afraid of her and rightly so, or so she thought, but now he was being not only flippant but downright condescending towards her, as if he had nothing to fear from her.

John could see the way Janice was becoming angry and he shook his head, knowing that Paul was playing with the wrong person. He could hear the conversation on his earpiece as they talked and he had looked steadily at Janice to see the way her mood changed. He wondered just what did Paul mean by the way his father practiced their redemption but he knew he’d never ask her, no matter how curious he became.

Janice “I think Paul, that if you go ahead with what you plan that you will not only damage your own reputation beyond repair, but that you may find your own living arrangements rather Spartan, as well as perhaps affect the ability of the hospital to care properly for your brother.”

Paul “Oh? And how would you be able to accomplish that Mother? You have already publicly given the money, would be rather hard for you to take it back now, wouldn’t it?”

Janice “You forget Paul, I am his mother, as such I have the say in his treatment, or lack of it, whichever the case may be.”

Paul “Haha, oh mother you can be so funny at times, I am surprised though, normally you are much more thorough in your research but I guess you didn’t have time this time, did you?”

Janice “Paul, this doesn’t become you, you think you can bluff me with some news conference? Come now, you should know me better.”

Paul “No, I am not that stupid Mother, I know bluff doesn’t work, so I’ll tell you, that I never was one for planning, least not when you knew me, but I have taken a crash course Mother and I am much better prepared today than I would ever have been, but then Terry showed me the way, he really was much smarter than you or dad ever gave him credit for. He should have been the one to go to college, he would really have done well.”

Janice “I see, and what is it that your dear now comatose brother taught you Paul? How to be disrespectful to your Mother and to the hand that feeds you and lets you pursue those wild dreams of yours? Is that what Terry taught you Paul?”

The anger in his face would have startled anyone had they crossed his path then, but there was no one who could see but he did notice that Ashley’s head was now turned toward him, and Rob was awake and also staring at him. It was uncanny really, but he didn’t have the time to go into that with his mother, or John either who he was sure was listening in. There was no doubt now in his heart or soul that he would have to play it the hard way, something he had wished wouldn’t happen but which he knew would.

Paul “For starters Mother, you have no say whatever in Terry’s care, or lack of care, your son is over 18 Mother.”

Janice “I Know how old Terry was, Paul, it still doesn’t change the fact that as his next of kin, I do have that say.”

Paul “Ah, well maybe, if Terry hadn’t thought about this happening, which is why a lawyer contacted me about his condition, you see Terry left a living will, and he made me executor of that will, plus he also left a notarized power of attorney naming me as his sole guardian in all emergency conditions or in case he could not act on his own. So no Mother dear, you have no say but your money will be gratefully appreciated.”

Her face now had changed to a pasty white as she held the phone in a death grip. John could see her rage at Paul and he had to admit, he did have the upper hand in that instance, not enough to harm the Ministry or anyone in the Ministry but he knew this revelation was only the tip of what was about to come. He couldn’t explain it as he watch Janice Jamison Hartwell twist and shift herself on the ornate chair. For the first time since he ever met her, he felt like she was about to actually lose her composure, something that had never happened in his recollection.

Janice “So? It really isn’t important to me whether I have that power or not, enjoy the task, mind you I could contest that paperwork, after all I am his mother, the courts would be on my side, not on the side of the queer brother, and how would that go over at your work? No, Paul, if I want to contest those papers, I could, and I’d win too, and the downside is everyone would know your dirty little secret too, so no, I still don’t think you have grasped the situation here, you have no power over me, you have no hold, but I do, with or without those papers.”

Paul “You think so Mother? I don’t… besides; I have nothing to fear by the world knowing I am gay. My bosses all know, so do the select committee for National Geographic who signed me to a ten year research grant, knowing I am gay, knowing my brother is gay and despite knowing that you are my mother, and so my personal welfare, well it is well looked after, and to take a page from you, it is you who have not grasped the situation here, and it you who no longer have any power over me or Terry.”

Her left eye began to twitch and she thrust her glass out at him and John was stunned for a second or two as she kept thrusting the glass and shaking it at him. Her entire body was quivering and he could see her hand trembling, as if fear had taken hold over her. He quickly took the ear piece out and lurched forward to grab the glass from her hand and his fingers touched hers and he drew back in shock.

The touch of her hand was like touching a block of ice the cold was so intense that it made him shiver. She looked at him and he could see the worry in her eyes, and he knew that Paul had done what no one else had, he had breached her wall of steel and was actually throwing his darts of anger into her very flesh, no longer protected by the steel armour that she had weaved all around her.

Janice “As I said Paul, so what? I have more important things to concern myself with, after all I accomplished what I wanted to this morning.”

Paul “Oh yes, of that I am sure you did, but fame is so fleeting mother, this morning the darling of the Christian Right, this evening their latest whipping boys.”

Janice “And what is that supposed to mean Paul?”

Paul “Just what it says Mother, you see, when the press hears how good of a mother you were to that poor comatose boy when he was 10 or 11 or 12 or even 13, or to his older brother, I don’t think they’ll be so willing to part with more money for your ministry.”

Janice “It isn’t my Ministry, it belongs to your step father and all the wonderful people who support him.”

Paul “Can it for the few believers that will be left, after all there are always a few who won’t believe the truth, no matter what proof is given.”

Janice “You have no proof, you would have used it by now if you did, so really Paul, another bluff attempt?”

Paul “Haha, another? No mother, I have yet bluffed on anything, a courier will be delivering to your suite copies of the Power of Attorney, the Living Will. As for the proof, well Mother, that too is here but no, copies won’t go to you, but they will indeed be going to that fine district attorney, and that should definitely be cause for at least an investigation if not a downright arrest warrant for you on child sexual abuse, child endangerment, charges at least.”

Janice “What are you babbling about Paul? No one ever abused you boys, you chose to abuse yourselves with your sinful ways, not me or your father, we had nothing to do with your choice of becoming homosexuals.”

Paul “Oh? So the almost nightly rituals in the basement were of course just a bad dream that Terry and I had, is that right Mother?”

Janice “Of course it is Paul, and no one is gong to believe you, so why let yourself be embarrassed? I have many weapons Paul, you come after me with those wild accusations and I could counter that it is out of your hatred because we sent Terry away because you were always trying to have sex with him, how’s that for an opening defense Paul?”

Paul “True, no one would really believe me, a few might, but then as you say, you do have all the right answers to explain whatever I say, don’t you mother?”

Janice “Yes Paul, I do.”

Paul “Yes, but how will you explain all of the pictures Mother?”

John saw her gasp and he could hear it in his earpiece too and so Paul must have heard it too, yet he said nothing, held his voice still as he waited, almost like a cat up in the tree, waiting for the right moment to pounce down on its unsuspecting victim.

Janice “There are no pictures Paul.”

Paul “Well, maybe I should be clearer then, because you are right, the pictures were all burnt in the old house fireplace, by you and your new Husband, but the negatives, you really should have checked the negatives Mother.”

Janice “Negatives? They were burnt too Paul.”

Paul “Well, negatives were burnt mother, just not the negatives for all those wonderful pictures you had me take, had Terry take, even took yourself or even the rare ones dad took himself. I told you, Terry was a lot smarter than any of you ever gave him credit for.”

Janice “That is impossible… there is now way, I mean, you…”

Paul “I can’t? Oh but I can, and I will Mother, in fact I have an appointment in a very short time with a reporter who will publish all I have said, with details, dates, places, the works and of course, the negatives to back up each and every word.”

Janice “You wouldn’t dare, no Paul, you wouldn’t dare.”

Paul “But yes Mother, I dare, you see, I told you, I don’t bluff.”

Janice “How much Paul? How much is it that you and your greedy faggot buddies want?”

Paul “My what? You know Mother, you really shouldn’t be calling me or my friends names, after all, there is very little you can do to stop this.”

John “Paul, this is John, look, cancel your meeting, please, let me talk this out with your Mother and Jerry, I am sure we can come up with whatever it is you desire, but we need some time, this is all, well rather out of left field for me, so how about it?”

Paul “Well John, I thought that would finally flush you out, so I assume you have heard all of the conversation? Of course you have, but John even you should realize, there is no time left to give you or your kind, but at least you didn’t disappoint me Mother, I knew you would have John listening, but it might be your undoing mother.”

John “Now Paul, look whatever it is that has you so angry at your mother, there is no need to take the Ministry down too, after all Jerry does a lot of good work Paul, and he has supported your college training…”

Paul “Oh yes he does indeed do good work John, why isn’t one of his most recent good deeds being to hire a high priced lawyer for the slime that almost killed my brother? No John, no time, nothing. It is over, pack the bags and head for the hills John, judgment day is approaching for you and all of the slime like you.”

Janice “SLIME? How dare you call John or anyone slime you evil sinner… you faggot!  Don’t give me any of this holier than thou shit, you are nothing but a walking testament to evil, but people like John and your step father are going to rid this world of people like you, so don’t you dare preach about judgment to us.”

John “Janice…”

Paul “Oh do go on Mother, do tell me how evil I am, do tell me how much of a sinner I am, but it isn’t my finger sliding up a 10 year old boys rectum, it isn’t my legs spread open to receive an 11 year olds penis, so do go on Mother, tell me more about how evil I am!”

Janice “Cut the crap Paul, how much is it you want? Half a Million? A Million? What? How much? Name it and we’ll get it, just cut the crap and get down to it.”

Paul “Yes, cut the crap indeed, but you don’t have what I want Mother, this isn’t about money.”

Janice “Of course it is, it is always about money Paul, so have your fun tormenting me if you must, but in the end, it will come down to money, it always does.”

Paul “For you maybe Mother, for you and the people you associate with maybe it does indeed come down to that, but not for me Mother. I have no need for your money, the research grant pays me a quarter of a million for myself, each year Mother, and I have no need of mansions, private jets or limousines. No, it isn’t about money, but tell you what Mother, can you make Terry whole again? Can all of your money buy the cure that will let his brain function again? Let his lungs keep breathing, keep his heart beating, and heal all of the other massive trauma that he has suffered, can it Mother?”

Janice “Don’t be stupid Paul, of course it can’t, for all purposes he is dead, so let it go and let us solve this matter, just tell me how much, and it’ll be in your hands or bank account within the hour, so how much?”

Paul “Haha, yes how much is Terry’s life worth to you? No, don’t answer because I know it, to you Terry or I are worth not even one red cent to you, but to Ashley or me, we are willing to give our own lives for him, so no Mother, we don’t need your money. You have nothing we want, only God does, and it is up to him whether to give us what we wish and hope for, as for you and your husband, better make sure that that high priced lawyer you got for Terry’s murderer is available to handle your own case, you’ll need all the help you can get.”

Janice “LISTEN TO ME YOU KNOW IT ALL!  YOU CAN’T THREATEN ME LIKE THIS!  WHAT IS IT YOU WANT? TELL ME!”

John ducked as he saw the glass leave her hand and he knew it was heading straight for him. She was beside herself with rage and the loud click in his ears, told him more than he wanted to hear. It was all over, or at least it would be soon enough and he had been right, they should have walked away from this case but that wasn’t any consolation to him now as he watched Janice fuming into a dead phone, her voice hoarse as she spewed epitaph after epitaph into the silent receiver. Paul had hung up, and still she ranted and raved into the phone as if he was still listening.

 

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