Chapter 16

 Part 1

 Carl had left a short time earlier, Ashley knew he didn’t want to leave but it was either he returned to work or Rob did, and he had thought that Rob would be better company to stay with Ashley during the night. Besides, the operation was expected to take over 10 hours, and recovery about another four to six hours if all went well, and that thought once more made his chest tighten and tears well up at the corners of his eyes.

Terry had gone through so much, and yet it didn’t seem to be enough, but hopefully this would be it, this would ease the pressure around his brain and he could get on with recovering, so they could be together, so they could pick up where they left off. That was his hope but it was a fragile one, yet he refused to deny it, refused to back away from it.

He just couldn’t have come this far for it all to end on some cold operating room table or in some lifeless antiseptic hospital room. Terry deserved more than that and he would fight anyone who tried to deny him and Terry what they wanted. Yes, that included Paul, the brother who suddenly appeared on the scene and complicated everything.

Night had come while they had sat at the hospital, and finally Connor had told them they should head home, he assured them all that Bruce would call once he knew more, and it had taken some convincing but finally all four of them left, coming back to the apartment.

Carl had called the bar’s owner, Ned in an attempt to get time off for him and Rob, but typical Ned had refused. He had in fact made it plain that at least one of them had to be at work that evening, otherwise they could look elsewhere. The guy was a real sweetheart, but Carl had taken it in stride and made the choice that Rob would be better off staying with Ashley tonight, so he left for work, Rob fuming but at least he was there.

Paul was another story and Ashley didn’t really know what to do about him. At times he’d glance at him and feel hatred for the brother that had abandoned Terry when he most needed him, and yet at other times he felt compassion, knowing how much Paul must be hurting, wanting to make it right with Terry only to find that it might indeed be too late.

It was those thoughts that always brought a sharp pain to his heart, and it was almost as if someone was taking a knife to his heart, and slicing a piece off it each time. It hurt and he couldn’t shut his mind off to it, he couldn’t make the unthinkable thoughts go away and that troubled him deeply.

He kept replaying the whole hospital scene in his mind and at times you could see the fire inside of him burning as he would look at Paul but in fact he was looking right through him. The resentment only seemed to rise the longer Paul hung around and he just wished that he would leave, after all it was him who loved Terry, not Paul.

Rob could feel the hatred that would suddenly spark from Ashley and he was saddened by it. Ashley had seemed like the type who never had a mean thought and yet so far, he had seen murder in his eyes when he had held Terry in his arms on the street, and once more he had seen that dark side of Ashley when he had clashed with Paul at the hospital.

He could feel Paul’s pain too, and he kept going back and forth from Ashley to Paul, unsure of whom he should help. It was a strange feeling for him too, because there was something about Paul that made his heart race a little each time he looked at him. Touching his hand at the hospital, feeling his breath across his cheeks later on, all of it made him feel uncomfortable and yet excited at the same time.

Despite all that, he thought Paul needed to be around Ashley, if for nothing else but so that he wouldn’t be alone. He really hoped though that they would talk, would share their own love for Terry and maybe through that, they might find a common ground, a common meeting place so they could both come together to help Terry.

Rob hadn’t said anything, but he had a bad feeling about all of this. He could feel the fear inside of him as he struggled to keep Ashley from falling apart. He just couldn’t explain it, but he kept seeing this image of a dolphin, a tear running down from its eyes and it made his own heart quail each time in absolute fear. 

Looking at Paul he saw the same sadness, as if Paul had come to a point in his life that he didn’t want to face, one that maybe he couldn’t face alone and somehow, he had this terrible fear that it would be up to him to comfort not just Ashley, but to help Paul. He didn’t know why, he wasn’t that type to be the strong one, shit, he normally would be out that door so fast at the first sign of trouble or entanglement that he would cause a draft, yet this time he didn’t run, he didn’t go and hide in a bottle and that scared him too.

The room was in darkness, except for the pale blue light that shone out from the moving light above the television set. It was one of those long narrow bars that moved up and down and it was supposed to simulate the ocean waves coming to shore. He had stared at it for what seemed an eternity and he noticed how it held Paul’s eyes too, those blue eyes that seemed to lifeless right now, and Rob couldn’t help but wonder what was going through his mind. 

Was he thinking of Terry in an earlier time? Was he having regrets about thinks that had happened when they were kids or was he even thinking of Terry? Pain could make a person numb at times, he knew that feeling well but somehow, he just knew that Paul was thinking of Terry, just as Ashley was.

Staring at the moving wave machine, he didn’t feel the calm that it was supposed to bring a person. All he could feel was the turmoil that was churning deep inside of him. He wished he could be out at sea right now, just him on his 30-foot sailboat and nothing but the sea around him, but he couldn’t. 

Paul couldn’t explain the sudden driving force that was keeping him here. He couldn’t say why he had this sudden compulsion to stay and take the pain and the obvious disdain that Terry’s friend Ashley had for him. He really didn’t understand that, he was Terry’s brother, it was his duty to look after Terry’s best interests, not some Johnny come lately.

Maybe Ashley did care for Terry, but he didn’t know him like he did. Okay, they hadn’t seen each other for almost an entire decade, but in his heart, he knew Terry was still the same person, the same particle person he had know all those years before. Oh sure, Terry had his romantic dreams, but he knew the difference between a dream and what was real.

No, Ashley may think he knew Terry, but he really didn’t. He couldn’t, he just wasn’t around him enough to know what made his brother tick and the one thing that Paul knew, was that Terry would hate to be someone’s responsibility. There was no doubt in his mind of that and deep down in his heart, he knew that it was true too. Terry would not want all this, after all, that’s why he left at 14 instead of fighting, he knew it was a hopeless task then, and Terry didn’t waste time on hopeless tasks, he moved on.

He looked away from the wave machine to stare at the tall young boy standing in the darkness by the huge bay window. He could see the way Ashley was staring out at the city and he could feel his anger from here. It was really strange, the way he could sense what Ashley was thinking, without even seeing his face.

Paul felt the same anger at the world that was spread out below the window, but he had come to at least accept it, and he hoped that in time, so would Ashley. Terry had a long time ago, and maybe if they could spend more time together, so would Ashley but right now he knew that all that was keeping him going was his anger and his love for Terry.

It was too bad too, because Ashley just didn’t understand that love wasn’t all he thought it was. Love brought a lot of pain to people, he knew that first hand, and only time healed those wounds. He prayed that Ashley wouldn’t have to suffer that fate, but he knew that life wasn’t a storybook. It didn’t always end the way you wanted, and he felt his own pain growing, as he saw images of him and Terry playing in a field, out on the ocean swimming or just laying on the golden sand of the beach.

No, life wasn’t what you hoped for, and you either coped or you went under. There was no sense at tilting at windmills, you just couldn’t win and the sooner Ashley learned that, the sooner he could get on with his life and at least make it a bearable life.

Paul sighed as he thought about it all, as he felt the despair in Rob sitting next to him, at the anger in Ashley who was across the room, and at his own life filled with regrets already and he was only 24. God, what would he be like if he made it to 80?

Paul “I think I’ll go back to my boat, you two going to be okay here?”

Rob “Yeah, uh, sure? I mean you can grab the couch here, I mean, you might uh, well the company might help.”

Paul “Thanks Rob, but, no I think I need to be alone.”

Ashley “Suit yourself, but you can stay if you want.”

Paul “No, I don’t think so, besides, might make it a bit easier for you to get some sleep if I am not here.”

Ashley “How’s that? I don’t think I could sleep, even if I wanted to…”

Rob “You should try Ash, come on guys, don’t we have enough to deal with, without you two trying to slice each other apart?”

Paul “That’s why I should go Rob, Ashley I know, hell, I know you won’t believe me, but I do love Terry.”

Ashley “Yeah? If you say so Paul.”

Paul “Damn it, sorry, yes I do Ashley, and I know you do too, but Ashley, I am not the one who beat him up, so don’t take what happened out on me, he is my brother, no matter what.”

Rob “Ashley doesn’t mean it like that Paul, cut him some slack, he was in love with…”

Ashley “Was? I am in love with him, don’t talk like he’s gone, he isn’t gone Rob, he isn’t!”

Rob “Ash, please, that isn’t what I meant.”

Paul “Rob, here, this is my cell number, the hospital has it, so they’ll contact me if, uh, when Terry gets out of surgery, if you need me, call it, I think its best, really, that I go, I am sorry Ashley, I hope you are right, I really do”

Ashley “Sure, run away, maybe you both don’t believe it, but I know he will come out of this, he won’t leave me, he won’t!”

Rob “Uh Ashley, come on bud, I don’t want him to uh, to leave either, okay? Neither does Paul and he’s only going back to his boat, come on, you are so wound up, you should go lie down and try to rest, its going to be a long night, uh, Terry would want that, wouldn’t he Ashley?”

Paul watched as Rob had walked over to Ashley and had his arm around the tall boy’s shoulders. He could see them shaking and he knew that Ashley was in terrific pain, and he felt that twinge around his own heart, in the spot that was reserved for Terry. There was no doubt that he loved his brother so why had it taken him 10 years to show up?

Maybe in some ways Ashley was right, maybe there were some things about Terry he didn’t know or understand, but he knew that Terry would never change from his path. Terry never wanted to be a burden to anyone, not even to his parents or even him, Paul. Maybe he should have, maybe things would have worked out differently if Terry hadn’t been so independent, but then, it wouldn’t have been Terry.

He closed the apartment door softly as Rob was too busy to even notice and for some reason that too made him unhappy. Paul tried to shrug that feeling off but it kept gnawing at him, working away at what little resolve he had left and as he stood by the elevator, he leaned against the wall and felt the sorrow welling up in his body.

Part 2

Ashley “Guess you think I am a real asshole”

Rob “No, not really, I just, well, you are so angry, doesn’t seem like you.”

Ashley “Yeah, I didn’t think I could ever be this angry either, it scares me too.”

Rob “You need to get some sleep Ash, you have been thru a lot in the last 24, come on, why don’t you lie down on the bed, or the couch out here?”

Ashley “Thanks, but I can’t, you don’t understand…”

Rob “I guess not, I know its tough, but come on…”

Ashley “Has he left?”

Rob “Huh? Oh, uh… yeah I guess so.”

Ashley suddenly stopped standing up straight and he felt the weight on his shoulder crushing him as he sagged, almost losing his balance totally but he managed to hold on, barely. He felt so confused about things, so frightened and he had nothing to guide him, nothing to help him in easing the terrible pain that seemed to be filling his body with each passing second.

Ashley “Why did they do it Rob? What makes people just do things like this?”

Rob stared at Ashley’s blue eyes and he could see the strain beginning to show across his face. The lines were becoming deeper and the darkness under the eyes was almost dark black now and he knew that Ashley needed sleep more than anything else.

Rob “I don’t know Ash, I guess some people are just born that way.”

Ashley “No, I can’t believe that, it can’t be that way, but they hit him so many times, they just kept hitting him, why?”

Rob stared out of the window and he could feel his own terror rising up again and he struggled to push it back down, to stuff it back into the farthest recess of his soul as he tried to make sense of what was senseless.

Rob “I guess some people just like to hit Ashley, they thrive on the power or maybe, I don’t know, maybe in a way they think they are hitting at what hurts them, I don’t know.”

Ashley “Is that what happened to you?”

Rob “Huh? Me? …no, no it wasn’t, it was just his frustration at having to be there, to be tied down because I was born, guess he should have used a condom huh?”

Ashley “Guess, but I am glad he didn’t”

Rob “Yeah? I haven’t done anything.”

Ashley “you have, …Rob, I am scared he won’t make it.”

The words were said so softly Rob wasn’t sure he had heard them right and yet the look and anguish in Ashley’s face was clear, he really was feeling like that and yet he had been the one rock, the one voice proclaiming the hope they all wished they could feel.

Rob “You’re just tired Ashley, you’ve been thru hell man, come on, lie down at least on the couch, you’ll feel differently after some rest.”

Ashley “I am afraid to go to sleep Rob, I… I know this sounds stupid, but I think that if I do go to sleep, he’ll be there.”

Rob “Who will be?”

Ashley “Terry, that Terry will be there and that’ll he be there to say goodbye, I can feel it in my heart Rob, I don’t want to go to sleep, I don’t want to say goodbye, oh God I want him to live, please Rob, don’t let me fall asleep, please…”

Rob stared at Ashley and he felt the same panic in his heart as he did earlier and for a brief second he stared at the door, wanting to just fling it open and run but just as before, he couldn’t move and instead he reached out and pulled Ashley into his body.

He patted the back of his head, letting him cry into his shoulder and he felt the body in his arms shuddering with each deep sob. There was so much pain in this world and for what? Was it some hideous experiment gone wrong or was the God everyone talked about just a mean and nasty entity? At times he thought so, otherwise why did these things happen? Why?

Rob “come on Ash, look staying awake won’t change what is going to happen, it’ll only make you sick, and that won’t solve anything, will it?”

Ashley “He’s going to say goodbye, I could see it in Paul’s eyes, he knows too, he won’t admit it, but he knows.”

Rob “Come on now, how could Paul know that? None of us know that Ashley, Terry is a fighter, you know that.”

Ashley “he is isn’t he? But Rob, you didn’t see his face when, I mean, oh God am I going nuts? I miss his touch, the sound of his voice, Rob, please, what should I do?”

Rob stared at Ashley. His heart was almost still, the fear holding it from beating because he didn’t want this responsibility, he didn’t want to be the one to tell Ashley to let Terry go, hell he didn’t want to let go either, and yet there it was, Ashley wanted him to decide, to give him the assurances he craved for, but how could he when he himself didn’t know the answers? 

Rob “I uh, I think Ashley that you need to rest, I can’t tell you what is going to happen, damn I wish I could, I want Terry to live too, I just, I don’t know Ash…”

Ashley could see that Rob meant what he was saying and the ache in his chest was still squeezing his heart but he thought he felt some hope in Rob’s voice. Maybe there was, maybe all Terry needed was his support and that would be enough, and Rob was right, he did need to rest, so he could be strong, so he could give Terry all the strength he would need, yeah that was the answer.

Ashley “I suppose, what about you? You could use some sleep too.”

Rob “huh, yeah uh, I’ll crash on the couch, if that’s okay.”

Ashley “uh, well, uh, would you, I mean, I don’t want to be alone, would you mind, maybe if you…”

Rob “Uh, sure, if it’ll make it easier for you, I don’t mind, sure you wouldn’t rather have it to yourself?”

Ashley “I am sure Rob, please?”

Rob “Sure, no problem”

Ashley “Thanks.”

 Rob helped Ashley into the bedroom, and as he passed the doorway, he turned to stare out at the living room. Every thing was dark, no lights were on and the front door was off its chain but it automatically locked when closed so he had no reason to go back out, and yet, something kept drawing his eyes toward the couch, where Paul had sat and then to the door, as if he too needed him.

It was crazy to have all these feelings about some guy he had only known for less than 12 hours, but it was something in his eyes, a hunger for him and not like he was used to seeing countless times in the bars he had worked. Oh sure, there were tons of customers who came on to him, many with a wild look of desire that only put money in his pocket, but none of those looks came close to the one in Paul’s eyes.

He shivered a little as he walked into the bedroom and helped Ashley towards the large bed. It didn’t make sense, but he felt like Terry was here, was watching him and Ashley and it made him feel rather spooked. He took a deep breath and instantly knew that was a mistake because he smelled him, he could smell that cologne and that special scent and it filled his whole body with its deep fragrance.

Rob felt the heaviness too, as if everything in the room was staring at him as Ashley sat down on the bed and stared outwards quietly. He sensed that everything seemed to be examining him, trying to see if it was their master and when they saw it wasn’t, they were displeased. Christ, was he going nuts too? But as he watched Ashley unbutton his shirt and undo his pants, he realized that he was just tired too, and that he needed his rest as well.

Without thinking any more, Rob stripped his own shirt off and kicked his shoes off, and then he dropped his own pants, and just tossed everything by the bed. He stood there, staring down where a pair of jockey shorts lay, and he felt the pain in his own heart for Terry, and he silently prayed, asking a God he didn’t believe in to help, to let Terry live and then he climbed into the bed.

Part 3

Ashley felt the bed shake a little and he turned to see Rob crawling in on the side that Terry used to use. His heart ached for Terry and seeing someone else climbing into his bed, almost tore his heart into a thousand pieces. The pain was so intense he bit on his lip, tasting blood and the warm salty taste eased the ache, but only for a minute or two.

His heart had to be going a thousand miles a second, he could feel it beating against the cold flesh of his chest and yet he knew it was only an illusion. Rob was right, he needed rest and yet, he still had this fear that Terry would be there and not to keep fighting, but to say goodbye.

He didn’t think he could handle that as he pushed his pants down and climbed into the spacious bed himself. His head rested on the pillow and he turned to stare at the other side, to blink his eyes and hope that instead of Rob’s droopy eyes, he would see the small blue sparkle of Terry’s own eyes. His heart ached, his chest ached, and still he thought that maybe, if he wished hard enough this nightmare would turn into just that, a nightmare that he would wake up from, that would end and Terry would be there.  Ashley opened his eyes and he sighed, because he knew it was foolish, and it was still Rob, no Terry but he knew that he would see him soon.

His breathing became regular and slowly Ashley drifted off to sleep, Rob could hear the easing struggle and he relaxed a little, daring to glance across the bed to see the worried face of Ashley soften a little as sleep finally overtook him. His own eyes were heavy with sleep but the pain inside seemed to linger, unwilling to let him drift off easily and he hoped that tonight his own nightmare wouldn’t come to haunt him. He didn’t think he handle that on top of all that had gone on.

Rob wondered too what he was going to do about work. Ned, the owner of the bar, obviously was as big an asshole as everyone had said, because Carl had told him, he only had tonight off, but for the most part he really wasn’t too worried. He always could get another waiter job at the many nightclubs in the city, after all, he was good and he did consistently sell the highest total when he did work. No, that wouldn’t be a problem, but maybe he should try to stick it out a bit, why he was feeling that way he had no idea, but he just knew that it would be better if he did.

The only question then, was who would be with Ashley? If Terry made it through tonight, and that really was a big if, then his recovery was going to be lengthy, and so whom would Ashley have to rely on? Was there anyone he could call or find and he knew what the answer was, the only trouble was, he doubted if either of them would agree.

His head ached at all the heavy thinking and his mind reminded him, he had gone another day without a single drink, and for him that must be a record, though he knew it really wasn’t. Life was getting more complicated these days, but shit, something had to give. Maybe if he talked to him, maybe he would agree, just until Rob got off work? It might work, but he’d leave that for later, first Terry had to make it through the night.

As sleep finally began to take hold of him, he could hear the sounds of water and it nagged at him as his eyes grew heavier. His breathing grew more regular too as the sounds of the water grew a bit louder and he finally recognized it, it was the surf coming in to a beach and he snuggled down further into the mattress. Rob was finally drifting off to sleep when the sounds of two boys laughing and having fun came to his ears amidst the sound of water lapping on the shore, and he thought what a nice way to end the day. Sleep had come to him and his body turned a little, his hand spread outwards and towards the other side of the bed.

The darkness had finally come to him, and he knew his body was finally at rest. Well not all of his body, but at least that which ached was quieter now, and that helped as he thought back to the horror of the last day. Something about it all still was confusing to him, as he saw images of a man all dressed in black swinging his feet, bringing them down with an obscene sense of pleasure and yet why? Why was he doing this to Terry?

His mind couldn’t think as his body had gone off to sleep, but his heart and soul were still deeply troubled by all they had seen. How could someone be so vicious but even that was nothing to the two young men in uniform, standing idly by while one man lay bleeding and withering on the cold asphalt of the road. 

It was as if he could see them all now once more, the man in black fleeing through the crowd with his accomplice being pulled behind him. He saw people in the crowd who had gathered watching the two men leave, and yet none of them, not one tried to even stop them and he shuddered at that, wondering what had turned their hearts so cold? Why wouldn’t they help, at least try to impede the two assailants, but no, they had parted out of their path, as if they wanted them to get away. Why?

A growing pool of red was slowly replacing the darkness now and he felt the catch in his heart. His breathing grew a little more shallow as he could smell the sweet odour of blood as everything started to be tinged by the growing pool of red, even the people standing on the street, even the two paramedics. Ashley watched as the pool grew wider, covering even the white ambulances and then it started to crawl up the walls of all of the buildings and he could hear himself sobbing now, crying for his lost love and there he stood.

His heart beat faster now, as he saw himself, his clothes all in white and at his feet lay Terry, all black and dirty, only the blue of his eyes showing and he wanted to reach down, to hold him and take him away from all this but he was frozen at that spot. His ears rang to the shrill scream of sirens and voices now started to intrude, loud angry voices of his step mother and he could see her face looming out of the red mob at him.

It made him toss his head to one side as he tried to take his eyes of her angry face, off the beady eyes as she shrieked at his father and at him. Her white knuckled hands clenching the shoulders of her two younger boys, and her words still boomed out, the hatred dripping from each word and finally Ashley managed to wrench his eyes off her ghastly face.

He looked down at his white shoes and saw the spreading pool of red reaching for them, and he felt the cold now, as it slowly crawled up his legs and into his body. There was nothing he could do as he saw the red cover his feet and begin to follow the cold, as it crawled up his legs towards his heart. The pain only seemed to grow more intense as he felt himself biting his lips and his eyes darted from the growing stain of red on his legs to the pleading face of Terry. He could see the mouth moving, feel the desperation and even the small wiggle of a finger and still he remained rooted in that spot.

“Please God, Please let me help him, please”

His voice was like gravel in his own ears, he could barely hear it over the din being raised by the cackling people in the crowd. It was almost as if they were cheering the red pool onwards, hoping it would overtake him and Terry.

The cold was reaching for his heart now, he could feel its icy fingers tearing at the beating organ and he shivered as his eyes saw the growing stain of red reach his crotch. He felt the tears rolling down his cheeks, the sense of utter failure growing as his eyes moved once more to Terry’s prone body and the distant sound of waves crashing ashore broke through the din of the mob.

With a final effort of strength he felt his body move, first one step and then another and finally he was free from the grip of whatever had held him. He reached down, gathering Terry into his arms and he began to run. His legs were pumping and his cheeks blew in and out as he struggled to keep his body fuelled with oxygen.

He pushed past the now angry mob, he could see and feel their black anger as it reached out for him and Terry. He could see them growing restless, as if they were about to give chase and yet all he could hear was the call of the ocean and his heart beat faster, his legs pumped faster and he ran faster now, feeling the angry breath behind him as he raced through the darkened streets with his burden.

There was no stopping now, none at all as he could still hear the anger behind him. He knew they were giving chase, cheated out of their gory victory and yet all he could of think of was why? Why were so many strangers so intent on seeing him fail, of seeing Terry suffer for no reason? Why?

The roar of the ocean grew louder with each passing step now, and while his arms sagged by the heavy burden of Terry’s broken body, he kept on going, refusing to stop, knowing if he did that the angry mob would catch up to him and nothing would save him or Terry. He kept pumping his legs even though all feeling had long since gone, but he kept them going, the powerful beat of his heart equal to the demands coming from deep within him, and from the ocean.

The road gave way to gravel and now even sand was slowly being crunched under his feet and while the sweat dripped from his brow, almost blinding him, he could see the ocean now, the ever changing blue of the great Pacific Ocean now loomed a few steps away and he managed to stare at the burden in his arms, and he could see the pale face smile at him.

It was all he needed now as his feet splashed into the warm ocean water, and he could feel its warmth reaching up into his body, washing away the red stains that had climbed up to his chest and now he could see the red simply falling away, no longer drenching him in its despair. His heart grew stronger, despite the heavy pace it had just gone through. The cold fingers started to retreat from around his heart as the ocean waves now crashed into his body, arresting his forward momentum. 

Ashley could feel the water as it soaked him and swirled around him, growing higher with each slowed step. The weight of his burden grew harder and he could see the swirling blue ocean lapping at Terry’s body and his eyes grew moist as the cries suddenly came to his ears. No longer the roar of an angry mob, no longer the hatred from his step mother but instead the cries of his salvation and he stopped, standing still in the warm ocean waters, feeling the waves coming and cresting around him as the fins approached from all directions. His heart grew silent now as it too waited and the cries grew louder, and his soul once more breathed easier as two torpedo shapes now stood in front of Ashley. They lay there, shimmering in the pale light from the stars, their fins glistening out of the water as they waited for Ashley to release his burden.

The cries were muted now; even the ocean’s roar was soft and still as his arms lowered Terry’s broken body between the two silver fish. Terry’s arms lay draped across the very backs of the silent fish, and slowly they began to leave, to head off into the waiting blue mist of the far off ocean. Ashley watched the slow procession move off and he felt the slight tug at his heart, the cold fingers no longer there at all, instead a small glowing warmth had taken their place.

The soft shadow grew dim to his eyes and he felt two warm bodies nestle next to him and he looked down, to stare at two yellowish eyes that peered up at him. He smiled a thank you and let his hands open as two fins came to rest under his palms. With a gentle tug he began to once more walk out in the calm ocean, the dark shadow still in view and slowly his feet no longer touched the earth, and he felt himself slowly begin to glide through the warm ocean water, following the distant shadow of his lover.

Part 4

The warmth of the sun was making him feel comfortable, the pain he felt in his heart seemed to have finally left him, at least for now. Rob stood looking at the coral reef, amazed at how it sparkled in the morning’s rays and he smiled, the first one in a long time. 

It felt good too, to be out and away from all the horror and pain that had filled his thoughts lately. He knew he was dreaming, he knew that once he really opened his eyes he would be forced to deal once more with all that was for now, just a distant memory. He stared out at the clear blue lagoon, a tinge of green shimmering in the sun’s rays and his own heart was slow and steady now.

All of the fears, the doubts, seemed to be gone for now, and he couldn’t help but wonder why he was here, and for a brief instant, he wondered where here was. Could he be in what heaven must be like or was it just all the talk about ocean and all had made him conjure up this place? He dusted the golden grains of sand off his legs and stood up, and he stared down at his pale skin, seeing a few freckles on his arm as he finished brushing the sand away.

Strange, he rarely dreamed in colour, and more than that, he never dreamed where all he had on was his jockey shorts, yet somehow, it seemed to fit this particular scenario. Rob began to walk along the golden beach, letting his eyes devour the beauty of the far off ocean on one side, the lush green forest of trees and vegetation on the other side. It truly was like a garden, and he wondered if maybe this was the Garden of Eden? He chuckled a little at that, because he knew that no way would he ever be given entrance to such a lofty place, but if this was anything like it, then he felt a bit sad that he wouldn’t get to go there. 

As he walked along the shoreline he saw the fins darting just under the shallow surface and for a second or two he felt frightened, wondering why he would have sharks in his dream when suddenly one of the dark shapes leapt up and soared thru the air to splash back into the water several feet ahead. At that sight he knew that they weren’t sharks but were dolphins instead and the fear he had felt had simply vanished from his body.

The sun grew hotter and he decided it was safe to go for a swim in the shallower regions of the lagoon. He slowly tested the water and found it comfortable and so he walked in a bit further, feeling the warmth caress his body. The scars on his back no longer gave him their normal dull reminder of their presence and he stretched out now, slowly swimming along the shoreline, his eyes taking it all in, his body revelling in the peace of it all.

A flash of silver by his side made him swallow some of the warm water and he stopped his easy glide to sit up and tread water, sputtering as he did and his eyes darted back and forth, trying to see what had startled him so. Finally he spotted it again and was about to turn to head back to the shore when he realized it was a dolphin, so he just stayed there as it came closer.

He felt like he was being inspected and he got another smile across his face. God, it felt so good to feel such pleasure, and it had been a very long time since he had every felt like smiling. Nothing in his past could equal the simply joy he was feeling as the long shape grew closer and seemed to just idle by him. It really was something and he wondered if the creature would let him touch it, but he still hung back, unsure even thought his was his dream.

The shape grew closer now, and brushed up against his legs and the touch sent a strange thrill into his body. His heart suddenly seemed to beat faster and he could feel the blood flowing faster in his veins and yet what really took him by surprise, was the amazing calm he felt inside of himself. His soul actually seemed to be resting now, no longer waging a constant war against the evil that had invaded his body for so many years.

Slowly the dolphin brushed past his front legs, making him tingle even more and now it came around to his back and he tensed up a little, but the warm touch of the skin of the dolphin against his own flesh was even more amazing than it had been at first. Suddenly he saw the face of his father and while normally that would make him tremble, all he could feel now was pity for the man.

His own anger at him was suddenly gone and the long pink reminders of his childhood suddenly ceased to throb totally. His soul was actually singing inside as he felt the dolphin’s body caress his own and he couldn’t believe it, but he was actually feeling aroused. Strange because it had been years since he had ever felt such a desire, and he reached out with one hand, to lay it against the long tapered nose of the fish that now seemed to be wrapped all around him.

The dolphin moved forward now, and it seemed to actually be staring at him, its long body now pointed out towards the sea and its eyes staring straight at his own. He could feel something penetrating his soul and he grew frightened again, unused to someone or something else’s thought coming to mingle into his own.

For a second panic tore at his heart but the soft gentle humming sound came to calm his nerves and he just stayed there, treading water as his soul talked with the strange creature before him. An unease was starting to build inside of him and he grew angry at that. This was his dream, it was a good dream and still the pain seemed to find a way to intrude, and he hated that, despised it even and a frown crossed his face.

At the instant his face grew into a frown, the dolphin reached down and then tossed its head up, sending a huge plume of spray towards his face. He couldn’t get out the way in time, and it came crashing down on him, and he sputtered and then began to laugh. It was truly amazing, but the dolphin obviously didn’t like frowns, and come to think of it, neither did he and so he laughed. The shrill chatter of the dolphin that now leaned up and pranced backwards in glee joined his own long loud laugh.

God, if this wasn’t heaven it sure should be, he thought as he watched the dolphin frolic in the warm lagoon waters. He saw it come darting towards him and he knew he should be frightened at that sight, yet somehow he knew that it wouldn’t hurt him, that it had nothing but good will towards him so he stood his ground, letting its wash roll over his face, and still he smiled and laughed, enjoying the play of the dolphin.

As his own fears disappeared, he began to explore more now, swimming further out to join the dolphin, to actually glide through the warm waters with the dolphin and soon he found himself holding onto the strong dorsal fin, letting his new found playmate do all the work and he was thrilled by the experience.

There was no explanation for it, none that he could think of, but it felt so good to just glide thru the water, his head held high, his legs stretched far back and his other arm resting at his side. He didn’t feel once, the need to check over his shoulder as they swam around the entire lagoon, not once, not twice, but three times. Each time more glorious than the other and as they approached their fourth go, he felt the dolphin suddenly start to move faster and he had no fear. His trust in his playmate was total as the dolphin started to swim faster and go deeper into the warm water.

His head was barely able to keep above the rising wake that he and his friend were creating and the thrill made his heart pound faster and with ease. There were no burdens to weigh down his exuberance, and he laughed, ignoring the salt water that would find its way into his mouth, and yet he didn’t choke anymore, he just spit it out and laughed louder and suddenly he felt himself flying in the air as the dolphin leaped from the ocean itself.

He flew, and the sensation of being airborne was as thrilling as the sight of the water coming back to greet the two projectiles that they had become. His heart soared with his body, and he couldn’t imagine a more pleasing experience as he came splashing back down into the shimmering water.

They did it again, and once more for good luck and the sorrow that he had carried for his entire life simply disappeared, vanished into the white plumes that he and his dolphin had created. His heart was at ease, as their swim slowly grew calmer. The dolphin was taking him back to the shore and he felt sad at that, but then he was glad too, glad that he had this chance, and for that he felt grateful so he let the dolphin take him back.

The feel of gravel and rocks under his feet told him that he was back, and he began to let his feet guide him as well as the dolphin. He didn’t want to release his hold but he knew that that time was approaching. He didn’t want this dream to end, but he felt that he would be back as he finally could no further without releasing his hold on the dorsal fin.

Rob let the fin go and he turned, to watch the dolphin leave but instead of leaving it came up to him and raised its head. Once more he stared down into the yellowish mystic eyes and this time no joy entered his heart, no warmth calmed his soul as he listened to the beat of the dolphins heart next to his own. He felt the unease returning but this time he knew that he had the strength he would need, and this time he didn’t question why him.

The dolphin seemed to accept that, and with a gentle poke at his stomach he found himself falling backwards, his body no longer upright and he closed his eyes waiting for the impact of the golden sand against him. He felt the soft press and he could feel his body bounce upwards and then settle back down again. He held his eyes shut for a few seconds longer, letting his mind once more awaken from its slumber, and finally he opened them again to stare upwards.

He could see that his island was gone, and that it was no longer daytime, but evening and he stared at the walls, and he recognized the room as being Terry’s bedroom. Rob slowly pushed himself up onto his elbows and then he pushed up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and he glanced over at the sleeping body of Ashley.

“Well at least he’s resting” was passing through his mind when he saw the opened palm of Ashley’s hand. A strange icy cold hand suddenly seemed to reach up for his heart and he could hear himself gasp for air as his mind took in the long plastic tube that was lying within the opened hand.

NO! He yelled into the night as he sprung forward and over to Ashley’s prone body. He saw the pill bottle fall to the floor as he reached and grabbed hold of Ashley, bringing his limp body upwards and the panic was tearing at him, ripping into his very soul when he heard the ocean, and suddenly he grew calm. He listened, and he could hear a faint shallow breathing, and the panic was suddenly pushed aside, and he knew that he awaken in time, or was it that he was forced awake in time?