Guilt is never easy to Hide

Chapter 13

Part 1

Adam huddled in the doorway, watching out and feeling himself shaking with the cool night’s breeze. They had dumped his compatriot a few blocks from the apartment. He was sure that a thousand pair of eyes were on him all the time that they staggered down the street, and the noise, Christ the noise must have waken up even the dead but so far he had escaped detection. Damn assholes, all of them, he even couldn’t go back to the apartment, that now had also been taken from him and he felt the anger rising once more.

Life wasn’t fair and he couldn’t understand it, after all he was a good person, he attended Church when he could, he did his share for the poor and the needy, he even worked at an outreach clinic where all of them showed up. How could God have abandoned him like this? Wasn’t he doing what had to be done?

He thought about going back to the base, to collect his stuff but he was certain that Carl had recognized him, and he knew that the police would be out looking for him, the first place they would go would be his quarters at the base, so he would just have to forget that. What was worse was that he would be AWOL shortly, and he really did enjoy military service. He got to go places, and the work wasn’t all that bad and now all that was going to be in jeopardy and again, because of ‘them’, which wasn’t fair.

Slowly he let himself slide down the cold cement wall and he hunched up in the huge overcoat, huddling next to the cold building for warmth and he rested his head against the impersonal building, slowly letting his mind relax and gradually letting sleep overtake him. There was no sense walking around at this time, it would only attract attention and besides, he had enough money to see him out of town, and maybe he could go back home, maybe there he could kind of just wait it out, figure out how to solve all these headaches.

Daniel Marshal couldn’t feel anything, it was all like a very bad nightmare and he wanted to desperately wake up, to feel his legs again and to breath in even the stale city air, but instead all he could feel was this horrible rolling pain that kept him awake, stopped him from drifting off and yet he couldn’t feel his body other than that pain. It scared the shit out of him and he wasn’t used to feeling scared, after all he was a man, not some damn pussy.

Everything around him was dark and the smell, he could still smell and it kept getting worse, as if he was in the latrines and they hadn’t been cleaned or emptied for months. It was a terrible smell and he wished he could get away from it, run as far away as possible but nothing worked, his legs wouldn’t listen to him, they refused his minds orders and he couldn’t even look down to find out why either, the pain was just too much, too immobilizing.

He wanted to cry out, to seek someone to help him but even his mouth wouldn’t work or his voice had left him, either way he was feeling totally helpless, totally at the mercy of the unknown and the terror was gripping at his heart, tearing into the soft flesh that still beat, slower as time went on, but beat it did. Tears were rolling down his cheeks as he laid there, unable to move, unable to explain what was happening to him and he began to whimper a little, begging for his wife to come to his aid, pleading to the darkness to let the light through and still nothing happened, still he just laid there, wracked by the merciless pain of not just his wounds, but from his heart and soul too.

Don’t you think it’s a bit late to There isn’t anyone else I can call be calling for her? Never mind on, and it hurts, no man could calling on the big guy too? Geez, take this pain alone, give me a some man you are. break.

Why? You haven’t given anyone I have, it isn’t my fault they else a break, why should you get pushed me, I had to do what I one? did, they didn’t leave me a choice

Yeah? Did Maggie push you That’s different, she is my wife, too? Is that why she has a she’s supposed to be there, she protective order out on you? Is didn’t have to leave, I never hurt that why she carries a gun with her, I did what was right, and it

her all the time? was my duty as her husband.

The Judge didn’t see it that way, No kidding, for Christ’s sake he

did he? was one of those damn liberal

types, probably a Jew or a fag,

or both the way he looked, I bet

he was a fag too.

How do you figure that one? Just because he sided with Maggie, come on she was still bruised and it had happened almost a month earlier, what did you expect the judge to do?

Boy is that for sure, so how come you want her now? She wasn’t good enough for you all the time you were married to her, why now?

So you beat her? You broke her arm how many times? Isn’t that a little excessive? Even for you?

So now you want her? What for?

Leave you alone? Why? I am all you have, she isn’t coming, you know that, you saw to that with all of your beatings, your yelling at her, there is no one else Daniel, you drove them all away, with your anger, your hate, they are all gone, Maggie, your friends, your fellow soldiers, all of them are gone, there is just me, I am all you It wasn’t my fault, he should have seen past that, and bruises heal fast, she must have walked into a door or something so as to keep them showing, how the hell am I a supposed to know? I am not some damn skirt!

We are still married, the divorce isn’t final, I won’t sign those papers, they make it out like I am the villain, I just wanted my rights as the husband, what is so terrible about that?

Wasn’t my fault, why do you keep making it out like I am to blame? You know it wasn’t my fault, she kept pushing, she should have known when to stop pushing, I can’t be blamed for that.

It hurts God Damn It! It fucking hurts and, who else is there? I mean, oh shit, leave me alone.

have left.

The words were too much for him, and he could feel himself crying like a baby. He didn’t know where he was or anything else, even the pain now took a second place to the deep sobs and torment of his soul as he laid there, broken and battered and he cried for the first time in many years. He sobbed and finally his voice was able to break free from the pain and torment of his body and heard it echo into the night.

Daniel “Please God, oh God please I don’t want to be alone, I am so sorry, please help me, please forgive me”

The words just seemed to tumble out of his mouth and he could actually hear them reverberate in the empty hollow of his heart. The pain was still there but for the moment it wasn’t filling him with its terror or its agony. He could actually feel himself breathing, even hear the raspy sound as he sucked in the night’s air and he even saw lights, lots of them all around and up in the sky was a host of blue’s and white’s all shining, all sparkling.

For the first time since he began this ordeal, he felt his heart beating and he was confused, wondering why it was still keeping him alive and then the memory of the night flashed once more before him and he cried some more. The pain was nothing to the sudden realization of what he had done and it continued to tear at him even as his ears picked up the sound of sirens coming closer.

He could hear voices around him now, all types of worried voices and loud voices and even whispered voices. They all intruded on his thoughts and yet his heart and soul refused to be distracted as he could hear himself crying, hear the sobs being wrenched from deep within his body and his own hollow words that echoed into the darkness.

Daniel “Oh God I am so sorry, I don’t how or why but I am sorry, oh God, please don’t let me die like this, please God, I didn’t, oh God Please, you are all I have left, I need you, Please don’t leave me alone to die, please!”

The police officer standing next to him turned his face away and spat out onto the sidewalk. The word had already come down; this was the guy who had attacked two kids in front of some bar downtown. Well, fucker deserved to suffer a little, and he didn’t particularly enjoy listening to the scumbag begging God for his forgiveness either. One of the kids had died, he heard, and it made him sick that in this day and age people where so blind, so damn ignorant that they still were going around attacking people because they were different. It made his skin crawl and he wished the paramedics would hurry up and get him into their ambulance so he could get going. It was nearing the end of his shift and he really just wanted to go home, shower the dirt off and wipe away his memory of another night where humans disappointed him once more.

The two paramedics lifted up the gurney, and the police officer found himself staring down into the eyes of the perp, and he felt a strange pain around his heart as his anger at the man seemed to flash outwards. He shook a little as the eyes suddenly cleared from their own pain and looked into his own. He shivered as he felt the man’s thoughts reaching for him, trying to touch him and it was almost as if his heart was listening, as it if was really listening to words from a murderer. That couldn’t be and yet his soul was talking, telling him to listen and he peered down into the face, saw all of the years of anger and hatred that was inside the man and he stepped back a little, frightened of all he was seeing.

Daniel could feel the man’s anger at him and for the first time in his life, he knew that it was truly justified. He could feel the hatred too and it was almost the same hatred he had had for others, others who he thought had slighted him but who really hadn’t. He knew that now, and his heart was in pain but not from his wounds, but from the knowledge that he, not someone else, he, had caused so much pain to others. He stared at the eyes that were before him and he saw some of his own pain there, some of his own hatreds and it made him feel sad.

He reached out with his hand, to touch the dark blue sleeve that rested near him and he saw the eyes follow his hand and stare at the blood soaked fingers that rested on the cuff of his sleeve. Daniel could feel the disgust in the man and he looked heaven wards and then back towards the man and he knew that he would not survive for long, but he had to make the effort and with surprising strength he found his voice, and he choked out his words to the silent man next to him.

The police officer had leaned down and he heard the gasping voice as it spoke slowly to him, and for the first instant or two he felt like throwing up or worse and he thought about shaking off the death like grasp of the man’s fingers on his sleeve but something held him back and the more he listened, the more his heart thundered inside of him as his soul grew quiet and sad. For the first time in a long while, he began to feel the man’s pain and for a brief moment he actually seemed to understand what Daniel was telling him.

It didn’t take long for him to speak his few words and then the paramedics moved him away, his hand holding just that instant longer and then they released their hold on his sleeve and he disappeared into the back of the ambulance. With sirens blaring the tall white truck with its red symbols was barreling down towards County Hospital and the policeman felt a strange glow inside, and he rubbed his arm, as the detective came up to him.

Detective Brian Deese “What did he say to you officer?”

Patrolman Lanier “Huh? Oh, he confessed, I think.”

Detective “What? What do you mean, ‘he confessed’, what did he say?”

Patrolman Lanier “He said, uh, fuck it was so freaky, give me a minute here, okay?”

Detective “Yeah sure, let me get this, he confessed?”

Patrolman Lanier

 “Yeah, he said something like he knew he was going to die, shit, let me think, and don’t scowl, fuck this is weird, let me think…

He stood there, all 6ft 2inches of man, leaning his head back as his mind replayed for him the raspy voice and he felt the ache in his heart, and for the first time in a very long time, he said a prayer for the perp, which was as stunning as was his words.

…he said, ‘I am dying, I know it, Adam Westbrook

and I beat up those two fags in front of the gay bar on Chelsea, I am sorry, I really am, tell them, I know I won’t make it, you have to tell them I am sorry, please, you have to’ and that was it, then the paramedics wheeled him away.

Does this mean what I think it does?”

Detective “Shit yes, if he dies it sure as hell does, it means we got the other bastard dead to rights, and fuck, even if he lives, it will hang the bastard, you sure he didn’t name the bar or anything? Just the gay bar on Chelsea ?”

Patrolman Lanier “Yeah, those were his exact words, it was so, I mean, fuck, I think he meant it, I think he really did…”

Detective Deese “Huh? Meant what? That he’s sorry? Shit if the bastard lives he’ll deny saying it and anyways, I doubt it, his kind never feels sorry”

Patrolman Lanier “I don’t know, I mean, guess you are right, but, well, shit, it felt like he really did mean it, kind of spooky really.”

Detective Deese “Well, I don’t know, jot down what he said in your book, now, before you forget, then let me initial it and I want you to initial mine too, put the time down too… okay?”

Patrolman Lanier “Huh? Oh yeah, right… guess so.”

He pulled out his notebook and began to write it all down. It was still freaking him out a little, because he really did think that the guy was serious which was sad, but in some small way, it kind of made him happy too. It was like, well, like someone was actually trying to correct what they had done wrong. Sure, it was maybe too late, hell it was for one of those he had attacked, but at least he was trying, and that gave him hope. Maybe mankind wasn’t a lost cause?

Patrolman Lanier signed and dated the words that Detective Deese had copied down and then he watched as Detective Deese did the same in his notebook. It was strange really, he had never really had a dying declaration before and he was a 9-year veteran of the force. It shook him more than he really wanted to admit, it had suddenly thrown his well ordered hatreds and gripes into disarray and he knew that he was going to have some sleepless nights over all of this.

Part 2

Dr. Bruce Collier sat in the comfortable lounge chair next to the high backed ICU bed and stared at Terry’s resting figure. It was almost as if he could sense the boy’s struggle and he wanted to be there, he didn’t want to be anywhere else and even though his shift had ended hours ago, he couldn’t leave. He had watched the other boy, the boyfriend he guessed, when he had stood by him and it was amazing to watch.

It was almost as if they were connecting even though the patient was in a light drug induced coma. He couldn’t believe it but he was sure that he saw the patient’s finger reach and wrap around the standing boy’s hand, and if so, then he had seen something that reached beyond medical science.

For his entire 31 years of life he never really thought much about God or a higher being. In many cases he was simply apathetic about religion and to be honest, he didn’t even really know what his was. His father on the other hand, he had this uncharacteristic trait of always talking about God, and for a tough battle scarred Marine, it really seemed out of character.

Funny, but ever since his awakening in the trauma room with Terry, thoughts of his father kept intruding, and he felt a strange sadness around his heart when those thoughts poked through his other thoughts. It was almost as if he missed him, and yet whenever they were together, they fought like cats and dogs. His dad never seemed to understand him or his needs, or his lifestyle. His dad was adamantly opposed to the concept of homosexuality, calling it a disgusting choice made by disgusting immoral people, and yet, somehow, Bruce didn’t really think that was how his father really thought.

Now there was a strange thought for him, because until now, Doctor Bruce Collier had always thought that Major Colin Collier, Marine, Silver Star holder, was your classic homophobic military type. He was sure that somewhere in the Major’s possessions was a ‘gay bob’ doll from Mattel’s Barbie Collection, which the Major would bring out on occasion and try to shoot with his service weapon. Strange how he thought about that, because he never played with dolls when he was a kid, it was always cops ‘n robbers or cowboys and Indians and now look at him, playing house with another guy.

That was it too, he had been simply ‘playing house’ with Connor and it hadn’t been fair to him. Well, he knew that no matter what happened here, that would be changing because for some unknown reason, his spirit was no longer willing to accept ‘just playing at it’ and he knew that Connor was the single most important person in his life, and that he needed him more than he had ever admitted to himself, never mind admitting it to Connor.

He also realized that he would eventually have to come to terms with his father, and that for some unknown reason, he could tell that that time was going to be sooner rather than later. Bruce sighed as he thought about that, and for the first time in a long time, he regretted not having a good relationship with his father. He missed that and he silently hoped that maybe one day, his dad could accept him, his lifestyle, and Connor.

Looking at his watch and then back up at all the fancy electric gizmos that hummed and beeped and squawked, he wondered where Connor was? He hadn’t seen him for hours, not since Parker had come to take him for some meeting with the brass, and he felt a slight twinge at that, as the word had gotten around.

Nick and Sam, the other paramedic team that had been dispatched to the scene had refused help, or so the rumour went and Connor and Parker had been forced to work on both young men. He could still feel the anger inside as he thought about it, and as the rumour went, supposedly Connor had gone ballistic, another rumour had him working like a madman trying to save them both, and that was the rumour that he was more inclined to believe. He didn’t see Connor lashing out, at least not when lives were on the line.

Looking over at Terry, he smiled, wondering if Terry knew just how many lives the attack on him was affecting? Did he know that because of him that he, Bruce, had woken up to accept his own gayness? Did he know that he had sparked some sense of humanity in Connor’s partner that had made him call the brass rather than let Connor do it? Did he even know about how his own struggle with life was inspiring his friends and even some of the more jaded of the hospital staff? He doubted if Terry did, but looking at his soft face, the way his eyelids fluttered each time someone came in to look, maybe, just maybe he really did know, deep down inside, maybe.

The sound of the hospital’s paging system, calling the transplant team to the OR was another sign of the miracles that were happening as a result of this senseless attack. The young gay man who had died, Marvin was his name, had a donor card and there was no next of kin listed either, confirmed by the bouncer who accompanied Ashley, and so now his body had been harvested, and strangers who had little hope for any type of life, would now see where they couldn’t before, would feel another days warmth when earlier they were busy saying their farewells to loved ones.

Just sitting there, looking at the sleeping young boy, Bruce was amazed by how little medical science knew. Sure, they could generate duplicate DNA now, they were even discussing what parts could be cloned in what manner, not how could it be done but under what circumstances and yet, somehow medicine didn’t seem as advanced as maybe they liked to believe. There was no logical explanation for how Terry seemed to know when people were looking at him, or how when Ashley had been next to him, he could communicate to him, but he had seen it, and unlike the text books, he knew it wasn’t some automatic body response, some unconscious mind thing, it was real.

It was also freaky for him too, because he could sit here, staring at the lifeless body and yet he knew, deep down inside that it was a body full of life, which it was waging a war he couldn’t even imagine. He had fought one round of it, Connor had fought the opening skirmish, and yet despite all of that, all of the modern equipment, modern drugs, it still came down to that intangible, that inner strength and whether Terry had it or not. He could sit there and wonder about that, as well as all the other thoughts that were racing thru his mind, about Connor, about the hospital and its policies, and even about the tragedy of society of that forced people like himself into hiding.

The touch on his shoulder startled him as he didn’t hear anyone walk in and he turned to look up into the tired face of Connor. His heart was suddenly beating a mile a second as he jumped up and simply hugged Connor. He didn’t care that it made one nurse stop as she walked by or made another doctor glance up from the central nurses station that overlooked all of the ICU cubicles. All he cared about was that Conner was there and he was able to feel the warm solid beat of Connor’s heart next to his.

Connor “Christ that felt good Bruce.”

Bruce “You okay? God you look exhausted, you finished for now?”

Connor “Uh huh, for now, uh, how’s he doing?” Bruce “He’s fighting, but, it is still too early to tell but I don’t know, I think he’s one who’ll make it.”

Connor “Yeah? An optimist now are you?”

Bruce “haha, no, it is just, I don’t know, I guess its how I feel, or maybe it is what I am hoping for, either way, its how I feel.”

Connor “Yeah, I know what you mean, out there, when we were on the scene, the way he looked into my eyes there once, I don’t, I can’t explain it, but I want him to make it, I really do”

Bruce “yeah, the eyes can say so much, can’t they?”

He was looking right into Connor’s eyes and he felt the ache and pain that his partner was feeling. He could feel his sorrow that he couldn’t have done more for the one who died, and he knew he blamed himself too and that was something he hadn’t experienced before, the ability to read Connor, but it was like, well like he was suddenly an open book to him and he knew it was because he had opened his own soul up to Conner. He couldn’t explain it, all he knew was that he had been changed when Terry had stared into his eyes while on that trauma table, and he was still trying to grasp all that had happened.

Connor “Yeah, they do.”

Bruce “Uh huh, and yours say I need to take you home and we need to get some rest, come on… no arguments either”

Connor “Yes Doctor, haha, sure? I mean I can head off if you want to stay…”

Bruce “yes, I am sure, besides Connor, I think if he could speak he’d tell me to get lost, and well, I don’t know, I kind of want to just be with you, okay?”

Connor “Oh yeah, it’s okay, and I don’t know, but I think I am going to like this new you, come on, I still have to swing by the station to sign out, you can drive me”

Bruce “well I was hoping you’d suggest that, but was hoping it wasn’t a car but something else I’d be driving.”

Connor “Christ”

Bruce reached out and with both hands on either side of Connor’s face, he pulled the face towards him and kissed him lightly on the lips, just a light brush but he felt the heat rising in his body and more than that, he felt the passion rising up from his soul and he felt the answering call of Connor’s own soul and he shook a little, experiencing something he had only read about, and he felt like he couldn’t wait to experience more.

Bruce “Let’s go home lover”

Part 3

Rob felt Carl’s weight on him and he shifted a little and then he opened his eyes to gaze into the sunlit living room. He still couldn’t believe all that had happened last night and he didn’t know how he felt. At first he was angry that anyone would want to do something like that, and the only reason being that the two guys were gay. It just didn’t make sense to him and he couldn’t figure out why ordinary people would do that.

He worked in the bar, he knew most of them and he had worked in straight bars too, and for the most part he liked the gay bars because one, the older patrons tipped him better than any of the patrons did in the straight bars, but two, for the most part they weren’t as rude or pushy as clients in a straight bar were. Guys would get upset at their dates for staring at him or other waiters and so they would try to pick fights, in a gay bar the two would compare notes, so it really was an easier job. So why would they go out and try to kill someone simply because they were gay?

If that wasn’t enough, Carl had told him who the one guy was and that really floored him. For Christ’s sake the guy was gay himself, or so Carl thought. How the hell could someone who wanted to be in the medical profession, gay himself, do something as horrible as this? He just didn’t understand people anymore, maybe that was one reason he kept moving from job to job, or if he was really honest, maybe it was also because he liked to drink to forget all this shit. Thinking about that he wondered if there was anything in the place and he sat up, looking around and considering getting up off the couch to go look for a drink.

Rob stood up and stretched a little and he looked down to see Carl stretching his long legs out now that Rob had moved out of the way and he smiled. He really had been a tower of strength at the hospital and he knew that later he would be the one dealing with arranging for Marvin’s funeral and stuff. God, to think that someone he had only been talking to less than 24 hours earlier was now dead, brutally beaten was something he hadn’t experienced before and he felt weird about it.

It wasn’t like he didn’t like Marv, he really was kind of funny at times, the way he would put on his ‘girl’ routine and act like many women that he had known, and yet he really was a nice guy. He tipped well, when he had it, and he tried to even when he didn’t, which was sweet, but what made him stand out in his mind was how quiet he usually was. Marvin never really talked much, not about himself or anything really, it was more like he was just there to observe but no matter what, he came across as a nice guy.

Carl had said that his family had died in some hurricane back in Florida one year, because they didn’t want to leave or something stupid like that. Marvin was the only one to survive, mainly because they had tossed the faggot brat out a few months earlier, least that was how Marvin had put it to Carl. It was sad, to lose the family you grew up with because of your lifestyle, then to have them die before they could resolve their stupidity, and yet, maybe in some way they had already been lost to Marvin? He didn’t know the gory details, but he had his own experiences to draw on and he could sympathize with anyone who had a parent or parents that couldn’t understand things.

Hell, he still sends his mom a birthday card and even a mother’s day card though she was the one to kick him out. Christ, what did she expect him to do? To continue to let his dad beat the shit out of him when he came home drunk? There wasn’t any choice for him there, he couldn’t just let the asshole wail on him whenever he felt like it and he was damned if he’d let it continue, but his mother saw it differently and so here he was, standing in a guy’s room and looking for a drink. God, this wasn’t a life and he stared at the kitchen, where a bottle sat on the counter, his lips licking themselves and then somehow, his eyes were pulled away from the shimmering glass of the half full bottle until they squinted in the glare of the sun.

Rob shaded his eyes by raising his hand to his forehead and he blinked several times because he was sure there was something glimmering in the sun’s rays but he couldn’t quite make it out. He squinted as he peered into the hot golden beam and he held his breath, as he was sure that he was seeing a vast ocean rolling towards a small island and he shook his head, wondering if maybe he was having the shakes or something.

He sat down in the big armchair and rested both hands on the arms, his head lowered as he tried to shake the cobwebs off but he could still see that island, two figures laying on the golden sand and the trees blowing in the ocean breeze that was wafting across it. How the hell could he be seeing all that? Where the fuck was it because it sure did look enticing and he was really tired of this earth, at least what he had seen of it.

The gentle sounds of water lapping up on the shoreline were soothing to him and he stopped trying to figure it all out. Instead he felt his head lifting up and he saw Carl fully stretched out on the couch, his breathing soft and regular as he slept and then without his choice, his head moved away towards the far side, where the pillows lay scattered on the floor and where Ashley had chosen to lay down.

His eyes opened wider as he stared now at Ashley’s sleeping figure. The young blond was stretched out fully on the blanket of pillows, his long legs fully extended and his head was off to one side as he lay face down on the myriad of coloured pillows, as if he was on a beach. His arms were outstretched too, which was different and Rob looked at the way he was holding them. It was almost as if one hand was being wrapped around a thick wedge shape, yet there was nothing in Ashley’s palm but the fingers were almost white, as if they were really grasping at something.

His other hand was stretched fully out as well, but in a different manner. Rob looked hard, the sun glinting off the young body but he was able to see that the fingers were curled in, and he couldn’t figure it out just yet, and then finally it hit him. Ashley’s hand was fashioned as if it was holding another’s hand in its grip, the fingers curled just so, as if they were wrapped around the outside flesh of another person’s hand and it made him tingle a little.

The island, Ashley was at that island that wouldn’t budge from his eyes really and he leaned back into the chair, confused and frightened. Was he hallucinating or was he simply getting the shakes from not having any booze in his system? He never had this type of effect before, never, no matter how much of a bender he had been on, and yet it looked so real. It was almost as if he could see the colours of the sand, see the trees and the shimmering shades of the water that was lapping at the shore. He began to sweat as panic took hold of him, and yet for some strange reason he didn’t cry out, he didn’t raise his voice as if something inside was trying to tell him something, as if something inside really knew what was happening and so he leaned further back into the armchair and let the voice guide him.

The wind was warm as it blew across their bodies, cooling them from the day’s heat and from the brief moments of passion that would suddenly flare and consume them both. It felt so wonderful and Ashley lifted himself up onto his elbows and he stared across at Terry, to see the soft lines easing even more on Terry’s angelic face. God, he loved him so much and he was all his, of that he had no doubt of and he could feel the fires inside, the way they would flicker whenever he thought about Terry.

He stared at him for a few minutes longer and then he let his gaze wonder to the beauty of the island and the water out beyond. He could see the dark shape of the water lighten as the moon began to come out from its sleep and the stars added to the soft lighting that was slowly turning the darkness into a sort of twilight. Everything that had shape was no longer bathed in darkness; they were no longer were hidden from his sight and leaned on his elbows, just staring at the peaceful ocean that rolled on no matter what. He saw the small white surf as it came gently into the beach and he then slowly receded once more to join back from whence it had come.

The quiet of the night was calming to him, it made him feel so at ease, so rested that nothing of his life intruded other than the deep warmth he had for the boy next to him. He could hear his heart’s gentle beat as he slept on, and he could even feel the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed in the sweet evening’s breath. It was like he was in heaven, as he imagined it would be and yet he knew he wasn’t, he knew that he was still on earth but that this spot was just for him and Terry.

The touch of a warm hand on his bare shoulder and the gentle press of moist lips on his neck made him smile and he turned over, to stare into the most beautiful set of eyes he had ever seen. The soft blue tint was glittering with the reflection of a thousand and one stars and yet deep in their centre he could see the one burning light, the light that rested deep in Terry’s soul and he knew that light was for him. He smiled as he rolled over onto his back and reached up with his hands to gather Terry into his own body and they kissed lightly at first, their lips just brushing each other and yet that simple touch was igniting a firestorm of desire deep within their bodies.

He ran his hands down the short frame of the 22 year old Terry, feeling the spot where scars had once been, were deep gashes and bruises had once reared their ugly heads but all was soft and golden now, no more pain, no more aches or memories of that time as he held Terry close to his own body, letting his own love cloak them both and this time they kissed hard, their mouths parted as their tongues flashed outwards, touching and twisting around each other and then he felt the warm full fleshy tongue of Terry push its way deep into his mouth and he cried out a little, just a soft whimpering moan, to let Terry know how pleased he was at the sensations that he was giving him.

The kiss only lasted a few moments, and they broke apart to stare with love into each other’s eyes. He could feel the passion inside of Terry as it opened its arms for him and he smiled, knowing how much he loved that passion, that inner side of Terry that could make him laugh or cry, and then start all over again no matter how exhausted or drained they might feel. It was as if life was something special to Terry, and he wanted Ashley to be at his side as they explored all that it had to offer and he had no fear of it now, that fear was well off in the distance and he knew that even if it did come closer, the passion they had for each other, the love that bound them together, would never let it close enough to cause them harm.

The chatter from the water turned both of their heads as the moon had now risen fully and the water shined brightly as if lit by a huge soft yellow searchlight. The head of a dolphin was in the centre of the light and they saw it looking at them, chattering at them and beckoning them to come to him and they turned and looked at each other. Their own eyes glistened and their hearts pounded steadily and Terry rose up, his hand outstretched towards Ashley.

Ashley took the hand, feeling the surprising strength within and he let himself be pulled up to his feet by Terry. Together they stood under the whispering branches of the tree as the warm ocean breeze passed thru them. He looked at Terry, gazing with a strange glow growing inside at the handsome young man, at the soft golden hue of his flesh and at the perfectly formed shape of his young body. His eyes traveled down from the curled blond hairs to look at the soft angelic facial features, the soft nose and the perfect moist lips. The long neck with its sweet hollow curve above and below the bopping Adam’s apple that led his gaze down towards his chest and broad shoulders, made his heart flutter for a few seconds and then let him move on downwards.

He stared at the soft rising beat of Terry’s chest, as he knew that Terry was devouring all of his own form in the soft moonlight. His heart quickened a little as the chatter stopped for a few minutes, as he and Terry just stared at each other’s naked bodies. He could feel the small ache in his own groin and looking at Terry, he could feel his ache too and he smiled, his eyes once more going up to Terry’s face where he was greeted by a wide toothy smile.

Terry pulled Ashley’s hand upwards, and brought the back of it up to his face, his eyes never leaving Ashley’s face for one second, and as he brought the hand up, Ashley could feel the sudden fire deep in his belly flare and flicker. Terry moved slowly, letting both his own soul and Ashley’s savour the moment as the hand came upwards, and he twisted it around a little so the back of the hand rested towards Terry and his face then bent downwards as he brought his lips lightly towards the hand, where he let his lips brush gently across the knuckles and then he lifted his head up and smiled wider.

Grasping Ashley’s hand, Terry pulled and headed off towards the once more vocal dolphin that was standing up in the water, his head going back and forth as he beckoned the two young lovers to join him in the warm pacific ocean. Ashley felt the rise of his pulse as he ran lightly down the gentle sloping beach and he felt the sudden wetness around his feet and then his ankles and still they kept running towards the beckoning dolphin.

All he could think of was how wonderful life was for him at this moment, as he let Terry guide him into the water and they felt the warm wetness coat their naked bodies and he felt the power of the ocean as it flowed all around them, holding them as it rose up to their chest and then he felt a strange push on his hand, the one that Terry was holding and he turned to see Terry’s face glowing and between them was the dolphin. He stared up at them both, his long pointed face turning from one to the other and it was almost as if he was trying to speak to them both and deep in his heart he felt an amazing calm come forward as his hand was gently released by Terry.

There was no panic either as he watched the dolphin manoeuvred inwards and he felt the warm dorsal fin suddenly fit into his hand and on top of that he then felt Terry’s own hand rest and he clasped the thick fin, his eyes now glued to the long silver shape that floated beside them. He felt a strange glow in his groin and he knew that he was fully erect, and he knew that Terry was as well and yet he also was at peace as he stared into the eyes of the dolphin.

Ashley looked up at Terry, saw him nod at him and then he looked down at the dolphin and nodded. It was an unbelievable feeling as he felt the dolphin start to swim ahead and the gentle tug on his arm made him lurch forward and suddenly he felt his feet leave the soft sand that he had been standing on and he felt the water parting at his chest as the dolphin took them out and away from their golden beach.

Gradually the dolphin began to swim faster and Ashley could feel the wake he was leaving behind and he turned his face backwards to watch the water changing from a glittering blue to shimmering white flecks and bright emerald green that glowed under the moon’s glare. His heart stopped for a minute, stunned by the amazing beauty of the water as he was pulled through it and then it began to beat faster as he turned to stare at Terry who was looking at him and together they laughed now, the pure pleasure of the ride only adding to their peace.

They rode the dolphins fin like professionals now, and they could see the slow gentle turns coming and the leaned inwards to the turn, and the dolphin seemed to notice and began to speed up a little with each passing second. Both boys kept their free hands to their sides and their heads looking forwards, the spray from their ride brushing past and making their hair wet and both of them could feel their strands of hair flying behind them as the dolphin had them doing figure eights and then suddenly it stopped far out in the lagoon and the both slowly sank, their feet gently swishing and their other hand now reached over, resting both of their hands on the back of the dolphin that just lay there, waiting.

They treaded water, just leaning on either side of the silvery torpedo shape, feeling the warmth of the night and the love they had for each other just seemed to be growing. Terry could feel Ashley’s desire growing along with his own and yet he was in no rush, they had all of eternity to enjoy each other’s love, and he could see that very same thought crossing Ashley’s heart as well. He felt the power of their love reaching out and as he did, he felt the soft gentle nudge against his buttocks and he turned to see another dolphin had shown up and he smiled at it, which made it rear its head up and chatter at him and nod vigorously, as if in approval. He laughed and turned to see that a third dolphin had joined, on Ashley’s side and was doing the very same thing.

Terry stared at Ashley and he could feel the purity of his desire, the warmth of his passion, and the trust that Ashley had in him and he felt like he was the richest man on the planet. No one could ask for more than what Ashley was willing to give him, and he knew he couldn’t leave him, that nothing man could do would ever take him from Ashley and he felt the gentle nudge on his thigh and he stared at the face of the 2nd dolphin and he nodded back at it.

Ashley felt the touch of the 3rd dolphin and a strange exhilaration seemed to suddenly fill his body and he stared at the warm soft eyes that seemed to reach out and caress his heart, to gently touch the spots that had been torn not that long ago and he knew that while his heart had healed on the outside, it was still scarred and tender inside, but the soft caress of the dolphins soul was not only healing those scars, not only wiping them away but was filling his soul with a strange and wonderful fire that he knew would never be extinguished by anything on earth or by anyone, no matter what. He looked across to see Terry nodding at another dolphin and he smiled, because he knew what was coming and he turned and nodded to the one next to him too and he reached his hand out, as the 3rd dolphin sidled up to him, letting his hand form around the dorsal fin and he turned his face back towards Terry.

Terry had his one hand holding the dorsal fin of the 2nd dolphin as he felt Ashley’s soul reaching for his and he lifted his other hand, to let Ashley’s hand slide back under it and grab hold of the 1st dolphins dorsal fin. Once he was sure that Ashley had a good hold, he wrapped his own hand on top and then turned his face to look into Ashley’s navy blue eyes. He saw his own image being reflected and he sighed deeply, feeling the tremendous love that now floated all around them. It was almost as if he could see the strong links of their love too, as the moon suddenly grew brighter and as the two boys stared at each other, the three dolphins suddenly began to swim forwards.

The water grew white around them as the three torpedos shot forward, the dolphins in their natural element began to twist and turn in wide sweeping motions, churning the calm night ocean into a whirling frenzy of white caps and long swells and all the time Terry simply grinned at Ashley who smiled back. The spray blew past them like it didn’t even exist and they had reached the farthest edge of the large lagoon and they could see and hear the ocean crashing against the long coral reef that jutted out and the marvelled at the beauty of it all and then they began to head back, the dolphins gaining speed as the water simply flew past them, their chests up in the air now and their hair flowed behind them as they stared outwards, bracing for the future as suddenly all three dolphins rose up in the air, jumping out of the water and carrying their two passengers with them and the wind howled as they flew thru it and then came down to plunge into the waiting waters below. They felt the crush of the warm ocean on them and still they kept their eyes open marvelling at the brief glimpse of all that lived under the surface and then once more they began their climb upwards, and they could both see the bright golden orb of the moon as they came to the surface and once more flew heaven wards.

Once more the wind blew around them and both of them screamed with delight as the three dolphins chattered and once more angled down to plunge back into their native domain. On and on they went down the vast lagoon, diving deep and then jumping up and out of the water, and then back down to once more explore the ocean’s depths. IT was like a scene out of the movies as the raced around the lagoon, twisting and turning, jetting across the wide expanse to suddenly leap into the air and then plunge down deep into the warm ocean itself.

Terry was laughing each time they came to the surface as was Ashley and they felt the force of their love holding them up and they knew instinctively when to suck in the air just before plunging deep into the green emerald ocean where they saw all forms of fish swimming around and moving away from them as they even swam under the surface for a brief moment. The dolphins knew when they needed to come up and all the time their hands held firm to the strong dorsal fins and each other.

Ashley couldn’t believe how warm and calm he felt, there was no terror as they leapt into the air, gaining height like a rocket being shot into space and then the water would come up to greet them. His eyes would stare in wonder as he saw deep down towards the very bottom and he felt no fear, no panic, as they would dive inwards, the water parting without any pain or objection. It was almost as if nature had decided to adopt them both and let them frolic in her backyard with her favourite pets.

They had no idea how long they were out in the lagoon playing but they finally could feel the ache inside growing and the looks they were exchanging were one’s of hunger for more and Ashley could feel it as Terry’s hand gripped his even tighter with each passing second. They no longer stared at the sky or the giant moon as they burst out from under the water but instead they gazed with longing into each other’s face.

They had no idea how but they were suddenly at the beach and they could feel the wet sandy beach under their feet and both of them looked down and behind, to see the smiling faces of three happy dolphins. All three rose up in the water, their backs towards the ocean as they slowly backed away, leaving two very proud young men staring off at them and both Terry and Ashley were certain that they saw them wink at them. It was impossible and yet the peace that rested in their souls was very real as they waved to the retreating dolphins and then grasping each other’s hands they turned and walked up the wet slope of the beach, to the edge of where the tide was coming in.

They stood for a second, the warm water barely lapping at their feet and they grasped each other by the side. Terry’s hands rested just above Ashley’s hips, while Ashley’s hands rested just under Terry’s armpits. They felt the steady beat of their two hearts as they came closer, both of their erect penis’ pushing up and against the wet shuddering stomachs of the other.

Their heads twisted to one side, Terry to the right, Ashley to the left and they stepped inwards, their mouths slightly parted as their lips finally touched together, the fires roared inside and leapt forward, just as they had rocketed from the water into the air moments earlier, their love was suddenly bursting around them, and as their lips pressed hard, their tongues began to dance with each other and the fires grew even hotter as slowly the two young bodies began to sink down towards the wet sandy beach.

They fell to their knees, deep furrows suddenly forming in the sand and now the incoming tide washed around their legs, not quite covering them but gently lapping at the tops of the quivering limbs. Their bodies were pressed in tightly as they kissed and felt each other’s heart beating loudly, the hard thundering sound echoed loudly in their ears and yet it didn’t matter. Lights of all colours flashed between them as sparks flew around their naked bodies. The deep green of the ocean dripped from their bodies as they wrapped their arms around each other and began to slowly move closer, their hands now reaching around to stroke at the strong back muscles of the other and the fires inside were no longer contained by their mortal flesh.

Slowly they tilted to one side, their legs moving outwards as they fell to the ground fully, their two young naked bodies now rested fully on the wet beach. The tide gently flowing around them both, small white curls of surf mingled around their two entwined bodies and yet all they could feel was each other’s desire and needs. Ashley couldn’t believe how calm he was feeling even though the fires of his soul had burst thru and were roaring all around him. Terry was amazed at how peaceful it all seemed and yet his own burning desire was reaching for the skies with each beat of his heart.

Nothing seemed normal as they felt the deep power of their love rising upwards and Ashley could hear his own voice, as it begged for Terry to love him and he could feel the dull ache in his groin rising, taking over as his muscles groaned and urged him on. His heart beat loudly as he felt Terry’s hand sliding up and down his body, holding him for a second and then moving down to touch him and fill him with the love that he had for him.

The soft touch of Terry’s hand on his thigh was too much and Ashley rolled over onto his back, his hand that had been wedged under Terry’s side pulled upwards, bringing Terry’s hot young body with him, and now he stared up at the sky, Terry’s face above his and the soft glow of the moon edged around the beautiful face of his lover. His eyes sparked and he could feel the love as it pressed down on him, as if a billion tiny arrows had suddenly been unleashed against him but he wasn’t running from the assault. Instead, he welcomed them, opening his body wide so as to receive every single dart, every single bolt because it was what he craved and desired above all else.

He would gladly trade his life so that Terry would live and the heavens above knew that too, the stars blinking their acknowledgement of that simply but truthful fact. The wind blew across the open beach, the water lapping at their bodies now and still he knew that it was just the start of his young life. There were no doubts, no fears as he reached up with both hands to bring Terry down harder onto his willing body. His legs moved off to one side and he felt the hard press of Terry’s aroused penis as it poked into the soft flesh of his groin. His own hard 7 ¾ inch cock was wedged up into Terry’s belly and he sighed as he felt the touch of his dripping cock head against the tight little knot that rested deep in the belly. Ashley could feel his pre cum filling the tiny little buttonhole and he moaned, wanting to have Terry fill his hole too, but not his belly button, nor with his pre cum, but instead, to fill his own sweet puckered hole that ached for Terry and for no other living soul.

He could feel Terry’s thoughts as if they were touching his own and he could feel his legs rising up by the two strong young arms and he saw the way Terry was looking at him and he smiled up at his lover. There weren’t any words in any language that could describe how he felt, and he knew that Terry was feeling the same as his body lifted and spread his legs apart. He saw the eyes flashing and once more a hail of love arrows seemed to come straight for his heart and he felt them strike, felt his body sink deeper into the wet sand, the warm ocean surf gently covering his body with tiny little waves.

He felt the water swirl around his nipples and gently fall off as it raced back from whence it had come, knowing that it would soon come back just as he knew that the love he and Terry were about to share would end, but that it too would come back again, just as the tide always did, no matter where you lived, no matter what your race or religion was, it always came back and he knew that he would never lose Terry.

Ashley closed his eyes as once more the warm water started to surge back towards him and Terry. He felt the hard press of a hot thick throbbing pole against the quivering muscle in his rectum and he held his breath, wanting to feel every sensation, feel every tremor that would shortly come racing up his rectum and spine as Terry began to fill him with his love.

Terry couldn’t believe the wave of emotions that were pouring into his body from the young boy beneath him. At first he felt like it was impossible to feel this good, this happy but as he stared down into the warm navy eyes, eyes that glittered and sparkled full of life, he knew that it was true, that love did conquer all, including evil. His heart sang out loudly as he raised Ashley’s legs and gently pushed them apart and he gazed down at the open and willing body beneath him and his heart stuttered and his soul reached heaven wards, singing and dancing with a wild abandon. There was nothing that Ashley wouldn’t do for him, he could see that reflected in the warm smile that was etched across Ashley’s face and he knew in his own heart, that it was true.

The warm bond of their love began to slowly surround them as he began to move closer, his hands sliding down to rest on either side of the quiet young man beneath him.

He could feel him reaching up, feel the power of his love as it hugged him tight and yet his shoulders were squared, his chest holding still as he just waited, his body slowly moving into position, the hard 7 ½ inches of his physical love poised and ready as it snuggled tightly into the warm wet hole that gaped open in Ashley’s soft valley cheeks.

There was no condom here, none were needed because their hearts were pure now, and no other living person would ever know the pleasures of either young boy, for those were reserved only for themselves, not for any other living being and their love no longer needed the protection from the ills of the world, not here, not on this, their island and the loud chatter of dolphins frolicking in the lagoon echoed loudly among the island itself.

With the loud approval of the leaping dolphins, Terry slowly lowered himself down onto the waiting body of Ashley and he heard the soft hiss of air escape as the surf came roaring in and lapped over Ashley’s prone body. He could feel the warm water swirl around the tip of his cock as it pressed down against Ashley’s sphincter muscle and then as he slowly gained entry, he could feel the warm water coating his cock, lubricating the head as it slowly slipped further inside of the willing young man’s rectum.

A long thin band of lightning flashed from out of nowhere as Terry’s hard pole pushed inside, and as nature herself guided his throbbing pole, easing its passage into Ashley, the heavens above roared and flashed their own approval at all that was beginning to unfold below. The skies were lit up like the fourth of July, and yet all Ashley could hear was the soft panting breath of Terry as he felt his insides burst into flames.

Slowly he pressed down, feeling each tiny muscle inside of Ashley’s love canal reach out and grip his throbbing pole as it was gently but firmly pressed inside, and he could feel the strong muscles around the rectum as they slowly started to press inwards, holding him tight but no where as tight as the strong bond of their love was doing at this very same second. He could feel the warmth all around him and he looked down, seeing half of his cock still waiting its turn and he saw the growing grey river that was forming on Ashley’s belly from Ashley’s own throbbing penis. It was an amazing sight to watch the soft sticky cream grow in size as he slowly watched his own penis disappear down inside of the man of his dreams.

Ashley may only be 18 years of age, but he was all man for Terry and he knew that he had been blessed by being given this chance. The love flowed around him and he could see it all as he raised his head and stared out at the island, saw the blinking eyes of some animal or other that stood at the tree line and watched as he pressed down and the last inch of his throbbing penis now lay deep inside of Ashley’s body. He could feel his balls resting against the warm underside of Ashley’s cheeks and he felt himself shaking as his love was beginning to reach out with both hands.

He could feel the love flowing into his body and he felt his heart starting to thunder now, the beat and tempo rising as the last of Terry’s throbbing pole entered his body. His eyes moistened as he felt his love rising up and beginning to reach out for Terry’s own special touch. He felt the fires raging all around and inside of him, as he knew that the mere matter of his flesh could no longer contain them. Everything was growing now, his eyes grew wider as he stared up at the loving face of his lover, and his own love and his own desires, all grew stronger and more strident as his body began to shudder as the fiery cock head filled him deeply.

The fire of his own aching groin was joined by the intense heat being generated from Terry’s own groin and the area where they were joined now felt like the insides of a raging blast furnace, where melting steel simmered and bubbled. The cauldron of their union began to slowly unite their two mortal bodies and he could feel the fires rising even higher and all he could see was the complete love that was now oozing from every pore in Terry’s body. He saw it all as it slowly reached out from every pore, every opening towards his own body and he answered back by moaning and surrendering to the fires of his own desire. His body bucked and shook as the water lapped around and over him, making him groan even louder

Terry’s face was slowly dragged downwards now, and all the sights around him slowly faded from his vision as Ashley’s face came into focus. Sweat dripped from his forehead as he felt the love flowing between them both. The wild heat that was burning between their groins was burning the insides of his body and yet he refused to go faster. He slowly began to pull back on his hips, bringing the hard throbbing pole up from the depths of Ashley’s insides and he could feel the muscles shaking, feel the body shaking and he could feel the shakes growing in his own mortal body. His legs were trembling, actually quivering as they shot straight out from Ashley’s body.

He couldn’t believe the tremendous rush of joy that was going in and up through his whole body and Terry hadn’t even pulled back all the way once yet. Ashley just knew that he would feel even more as he started to shed tears, tears of pure joy as his body trembled and the pleasure of his love, the passion of his soul was released and allowed unfettered freedom to roam and dance at will. His whole body was soaked from his desire and yet he could still feel the warm ocean calming him, keeping him at least from exploding too soon but the more that Terry pulled back, the less was his resolve.

His head tossed from side to side, and he could feel the salty water as it splashed against his mouth, tingling and making him think of Terry’s warm salty sweet milk that would soon be pouring into his body. His lungs ached as he felt himself struggling for air and yet all the time he felt himself drifting off, being carried on this wave of wild passion and he could feel his body bucking and starting to shake harder as Terry’s 7 ½ inches of love pulled almost all the way out.

Terry couldn’t believe it, his breathing was ragged and shallow as if he had been pounding Ashley’s butt for an hour when it couldn’t be more than a second or two, or could it? Anything was possible in this, their magical home of love and he turned his head, sweat dripping like a torrential downpour from his forehead and there, right beside him was that 1st dolphin. He saw the silvery shaped animal, as it lay there, its long pointed face almost even with Ashley’s and he watched it, the eyes glued to his and he could feel his hips pushing down and he saw the glint inside of the eyes, the way they seemed to be smiling at him, encouraging him onwards as his body began to sway and roll with a desperate desire.

Nothing else mattered to him, but to fill Ashley with his essence, with his seed as he felt his body gyrating as he crashed down into the warm wet buttocks. He felt his pubic hairs digging into the soft steamy flesh and he cried out as his body