Life is Cruel at Times

Chapter 12

The sun was just barely rising in the sky; long slender rays of a dull yellow were starting to push their way across the heavens as the car pulled up in front of the apartment complex. The driver wheeled the car into an empty visitor parking space and shut the car off. His face was drained of colour and the vein that ran across his forehead throbbed as he sat there, his face staring out across a small plot of land, devoid of any emotions. He was totally exhausted and drained as he stared out at the small tree growing out of the center of the small grassy lawn. 

He could see the way the tree was also coming alive, readying itself to greet the new day and he could see the tiny drops of dew on the broad leaves, and he wondered at the miracle of nature, watching as another day took shape and yet in the night, so much had happened, so many lives had suddenly been thrust together, and for what? What was the plan that left one young man dead, another lying in Intensive Care struggling for life?

His heart ached as it struggled for answers that he knew he would never get, at least not as long as he was on the mortal plains of life. Anger was present, he could feel it reaching for him, its long bony fingers made of ice and darkness were always reaching for his heart, always threatening to overwhelm him with its coldness and yet so far, he had avoided its grip. Well almost, he had succumbed briefly last night, but somehow he had managed to wrench himself away from it, but for how long? The older he got, the more angry he felt himself becoming and yet at this moment, all he could think of was that he was glad he hadn’t killed the assailant, that he hadn’t done anything more than injure one and frighten the other off.

Carl looked over to the horizon, where the sun was gradually making an appearance and he began to pray, asking the heavenly father for strength and for forgiveness, he couldn’t explain it, but he knew that the anger inside was becoming too strong, and he needed help in keeping it down, keeping it from ruining his life and so he prayed silently, hoping that this time he would have some answers, that this time he would not feel more tired, more alone, than all the other times.

The touch of a hand softly against his shaking shoulders made him glance to the boy sitting next to him in the car. He took in the disheveled appearance and yet the eyes were alive, full of life still despite all that had happened to him and he could feel his heart reaching for him, reaching to touch and warm the cold spots in his own heart. Next to him he saw the devastated friend, the newcomer who had suddenly taken centre stage in dealing with the military last night, or was that this morning? He had lost track of time and the growl of his stomach only told him that it was empty, just like the rest of his body felt, empty.

Ashley “Come on Carl, let’s go inside”

Carl “You sure? You should get some rest Ashley.”

Ashley “Yeah, I am sure, uh, maybe it’s selfish, I just can’t go in alone, please?”

Ashley stared at Carl and he let his hand continue to rest on the tall man’s shoulder, feeling him shake as his body struggled with all of the emotions that were racing through him. It had been an evening surreal in many senses, in that a man who once wore the cloak of one of God’s own ministers had struck down an assailant to the point where the man might not survive, while another who never believed in God now spoke of love and not revenge. It was all confusing to him but as he saw the apartment building, his own fear of being alone, of not walking in and seeing Terry was terrifying. He needed the strength of his friends now more than ever.

Carl felt the tremors easing in his body, as he looked deep into Ashley’s face. He could see the unbelievable pain that was tearing at the young man and yet he also saw a strange calm, as if Ashley knew that no matter what was going on now, the future was still going to be with him and Terry being together. He shuddered a little, as the image of Terry in the ICU room flashed across his face. He looked so different, so vulnerable with all those tubes and wires hanging out from his entire body.

Tears came to his eyes as he recalled how Ashley had stepped backwards when he first looked into the glass room, and saw Terry laying there, hardly any covers over his body, and instead of the pure golden tanned flesh that Ashley was used to seeing, he saw large angry purple and red marks. Tubes were sticking out leading to all sorts of fancy gismo’s that only added to the surreal scene and yet he stood transfixed as Ashley had gotten his bearings and walked in. 

Once inside, Carl and Rob along with the Nurse had watched as Ashley walked to the side of the upraised bed and looked all across the marred and broken body that was his lover. They stared amazed as he ran his hand along the tattered flesh, circling the many tubes and lines and then he gradually made his eyes walk up the thin broken body to stare at the drugged face. Carl saw the tears running down Ashley’s own face as he slowly ran his hand once more down the cheeks, the back of his hand ever so gently brushing the flesh and then he slowly bent down, his hand now resting just over Terry’s heart as his lips brushed the pale thin mouth of the young man. 

They saw and heard the steady ping of the heart monitor rise a little and they watched as the fingers moved ever so slightly and they saw Ashley’s own hand move down from just over Terry’s heart to grasp at the tiny broken fingers, holding them ever so softly in his own hands and once more his lips brushed across Terry’s lips and they saw Ashley’s lips move, as if he was saying something and all who watched had a heavy lump in their throats, tears rolling down their faces as they witnessed a man showing his love to another. It was truly something that made him weak at the knees and yet he still felt the anger in his heart but it was slowly retreating as he continued to see the love in Ashley’s face.

Rob closed the apartment door quietly as they all stepped inside. All three of them stood there for a minute; unsure of what to do next and both Carl and Rob stared at the rigid back of Ashley as he stared out across the wide expanse of the living room. They watched as his head turned and took in every inch of the place, as if he was seeing it for the last time. They could see the shoulders sag a little as his eyes lingered at the door to the main bedroom and they heard a small sob escape from Ashley’s lips, the first such sound since they left the scene and headed to the hospital.

He could feel the two pairs of eyes on him as he stood there but it was not important as he looked across the entire apartment. Ashley felt Terry’s presence as he stared off at the couch; where they had laid not that long ago, feeling each other’s breathe against their naked bodies. He looked over to the small table where they had sat and ate their meals sometimes, where he would look up to see Terry’s soft blue eyes watching him, or he would stare across watching the way Terry’s lips would wrap around the soup spoon and the way he would just slowly move the spoon out, as if it was something tender and fragile.

Ashley could feel Terry standing next to him as he stared out at the group of pillows that rested by the large bay window and stereo. It was there where they would spend most of their time together, resting and watching the city unfold before them, watching as the stars would suddenly pop out or the moon would slowly come into view from behind some clouds. It was there that they would lie, naked and lost into the love that had found them and bound them together forever.

His body shivered and trembled as his eyes stared at the pillows, still showing the indentations of where they both had laid only early that previous morning. It shook him and he could feel the tears welling up inside, the fear of not ever being able to make fresh indents into the covering of pillows with Terry rising in his throat. He swallowed back a large sob of pain, as he knew that no matter what happened, he would always have what was still in his heart, and that was the one thing that no one could ever take from him. It may get buried, it may even get forgotten at a time, but it would always be a part of him and he had no idea of how it had happened, but it had, he had fallen in love and he knew that Terry had fallen in love with him as well.

No boots to the face, no blows to the chest or groin would ever erase how Terry felt about him, nor of how he felt about Terry. That he could guarantee as his eyes moved away from the pillows and their spot towards the opened door. His heart skipped a beat as his soul suddenly screamed in pain as he saw the empty bedroom, a pair of jeans across the bed, empty and he knew they were Terry’s pants.

He had no idea how he came to be seated at the table or how the steaming mug of coffee had come to be in front of him but he sipped at the rich brew slowly. His mind was whirling with thoughts of what he had missed. His heart ached because it hadn’t smiled at that time, or hadn’t cheered or patted his back then, or some other missed opportunity to show Terry how much he loved him, how much he cared for him, and how much he needed him. Even the knock on the front door failed to budge him and the sound of voices didn’t even register as all he could do was think about Terry, think about how much he had come to mean to him in less time than it supposedly took for God to create the entire universe.

Rob heard the knock and looked first at Ashley then over to Carl. He saw him glare at the door and then shrug as Ashley continued to just stare into his steaming mug of coffee. With a strange reluctance, Rob got up and answered the door, to find the apartment manager standing in the doorway.

Gill “Uh, is Ashley here?”

Rob “Yeah, uh, he’s really not able to come to the door, can I help?”

Gill “Well, uh, I guess, look, I was watching the news, it was Terry that was, uh, I mean, he was one of those attacked last night?”

Rob “Yeah, he was.”

Gill “Shit, how is he? They said that one hadn’t made it, is he, I mean, is Terry okay? He wasn’t uh, was he?”

Rob “No, so far he’s hanging on, he is in ICU but the doctor did a good job, they figure the next 48 hours will tell, but well, we think he’ll pull through.”

Gill “Thank God, uh, is there anything I can do? I mean, I hardly know them, but well, they seem like nice kids, how the fuck could someone, shit, sorry, uh you are?”

Rob “Rob, I am a friend, uh I don’t know, I mean we are all still in shock I guess, but I’ll let Ashley know you, uh sorry, if you don’t mind, this is kind of hard…”

Gill “Yeah, I can imagine, look, uh Rob? I got some home made goulash cooking, how about I bring it by around 4, I mean it isn’t the greatest, but you guys will need to eat, so, I mean, is that okay?”

Rob looked at the 44-year-old landlord and saw his concern, his sincerity and he was a bit stunned. He had lived on his own for some time and while he generally got along with the people in the apartments, including the managers, he doubted if any of them would come knocking on his door if something like this had happened. For a brief second he felt jealous of Terry, and then he just smiled a slow wan smile, as he knew that Terry and Ashley were something special.

Rob “Uh, that’s nice of you, uh Gill? Right now, well I think we’ll be back at the hospital by 4, the doctor sent Ashley home, told him he needed to get some sleep and not come back till at least 4, so I think most likely he’ll want to be there then, so, uh thanks, but…”

Gill “Well I’ll bring it by earlier, look, he’s got to eat, I can make something else if he’d prefer, I used to be a cook in the Navy, so… please, I really would like to do this, okay?”

Rob stared hard at the man, and he could feel the kinship for some reason and he knew that the man was genuine, that he really did want to do this, or maybe it more like he felt he needed to, why Rob couldn’t figure out, but for some reason Gill did.

Rob “Okay, sure, how about just after 2? That should give him some time to have rested, is that okay?”

Gill “Yes, thanks, uh, did they catch the bastards yet?”

Rob “One they found, his friend left him in a pile of garbage, fitting I think, not sure about the other one though, don’t think so.”

Gill “I hope they do, they should throw the book at the bastard.”

Rob “Yeah, uh, sorry, I really am not in a, I mean, if you don’t…”

Gill “Yeah, I am sorry, I’ll go, but look, you make sure Ashley knows that if he needs anything, he just has to holler, okay? I mean it.”

Rob “Yes, I will, and uh, Gill, thanks.”

After closing the door, Rob turned to go back to where Ashley and Carl sat and as he turned he shivered. He stared out and blinked because he was sure he had seen two images lying on the pillows, one dark haired shorter person that resembled Terry, the other taller looking just like Ashley. It was impossible, because Ashley was at the table, his head still bent down and oblivious to all that had just happened and yet as he rubbed his eyes he was sure he could see them. His heart stuttered a little, and his soul shivered and grew a bit cold as if it was seeing a ghost.

He had never been here, and yet it was like he could see it all, see the way Terry would lean against the bedroom doorway, his face smiling as he waited for Ashley to notice him, and then the way his face would simply become one huge smile, all of it he could see right now, and that was impossible, how could he see these things? He had to be hallucinating but how could he know how Terry would stand there? How could he know that it was all a part of their ritual before going to sleep together in that room?

Panic was ripping at his heart and he was breaking out in a cold sweat. Damn he needed a drink and his eyes cast around the room, hoping to find some sign of a drink but all he could see was the way Terry would sit at the couch, or how Ashley would lean into his shoulder while watching the small colour television set, but no drink. He felt the panic rising up into his throat, the thick bile of his fear was making him cough and he knew that Carl was staring at him, knew that he was seeing him panic and he felt ashamed as he slowly sat down on the floor, his legs no longer able to support him and instead of seeing Carl’s face, he saw the worried face of Terry and he began to cry into his hands.

Carl had heard Rob talking with Gill and he wondered at how someone like Gill could be so effected by someone he didn’t know. How could Terry, in such a short time have caused this perfect stranger to want to help? Was this maybe some divine plan or was he actually seeing his fellow man reaching out for someone they barely knew, reacting with love and concern instead of indifference and apathy? He didn’t expect such an overwhelming outpouring of support from total strangers. 

First there had been the young paramedic at the scene, the one who had ran between both Marvin and Terry, doing his best to keep them both alive and yet he had failed with one, barely winning with the other.

Then he had watched a doctor suddenly come from behind his mask and reach out to embrace the obvious gift that he had been given to heal people. He had witnessed the man give up for a second and then in a heartbeat had become a valiant knight waging a war against a host of enemies, and actually winning out, not because of just his skills, but because it was the way it should be.

He had seen a young man consumed by hatred and anger suddenly find the calm and grace to help the person he loved, to provide him with the support and comfort that he needed to battle the terrible wounds a fellow human had inflicted on him, not because he had hurt the other, not because he had committed some crime against him, but simply because he was gay.

All of that he had seen and still he couldn’t believe it all. How could all this happen, who was Terry that so many people would suddenly change how they acted, all because of him? It scared him because just as Terry seemed to have brought so much good out in strangers, he had also enraged others. His lifestyle had made a man dedicated to healing refuse his calling, to stand aside and allow the suffering to continue and yet he might very likely have saved Marvin if he had done his job. How could there be such a difference and yet he knew that somehow they were all entwined, all mixed together for some purpose and that scared him. He had seen too much to feel confident that good would win out.

As he thought of that, he felt a strange warmth around his ears and he turned to see Rob sitting on the floor, his head buried in his hands and he could hear him crying, the soft sobbing noise barely registering as he cried. He felt the pain surrounding him as watched Rob’s shoulders heaving from his sobbing, and he felt that pain growing inside of his own body.

Carl turned to glance down at his own cold coffee and then his eyes moved across the table to look at Ashley. At first he saw him, his eyes downcast as he too was feeling the same pain they all felt, only for Ashley it had to be a thousand times worse. His heart continued to tear and feel the pain as he saw the blond head move. Slowly he watched as Ashley raised his head and now his dark blue eyes stared at Carl’s face.

The eyes seemed to be smoldering, as if they had been on fire and he watched, mesmerized, by the blue sparks that were seeming to leap out from Ashley towards his own face. He felt the long reach of Ashley’s soul as it reached deep inside of him and the strange warmth around his head grew even warmer now, reaching inside of him and heating the cold regions that were growing inside of him. His heart still ached but it no longer felt like a thousand hands were tearing at its very fabric. 

He stared into Ashley’s eyes for several seconds, feeling the warmth and love flowing inside of the young man across the table from him. It was amazing that he was been given such an opportunity, and while he could feel the love, he could also feel the pain too. He knew that there was a terrific amount of anger and pain waiting in the young man, but he also felt a strange confidence that in Ashley, the anger and hatred wouldn’t have much of a chance anymore. They had their one shot and had failed, and they would never get another chance such as the one they had, and that certainty somehow made Carl feel pleased and calm.

The contact was broken suddenly as Ashley stood up, shaking his head a little at Carl, which kept Carl in his seat. He watched as Ashley slowly walked over to where Rob was and he just rested his hand on the shaking shoulder, letting Rob feel his presence. He didn’t say a single word, he didn’t utter a single sound as he stood there, his hand resting lightly on Rob’s shoulder until finally, Rob was able to gain control.

Carl saw the surprised look on Rob’s face as he realized that someone was standing next to him. Then he saw the eyes widen as they recognized Ashley’s face and touch. His body shuddered a little as he looked up into the navy blue eyes and the sobs suddenly stopped, the tears slowly lessened as the two young men simply looked into each other’s souls. He could see the way they both looked, the way Ashley’s body swayed a little and then he saw that smile again, that soft warm smile and he could feel the power of it as Rob smiled back and the tears no longer flowed. His own heart seemed no longer frozen and it too beat a little stronger as Ashley patted Rob’s shoulder lightly and then walked towards the stereo and pillows.

He pushed a few buttons and a haunting melody suddenly filled the entire room. It was some classical piece, something he had heard a long time ago when he had been a monk and he was struck by how odd it was, that someone like Terry would have that kind of music in his collection, and more mystifying was that it was already in the cd machine, as if it had been recently listened to.

He walked over to Rob and helped him to his feet as they watched Ashley lower himself to the pillows, and they watched as he just laid there, his head resting on one of the larger pillows, his hands wrapped another large pillow and they both seemed to know that that was the pillow that Terry would rest his head on. There was no explaining it as they both walked and sat down on the couch, Rob resting in Carl’s arms as they stood watching Ashley, his body slowly relaxing and his legs slowly unwinding a little as he hugged the pillow closer.

They watched as the young 6-foot blond boy finally began to sleep. The even rise of his chest and the soft gentle regular sounds of his breathing would come across as the haunting soft sounds of a flute echoed in the room. The quiet tones of some other instrument would suddenly join the flute and they both felt the tension leaving their own bodies and Carl felt the warmth of Rob’s body as he too fell asleep. He smiled, and closed his own eyes; the demons no longer in striking range as the soft sound continued to soothe him.

The pain was almost unbearable for him, every part of his young body was screaming at him and he didn’t know which part to listen to first. The mind was numb from all of the urgent cries it was receiving from parts of his body and the fog was even thicker than before. The constant throb in his limbs and all over was only making it harder for him to think things out. He had to make choices, but which ones?

Panic tore at him at times, other times it was fear and it was almost as if they were in cahoots, alternating and taking their turns at tormenting the deeply wounded soul. His heart was struggling to keep him functioning but it needed help, the pain it held was even more terrifying than all of the other pain combined was. He wasn’t sure if he could hold back that pain should it be released inside of him, and that added to his fears and the turmoil just seemed to mount for him as he laid there, unable to move, unable to do anything but feel the rising waves of pain.

He could tell there were some people trying to help, but he felt so alone, so afraid of being left that he couldn’t feel beyond the burning pain. Everything it seemed was being centred on the pain and he knew that wasn’t what he needed, that he had more than just pain to fill his mind with. He had thoughts of other things and he struggled to conjure them up, praying to a God he never had believed in to help him, to give him the strength he needed to fight this growing menace that was taking hold of him.

Death had never really entered into his thoughts, sure there was the time when the condom had broke and he was sure the john had something, but other than that he just never thought about it. After all, he was only 22 years old; he had lots of time left to think about dying, but then, maybe not. His mind couldn’t fathom what it would be like, he didn’t know if he believed in God and heaven, or if he believed in the God that he saw on television or if there was anything beyond what there was. It scared him a little, as he lay there with all the tubes and monitors hooked up.

If there was no God, no heaven or hell, then it really didn’t matter much, did it? But, what if there was one? Would he be a prime candidate for hell? His life sure as hell wasn’t exactly saintly but he had never really tried to hurt anyone, he hadn’t gone out of his way to help either, but was that the same?

He felt the pain in his chest, and he tried to scream, wishing to let some of the sharp torment leave his body, yet he couldn’t move, a long tube ran down his throat into his lungs and another was going somewhere, hell he even had one sticking into his damn dick, and yet he really could only feel the pain in his heart, the pain that just wouldn’t let him rest.

The fear of being alone tore at him; made him wince each time he felt his heart beat, each time he struggled for air to breath, the pain filled his lungs first. Tears wanted to flow but his eyes were too sore, the darkness was upon him and yet he knew it wasn’t night, he knew there were lights on but he couldn’t see, couldn’t move and now it seemed he couldn’t talk either.

Just when he thought he couldn’t hang on a second longer, just when his thoughts turned from fighting to surrendering to the constant pain, the constant torture, he felt a strange sensation on his arm. He felt a warmth that he had forgotten about, a warmth that made his nerves relax and grow peaceful and yet it was impossible, he was in a hospital, he was covered in bandages and where there were no bandages, he felt tubes and needles sticking, so it was impossible and yet he felt it, he knew he did and his felt his body grow quiet.

The sharp pains were suddenly dulled as the warmth slowly moved along his body and now he could feel that touch, that special warm wonderful touch that he was sure had gone forever and then it all came flooding back to him. He could see the angry face in front of him now, he could hear his soul crying out to the tortured broken soul of his lover and he heard it answer, he heard it cry his name and so he smiled, at a cost of racing pain but he smiled.

There was no doubts in his heart now, the answer was growing stronger and he could relax a little and now once more he was able to feel that warmth, that support and so once more he was able to push aside his own pain, to reach for that comfort and let it soak into his mortal flesh. His soul was in agony but it too started to sense the warmth, the presence and his nerves sang out, letting each touch, each gentle caress come fully into his body.

Where pain resided and stood in command, a soft warm breeze entered, chilling the pain, making it stumble and lose its grip on him and he felt once more the memories of his love for Ashley and he no longer struggled to see that handsome face. It stared at him fully now and he could see it, see the sorrow in the navy blue eyes, see the pain deep in his soul but he also saw the warm glow of love and that was enough. 

Terry no longer felt like screaming in pain but instead he settled down onto the hard bed. His body relaxed for the first time and he could hear the steady tone of the monitors as they recorded his ease. The soft drip of the morphine no longer echoed in his ears but instead he could feel and hear the gentle murmur of Ashley’s heart as it reached out for him. The warmth was spreading slowly, but everywhere it touched it lingered, keeping the pain at bay where it had come from, surrounding it and slowly attacking it, making it less and less with each passing second.

He no longer feared the darkness, knowing that eventually he would see the light again but that for now he needed to hide behind the dark mask so his body could heal, so that it could once more rise up to hold and love the young man whose hands now gently caressed his pain filled body. The realization that death was held at bay, that his time was not yet made his heart skip a beat or two, bringing up a head at the nurses station but it quickly passed and once more only a steady even beat pounded from his chest as Ashley’s hand moved across his body.

In his soul he could feel the slow piecing together of his life. No longer was he battling the world alone as he could see Ashley now, see him standing next to him, his long tanned muscular arm resting across his shoulder, his own dark hair mingling with the fine blond hairs that covered Ashley’s arm. He saw how perfect they were together and he felt his heart soar with the notion of once more being with Ashley. The pain was there, his mind refusing to let him forget, but it no longer held the terror it did only minutes earlier. 

Everything was suddenly growing warmer and he felt himself feeling again, feeling the soft gentle breeze of air conditioning, cooling his flesh but keeping his body from overheating. The trauma no longer made him want to cry out in pain and he was able to hold onto the memories of only yesterday. He could see that wonderful face as he held it in his own hands, and he knew that he would have the chance to do that again, all he needed to do was hold onto that image, hold onto that warm glow that was filling him and his mind knew that this time, his heart would have its way, it would not let him forget and his soul sang now, no longer weighed down by the depression of loneliness, no longer consumed by thoughts of surrender.

He could hear Ashley calling him, urging him to come back to him and then he felt it. The soft wetness across his cheeks and he knew that Ashley was crying for him and his heart grew stronger, his soul grew more loud as he was touched by the tears. He could feel his spirit rising as he felt the wet moist lips touch his own dry ones and he knew that he wanted more, that he needed to once more touch those lips with his, hold that gentle face in between his own hands and so his resolve no longer crept around in the shadows of his soul but came rushing forward.

The pain of knowing that someone out there had hated him simply because he was gay no longer clouded his thoughts, no longer made him cringe. He felt instead the warm love that one person had for him and his spirit no longer needed any other prodding. The commands were issued, just like a General would give to his troops and his body responded this time. It no longer dallied, no longer skulked around afraid but instead it slowly gathered itself, feeling the warm unbreakable strength of Ashley’s love for him fill his body and he knew that it was now his turn, his opportunity to prove his love.

Was it words or was there more to his relationship with Ashley? He couldn’t believe that what he had felt for Ashley was just a physical need, and during their brief time he had wondered, questioned it but not now. Now, he knew it was real and he could feel his blood flowing hotly inside, the urge to surrender, to give up no longer an option as his mind marshalled the forces being arrayed by his heart and his soul. His spirit no longer doubted his resolve, and now he began to plan ahead. 

Terry had lots of questions racing thru his mind, but they were no longer questions of if or what about, instead they were questions of when and why not, so this time his body no longer fought him, instead it roared forward filling his young bruised and battered body with its healing powers. The love had come as it had promised, it had not left him or ran away but instead had come back, to fight with him and that was all the proof he needed.

The doubts and fears had done their best, but as they stared at the majesty of the love that had joined both Terry and Ashley into one, they quailed and trembled for they knew they could never assail that protective armour that was now in place. Terry’s heart was shielded and while the pain could still sneak in, still cause discomfort and even make him cry, it could never dent the will or desire that was held there. 

Ashley’s lips brushing against Terry’s swollen mouth, brushing past the large thick plastic tube that wound its way deep into Terry’s insides, chased away the last desperate attack of all of Terry’s fears. They no longer had a safe haven inside the battered body and instead, with each passing second, his heart began the long hard road to recovery.

Just that touch, that hint of what was waiting for him would be enough, his heart knew it, his soul knew it, his spirit and will knew it, and even his mind was forced to admit to it, and as the lips left, their warmth and passion lingered on in his mind and through his whole body. He felt his fingers touching and feeling Ashley’s own blood as it flowed within, and he could feel his face, his mouth smiling and he heard the soft words, words he had thought he would never hear again on earth.

Ashley “I love you, and I am here, for now, for tomorrow, I am here.”

It was all he needed as he let his mind finally go blank, finally let this body sink down into a restful sleep so that it could work its magic, work its wonders without any further interference. He felt his hand fall to the side, resting at ease; the press of Ashley’s fingertips on the palm fresh in his heart as he slowly released the doubts, letting them vanish into the thin air. He breathed easy now, letting his spirit continue to battle the forces within, knowing though that the outcome was no longer in doubt.

Ashley, Come On Ash, Hurry!

He smiled as he heard the voice summoning him. It was as if nothing had changed and yet he knew it had changed, and as he heard the words flowing thru his young body, he knew that it was a change that would give him immense pleasure and joy. He could feel the force of the words, the love that each syllable carried with it and he his heart began to thump loudly in his chest as he began his journey towards the voice.

The heavy weight of his doubts were stripped and pushed away as he stood up to peer into the golden light of the sun. He felt its warmth caressing his body and the smile on his face grew even wider as he stared out across the flowing expanse of blues. There was the gorgeous soft blue of the heavens, reflecting down on him, bathed with a tinge of gold, and he stared down towards the long flowing carpet of blue green that was his highway to the source of the words.

It was all new to him and a bit daunting as he stood there, wondering what would happen next and then he saw the water glistening and the long torpedo type shapes racing up towards his feet. Fear touched his heart but was quickly shut out as his soul laughed and reached out to the long shapes that now circled his very feet. He felt one come up and nudge at the soles of his bare feet and he felt a sort of exhilaration run through him. 

The cool touch of wet skin against his feet made him tingle and he watched as the head popped out and he stared into the dark blue smiling eyes of the fish, recognizing the object as a dolphin. His heart seemed to reach out and the popping head just shook up and down, as if it could actually feel his thoughts, read his mind and touch his soul. He shivered with a mixture of fear and excitement as the dolphin leap ahead and its fellow dolphins took up position all around the rest of him.

The voice was growing louder and his face turned away from the swimming dolphins and turned off to gaze down the long horizon. He saw nothing but the clear sky and shimmering haze of blues from the ocean and suddenly a breeze began to blow across his face as he began to slowly move forward, slowly began to head down the empty expanse of blue that was being bathed in the golden rays of the sun.

His heart began to gain speed, his pulse started to race and he breathed in deeply of the fresh scented air. It was tinged with a strange heavy scent of salt and yet had a sweet flavour to it that nagged at his mind with its vague familiarity. He had no idea where he was headed as he just leaned his head back and let the waves carry his trembling body forwards.

The warm salty spray soaked his legs as he found himself skimming across the calm waters and every now and then he would glance down to see his escorts cavorting beneath his bare feet and it would make him smile. The world was warm and wonderful as he headed to only God knew where, but he felt the excitement growing, as the voice grew louder.

He had no idea how long he had been travelling along the warm waters but his eyes now picked up a blemish off in the far distance and for some strange reason, just as his eyes noticed the distant form, the dolphins began to leap from the waters and cavort on the surface. One would leap in front of him and turn so its long pointed bill would point at him and he could hear its cackling sound as it shrieked its pleasure and travelled backwards, standing upright like a human would and the waters parted easily for the giant fish that grinned and laughed as onwards he moved, the distant shape growing larger and beginning to finally take form.

In increasing volume the words grew warmer inside of him as his eyes saw the island take shape. Tall flowing trees filled the horizon with its lush greenery and he could see the wind blowing gently through the branches and he sighed, feeling the peace that always came when a journey’s end was in sight. The throb of his heart was rising now as the deep rich golden sand began to sparkle before him and his escorts suddenly began to leap and frolic with wild abandon all around him, sending plumes of warm salt spray to splash against his warm golden flesh. 

Ashley began to laugh at the frolicking fish, reaching out to touch one on its head and feeling the strange calm that suddenly poured into his body as he moved faster now, his own body making a small v shaped wake of white plumed ocean water behind him as he came ever closer to the inviting island. The colours were forming and taking shape now, as he smelt the land, that strange scent of flowers mingling together to form one unique scent, one special aroma.

The dolphins played leapfrog in front of him and around him and he smiled now, feeling at ease in the surreal scene that was unfolding all around him. He could feel the beat of his heart as he grew closer and the warm touch of the friendly dolphins only helped to empty his entire body of all doubts, of all fears and as he came closer, he played with the dolphins, joining in their wild carefree dance across the surface of the deep rich blue Pacific Ocean. 

His heart was light now as he turned his eyes once more to the long golden sand that beckoned to him and he felt his soul cry out as a short dark haired figure emerged from the deep lush forest of trees. The words were no longer shouting, but instead were gently tugging at him, urging him to go faster and he could feel the wind in his face as he moved faster, as his heart began to thunder its own sound of approval. The wild squealing sounds of the dolphins filled the whole ocean with their laughter and pleasure and he could feel the soft gritty sand now start to bite into his feet. 

Ashley turned to see two blue tinged bodies standing upright, almost beside him and with each of his hands, he reached out to pat both on their heads. He felt their eyes staring at him, holding his attention even though the sound of approaching feet grew closer and he felt the power of their presence deep inside of him. He shuddered for a second, and then the warm wave of love from behind came and slammed into his body, staggering him but the two dolphins held him upright. 

The contact was broken now as a new bond had reached out to him and found a place deep inside of him. The two dolphins backed away, their eyes fixed to his tall 6ft golden body and they began to slowly move their heads up and down, as if in approval and the smile grew on their faces, and along his own soft face.

He turned away from the smiling faces to gaze towards the golden beach and he watched the young man approaching him, his hair blowing gently in the soft warm breeze that just seemed to come from nowhere. He could feel its warmth and his heart started to skip a beat, started to gather its strength as the shorter figure came closer, the face split wide open into a handsome heart wrenching smile that filled his vision. 

Ashley looked down to see the salt-caked chest of his own naked body. He had no idea where or when he had lost his clothes but he didn’t care because coming to him now was all he ever wanted in life. His body began to sway a little as the warm spray continued to lap his lower legs, the wetness only reminding him of how much love he had for the approaching young man. His heart ached now, the distance between the two growing shorter and he couldn’t wait any longer, he moved forward too, his hands now stretched out and he saw the shorter figure stop and cock his head to one side as it smiled, a deep flash of blue suddenly reaching out towards him and he felt his own heart suddenly thunder.

The rush of his feet suddenly slowed as he came within inches of the shorter man and he stared down, his own navy blue eyes gazing with wonder and amazement into the soft powder blue eyes of Terry. He couldn’t believe the love that was being reflected towards him and for a second he thought it had to be for someone else, but then his heart pounded, his chest ached, and his groin throbbed and he knew that it was indeed meant for him.

He reached out, his hand shaking as he touched the soft flesh of Terry’s shoulder, his heart aching beyond measure and he felt the electricity pass between them both as Terry moved in closer. His own hands now calmly reached out and lightly rested on the two bony hips of Ashley’s naked body. His fingers gently spread out and held onto the warm flesh of his lover and his eyes now gazed up and down as he took in every inch of Ashley’s naked frame.

Satisfied, he looked up and into Ashley’s eyes, waiting until Ashley slowly moved his own long arms around the trembling body of Terry’s shoulders and then together both bodies slowly moved into each other. Terry rested his head lightly against Ashley’s broad shoulder, his face tilted to one side and he saw the blue green water gently swishing around their legs, small bubbles of white on top as it swirled around and in between them.

Terry “I love you”

Ashley “I know, I love you too.”

Both moved their heads and together they brought them together. Their lips lightly touched as their eyes blazed with flashes of light and all the time their mortal bodies shivered and shuddered as the power of their words was fed by the love they truly felt for each other. The kiss made the air crackle around them, made the trees bend even harder in the calm pacific skies and yet all around them, the soft sounds of water lapping against them echoed.

He felt the power holding him as his lips brushed against Terry’s mouth and he could feel the power of his love leaving him, flowing outwards to engulf Terry’s own aching body. It was strange, he could almost see it as the waves of red and green and blue just seemed to swirl around them, no exit points or entry points, it just seemed to flow in all over and yet as he stared down, feeling it all, he could see the skin of his lover growing more golden, more lovely with each passing second.

Their bodies shook as the light touch of the others lips was making them feel the warmth and yet they didn’t sweat or feel clammy, It was more like they were being tightly held in the perfect temperature and slowly they closed their eyes, letting their lips do all of the feeling. He felt Terry’s lips pressing now against his own and his heart sighed as it felt the love flowing in, his soul was dancing and the fires of his desire were slowly being stoked as they just kissed, holding each other tenderly in their arms.

He felt the water and slowly the press grew lighter and then they pulled apart, their eyes once more opening but this time to smile into the other, to show their ease and both heads now turned towards the deep blue of the ocean, to stare out at the shimmering carpet that stretched out in front of them, like a huge front yard. Terry’s head rested lightly on the top arm of Ashley’s shoulder and he felt the power of his love as his hand rested easily and firmly around his lower body.

Terry’s own arms was entwined with Ashley’s and it too held onto the warm golden flesh, holding the excited body in its grip, his fingers resting lightly on one hip, feeling the desire as it slowly built up inside of Ashley.

Together they stared out as off in the distance, Ashley’s escort of dolphins frolicked in the wide expansive sea, their heads poking up now and then to stare at the two naked young men on the beach and then they would leap into the air, flying through a shower of spray and effortlessly plough back into the warm waters beneath.

Neither the sun nor its warmth diminished as the two men watched the dolphins play out in the surf and all they could do was to stand there at first, marvelling at nature’s handiwork and then slowly they found themselves seated on the soft golden sand. The water continued to come in and lap at their lower bodies, warming them and comforting them as they continued to just watch the amazing show out in front.

They both just sat there, watching, Terry with his long blond hair flowing from behind, his head resting on Ashley’s shoulder, his arms wrapped around the taller boy and in his lap he held Ashley’s own hand. The long fingers were entwined among his own and he was at peace as he stared outwards, watching the joy and simple pleasure that the dolphins were giving them both and he could feel Ashley’s heart beating in time now with his own.

Both sat there, waiting, knowing that they had all the time necessary and that when it was time, they would know it and so they watched, laughing at times, just smiling at other times as the show went on non stop for them. The sun began to grow softer as they watched and now new thoughts began to cross their minds as the warmth continued and the breeze grew softer and gentler. 

The show out in front grew closer now, as if the participants were lining up to come and watch their own feature presentation. Terry felt the ache growing inside of him and his desire and need for Ashley was once more taking its hold of his young body. He felt the warmth of Ashley’s hand and the fingers he held within his own began to gently press into the palm of his hand, a sense of desire and need coming from the soft press of fingertips into his palm.

He felt the fingers tracing the lines of his palm, gently moving along the thin etching and then stop, but only for a second and then they would start once more, as if to make sure they had touched every part, had memorized every twist and turn. Terry lifted his head off of Ashley’s shoulder and stared away from the water to look into Ashley’s face. 

His eyes grew soft as he saw the deep love flowing from Ashley’s face towards him, and his heart now beat and thundered in time with Ashley’s own roaring heart. Together they looked and this time both heads moved together, both of them slowly coming closer until finally their full lips touched and they kissed deeply of each other.

His body fell gently backwards, the warm salty water lapping at his sides and his hair covered in the wetness as his mouth tasted the wonderful flavour of Ashley. He felt the strong young man pressing into his body and he could feel the strong hands now lightly caressing the one side, the other holding his own body up. Terry’s hands found the warm sides of Ashley’s body and his fingers spread outwards, holding onto the quivering flesh, feeling more of the tender love flowing into his own body.

They kissed lightly at first and then with increasing passion as their hearts roared together, the bond growing only stronger and more powerful as they tasted each other, renewed their memories of what the other felt like, tasted like, and together they laid there, the warm water continuing to gently press on them. In the near distance the dolphins rose up and moved silently back and forth, their long snouts pointed always at the two entwined figures now lying prone along the soft sandy beach.

His lips parted slightly and he could feel the rough edge of Ashley’s tongue as it slowly poked forward, lightly rubbing up against the inner part of his lips and then across his teeth and then finally it pushed inwards, growing in strength as it spread the jaw open, as it poked gently inside to taste the full flavour of his mouth. He squirmed a little, feeling the love reaching for him and he knew that he had waited a long time to feel this way and that it had all been worth the wait. He opened his mouth wider, begging the hot raspy tongue to come in further and it did.

As Ashley’s tongue moved in deeper, his own tongue licked up and around the hot mound of flesh that was poking inside of his mouth, his cheeks pulling inwards as he tried to suck in more of the hot wiggling tongue. The raspy edge flicked at his throat and he sighed, feeling the joy of the touch and revelling in the attention he was receiving from his mate.

Terry opened his eyes and all he could see was Ashley. There was nothing else he needed to see as his hands now dug into the hot boy flesh that was above him. His fingers dug deep until they touched bone and yet Ashley didn’t even flinch or shake. His tongue licked deep and hard and tasted every inch of his mouth and throat and then started all over again. He could feel the dull ache in his groin, and yet all he could think of was how wonderful it felt to feel Ashley on top of him. To feel his strength as it grew side by side with the raging desire he had for him, not for someone else, but for him.

There was no other feeling that he could even come close to comparing it with, the way his heart just knew the answers, knew what beat to pound out and how fast it was to thunder. His lungs ached from the lack of air and yet he couldn’t care less, because he never wanted this special feeling to end and he knew that this was just a beginning of that, just a taste of what lay ahead for him and Ashley and he smiled, his cheeks sucking in harder as if to pull Ashley’s tongue out of his mouth and into his own.

The huge palm trees began to whistle in the wind that rose as their passion rose. It was almost as if their love was giving the wind its strength and they both felt the breeze blowing across their bodies as they kissed deeply and held tightly onto each other. They refused to break apart even as the water began to slap against their bodies and all the time, the school of dolphins continued to watch, as if proud parents waiting for their kids to head off to the prom.

Their tongues continued to dance together within the two mouths, and each time their bodies would twist and turn a little, the sand coating them both as the water continued to flow all around them. He felt the warmth invading his body and reaching for him, reaching for his soul and he could hear Ashley’s voice, whispering his love to him and his own spirit answering, telling Ashley how much he was needed and how much he was treasured.

The sun had done its part and its slow departure was from its own reluctance to leave the scene of so much love. IT lingered to catch the beginning acts of the play even as the moon grew in the distance, its pale colour filling a void in the deep rich skies that now darkened with the coming twilight. A brilliant red crossed the horizon as the sun began to say its final farewells to Terry and Ashley and the dolphins rolled and leapt in the water as they too waited for the coming scene in the play of love that was unfolding before them.

The kiss ended slowly and Ashley began to pull away from Terry. For a brief second Terry felt the surge of panic as he watched Ashley’s face grow distant from his own but his heart knew it was only temporarily and so he quietened down, waiting as Ashley rose up. He stared up at the tall young man, staring at his entire body, drinking in the warm flesh, seeing the small roll of skin around the belly, gazing with anticipation as his eyes focused on the long hard 7 ¾ inch penis that stood straight out from the body and all the time, his heart was beating in time with that of Ashley’s.

He could feel the pull on his shoulders as Ashley reached down and took his two hands into his own, wrapping his strong fingers around his and in one swift even motion, he brought Terry up out of the sand to stand with him in the growing night. A flash of orange off in the distance was the final wave from the sun as it sank off into the distance and darkness enveloped them both.

A brief flash of fear crossed both hearts but was quickly shunted aside by the powerful flames of their love which now flickered for a second, another second, then roared forward as it rose up between the two young men. The flames of their love flickered deep within their eyes and the moon now started to take its place in the sky above, to cast its pale yellow glow down onto the golden beach. The eerie shadow of its light made shadows dance and sway as the two young men walked up higher onto the beach to find a spot just under a lone tall palm tree.

The huge tree stood alone surrounded by the deep rich golden sand and off in the distance its cousins stood guard from all that was behind it. The huge fronds were like a rich thatch roof that cast a soft shadow onto the sand and the two young men stood there, looking at each other and feeling the fires of their souls grow hot as their hearts slowed to gather its power and strength.

Ashley reached out with one hand, the back resting lightly against Terry’s cheek and he ran it down the soft flesh, feeling the tender nerves twitching to his touch, making his heart sing with joy, and then he ran it across the thin jaw line, feeling the strong bone beneath the flesh and he shivered a little as his hand passed across the rough edges, where it had once been broken by the vicious feet of an assailant. It all came rushing back to him and yet he continued to run his hand across, to feel now the full lips that had tasted like strawberries, and the memory of them being swollen flashed before him and now his hands reached up the other side, brushing past the soft flesh of the face under the eye, where blood had pooled from the deep gash on the forehead and where now nothing but a small pink line rested.

The soft loving touch of Ashley’s hand against his face was like a sudden reminder of all that had happened but the terror of that memory was no longer present. He could see it all as if it was happening and yet he didn’t quake or shrink from it now, as he felt Ashley’s hand run lightly across his brow. He could feel the love that was deep inside of him now, reaching up to join with Ashley once more and he smiled as the hand now moved down to his chin and lifted it up so he could stare into Ashley’s own face.

He kissed the full lips as they stepped in closer, his own hard 7 ½ inch penis dripping with desire pressing into the hot thigh muscle of his lover. He felt the hard cock head sliding against the coiled muscle, feeling his pre cum greasing the hot leg and he sighed, knowing that all of his pain was nothing compared to the love that rested within him. It was more powerful than what any ripping or tearing pain could ever cause him and he slowly let his body relax into the strong arms that held him upright in the pale glow of the moon.

The embers of his love for Ashley grew hotter inside of him as he felt himself being slowly pulled inwards and he felt the hot mouth crush into his own. The desire was growing as the fires began to leap forward to cast an eerie warm glow between them as they kissed, their tongues darting in and out, tasting and feeling with a passion they had never felt before. The love grew stronger now as they held onto each other tightly, remembering the pain but shunting it aside, sending it away for the duration as they kissed and held each other. Their hands moved at a blur, touching and pressing at the flesh, feeling the bones beneath, sending their desires soaring with each touch, each caress, each press and still they stood there, their young bodies swaying in the night, adding to the power of the wind as their love began to flow outwards now, began to embrace all that was in reach and the tree above shook hard to their love, its leaves shaking and rustling as if in the midst of a hurricane force wind and yet the branches stayed strong, stayed holding on just as they held onto each other.

The sand beneath their feet was crushed by the weight of their love as they danced together under the tree. Their feet shuffling as their tongues wound in and out of their mouths, tasting more and more each time, their hard cocks wedged deeply into the other’s bodies, pressing against the hot flesh and their pain was no longer as their love ruled the night. They held tightly each other’s trembling bodies and they kissed hard and often. Their hunger for the other only matched by the insatiable desire to touch, to hold and yet even that wasn’t enough as their hearts thundered out, sending the sounds of their unmatched love skywards.

It was as if the heavens had heard their cries and had answered as the sky suddenly became darker and thousands upon thousands of twinkling bright lights glimmered in the moon’s glow and filled the night sky with their brilliance. The odour of hospital rooms and the sweet smell of blood no longer filled their nostrils, instead the sweet fragrance of orchids and strange exotic flowers wafted through their nostrils. Their hearts once more rose in strength as they swayed to the powerful pull of their love for each other.

Hands blurred as they roared up and down the now hot sticky flesh of their bodies. The gentle caress was replaced by the overwhelming need for satisfaction and the throb in their groins grew more intense, more strident as Ashley started to slide his body down, to let his mouth kiss at the nape of Terry’s throat, to lick at the hollow and then kiss it hard, pressing his hot lips deep into the sticky flesh of Terry’s throat.

He moved his hands to tease and tweak at each hard rubber like nipple, twisting a little one and pushing at the other. And then his mouth moved down even more, as Ashley sank to his knees. Terry’s hands moved up as Ashley’s body went down and he felt the power in Ashley’s shoulders as his hands rested there, the fingers tapping and aching as they waited, feeling the rough edge of Ashley’s tongue against his chest hairs, pulling at them even and then the tongue would flick out, lick at him and retreat and now he felt the hot lips surround his one nipple. He cried out in pleasure as the teeth nibbled at the hard flesh and then bit down against the sides, pulling it up and out from his body and his fingers dug deeply into Ashley’s shoulders, pressing hard with all his strength as Ashley’s tongue licked at the snared nipple that was in his mouth.

Cries of joy echoed in the night as Ashley moved to the other side, his two fingers staying to continue to twist and pull at the bit nipple while his mouth now kissed the other one, the lips lightly brushing past it and then kissing it again, and again while his hand tweaked at the other nipple and his chest heaved and pressed into Terry’s body. He could feel the hard cock pressing into his abdomen and yet all he could think about was how lucky he was, how fortunate he was and he closed his eyes now and let his body take over, and soon he felt his mouth surround the hard pink flesh of the far nipple, his hand now pressing against the rolling muscles of Terry’s stomach.

He bit at the tip and then licked at it as his hand slid roughly across the trembling stomach. He could feel every muscle as it rolled away from his hand and yet he knew that Terry wanted nothing more than all of him and he could feel the fires burning inside of him as his mouth continued it ravaging of Terry’s pecs. He licked and bit and nibbled, savouring the rich taste of the hot sweaty flesh in his mouth.

Ashley’s knees dug furrows into the golden sand as his body rested its full weight onto the knees. His body ached and he could feel the pain in his loin as he kissed the flat washboard stomach of Terry’s body. He could feel the blood beneath flowing and he could feel the desire inside, the heat almost singing his face as he passed by to head even further down. He felt the small belly button as his tongue licked at it eagerly, tasting it and scouring it clean with the tip of his raspy tongue. The fingers on his shoulders dug in deeper and yet he felt no pain as his body continued to revel in the pleasures of Terry’s young fresh body.

He could feel all of his pain now; the pain that had resided within for his entire life was there, as Ashley’s love confronted it full on. The power of the love was awesome and Terry could feel the pain retreating, searching for a way to hide to avoid the powerful force that was seeking it. All the time, his body continued to tremble and groin with the joys of that love and now it was coming closer and closer to that one spot, that one area that had never seen the warm vibrant colour of the sun, or felt its hot touch and he could feel the panic that rested there, feel it shrinking and trying to hide but finding no place left to go.

Terry had never believed that love or the touch of a loved one could have any power and yet as Ashley’s mouth down to lick at his belly, to taste his flesh and smell his own secret scent, he knew now that it was indeed true. He didn’t need to witness it, he was living it as he felt the pain inside grow weaker with each kiss, each lick, each caress and he knew that what he was feeling was just a beginning, just a start as his heart thundered loudly, his lungs gasped for air and his body shook and trembled to the massive power of true love. He wasn’t just a spectator anymore; he was a participant he knew that his life had been changed forever as he dug his hands in even more, as if to fuse his own fingers into the shoulder of Ashley.

The sweet pungent odour that was Terry filled his nostrils and mingled with the sweet aroma of tropical flowers and a cool sea breeze and he shuddered, as his body grew harder. He could feel the hot steamy heat rising up from just under his chin as his mouth crushed hard into the soft belly, the tiny wiry blond pubic hairs striking his face and digging into his chin and cheeks. He breathed in deeply, forcing more of Terry’s aroma into his nostrils, making his body shake even more.

His hands now gripped the firm thighs of Terry and he held on tightly as his head came down and brushed past the hard throbbing organ that now rested to one side of his face. His lips crushed hard into the groin, tasting it and licking at the hair-covered flesh. The tongue licked and pushed aside the skin, to reach between the groin and thigh and then he moved it down, his face holding back the hot throbbing cock as he licked and sucked at Terry’s groin, the fire in his own belly now consuming his thoughts and making his pulse race with the undeniable desire that was overwhelming him. He trembled with the lust that grew before him and he could feel the strong power of their love reaching out and surrounding them both while above the tree shook to that very same power, that very same link of love that now was bursting free from its mortal shackles.

Ashley felt his body exploding and he could feel the power rising, the love overtaking every other emotion in his body and his heart burst free, no longer held in check by mere skin and bones, but bound together only in the strong bonds of love that stretched between the two mortal bodies. His love was pouring from his body as he let his face pull back and the hot sticky penis brushed across his face, his lips ready as the dripping cock head came across the hot ruby lips.

The sticky sweet cream was like honey to a bee and he felt his body trembling as he opened his lips, and let the tip of the hot