Chapter 11

 As he stared over at the trauma room, watching the team working feverishly to save the young life, he felt the emptiness in his heart returning. He knew what he did had to be done, and it was better that it come from him and not Connor, but still he felt like he had just knifed one of his own in the back. He turned away as the paddles went down one more time, feeling the hopelessness of it all, watching a young life slipping away and he turned to see Nick Stephens talking to one of the nurses.

Staring at him, he saw how unconcerned the guy was, like what he had done out on the field was nothing that would come back to haunt him, but he was wrong. How could he have done it anyway? To have just stood there, a smile on his face as he watched the young man twist in pain, blood all over the place and he hadn’t even bothered to bring his gear over from the truck. 

Looking at Nick at one end, laughing and acting like everything was right with the world and over on the other side, was his partner, looking like the world was ending as he stood by an obvious friend of the kid the docs were working on in the trauma room. How could two people be so different? He knew that Connor was gay, hell the whole department knew that but it didn’t really make any difference, Connor was a damn good paramedic, so why should it matter if he liked guys? 

Personally he didn’t give a shit who the guy screwed, and he found some of the heterosexual conversation of his other fellow paramedics a bit childish. It was ridiculous to have to constantly discuss your score, like dating was some game and worse were some of the married men. The way they talked about how this one came on to them or stuff like that, and all the time their wives were at home tending to their kids. What kind of crazy world was it when everyone laughed at the fag jokes, but dare mention a joke about someone of colour and wham, the room would go silent and you felt like the whole world had stopped to glare at you. It was almost the same if you made a joke about a person’s ethnic origin, like being Polish or such, but everyone liked a good fag joke.

As he waited, knowing he had done the right thing, he realized that he was just as much to blame for the locker room crap as Nick was. Sure, Nick was the one who usually told the jokes, but he laughed along with everyone else. He never really realized that those jokes were being targeted towards Connor. Mind you, Connor never seemed to be in the locker room much, and as that thought hit him, he finally understood why he never was there. With his temper, he’d have to say something, so he avoided the problem by just not being there. He ran, Connor Leeds actually ran to avoid the fight and that was something Parker never thought he would say about Connor.

He could see how this run had affected his partner. The way he stood so alone at the window, even though there were lots of people milling around the area, some even brushing against him as he stood there, and yet, he looked like he was standing in the middle of the Sahara. His own heart felt the ache a little, something that also surprised him because he never really knew Connor that well, in fact he really had wished for a different partner because Connor was too much of a firebrand for his liking. Yet, it wasn’t Connor who was about to turn the department on its ear, but him. God, how the fuck did he get into this and as he asked himself that, he knew that the answer was one that made him feel ashamed of himself.

He should have done more earlier, he should have gone to the Captain and told him that Nick was leaving those messages for Connor, he should have stood up in the locker room and told Nick and the others to fuck themselves when they laughed at the fag jokes, staring at Connor if he was there, or at his locker when he wasn’t. It wasn’t an act of bravery that he had just done, it was the act of simply doing what should be done, what should not have needed to be done if he had just opened his mouth before, but now it was too late for all that. Now, it was time to pay the piper for his own cowardice, because when you failed to live up to your own principles, you weren’t really a man. At least Connor stood up for what he believed in, whether it was right or not, at least he stood up, while he, Parker, simply went along with the crowd.

Parker Williams turned his back on the laughing Nick and started to walk towards his partner, to be there as it looked like the kid they brought in wasn’t going to make it. He owed it to Connor and to himself to start acting like a real man, a man who cared for those he worked with, for the job, for the people they served, for all the people they served. His head was low as he trudged the few feet and as he came within range, he felt a strange giddiness and it was like the dark cloud had suddenly been lifted. Lifting his face up, he saw Connor smiling and he stopped, amazed at how handsome Connor looked when he smiled, something he had rarely seen.

Connor “Hey Partner, He’s going to make it, can you believe it? He is going to make it man!”

Parker “Huh? But, it looked, really? Hey, that is good…”

Connor “Fucking right man, and it was my man who did it, did you know that? No, guess you didn’t, oh man, this is so damn…”

Parker “Your man? He’s your, uh, boyfriend?”

Connor “Uh, yeah, uh look, don’t talk about it, okay, I shouldn’t have said anything, it is just, fuck, I am so happy, I thought for sure we weren’t going to save him, man it was close, but he’s gonna make it Park, he’s gonna make it!”

Parker “No sweat, I won’t say anything, uh Connor, uh…”

Before Parker could say another word he felt a body brush past him and the blur image of a green clad man caked in dried blood filled his vision. He stumbled to one side a little, surprised by the quick appearance of the man in green and his eyes almost popped open wide as did most everyone else’s as the man grabbed Connor and lifted him up off his feet. That in itself wasn’t too bad, but the man swung Connor around in the air and then put him back down after kissing him full on the lips. It was an absolutely amazing scene as Parker recognized the man as being the doctor in charge of the trauma. He realized now that Connor’s warning about talking was no longer important, because there was no way that anyone could have missed that scene.

Bruce still had his two hands resting on Connor’s shoulders as he stared into his face. His eyes were blazing and you could feel the electricity crackling in the air, as the two men seemed to suddenly come aware of each other. They stood there, their eyes gleaming as tiny sparks flew between them and Parker could feel the energy, as if it was real and tangible. He stepped back a little, amazed at how strong the feelings where that were being passed between the two young men. Both of them were covered in blood, Connor from the field, Bruce from the trauma room and yet it was like, well, like he was staring at two gladiators that had just emerged victorious from the arena.

Connor “Bruce, I… You…”

Bruce “Woke up? Yes my friend, I did, I don’t know how or why even, all I know is I love you, HERE THAT EVERYONE? I LOVE THIS MAN! Haha, God look at your face! Haha”

Connor “Jesus, Bruce, hush, you going to get yourself in trouble… I mean…”

Bruce “Screw it, I don’t care anymore, I can’t hide Connor, no more, I don’t know why, but it was like, shit, it was like, well like suddenly everything just kicked in. It was the strangest feeling…”

Connor “I could see, you were like a wild man in there, I never saw you get so, so, well so involved before, it was…”

Bruce “Strange? Yeah, I guess so, but you know something? I am totally exhausted and yet I want to take you home right now and make love to you, I feel so alive Connor, so free, and it is amazing, I don’t care what the others think, it isn’t important anymore, maybe when I come down from this high I’ll reconsider that statement, but damn it, I feel so alive, so, so, shit…”

Ashley “Human?”

Bruce “Huh? Yeah, that’s it, who are you? You with the kid in there?”

Connor “Yeah, he’s his boyfriend, right?”

Ashley “Yes, is he? I mean, will he recover fully?”

Bruce stared at the tall young man and he could see that he too had blood on him. He didn’t know much of the details other than some gays had been beaten up outside of a local gay bar, of course it hadn’t been said in such polite terms, and for a brief second he felt anger, a real deep rage that he was never used to. He trembled a little, amazed at the depths of emotions that suddenly had sprung to life inside of him and he felt a bit scared, wondering what or who or how all of this had happened.

Bruce “Yes, I think he will, he’s going to need lots of support though, right now he’s in serious condition, but it’ll take a few days to make sure, there was a lot of swelling and we’ll just have to wait until that eases a bit, uh, I’ll get a nurse to take you up to him in a few minutes, okay?”

Ashley “Thank you Doctor, I uh, I saw what you did for him, thank you”

Bruce “No, I only did what I was trained to do, the rest, well that was someone with a lot more power than me, I guess, well…”

Carl “You mean God don’t you Doctor?”

Bruce turned to see the new voice and he stared up at the tall man, a deep purple bruise growing around the corner of his jaw and his eye already turning a deep blue from the blow. He recognized him from somewhere, and he smiled at him, because the man had spoken the truth.

Bruce “Yes, we Doctors forget that sometimes, I just saw his work, he’s pretty good too”

Carl “Yes, he is, but then he did give you the gift, didn’t he?”

Bruce suddenly felt himself trembling and Connor and the others even noticed it too. Conner immediately reached out and held onto the shaking shoulder of his lover, wondering what was happening, and then his clinical mind kicked in and he knew that his friend was coming down from his euphoria, that he was suddenly realizing the depths of what had just transpired. He had never seen it happen to Bruce before and he was a bit scared as he searched his lover’s face, trying to give him some sign that it was okay, that it was normal. He saw the small smile curl around Bruce’s face and he felt the surge of love around his own heart, the pain there washed away for a second or two as once more the two were able to communicate in a manner they had never felt before.

Bruce “Well, that is definitely strange, sorry, uh, my father used to say that, I never really believed it back then, never did until maybe now, but yes, I guess he did indeed give me a gift”

Carl “It takes some people more time than others to realize that, I am glad you found it tonight though, thank you for helping our friend, uh, can you tell us, how is Marvin, uh the other young man?”

Bruce “Uh, I am afraid I don’t know, uh, sorry, you are?”

Carl “Carl, Carl Hardy, I work at the bar and I think you may recognize me from the free clinic in town…”

Bruce “Oh yes, that is where I recognized you from, I uh, not really sure about your other friend, I know they took him up to the OR, I’ll find out for you…”

Parker “Uh Doc, sorry, uh, Carl is it?”

Carl “Yes”

Parker “Uh, I am afraid, well, I don’t think your other friend made it, I am sorry…”

Carl stared at the young paramedic, the one who had kept Terry stable while his partner, the Doctor’s boyfriend it seemed, had ran between both Terry and Marvin. The other paramedics standing idly by for the most part, the younger one finally joining in helping while the other sneering bastard talked with the police on the scene. He glanced over Parker’s shoulder and saw the man off in the distance, laughing and smiling with a couple of nurses.

Their eyes met suddenly and the laughter seemed to die, and Carl could see the raw hatred leaping out from the man’s eyes and he just stared back. Their was anger in his own heart but he didn’t feel the hatred anymore, instead he felt a strong sense of pity for the man and somehow, that feeling made its way through all the hatred and he could see it find its way into the man’s body, making him tremble a little, and causing him to turn away.

Carl “I see, uh, Doctor if you could find out for sure, I would appreciate it, I’ll have to make the, uh, I guess it’ll, sorry, he was a nice kid you know, he had some strange ideas, but he really was a kind soul”

Bruce stared at the tall giant and watched as the tears rolled down his face, and he saw the other young man, the one who identified himself as the patient’s boyfriend, reach out and wrap his arm around the tall man, as if to comfort him. It was strange, how close they had all become, as if they were inexplicably being linked together in some master plan, some unknown grand scheme that would change their lives forever. 

Bruce already had felt part of that power in the trauma room and then for a few seconds out here in the lobby of the ER and now he was seeing it happen again. He watched as Ashley led Carl off to the side, towards the others who had come with them. It was sometimes amazing the way humans could find strength from the most unlikely sources. He felt his own lover stiffen by the news and he quickly turned his attention to him, knowing his temper and all and he felt fear for him, a wave crashing deep into his chest.

Bruce “Connor, please…”

Connor “Are you sure Parker? He didn’t make it?”

Parker “Yeah, I am sure, the nurses were discussing it, Connor, don’t, please, I have already called the Commander”

Bruce “I’ll go make sure Connor, please, promise you’ll stay here?”

Connor “I, yeah Bruce, I’ll be here, and, why did you call the Commander Parker? What did you do?”

Parker “I had to Connor, it wasn’t right what Nick did, I couldn’t let that go, not this time, uh, Connor, I am sorry man, I know that isn’t much, shit, given all this, it is rather lame, but I really am sorry”

Connor “What, uh, sorry, I really thought he had a chance, you know that? I really thought he did… I need, shit…”

Bruce took Connor by the arm and started to lead him towards the back when Ashley appeared once more. He stepped in front and stared briefly at Bruce and then Connor, then he just reached out with his hand and took Connor from Bruce and led him into the small waiting room where Carl, Rob, and a couple of others were. Bruce watched as his lover sat down inside, Ashley grabbing a coffee from one of the others and handed it to Connor. He saw Connor glance up and smile and knew that for now, his lover was okay. He turned to stare at Parker, Connor’s partner and their eyes met. He could see the sorrow in the man and he knew his words were sincere.

Bruce “What happened out there, what is all this about the Commander?”

Parker “Sorry Doc, I, fuck, what’s the use anymore? The other guy, Nick over there, he more or less, fuck, he didn’t try to help the other kid Doc, he didn’t even take his bag with him when we got there, he kept his own partner from helping too, Connor pushed him out of the way and started to work on both, Connor was something else Doc, you’d have been proud…”

Bruce “Are you telling me that the other team didn’t work on the second victim?”

Parker “Yes…”

Bruce “FUCK! Why that… “

Doctor Bruce Collier turned towards the other paramedics; he looked over to see the older one laughing again, while the younger one stood on one foot then the other. It was obvious that the younger one was having an attack of conscience, but the older one, he looked like he didn’t have a care in the world. Well, that would change, and for the first time Bruce Collier felt like murder. He felt the rage tugging at his heart and he could feel his heart pounding with the fury that was boiling up inside of him. The entire room was suddenly disappearing from his sight as his eyes focused on the laughing 27 year old paramedic in the far corner. He could feel his legs aching and his hands clenching as they rolled up into a ball of steel. The rage was beginning to consume him when he felt a small tug at his shoulder and his face turned slightly to stare into the green eyes of Connor’s partner. At the same time he saw a tall thin figure pass by him, his long blond hair hanging limp and caked with blood.

Parker turned his head and he tried to reach out with one hand to grab at the young man going past, but he already had one hand pinned against the Doctor’s chest, stopping him from going over to Nick and he just couldn’t stop both. He cried out, not even knowing the young boy’s name and yet somehow he felt like he had to try. He called again and he noticed that Nick had been attracted by the sound of his voice, and he stared at the steady approach of the young man. He just stood there, waiting and as the young man came closer, Parker could see the hatred in Nick’s eyes flashing again, burning and glaring and he noticed how he stood, as if he was ready for trouble.

The young man came close and as he did, just before he could get into striking range, a pair of hard rough hands grabbed at the boy, turning him around a full 90 degrees. Parker breathed a sigh of relief, as he saw a tall young man dressed in military garb stop the young man. He had closed cropped hair and wore the twin bars of a Captain on his lapel and looked every inch of a soldier, and yet Parker could see that he wasn’t just a grunt.

His momentary relief was short lived as he saw two men dressed in firemen uniforms enter the lobby right behind the Captain. He recognized one as the watch commander and he felt his heart sink as he recognized the other as being the District boss himself, Brian Sullivan. He had never met the headman before, but he knew of his reputation. It was because of him that the city had one of the best paramedic programs in the country, hell he wrote the bloody book supposedly and he was known as being a no nonsense type guy. You could feel his presence; the way people would glance at him and automatically defer to him. It was very intimidating and he felt a murmur in his heart, as he knew that his own day of judgment was just beginning.

Corporal Daniel Marshall was too busy spitting up blood to even notice how his partner in crime was looking. He could feel him standing there, could even hear his ragged breathing as he waited for him to finish spitting up more blood. Damn, this had gone wrong from the start, and he could tell that he was in need of medical treatment. The kid who he leaned on was not capable enough to help him, he knew that, but he had to see a doctor or else he wouldn’t make it.

Damn the kid, if he hadn’t been so obsessed by putting the boots to that kid back there, he could have warned him, instead he took two solid hits from that crazy tall fag swinging the bat. Man it hurt, and he could feel the blood swirling around inside of his stomach, and the pain in his leg was unreal. He had been shot in a training accident and it didn’t feel half as painful as this did.

He looked down at his limp leg, to see the white glistening coming from behind the lower calf and he knew it was his bone. The pain was only getting worse and he was sure that he had passed out more than once, yet he was still letting this puke ass kid drag him along, instead of letting him rest. Fuck, what had he gotten himself into this time? It was one thing to rough up some stupid bimbo, even cause a little bruising, but fuck; they had left those two kids in pretty rough shape. It didn’t really bother him that they were hurt, what concerned him was that he really wasn’t too keen on going to Leavenworth for knocking some fags about. His bitch of a wife would most likely divorce him and take all his pay, and how could he survive then? No way the Navy would let him stay in after all this.

Daniel “I can’t go on much further Westbrook”

Adam Westbrook “You have to, not much further, I can’t leave you here, the cops might find you”

Daniel “Yeah? So? Look kid, the jig is up, that tall one, he recognized you”

Adam “Maybe, maybe not, but no way they going to get me”

Daniel “Yeah? So what are you going to do? Run? Where can you go man?”

Adam “I don’t know, somewhere I suppose, besides I don’t think he did recognize me, besides, if you don’t…”

Daniel “If I don’t what? Rat on you?”

Adam “Well, yeah… I mean you do need a doctor, that leg is really bad, and you are bleeding inside, shit, why didn’t you get out the way of that crazy?”

Daniel “Well fuck you too, why the hell didn’t you yell a warning? I didn’t even see him coming”

Adam “I was busy”

Daniel “Fuck, so where are we going? I can’t take much more of this pain, fuck it is hurting…”

Adam “I got a friend who lives close to here, he’ll get you something for the pain while we try to figure all this out”

Daniel “Fuck Westbrook, there is nothing left to figure out, the cops aren’t stupid, and that crazy knows you, we are cooked”

Adam “You can sit and wait for them if you want, I am not giving up that easy, not because of some damn fags, I thought you were a tough mother…”

Daniel “Shit, fuck I don’t know what is up your ass kid, but it is going to get you killed, that is for sure”

Adam “Maybe, you ready?”

Daniel “No, but I guess we better move on, come on, lead on”

Adam hoisted the man back upright and he heard him biting down on his lip as the pain lanced through his body. He could feel him trembling as the pain ran up and down his body and he glanced down, seeing the shiny white in the dark and he knew the guy had a fractured leg, and he was damn sure that he had a whole lot of internal bleeding happening. He was spitting up way too much blood and there wasn’t a thing he could do except get them off the street.

They only had a few more blocks to go and he could rest. He didn’t know what else to do, but he knew he couldn’t go back to the base either. Dan was right, that tall bastard with the bat had recognized him, and he could still see the pain in the guy’s eyes as he recognized him. Well, he shouldn’t have been there, he was supposed to have been taking tonight off, but no, he had to go to work and now he was in trouble. Fuck, nothing ever went right for him as he dragged Dan down the street, his head swiveling every few seconds, making sure no one was paying them any attention.

Adam Westbrook was breathing hard and he could feel the sweat running down his back as he finally came to the apartment house he had been searching for. He rang the buzzer and waited impatiently for the answer, nervously glancing all around, listening for police sirens. Finally an angry voice echoed and he answered, hearing the buzzer ring and he yanked open the door to head inside. He felt better now, knowing that he would be safe for a little, and as he dragged Dan along, he could tell that Dan was in between consciousness and never never land. If the guy croaked, it might give him a chance and his injuries certainly were life threatening, but then again, what about Carl? He had recognized him, and he was certain he would have given the cops his name and all the other details that were on file at the free clinic.

The elevator door opened and he stepped out into the hallway to find himself staring into the angry face of the man he had come to hide with for the moment. The face was glaring at him and he could see that he had been drinking heavy and he felt his heart grow flat, as if it was just one more disappointment for an evening that he had such high hopes for. The man was about to speak when he noticed the injured Dan and his eyes suddenly bulged wide open. He could see the white spittle around the man’s lips and he grew impatient.

Adam “Christ, give me a hand well you?”

Friend “SHIT! What the fuck did you do? Fuck, the cops… they after you?”

Adam “Yes, now can you help me? I don’t want anyone to see us out here like this, shit he’s heavy and he’s passed out, come on, grab an arm and let’s get him inside.”

Together they dragged the unconscious Dan into the single bedroom apartment and without any ceremony, let him fall hard onto the chesterfield. The fall didn’t even make Dan cry out, as he was finally unconscious. The pain too much for his body and his mind and he was slowly slipping away, slowly leaving reality.

He could feel himself falling, and yet when he stopped, he didn’t feel anything. Daniel Marshall stared upwards, seeing nothing but a strange darkness without much light. It really was a murky sort of place and he tried to get his bearings, yet the pain kept making him stay still. Every time he moved he could feel the pain and each time the pain came, it came stronger and lasted longer.

Voices floated nearby and yet he didn’t think anyone were in the same room as him. It was actually starting to freak him out a little, and he licked his lips, but before he could speak he felt the pain once more and his heart raced faster, trying to push the pain back, trying to let it pass quickly through his body and yet this time it just seemed to stay, lingering but not diminishing any.

Dan could hear the steady dripping noise and he wondered what it was, yet he was afraid to move his head, afraid to turn in case the pain flared up and he didn’t want that. He wasn’t even sure if he could hang on any longer and yet the pain was like a reminder to him to keep on struggling, to continue to fight to remain alive but was he? Where was he? All he could remember was hearing a gruff voice and then the darkness just seemed to over come him. He had felt the sensation of going upwards, and the feeling of being pulled and then of falling. Where was he? Was he alive or was this what death was like?

The thought of death had never really bothered him much until now, and he could feel the sweat around his face, no longer from the pain but from the fear of having to meet his maker. What could he say? How could he tell Jesus that he had died from injuries sustained in an attack on some kids who were fags? Would Jesus understand that all he had wanted to do was to teach a couple of fags a lesson? Would he understand that he was merely trying to cleanse the world of that particular evil or would he be angry at him? 

He had his eyes open, and yet there was no bright light, no brilliant whiteness to guide him as he had expected, so maybe he wasn’t dead? Everyone who had experienced this stuff said they had seen a white light, or some bright light and he couldn’t see anything, just a dullness that weighed heavy on his heart. He could feel it slowing down from all the weight and he tried to move, to get himself upright so the weight would fall away and as he struggled he felt the hopelessness wash through him. He knew there was no use, that whatever was pinning him down was stronger than him and he gave up.

Daniel Marshall didn’t think he was a bad person, okay he was no saint that was for sure, but really he wasn’t all that bad. Okay, he fooled around on his wife, but shit, who wouldn’t fool around on a bitch like her? She was always harping on him, always trying to tell him to drink less, to try and get along with others, to stop bullying people and so why shouldn’t he step out on her? She wasn’t exactly a raving beauty and as for the sex, well she rarely gave him any now, preferring to let him rant and rave and storm out of the house. What was he supposed to do in those circumstances? After all, he did have needs, and she was supposed to satisfy those needs, so if she refused, why shouldn’t he go elsewhere?

He could just see her now, the way she would take the news of his death, she would most likely be untouched by it, and her only comment would be to ask if she would get his death benefits. Damn greedy bitch, that was all she cared about, his benefits, his pay, so why should he feel bad about looking elsewhere? Surely even Jesus would understand that, wouldn’t he? Hell, he had his own piece on the side, that Mary Magdalene chick, according to the bible, so why shouldn’t he be allowed his own hooker too?

To be honest though, she hadn’t always been that way towards him. She had loved him once and he wondered how that had all changed? How did it happen that she no longer loved him anymore, where his touch made her cringe or even with the kids, the way they looked at him sometimes made him feel like he was so dirty. That was her fault though, she had poisoned them against him, but he really loved those kids. They were his legacy and every man wanted that. He had two of them, so he really shouldn’t be feeling so scared, should he? 

His mind was shrouded in the fog of his pain, and with each passing thought, he could feel the pain growing stronger, as it ripped thru his entire body. The leg felt like it was in the middle of a blast furnace, and he could feel it twisting as it roasted in the hot flames and yet there seemed to be nothing that he could do about it. He just had to lie here and take it and his eyes continued to search the murkiness for some sign, some symbol of hope that would lead him from this crazy place. He could still hear the murmuring voices and he wanted to call out to them, but his mouth just wouldn’t work.

The anger that he normally carried in his heart no longer rested easily there. It was flying thru his whole body, making him wince with the pain as it flashed around, upsetting the calm of his resting body and yet as it twisted him around he knew that somehow he would have to get rid of it. For too many years that anger had been his constant companion and maybe it was too late, but for the moment he realized that he needed something else, some other way to exist instead of always being angry. He couldn’t help the anger though, after all it wasn’t fair that others got the promotions, got all the plum assignments and he got dick. It wasn’t his fault that he wasn’t a people person or that people couldn’t see what he did.

The trouble wasn’t him; he knew that, well at least it was what he thought because he knew he wasn’t a bad person. Okay, maybe he shouldn’t have hit his wife, but that was the booze and she should have known better than to refuse him while he had been drinking. Besides, it was her duty as his wife to respect his needs, and it didn’t matter whether she liked sucking his cock or not, he wanted it and she should have just done as he wanted, then she wouldn’t have been hit. So, really, if you looked at it, it wasn’t his fault at all. Okay, maybe he should have softened the blow and he had to admit, he really should have made sure the kids were in their room, but she should have seen they were in bed first, and all she had to do was give him what he wanted. How could that be his fault?

Okay, there were those couple of hookers too, but that wasn’t his fault either. After all, they were being paid to satisfy him, not to set rules and shit. So he hit them, they had asked for it. Christ, everyone knew that hookers weren’t worth anyone get worked up over, so why should he? All he had wanted was to get what he paid for, couldn’t be his fault if he had to use force to get it, now could it?

Dan kept expecting some answers, but none seemed to be coming and yet he knew there was someone there. He could feel the presence of whoever it was, and yet the pain was too much, it wouldn’t let him turn or lift up to see who it was that was standing behind him. Oh well, so who cared? He knew that he wasn’t an angel, but he wasn’t evil either. He did what he had to do, and he was pretty sure that God would understand but that nagging doubt was taking hold again. He hated when that happened, when this damn little voice would start to whine about all he was doing, and it always seemed to come, no matter how hard he tried to stifle it, how hard he tried to ignore it, it just kept coming and whining.

Well fuck that shit, he may not have been the perfect man, but fuck, at least he was all man unlike those two freaks that he had dealt with tonight. He knew that was at least in his favor, after all God didn’t like fags either. It said so in the bible, well okay not all that much but it did say so, least that’s what the minister said in his sermons. So, God couldn’t be upset at that, after all he wasn’t trying to kill them, only to scare them enough so they would see the error of their ways, so they would be shocked into realizing that they needed to change, to become men instead of trying to act like some freaking girl wannabees. How could Jesus be mad at him for that? Wasn’t he doing God’s work tonight? Besides, if God hadn’t wanted them dead, why did he send AIDS to help in ridding the planet of them? 

Hell, if anyone needed proof of God’s disgust for such freaks, AIDS was a good enough indicator that the guy upstairs was pretty pissed off. It started with the fags, and somehow they had given it to the decent people, but that was under control, but still, what he did tonight was just a more local level of fag control. No, Jesus wouldn’t be mad at that, so why was he still in this darkness? Why was he being left to feel all this pain? 

Friend “You can’t leave him here Adam, no way do I need the cops around?”

Adam “Fuck, what do you suggest I do then? Put him out with the trash?”

Friend “Either get him to a doctor or yeah, dump him somewhere, just not here”

Adam “You are a bastard, how am I supposed to carry a guy his size alone?”

Friend “Not my problem, fuck kid, you ain’t worth this type of trouble, no matter how good you suck dick”

Adam “FUCK OFF! I never did that, you just making that up!”

As stared upwards, Daniel Marshall could feel the sudden chill. It was almost like someone had put a fan against him and breeze was cooling the sweat that was still dripping from every pore of his body. Damn inconsiderate jerks, didn’t they know he needed help? How could they put a fan on him, when what he needed was something to ease the pain, the pain that just kept growing as he struggled with trying to figure out where he was? He knew he could hear the voices, but it wasn’t like he could see anything. Least they could have done was let him rest on his side, maybe then the pain wouldn’t hurt so much.

Thinking about it, he wondered if death was all that he had heard. Most people that had those near death experiences always said it was warm, pleasant even and yet he was feeling chilled, actually downright cold so maybe he wasn’t dying? Maybe that was why he wasn’t seeing the light or feeling the warmth. Maybe it meant that he was to live and so that is why he was feeling the pain still? That had to be it, after all, he wasn’t a bad person and Jesus knew that, Jesus wouldn’t let him suffer like this if he was going to take him up to heaven; it had to mean that he was going to live.

His heart eased a bit with that idea and yet once more there was that nagging doubt at the back of his heart. He couldn’t shake it no matter how hard he tried and to be honest, he was getting weary of battling that stupid whining voice. What did it know anyhow? It was just some damn annoying think that thought it knew everything; well it knew shit. He couldn’t help it if other people were idiots or provoked him, could he? It wasn’t his fault if some stupid fag got in his way or if some damn broad didn’t live up to her responsibilities?

Voice “Is it ever your fault Daniel?”

Daniel “Huh? Who said that? Where are you?”

He could hear the strange soft voice, it seemed to be coming from all directions and yet he couldn’t see anything. It wasn’t like his eyes weren’t open, and despite the pain he swiveled his head around from side to side, even trying to lean backwards to see if it was from behind, but he saw nothing, just the murkiness of emptiness. And yet, yet he could feel some presence, just like earlier only now it was much more noticeable, like the person was right next to him and yet he couldn’t see anything, not even a dark outline of a figure, just emptiness.

Voice “You know who I am Daniel, you used to know me very well, but lately, well lately you have treated me like a stranger”

Daniel “A stranger? I don’t know you, how could I have known you before? I never heard your voice before? Show yourself, why are you hiding?”

Voice “I am not hiding Daniel, I am here, right beside you.”

Daniel looked feverishly from side to side, desperate to see the figure of the voice but he couldn’t penetrate the darkness. Nothing was there, he had to be imagining this and yet the voice was so powerful, so close that it had to be real. It had to come from somewhere, but where? The pain no longer mattered as he struggled to find the source of the soft yet overpowering voice. He moved in an effort to raise himself, but the weight still held him down and he could feel the pain, licking at him, as if eager to once more assault his body.

Daniel “I can’t see you, why can’t I see you?”

Voice “Because you really don’t want to, not yet anyways, but you will, I promise you that, you will see me soon enough”

Captain Gregg Hollis had drawn night duty at the office, so when the call came in, he half expected it to be some drunk and disorderly complaint. When the caller identified himself as a police detective, the hairs on the back of his neck suddenly stood up. He could feel them itching as he jotted down the sketchy details from the police and then he stared at his desk. The old man was not going to be happy about this one and he slowly stood up, feeling suddenly very old for a man of only 30 years of age.

He called the front desk to notify them of his departure, they would have to field all calls until a relief showed up. On the drive to the hospital he could feel a growing sense of impending doom in the pit of his stomach. Somehow, he just knew this case was going to be one of those that no one won, not the prosecutor’s office, not the defendants and not the victims. The police had been less than thrilled too and he could tell that they were also feeling that this was a case that could get out of control if it wasn’t handled right from the start. 

Arriving at the hospital he had seen the fire departments official cars parking in their designated spot and he wondered what was bringing their brass out this late at night as he walked into the ER lobby. His mind was already turning as he saw the tall young man, caked in blood with fire in his eyes. Despite being a legal beagle, his military training wasn’t that distant and he could tell a fight was brewing. The way the young man carried himself, his hands tucked into his sides, his eyes blazing with a rage that looked horrifying in someone so young, and his head. The boy held it level, never wavering, never glancing to either side, completely wrapped in the intent of his heart and Captain Hollis turned his eyes to the far end, seeing the paramedic standing up, readying himself for something and instantly Captain Hollis knew it was for the young man walking steadily down the hallway.

On pure instinct, he reached out as the young man came level to his own position and he turned him around fully, so that his contact was suddenly and violently broken with that of the waiting Paramedic. He watched the eyes flicker, their confusion becoming evident as they saw his military uniform, the dull green, and it was enough to break the hold of the fire that had made him come this far. The eyes flickered as he stared into Captain Hollis’ face and he knew that this was part of his case, that this young man was involved in some way and so was the paramedic.

He didn’t have much chance to think beyond that, as the two fire officials came storming in and he recognized one, as the famous head of the paramedic department, Commander Sinclair. It had to be something pretty serious to warrant bringing the head honcho out at this time and he watched as the man walked over to the two paramedics, one of whom was the one his young charge had been aiming for.

Already the case was making him feel nervous as he confronted the young man, confirming that indeed he was part of his investigation but he left the nagging question about the paramedics behind for the moment. He gently guided the young man away, turning him around to where he saw two more paramedics standing along with a Doctor and a few other civilians. He saw one tall man, stooped over and another younger man comforting him. He had no idea yet what was going on, but somehow he just knew that he would be waking up the old man shortly.

Approaching the small group with his young charge he saw the young man comforting the taller one stare at him. He almost stopped in his tracks as he saw the deep pain inside, coming out to hit him square in the face and yet there was something else fighting its way through all that pain, almost a radiance that he couldn’t understand or fathom just yet. It added to his unsettled nerves as he found himself fidgeting with his ring, unsure why or afraid to find out, didn’t matter because the look quickly passed and once more he saw nothing but a worried face.

Captain Gregg Hollis, veteran of Bosnia and Kosovo, graduate of the Citadel military academy, graduate of Stanford Law in California , stood only 5 feet 10 ½ inches tall and yet looking at the various people around, he felt like he was wearing a bulls eye on his front and back. The pain was real, he could almost see it, and yet he knew it was a mere illusion. A person really couldn’t see pain, but it sure felt like all the experts were wrong. He saw that the young man was about 6 foot tall, solid build and a very handsome face, but what struck him the most was the quiet strength that he seemed to ooze from every pore of his body. He could sense the anger inside, could even feel it too, but there was more to this 18 year old than met the eye. 

He introduced himself to the group where he was informed that one of the victims had died in surgery. The case just became a capital case, one committed allegedly by military personnel and it was his duty to head the investigation up, for the military and if proved true, he would have the displeasure of seeing that military justice exacted its vengeance, if possible. The question of jurisdiction would arise and it would be his task to advice the Judge Advocate whether to pursue the matter in military courts or let the civilian authorities handle the issue.

With a soft respectful manner he began to question the people standing around. He needed to get a preliminary idea of just what had gone on before making any moves. It didn’t matter what he felt, he needed facts to justify any actions on his part and so he began the unpleasant task of asking questions. Before he could get very far a nurse walked up and interrupted, talking to the Doctor. He quietly listened, and his heart grew angry as the nurse spoke her piece.

Nurse “The patient up in ICU has no insurance Doctor, admissions wants to know when they can transport him to County?”

Doctor “They can’t, he’s too injured right now, that is why he is in ICU, tell them that.”

Nurse “Yes Doctor, I have, they say that we are over our quota for his type, they want to arrange transport now”

Doctor “Quota? His type? What type is that Nurse?”

Nurse “Indigent Doctor, why? I don’t make the rules Doctor, what do I tell admissions?”

Connor “Tell them to screw themselves, that usually works”

Bruce “Connor, cool it, tell them he is not able to be transported Nurse, as his attending physician I’ll let them know when I think he could be transported”

Nurse “Uh, well they say the resident in ICU says he can be moved, that his condition is stable”

Bruce “Oh? And so a second year resident outranks an attending resident of ER? Tell admissions that a QUALIFIED physician says otherwise”

Nurse “Doctor, couldn’t you tell them? I mean they don’t exactly listen to us floor nurses”

Bruce “Yes, I suppose, sorry for barking at you Nurse, it is just, damn these paper pushers, the boy is too sick to move, for Christ’s sake he coded on that table twice, how can they be so callous and want to transport him simply because he has no insurance? It amazes me how a place can call itself a hospital, a place for healing, and deny people the care simply because they are poor or don’t have the right insurance carrier, it…”

Connor “Calm down Bruce, the Nurse here didn’t set the rules, now did she?”

Bruce “Yeah, sorry Nurse”

Nurse “It is okay Doctor Bruce, some of us nurses feel that way too, but what can we do? I’ll tell admissions you will be calling, uh, I’ll release that other paramedic crew, they are on standby for the transfer”

Connor “Those ones by the station?”

Nurse “Yes, why?”

Parker “Uh, I don’t think they are going to be available Nurse, and I don’t think we are either, so you could tell admissions uh, that there isn’t any readily available transport too, that might, well it might cool it down a little”

Nurse “Uh, but they said, oh, okay, sure, but Doctor Bruce, don’t wait too long to call them, they are in a huff already for some reason”

Bruce “Thank you, I’ll be right there Nurse”

Bruce couldn’t believe this night was actually happening. First he gets two patients in from a brutal beating, which turns out to be a case of gay bashing, then he suddenly comes to terms with his own gayness only to find that members of the healing fraternity refused to aid two kids, simply because they were gay, and now the military are involved because the animals who did this are members of the very branch of government dedicated to keeping America safe so its diversity can flourish. To top it off, his own institute is suddenly in a mad rush to transfer out the surviving patient because he doesn’t have any medical insurance. Is the world gone mad or has he just woken up that fact?

He felt the hand on his shoulder and stared up into the auburn eyes of his lover and friend. For the brief time together he had always wondered why Connor was so vocal about pushing the gay rights issue, and now he was being given a first hand lesson in why it was important, why it was necessary that people who could influence such decisions, did more than pay it lip service in the public arena. He suddenly knew that he couldn’t just be a spectator because eventually there would be no players if everyone sat back and just let others fight for them. He was gay, it was his fight and he couldn’t let it fall to the few, he had to finally take the plunge and accept his responsibility too.

Bruce “I guess I am a bit wound up Connor, too much of a shock I guess”

Connor “Yeah, for a second there I thought I was you and you were me, maybe you been listening too much to my morning diatribes, look Bruce, you can’t change the world overnight, just one case at a time”

Bruce “Shit, you sound like me now”

Connor “You weren’t totally wrong, and I sure as hell wasn’t all the right either, guess we just need to take it as it comes bud, okay?”

Bruce “I suppose, it is just, damn I keep seeing his face, those eyes Connor, when he came in, like he knew, like he could tell, it was so, so damn frightening”

Connor “I can imagine, I kind of felt that myself, but you did your job Bruce, now I think you need to step back a little, give yourself some breathing space”

Bruce “Connor, I have to go talk to admissions, uh, Connor, he needs the care this place can give him, its his only real chance…”

Connor “Yeah? Oh, I see… you sure Bruce?”

Bruce “Yes, I am… but, well, I can’t do it on my own, and well, it means…”

Connor “We’ll sort that out later, if you are sure, then I am with you, go for it”

Bruce “You mean it? Maybe you should think a little, I mean I am asking you to give up a whole lot here, shit, neither of us even know him, are you sure?”

Connor “Yes, I am sure, and Bruce?”

Bruce “Yeah?”

Connor “I think I know now why I love you so much”

Connor reached over and kissed Bruce fully on the lips. He wrapped his arms around the surprised body of his lover and friend and he could feel his own heart pounding with a deep sense of pride as they clung to each other for a few seconds. He broke the connection quickly, knowing people were watching, but also because he knew he couldn’t handle holding Bruce any longer, he was afraid he would break down completely if he held him any longer.

Captain Hollis stood amazed, his jaw almost on the floor as he had listened to the two men talking. It was like no one else was even around and yet when they broke apart and the doctor walked away towards the Nurses station, he could feel a strange warmth floating around. It was almost as if he had witnessed something private and important, that was meant for him to see and to feel. He shivered a little with that notion, unsure of how he really felt. It was all new to him, seeing to grown professional men kissing and hugging like that, and more unsettling because it was in the middle of a busy ER lobby.

Carl “It is strange isn’t it Captain? How good things come from places you least expect, and at times when you doubt if there is even a God”

Captain “Huh? Oh, yes, I suppose so, uh you are?”

Carl “Carl Hardy, I am the one who recognized the bastard who did all this, and before you ask, yes I am positive of who he is, and yes, I know without any doubts that he’s one of yours”

Captain