Chapter 10

Why is this happening?

Who knows, they don’t like gays by the sounds of it

What did I ever do to them? Shit, I never saw them before, why me?

Because you are here when they came to do this, which is all.

But why? What is so wrong or what did I do that was so wrong that some stranger wants to kill me?

You are gay, that is enough for them.

What is so terrible about being gay? It isn’t like I am trying to sleep with them, they are not my type anyways, so why me?

Nothing, but that doesn’t change how they feel, to them you are frightening

Me? How can I be frightening? I don’t hurt anyone, I haven’t cheated anyone, I don’t go out of my way to hurt people, why me?

It is the world Terry, what do you expect? You have seen it countless times, you know the risks better than most, now don’t you?

Okay, okay, so I deceived a few of them by dressing up as a women, but it didn’t hurt them, even those that found out, they had fun at the time, why should it make them want to kill me?

It isn’t because you hurt them, it is because you scare them, because you are different.

But, that can’t be right, we are all different in some ways, why want to kill someone because they are different?

They are afraid of you.

Of me? How can a 5ft 10in fag scare anyone? Shit, I only weigh about 138-140 pounds, how can that scare anyone?

It doesn’t matter what you weigh, how tall you are or even what colour you are, it is because you are gay, that is enough for them.

Why? They don’t know me, how can they make such a choice without knowing me?

They don’t want to know you, if they did they might have to change their view, so they hit out first, it is so sad.

So sad? I am the one they are trying to kill, why is being gay so wrong?

Who said it is wrong?

Everyone I guess, I don’t know, no one stands up for us, and all we want is to be given the same rights as any other person, is that wrong too?

No Terry, it isn’t wrong, and I am here for you.

Then why is this happening? Why don’t you stop it?

Because some hearts are closed to me, and I can’t reach inside to make them listen, at least not until it is too late.

You are crying, why?

I feel your pain, and I feel their hatred and it is like a knife in my own heart.

 

He felt the touch of a hand on his cheek and the pain was unbearable, but the soft soothing voice held it in check as his head was slowly caressed. His eyes were blocked from seeing and yet he could see a faint outline of a head and wondered who had come to hold him. It really did hurt, but somehow the pain didn’t really matter as much as wanting to know why? Why had all this happened and yet he knew why, he had heard the answers and he knew.

It wasn’t fair though, he was just starting to enjoy life, to feel like there was more to being alive than sitting in a bar and making some old man smile at him and dig into his wallet to experience more than the smile. He was just learning that there were people who really could care for him not because of his hidden talents in bed, but because of the hidden talents inside of his heart.

That was a strange thought really, to think that for the last few years all he thought he was good at was fucking when really there was more to him. It took some hick from a farm to bring that out and then he saw Ashley’s face. Oh shit, how could he leave him like this? Damn it, he couldn’t leave him, not know, not when Ashley needed him so much and he needed Ashley.

A sharp jolt of pain roared through his stilled body and he knew that he was hurt badly but it didn’t really seem that way. It was sort of like he was just resting on a cold floor, waiting for a chance to get up and go about his business, or maybe he was waiting for someone? That was it, he was just waiting for Ashley, for him to come and take him home and as his face slowly turned, the soft shaking hands touching him felt familiar. He struggled to look at the face that was above him but he couldn’t see anything, but he could feel and he shivered a little.

Terry cringed as he felt the harsh angry wave pass through his body and it made him scared. He didn’t understand it, why was everyone so angry these days? Couldn’t they just stop it for one moment? Maybe if they just reached down and turned off that button, switched the anger and hatred off even for a second, maybe then they could hear the truth, maybe then they could begin to feel what he was feeling. Shit, if only they would stop being so angry at everything, at everyone around them, maybe he wouldn’t be lying here now, waiting for Ashley.

Do you think Ashley will understand?

He will if you tell him.

How do I do that?

By reaching out to him with your love.

He won’t want that, I really do love him, do you know that?

Yes, I do know that, but he loves you as much as you him.

No, he only thinks he does, he doesn’t know any better, but he’ll learn in time.

Why do you argue? He loves you Terry and that is the truth.

Why? What do I have to offer him other than maybe more of this? No, I can’t let him think that, he has to move on, to find someone who will make him happy.

But he has found that person Terry, he found you.

I am a slut, a whore, a two-bit hooker, how can I make him happy?

How? By being just who you are, he doesn’t love what you do, he loves what you are.

But that is what I am, isn’t it?

No, that is what you do, and if you don’t like it, change it, but it isn’t who you are.

Then who am I?

You are my child; you are a bright warm loving young man who makes his father proud.

I make you proud? How, how can a whore make you proud?

You make me proud because you care for those around you, because you love life, because you have faith and above all, because you are my son.

I never thought about that, but Ashley, he is in such pain, isn’t he?

Yes, he is so young and yet is seeing so much that he is overwhelmed.

He needs help

He needs you Terry

I need him too, I really do

Then reach out for him now, let him know that and help keep his flame alive, help keep your flame with his, just reach out.

 

Summoning every ounce of his strength, he watched as his one finger moved, just a little and then more as he pushed up, between the two bloody fingers and then slowly he crooked it around the small pinkie, and he held on tight, feeling the love in his heart growing stronger with each tick of the clock of eternity.

The pain was there but somehow it was kept at bay. He didn’t know why, but all he could feel was a sort of darkness as he held onto the finger and he knew that Ashley needed him. It was like he couldn’t leave without setting at least one thing right. He moved a little, his body unwilling but grudgingly listening to the commands of his soul as he faced the one person who he had loved without reservations. He stared out, seeing the veil of darkness lifting as his strength continued to grow, continued to flow through his veins.

His eyes finally could see and he felt a twist in his heart, as he saw the grief that was overtaking Ashley and he cried for him now, willing his heart to beat faster, begging his soul to reach out faster. It was almost as if he was on a mission as he struggled to reach Ashley, to touch him and hold him just once more. His will was powerful as he saw the pain coming towards him and he braced himself, ready for its onslaught and yet when it came, it bounced away harmlessly.

Looking past Ashley he saw his father, the old man was there as promised, and he smiled, knowing that it was up to him, that the stage was his to claim and so gathering his last ounce of energy, he reached outwards. He saw all the pain and anger in his body go flying outwards, and he watched as it went flying through Ashley to bounce harmlessly against the shield of love that was slowly covering them both. He smiled feeling that warmth again, and he once more called out to Ashley and the voice of his soul was aided by the thundering power of his heart.

He saw the break in the dark armour that was cloaking his lover, and slowly he saw it fade and in that instant, that very second he felt all of his power leap forward and fill Ashley with his words of love and commitment. He could feel the words striking hard and deep and he could feel the pain too, but it no longer held any terror for him as he felt the love, the real love that had brought them together and he was no longer afraid of what tomorrow would bring.

Terry fell back to the peaceful quiet of his rest, the cold floor no longer cold or chilled his body as the strong chain of love that held him tightly with Ashley warmed him. He could feel Ashley’s heart as it slowly began to heal and he felt his soul touching Ashley’s broken heart. He could hear the soft words of love that were slowly echoing inside of Ashley and he could hear the answering cries coming into his own body. It was like a breath of fresh air and he breathed in deeply, smelling that aroma of sweetness, sniffing at the warm fragrance of their love as it grew even stronger now, the links of their chain being forged anew, stronger than ever.

Part 2

He felt the warmth as it covered him and held him tight. The pain no longer was his companion and he wondered briefly, where it had gone. The sky above was a brilliant white and all around him he could feel the radiant warmth that just seemed to come from every direction. He sat up and looked down, to see his hands had disappeared into the silky white flooring and he marvelled at it, wondering how that could be and then he moved up, watching as his legs now disappeared into the soft whiteness. Such a strange place and yet so beautiful, it was like a hotel all dressed in soft billowy white clouds.

Looking down he saw himself, and he could see the fresh scrubbed pinkness of his skin, the tinge of gold from the sun still glowing a little, still showing the smoothness of his skin. He wondered where his clothes had gone, he didn’t remember taking them off nor did he even remember his arrival at wherever it was that he was. He stared around at the wide expansive place, and he was stunned, for there was no walls anywhere, as far as his eyes could see, nothing but a white shimmering glow greeted him. 

Slowly he felt his way, moving cautiously because he couldn’t see what it was that was holding him upright. It felt so soft, so pliable and yet it held him in such comfort that he was sure it was a solid foundation. His heart held no fear, which also was strange, because normally he always felt a slight hesitation in a new place, and yet none of that was evident this time. 

Wherever he was, it was swank as he felt the warm breeze blowing across his naked body. He saw the way his skin just seemed to shimmer under the soft breeze and the white light that held him so warmly. Nothing else seemed to be there, no tables or chairs and yet as he walked he didn’t feel tired either. It was almost as if he had all the energy in the world and he could move forever.

He had no idea how long he had been walking the warm corridors of wherever he was, but soon the ache of loneliness began to creep into his thoughts. He felt alone, and deep in the recess of his heart, he felt the need for Ashley. There was no explaining it, but he suddenly stopped his endless journey and turned around from where he had just came, looking back to see if Ashley was there. There was no one and a strange sadness grew upon him, as he didn’t feel like exploring the new place any longer. Suddenly he was weary, and as he felt himself slump down, he felt himself seated.

The chair or whatever it was held him in place. His feet kicked around still hidden in the white swirling flooring and yet his buttocks rested on the same soft material. This was indeed a strange place and he stared out, watching the far distant whiteness begin to swirl and flow around in strange patterns. Something was happening there, and he wanted to go to investigate, but he held firm, somehow knowing that was ever happening there, was coming to him and so he waited.

The soft scent of lilac floated near his nostrils and he breathed them in, feeling much like he did on a spring day back home, when he was just a small kid and he would run out of the house to play in the yard. Small lilac bushes were all over the yard and he would always stop to smell their fragrant flowers. Each smell made him feel so warm and fuzzy, that he would shriek in joy and then dance around the tree until either he was exhausted, or his father would come out to quieten him down, warning him that he was acting like a sissy boy.

Strange, he hadn’t thought of that in years and yet just now, it was like it was only yesterday that he had heard his father’s loud angry voice, telling to stop dancing around the trees, to act like a man and not give the neighbours reason to talk. He never did understand that, why would the neighbours talk about a small boy enjoying the wonders of nature? Didn’t their own kids play and run and jump? Why was he being singled out for being different?

As the faint hint of lilac passed, he started to smell the manful odour of testosterone and he could see himself, a young boy of no more than 12 or 13 being forced to be naked among other young boys. He had been enrolled in a summer camp that was nothing but sports. They played soccer, football, baseball, and basketball. Morning, afternoon, and even evenings there was some sport to be played and after the day was finished, they were all marched into a large room, told to undress and shower and then dress.

He didn’t understand it at first, after all, he was only a child but the sight of all those naked bodies had made his own body act strange. His little dick would jerk around and he would get these strange hot flashes inside, sort of, like he was excited by something and he knew his face would turn red. At first, he didn’t really pay it much attention; his focus was always on showering quickly so he could take his time dressing.

It was there though that he first heard the harsh stinging denunciation of his own body. Soon others were staring at him weird, and he would blush, not really understanding why they were laughing at him. Okay, his little cock was standing out more and more, but so were theirs, so why were they laughing at him?

He could feel the small twinge of pain that back then wasn’t so small. He had felt like his whole world was coming to an end, especially after his father had suddenly materialized at the camp. It was an awkward moment, when his dad looked at him with such disgust, telling him to pack his gear as he was going home. Not until they were half way home did he find out that his father had been summoned to remove his fruit of a son. At first he didn’t quite get it, and then it dawned on him that everyone had been making fun of his erection, assuming he was aroused by them, when really he had no control over it, it just happened. 

He tried to explain it to his father, tried to tell him that others were just as excited, as he was, that he didn’t know why it was happening but his father wouldn’t listen. Instead, he was told not to even speak to him, that he didn’t spend all his time raising a girl in a boy’s body. The words crushed him then and had remained with him for a long time and yet now, sitting in the clouds he didn’t mind them. 

For a brief second he closed his eyes and he could see his own face as it was back then. He saw the tears rolling down his cheeks and instead of his father calming him, or trying to soothe him, his father only grew more angry, more belligerent towards him, beginning to swear at him, calling him nothing but a dirty faggot, a fudge packer and other names that he made his young body tremble in fear.

The tirade didn’t end with their return home either. His mother greeted them in tears and he shot by her, running to his room frightened and unsure of what was going to happen next. He had never seen his father in such a rage before and he could once more sense the pain that his parents words had caused him. For several days and nights the battle over his supposed indiscretions raged in his household, his older brother thinking they should send the little queer to a shrink, his sister wanting to know if it meant she would have to share her dollies with him, and his mother wondering what her parents would say when they found out.

Every night he heard them talking about him, yet when he would appear in the room, all voices became still and they all would stare at him. He could see their eyes now, the way they were filled with such disgust, and in the case of his older brother, with absolute hatred. He didn’t understand that, he and his brother used to play together and he thought they were close, but since his return from camp, his brother wouldn’t even stay in the same room as him. The pain was bad, he knew that now and looking at it, he wondered how he ever survived it.

The image of him kneeling at the side of his bed flashed before him then, and he could hear his own small young voice praying for God to help him, for God to make him normal again so that his family would once more love him. Terry shook his head at how naïve he had been back then, but was he? He did believe in God and he knew that God loved all of his children, but back then he just didn’t understand why he was made different. He had wished then, and if he was honest, even later on in life, he wished he wasn’t gay because the pain of living a gay life wasn’t always so bearable.

His hands under his chin, he stared down towards the coming swirling white clouds, wondering for a second what was inside, and then once more his mind was off in a journey of his past. He saw himself again, standing next to the largest of the lilac trees, the golden glow of lights coming from his home, and in his one hand he held a bunch of the lilacs, and in the other he held his sports duffle bag, a gift from his grandpa.

The arguing was still going on in his house, and he had enough of it. He was a bad boy, he thought, and somehow he had disappointed all in his family and so he left them, believing then, and now, that his departure would end the suffering of those he had loved unconditionally. He had left, a small note saying he was sorry for being queer, saying he didn’t know how he had come to be that way, but that he was sorry so he would leave, so they wouldn’t have to explain it to anyone else. He signed it, love your son.

There had been times when he wondered what his family was doing, wondering if they had missed him for long, or if his departure had erased all of the pain? Maybe one day he would go and find out, but as long as he stayed away, there was the hope that they would at least be happy.

He leaned back in the soft white cloud, not sure how it kept him from falling backwards, but his mind was too busy to worry about that. His heart was still and quiet, which was strange because throughout his young life his heart and mind were constantly engaged in battle, always trying to see who would guide his next move or make his next decision for him. For the most part his mind would win but there had been times when his heart had won. Strange how quiet it was this time, as if it didn’t need to fight anymore, as if the ultimate battle had already been decided for him. 

Once more he saw himself as he was years ago and he felt a bit of sadness now, as he watched how he had stolen from stores, runners for his bleeding feet, pants because the one’s he was wearing were falling apart, but mostly  it was food from stores, to quieten the rumblings in his young stomach. He had no idea how long he had lived under stairs or some bridges, but slowly he had managed to get himself some clothes and keep himself from starving, but too many days would go past when all he ate was remnants from tossed out food in garbage cans. 

He learned about soup kitchens but he looked too young, hell he was too young and that meant questions, and that always led to police. So he stayed away, and even the churches were off limits to him. The kindly old priests would try to make him go home, try to find out who he was, and even once, one tried to feel him, but that wasn’t the worse, the worse was that they would tell him God wanted him to go home. How did they know? They couldn’t tell him why he was queer, except that it was an evil thing, and maybe he would get a cookie or on occasion some milk too, but always they said he should go home, that he should make up with God but he wasn’t mad at God, why did he have to make up to him?

The streets were cruel and heartless but he wasn’t stupid and he had learned the tricks. He knew how to panhandle in short order but that didn’t always get him food or what he needed. He learned how to run scams, but that too didn’t work too well, and it did attract the police, so finally he came to accepting the offer many did. He finally allowed another person to have him in exchange for money, more money than he could ever get panhandling for a whole day.

It was easy too, he had a good young body and he was young. He learned early on how to make that really pay and before long, he had money that more than satisfied his hunger. Unlike others though, he saved his money, he counted it and spent it wisely so that after almost two years he was able to secure a real home for himself. He was proud of that, and looking at it now, he still felt that pride. It had taken a lot of cold nights, a lot of dirty men pawing at his young flesh, but he didn’t care because at least he ate, at least he was able to sleep with both eyes closed, no fears of being attacked or robbed to disturb his sleep.

Terry looked up and he saw the swirling mist getting closer and he smiled now. It was really something to see, the way his whole face would light up when he smiled. His long eye lashes always fluttered and the blue of his eyes would gleam, his nose would wrinkle up a little but then his cheeks would fill out and his whole face just seemed to glow, and all because he had smiled. He glanced down at himself, proud of how he had kept his body clean, had learned early on to use strong soaps to keep himself free from zits and other stuff.

If you really thought about it, he had done pretty well, even if he did say so himself. How many 13-year-old runaways could claim to have survived on their own without getting cut, without being nicked by the police or without turning to drugs? Not to many and this time, he did feel his heart, as if it suddenly felt heavy and yet empty all at the same time. He knew he shouldn’t gloat, because somehow, he had been spared that horror, others hadn’t and he should feel for them.

His eyes darted a quick glance towards the coming clouds and he felt himself starting to feel excited. Whatever was in there, he knew it was something special, something that he had been searching for and he felt pleased that it was finally coming to him. His hand roamed across his naked chest, and he felt the firm flesh of his nipple, and a small tear welled up in the corner of one eye. That was the same nipple that Ashley had first licked, and he could almost feel his tongue now, as it had hesitantly flicked out from his mouth, to curl around Terry’s nipple. God, the joy that first lick had given him was amazing, he could still feel its power flowing thru his whole body.

Here he goes again, he thought, back to Ashley and the amazing way he seemed to make him feel. Once more, he wished that Ashley could be here, could be with him and the thought made his head lift up and stare towards the swirling cloud that was gaining speed as it came closer. He peered into it, wondering just where was he, wondering if Ashley would miss him if he was gone too long and even as that thought passed from his mind, his heart told him that Ashley would miss him for every second that they were apart.

Maybe that was going to be the hardest part, not having Ashley next to him each night or wake up to his warm body pressed against him each morning? Was that why he was going back to all he had gone through? Could it be some way of making the loss of Ashley more palatable or less painful? Nah, couldn’t be that because there wasn’t any pain, at least not the kind of pain that would make him sweat or groan in agony. How could that be? Was his nerves or senses gone but then he could still smell things, feel things like the unbelievable softness of everything around him.

His powder blue eyes opened a bit wider as he stared around, feeling the soft warm breeze as it touched his face. It was almost like the soft gentle touch of a loving parent’s hand, or more like how he remembered Ashley’s touch just a short time earlier. He was so scared back there, all that gore had kind of made him a bit nervous yet when his hand had touched his cheek, it was like a sponge and all his pain was suddenly lifted away. Terry couldn’t explain any of it, and for one of the few times in his life; he really didn’t want to know the answer.

It wasn’t fear either, because he felt no fear here, and maybe that was one more reason not to leave? No, that wasn’t it, maybe it was just that he was tired of the daily fights, the ones everyone had to deal with, like just getting up in the morning and getting cleaned up, or having to run to the store because you forgot to get coffee the night before. Maybe it was the hassle of having to constantly keep an eye out for those who would harm you, like he had done a good job of that. Shit, there was so much to think about and yet he knew he didn’t have all that much time to decide.

A choice? Now that was an interesting thought, one he really hadn’t considered yet and as he waited for whatever was coming towards him, he thought about what was behind him. Could he go back to all that and not go crazy? It was tempting in that maybe he could take what he now knew and make changes, but change was something he really didn’t adapt to well. If Ashley were with him, well maybe he could hack it, but would Ashley want to be with him?

Look, at all he had put the poor guy through in the short time they had known each other? He had been thrown out of the apartment, well sort of and well yeah; they were getting a better place and a better deal so maybe that really wasn’t a bad thing. Okay they had fought with that snooty neighbour but then, shit the way Ashley had kissed him after, that couldn’t be bad either, now could it?

All right, he had one, what about Jason and his damn scam with paying for the extra time plus making him take a cab? That had to rank up there as shit, besides it had left Ashley all alone in the bar, and no way could that be a pleasing experience, or was it supposed to be that way? Shit, what if he had stayed and when he left this had happened, that would mean Ashley would have been there, and maybe he would have been hurt too? Fuck, maybe being held up with Jason had saved Ashley? Shit, going with Jason may have actually helped keep Ashley from suffering the same fate, and he sighed, knowing that he couldn’t live if he had caused Ashley that type of pain, so it looked like even Jason wasn’t a bad thing.

Terry felt a sudden hot flash roll thru his body and his head felt like it was suddenly swimming as the heat filled him from toe to head. His whole body felt like it was suddenly charged by a billion volts of electricity and he felt himself standing up now, his head slowly lifting up off his bare chest and his eyes were beginning to glow as he stared forward. The smile crept along his face, making him glow as he stared at the shape slowly taking form before him and the warmth grew hotter in his body as he waited.

Terry “About time you got here”

Ashley “Traffic sucked, what did you expect?”

Terry “I don’t know, you look terrible”

Terry could see the tall body in front of him; the dirty blond hair was streaked with dirt and his blood. The face was smeared; long tracks showed through the dirt and dried blood from where the tears had etched a path. His lips were tight and his eyes swollen from all the tears he had shed. Despite all that he had never seen anyone so handsome, so desirable as Ashley was at this instant in time.

Ashley “Yeah? Christ you should talk”

Terry “Haha, I guess I must look a mess huh, mascara all over the place?”

Ashley “Yeah, time you got some of that waterproof shit, so?”

Terry “Yeah, so… big question isn’t it?”

Ashley “Yep, you know I don’t want you to go”

Terry “I know”

Ashley “You figure if you do go that it’ll be easier for me, but Terry it won’t be, I don’t want to be without you, no matter the circumstances”

Ashley moved in closer, his body was trembling as he came closer to the blood drenched young man who stood in front of him. He saw the powder blue eyes and he stared into them, reaching down inside to talk with the real Terry, to go beyond the outer person and to communicate in the only language that counted between them, to share and feel the love that was only theirs.

Terry “I love you Ashley”

Ashley “I love you too, if it wasn’t for you I don’t know if I could do this”

Terry “Sure you could, you are stronger than you think”

Ashley “So are you Terry, Christ look at all you went through to just get here, and now, well you know”

Terry “Yeah, I do, it is just, I am not sure, I don’t know if I can let you take all this on, it isn’t fair to you”

Ashley “Isn’t that for me and you to decide, not you alone?”

Terry “Yes, that’s why you are here, to help decide”

Ashley “I don’t have the words to say all that I want to Terry”

Terry “I know, but I can feel what you want, just as you can feel what I want, that is all we need, isn’t it?”

Ashley “Maybe, or maybe its just a beginning?”

Terry “Maybe, but Ashley are you sure? The road ahead is going to be hard, and you have already endured so much”

Ashley  “What? Some blood? Pain? It is nothing to what I would go thru for you, and before you say it, I know you think I am naïve, but Terry, my eyes are opened, I can see clearly and I know, if it was me there, and you here, would you walk away because the future might be hard?”

Terry “No, no I wouldn’t walk away, no matter what you said, I wouldn’t, but this is different, I have been through all this, you haven’t”

Ashley “Then it is time I did”

Terry reached out with his hand and with the back of it, he ran his hand down the soft cheek of Ashley, feeling the love inside as it flowed through the thin arteries and veins inside. He could feel Ashley’s heart beating slowly and his own heart began to finally beat again and he knew that he loved Ashley more than anything in the entire universe.

Looking into Ashley’s navy blue eyes, he saw that he was speaking the truth and it made his heart happy. He could feel his love growing even stronger with each touch of his hand along the soft lines of Ashley’s cheeks and he ran his finger lightly across the thin lips. He saw them quiver a little and then as he watched, he saw Ashley’s hand rise up and hold his hand, and then his lips kissed the tip of his finger and then he pushed the finger inside, letting the warmth of his mouth cover the bent finger. 

Terry could feel the warmth as it slowly moved up his finger, past his wrist and up his shaking arm. The feeling was so natural, so normal that he barely noticed how his breathing became less painful, or how the ache in his groin was suddenly growing. It was as if nothing mattered to him and he looked down, seeing Ashley staring up at him from under his eyelids. The look of love was unbelievable, and he could feel it reaching inside of him, touching his heart.

Terry “Ashley, fuck I, I love you so much Ashley… hell I don’t even know your last name, funny, I never thought about that before.”

Ashley “It was Ashley Parker Gibbons, but I would like it to be Ashley Parker Jamison, if you’ll have me?”

His wet finger was resting against Ashley’s heart; he stared at it and then back up into Ashley’s face. He could see the face and the love that was behind it. He could feel Ashley’s love for him beating in his chest, waiting for the answer, waiting for the command that would set it free, would let it rest where it needed to rest, deep in Terry’s own bosom.

As he stared at Ashley, he saw the white clouds come and surround them both and yet he could still see perfectly. He saw the eyes as they waited for his answer, he even saw deep inside of Ashley, to where his soul rested, waiting too, as if every part of Ashley was just waiting, needing that one word to set them all free. As his gaze grew more intense, he watched the boy in front of him become transformed into something else.

He watched with awe as he saw the dirty blond hair suddenly shine and begin to flow behind the face, each long strand of hair perfect and clean, glowing in the white light. His mouth opened as he watched the dried caked blood suddenly fall away, revealing the golden milky flesh to his eyes and it made his heart beat a little quicker. Terry watched as the body in front of him began to shimmer in its radiant beauty, nothing to mar the picture perfect image that he had of his Ashley. 

His eyes began to travel down the shimmering body, and he saw the two firm pink nipples shaking in anticipation of his answer, the way they jutted out from the deep brown circle around them and then to the firm chest, the ribs barely noticeable under the taut flesh. All of it glimmered before him and he saw the muscles coiling inside as his gaze travelled lower, to take in the flat washboard stomach.

The dirt from the street was falling away before his very eyes and in its place was the fresh pink skin of his lover. He could see the tiny blond hairs, clean and fresh as they fell against the shaking flesh. The belly button was clean and pink, almost winking at him as his eyes moved down to the tiny tuft of darker pubic hairs. He could see the way each hair was curled and lay against the firm but soft belly of Ashley’s groin. His finger was slowly moving with his eyes, and he saw the tip of his finger as it rested lightly on the flesh just above the pubic hairs and he turned his gaze back upwards towards Ashley’s eyes.

The love was there, he could see it behind the mirror of the eyes, and there wasn’t a hint of pain or anger or doubts as his finger moved down while he searched the deep recess of Ashley’s soul. Terry could feel the heart beginning to beat faster as his own body suddenly moved in closer, his face now merely an inch from Ashley’s face. He stared and their eyes both refused to blink or look away as his finger moved down the warm body, touching the hot thick base of Ashley’s love pole.

Terry could feel the thick 1-¾ inch penis and his finger began to lightly move around it, while his heart skipped a beat or two. His breath was shallow but not from pain but from the burning desire that was once more filling his own body. He was in love, he knew that now and the armour of that love began to once more form, to once more wrap its power around the two mortal bodies. He could feel it stretching out and surrounding them, keeping them from prying eyes and suddenly he looked up to look around the huge white room.

He could sense the presence of others and yet it didn’t matter because he was in love and the rest of his hand now joined his lone finger and he felt the palm resting against the quivering flesh of Ashley’s crotch. The hard penis resting in between two of his fingers now, and all of his fingers were spread across the crotch, feeling the love flowing beneath, feeling the blood flowing back and forth in increasing speed.

The hot touch of Ashley’s arms around his shoulders made his head turn back to stare into the gentle face. He watched as the face came closer and he could feel the charge of power run through his whole body as Ashley kissed him on the lips, his tongue tip licking out, running all along the outside of his lips and then the face moved back a little, so that Ashley could once more stare into Terry’s soul.

The two hands were spread across his back and held him tight, and next to his own chest, he could feel the gentle beat of Ashley’s heart and it felt like it belonged there, as if it was his to have and he saw his own hands now move to one side, both hands down the lanky frame, holding the thin waist of the farm boy that had come to steal his heart. He felt the bones of Ashley’s hips and he pulled them inwards, feeling the thick hard penis slide under his own aching groin. His own 7-½ inch penis slid upwards, throbbing against the warm belly of his lover and he knew that what he was feeling was not a passing fancy. He knew that Ashley was his; all he had to do was take that leap of faith and say the word.

Terry’s hands rested on the trembling hips, Ashley’s hands rested firmly on the shaking flesh of Terry’s buttocks and they both suddenly looked at each other, pulling back just a little. Terry felt his nose brushing up against Ashley’s and he felt his heart beginning to pound in his chest with excitement, as they slowly rubbed noses and then both heads moved to one side, to rest their chins on the shoulders of the other. 

As his head rested and his hands held the thin young body next to his, he knew this was what he wanted. He could feel the desire inside of him growing and more than that; he knew that the armour of their love was thick and strong, willing and ready to protect them both from all that a cruel world could throw at them. It was reinforced by each touch, by each breath that they both took and he knew that what they had now was indeed only a beginning and so he pulled back, his hands reaching up and forcing Ashley’s hands to be held between his own trembling hands.

Terry “My life is yours to keep and do with as you please, because without you next to me, there is no life, so yes, from now on, it will be Ashley Parker Jamison.”

He reached out and kissed Ashley firmly on the lips, the taste making his head swim with a joy he had never really experienced before. His arms grew stronger and so did his whole body as he felt the force of his life returning to him. The love beat strong in his chest and his heart began to sing out, to thunder to all those watching that it was once more whole and they held each other, kissing deeply and with such force that they could feel it down to their toes.

As the power of their love began to grow hotter, he felt his body suddenly being lifted upwards, and he could feel his legs rising up, and his back was going down and yet still they kissed and the deep warmth only grew more intense until he and Ashley were laying prone across the white floor. The white mist swirled around them and yet all he could see was the deep love that Ashley felt for him. Their armour still stood guard but it was no longer opaque, as it now shimmered and glowed among the white clouds. It added a light blue tinge to the white clouds and he felt his heart growing stronger, felt it rising up to receive all of Ashley’s love as he lay among the clouds.

His eyes stared up into Ashley’s face and he saw him looking down. Together they watched as their bodies were no longer theirs to instruct, instead it was for their love to order and command. He felt the immense power as it flowed thru his veins and he fell backwards, snuggling into the pure softness of his cloud as Ashley’s face began to move from his vision. He stared up into the stars and saw them growing brighter as he felt Ashley’s lips kissing his flesh, licking at his wounds and making them heal under his administrations. 

Pain that was lying in wait for him was suddenly being flushed out of hiding. His whole body began to tremble and buck as Ashley’s warm flesh covered his own, and he smiled inside as his soul began to flicker brighter, the warmth flowing from within as well as from outside. His body began to come alive once more and his paleness left as he stared out at the twinkling stars. His head rolled to one side as Ashley’s tongue licked at his cheeks and then slowly licked up towards his ear, tasting it and then licking at the ear lobe, then around the ear itself and finally to taste inside, licking all around the tender flesh, sending a rush of love into his head.

His eyes opened wider, as with each flick of Ashley’s tongue, each press of his warm hands on his body, Terry could see the white clouds changing and now he gazed upon a field of colours. Reds and greens, oranges and purples, yellows and blues all started to flash around him and through it all, he saw shapes taking form. No longer was the room empty and populated by just white clouds and softness but he saw huge trees rising up through the misty white floor, flowers of all kinds began to sprout and open up. The breeze now grew stronger and a host of new scents began to waft across their two bodies and he turned back to see Ashley’s face over his own. He felt the face come down and once more they kissed, their bodies pressed together and their love joining tenderly between them.

The perfume fragrance of roses in bloom filled Ashley’s nostrils as his hands moved slowly up and own the shaking body beneath him. He could feel each vein, each artery, as his hands moved and he reached through the pale flesh to breath new life into them. His whole body was shaking as he felt the life slowly returning to Terry and his love began to shine brighter as he knew that he would be Terry’s for eternity. That nothing man could do, could say, could place as obstacles before them, would change that and with that certainty he began to reach down, to push aside Terry’s slender legs and slide them to one side.

His eyes were blazing once more, but not from hatred or anger, not even from the desire to wreck vengeance on anyone but from the overpowering need to fill Terry with his love, to reunite the ache of his own heart with the pain of Terry’s heart. To join together his saddened soul with Terry’s own tormented soul. It was his need to let their love flow, to make it swim around and over and through them, to find all that was in pain, to seek all that was in turmoil and bring it out of hiding and to send it away so that only the glory of their love would rest in their bodies.

The smell of fresh home baked bread filled his nostrils as he felt his legs pushed aside, and he could feel the ache of his penis as it slid up the firm belly of his lover. Terry groaned now, not from the pain or the deep wounds, but from his desire to feel Ashley just one more time. His love was flowing and deep inside the fires of his soul began to burn brighter, they were rising upwards to consume him as they had before and his heart began to race faster, began to beat with the strength and desire that only the young at heart could experience.

His body had been torn and plundered by a cruel world yet here in this growing field of life he felt none of that, all he could feel was the gentle warmth of love as it caressed his tired body, as it gently massaged his aching flesh and his eyes began to burn with a fire that had long since been extinguished by the cruelty of others. The feel of his hard throbbing penis against Ashley’s belly was amazing as he felt his body surrendering to the soft gentle up and down motion. He could feel his balls filling with his seed and he looked upwards, watching a shower of life come falling from the heavens and he sighed as his body responded to the miraculous sight of so much life.

He felt the warm flash as his milk came flooding out of his throbbing organ and he felt the sudden press of the body above, knowing that Ashley was feeling his seed to and he glanced back down, to see the blond head lifting up and he waited, knowing he would enjoy the vision that was to soon come to him. He licked his lips as he saw the forehead come up, no lines crossed it as it was at peace, then the long eyelashes came up, fluttering with a sense of excitement and then the eyes, glowing with a desire that rivalled his own, and then the nose, nostrils flaring as it sniffed at the wonderful fragrances that wafted around both bodies and then the lips, curled in the most amazing smile he had ever seen on another living human being and his heart thundered loudly as the love poured into his body.

Terry shook and he felt his body arching upward and then down, his legs twitching and his arms flaying the sides of the soft bed of clouds that he rested on. His arms disappeared from view as he eyes watched the figure rise up, tower even over him, and he felt the softness of Ashley’s hair as the tiny shiny strands began to tickle and flow over his heaving chest.

His eyes opened wider as he dropped his gaze to the widening space between his body and Ashley’s and he saw the milky white trail of his spent seed, and he looked in awe as he saw it slowly being absorbed by the hot flesh from above. He could see it pass thru Ashley’s own golden skin and he watched as he saw Ashley’s soul picking up each drop, holding it and then kissing it.

With a growing smile he watched as Ashley’s soul then gently rubbed the tiny drops of his love across the scarred outside of the heart, gently massaging it along the thousand and one tiny lines, and his own heart began to pound harder as he watched those lines of pain slowly disappear before his eyes. He watched as Ashley’s soul began to flicker and burn hotter as it now turned its gaze towards him and he could feel his own soul starting to reach out. His whole body was now quivering as his muscles began to feel life again and they coiled, willing for their own chance to show off.

Ashley leaned above the prone body, one hand holding him up as his other hand now moved down towards where both bodies where still touching. He felt the excitement rising in his soul as his hand pushed the hard throbbing pole down across the slowly sinking sacs of Terry and then his eyes looked into Terry’s face, waiting for his chance. He watched as he saw the power of their love growing stronger, large links of steel were now being formed between them, links that no man could ever break and he waited, watching the growing smile, feeling the growing warmth and he felt Terry’s legs starting to move and slide apart even wider.

As Terry’s legs obeyed the silent orders of the two souls, he felt his own cock start to slide down, the warm crotch moving up and he smiled his own wide smile as his body began to tremble with anticipated delight. He could feel his heart growing louder and he felt it pushing hard against his chest, and as he looked down he could see the skin around Terry’s chest thundering as the two hearts were straining for each other and he felt the warmth flowing into his body. 

The ache in his body suddenly was overpowering and he felt his hand slowly guiding the hot throbbing penis down amongst the warm valley walls of Terry’s cheeks. He felt them shake as his penis passed them, and he could feel them clenching and moving inwards as his cock passed by, as if they were making sure that he couldn’t change his mind. Looking down he saw the wild glint growing inside of Terry and he felt it reaching out for him too.

His cock rested lightly against the puckering pink hole and it was like being in the eye of a hurricane. All was calm and yet all around you could see the flashes of lightning, you could hear the thunderous roar of the thunder and yet here, all was quiet and peaceful. The waters were stilled as his penis rested up against the lone silent entrance. The two boys stared into each others faces, each of them touching and caressing the others soul, one last confirmation of their undying love for each other and as the words of love flowed between them, Ashley’s body slowly came falling down to greet Terry’s own rising body.

The 7 ¾ inch penis moved slowly inside, pushing gently at the tight hole, gradually forcing it wide and opened it to receive his thick pulsing organ. Terry didn’t even feel a hint of pain as the power of their love covered all of his nerves, all of his senses and the only thing he felt was the gentle voice of Ashley, as it soothed his tortured soul. He could hear it talking, hear it as it spoke only words of admiration and love and he smiled now, feeling that his life did have meaning and he listened as the words grew in passion. He listened as the large throbbing tool of love filled his body and he could feel his own silky muscles reaching out to gently grab at the thick pulsing penis that was slowly making its way through his love canal. He felt it reaching out and touching him all over and he continued to smile, to rest easy amongst his bed of clouds.

His mind saw the fields around him growing more vibrant in colour and life. He saw newborn animals frolicking among the freshly blossomed flowers, the tall lush green blades of grass bending softly to the gentle breeze of life that swirled around each and every blade.  By the tall solid tree he saw a new born fawn, it’s speckled skin glistening in the soft golden light of a bright sun and he could feel the freshness as it filled his body. Terry felt life as it slowly returned to his body and he looked up into Ashley’s face, and he watched him as he felt him, watched the eyes glowing as his penis reached deep inside of him and all he could think of was how much he loved Ashley and how much Ashley loved him.

Terry was ready now and he could tell that Ashley understood that as well. He could feel the long throbbing pole sliding slowly in and out of his body, gradually growing thicker and hotter with each long gentle stroke, and his heart was once more beating, once more beating out its love for Ashley and his soul danced now. It was no longer held captive inside and it roared across the field of life, soaring with the Eagle and flittering among the swarm of sparrows. It danced with the soft clouds above and it sang with the nightingale. The rainbow only paled in comparison to the vibrant colours of his soul as it walked next to Ashley’s own soul and he felt so grateful as he watched the smile growing on the face of the man in white who stood off in the distance. He watched his face grow warmer and the embers that were his eyes blazed their approval and he turned, to feel the press of Ashley’s penis deep inside and to see the red thin lips coming to his once more.

He felt the lips pressing on his mouth and he could feel his body shaking as the thick organ inside of him began to tremble and jerk from side to side and as it did, he could feel the sudden warmth as it suddenly opened up deep inside of him. The wet warmth travelled up his insides, seeping into all of him and he could feel its pure raw power as it sought his heart out and at the same time he felt the kiss, and then the hot breath of Ashley began to pump past his teeth, to flow into his mouth and down his throat.

His heart boomed loudly making all the animals turn their heads towards him and Ashley and as his heart proclaimed his love, he felt the breath flowing inside, filling the sunken veins and arteries with a new life, and once more his blood began to course thru his body. Once more life had come to him and this time his lungs grew full from the waters of life that now sprung up around the two heaving bodies. A huge waterfall, a rainbow of vibrant colours inside, cascaded down onto the two, covering them with its warm wetness and he felt the life flowing in, filling him with its warmth, its hope, and its promise of a future.

Tears dripped from Ashley’s eyes, one single drop at a time, onto the soft flushed cheeks of Terry and together their souls danced above, looking down with delight as Ashley’s milk filled Terry’s insides, his breath filling Terry’s lungs, and his love fuelling Terry’s heart. The pain was gone, the doubts were banished and life was all that lived among their love, no longer buried within, but blossoming all around them.

Ashley “I will be waiting”

Terry “I know, I won’t keep you waiting long”

Ashley “I’ll wait for you for as long as it takes”

Terry “I know, I love you”

Ashley “I know, you are my life”

Part 3

Connor watched the body lurching up and then down, he saw the frantic effort of Bruce as he pounded on the chest, then he saw him stick the long needle in and once more he saw the electricity leap into the lifeless body and his own heart ached as he felt so helpless, so useless as he waited for the end.

His eyes were misted with tears and he didn’t know why he was crying, he didn’t know the kid on the gurney or the one standing so rigidly next to him and yet it was like he did know th