Chapter 6

The voice was shrill in his ears and he felt himself sweating as the fear took hold and he wanted to cry out, he wanted to quiet the raging voice that was shrieking so loudly, warning the whole world about his secret and yet he couldn’t move. His body was glued to its spot, he couldn’t move his arms let alone his legs and he could feel the cold sweat dripping down his back, his skin clammy and cold as the fear continued to rise inside.

New voices were added to the already shrill voice, he felt each word striking him like a hail of bullets. He could feel them pierce his heart, his soul and yet he hadn’t done anything wrong, at least he didn’t believe he had and yet the voices rose in number, their cries for retribution only gaining strength and he turned to the one person who could help him but all he saw was an empty face.

The sweat was threatening to drown him, his whole body ached from the constant hail of accusations and threats and admonishments. Nothing he could do could stop the terrible force of the words, or ease the growing pain in his chest. He struggled for breath, desperate to try and explain, to save what was once his but his voice was mute, only his ears could hear the weak excuses that came from his lips, and yet he tried, he begged but it was useless as the cruel mimicking voices only shrieked louder, grew more indignant as he stood there, his body assailed by the verbal filth that was being hurled at him.

His eyes opened to the semi dark room, and he glanced around, feeling his chest starting to slow down, the panic beat of his heart gradually subsiding as he came awake, his face still drenched in the clammy feel of his cold sweat. He stretched his arms out, letting the wet sheet fall from his bare chest and he shook his head, his eyes feeling heavy as he grabbed the glass beside the alarm clock. All 149 pounds of him shivered even though the room was warm, as the last images of his nightmare passed in front of him, one last vision of taunting voices and leering faces before he came fully awake.

Taking a long hard pull on the liquid in the glass, he grimaced a little as the Vodka found its way down his throat and he felt the heat as the harsh liquid filled his stomach. He licked his lips and stared out at the small room, his home for the last month and he shook his head, wishing that he had made other choices than the one’s he had. It really wasn’t like he enjoyed this place but he really couldn’t afford much, at least not yet.

Finishing the last of the Vodka in the glass, he stood up, still a bit dizzy from his sleep but maybe feeling the alcohol too, and he waited for the spinning room to slow down and he glanced towards his fridge, and shook his head once more. No sense in looking there, he hadn’t any food and besides he could always grab something at work, so he padded off to the shower, to let the stinging needles of the water wake him up and take away that clammy feeling.

As he stood, he looked at himself, seeing the soft pink nipples and he touched them, wondering if anyone else would ever legitimately want to touch them, or if anyone could ever be interested in him. He stared down at his shrivelled cock, the head barely noticeable from his soft pouch, his balls just dangling there, shrivelled too as if they had nothing to offer, which as he reflected, they really didn’t and he knew that no one would really care enough for him.

The pain of a wasted 22 years of life seemed to just wash up and over him as he turned the shower on and let the cold water revive him. His spirits were still low, still feeling the after effects of his nightmare, but that too would soon pass and he leaned back against the tiny shower wall, letting the spray work its magic. As he closed his eyes, to let the water work its magic, he saw once more the fleeting image of his father, his face beet red in a bout of pure anger and he saw the scarred fist, the knuckles covered in scabs and marks, and he shivered, reaching out to turn the hot water up, to ease the cold that was running up and down his spine.

The sound of running water made him open his eyes and stare around the room before he got his bearings. Ashley leaned up on his elbows to see the alarm clock ticking away, the flashing red numerals showing that it was almost 8 o’clock at night. He had been asleep for several hours and the water had to be Terry taking a shower.

Quickly he jumped out of bed, tossing the bed sheet to one side and stood up. He shivered a little, but the sound of running water was too enticing to him and he softly walked over to the bathroom, and cautiously he entered the room.

The steamy mist of the hot water filled the place and he could hear a soft humming sound as Terry was washing up. He felt a strange twist in the beat of his heart and he felt a strange sadness too, something that troubled him but which he quickly shrugged off. He didn’t care for bad thoughts, not now that he found Terry. It was nothing like he had imagined, as he stood in the bathroom by the shower stall, and yet it was more than he had hoped for, the feelings he was feeling for Terry were so intense, that it frightened him a little.

There were brief moments of pure panic, when he thought that this had to be a dream, or that he was making more out of it than he should, but he had managed to ignore those doubts, for now. The more he dwelled on it, the more frightened he became, and after his departure from home, well he really didn’t need to have any more rejections. It was tough enough to realize that your family no longer existed for you, and that at 18 you were just thrust out into a strange world, one you had been more or less sheltered from for all of those years.

The scary part for him wasn’t the sex, he figured he could always learn that, but it was all the strange feelings that came with it. It was one thing to sit back and imagine what it would be like to be touched, to have someone’s penis in you, quite another to actually experience it. The pain of entry was something he really hadn’t been prepared for, and yet while it hurt, it didn’t. That was weird to him, just as it was to feel the warmth and fullness that he had felt when Terry had slowly pushed his dick into him, it didn’t really feel like there was something there, but then it did.

Ashley shook his head and smiled as he heard the soft humming coming up over the sound of the shower spray. Terry was happy and he couldn’t explain it, but it made him feel happy too. Maybe they really were meant to find each other, and maybe he had to experience that pain of being outed and kicked out in order to reach this point. He wasn’t sure, but it at least seemed like the answer.

Ashley “Hey there, you are humming off key”

Just the sound of Terry’s voice was making him feel excited, and he glanced down to see that he was fully erect. Strange, he never really felt his body act this way before; it was like he was a whole new person.

Terry “Huh? Shit, you startled me, and I don’t hum off key, it’s your hearing, your ears need cleaning”

Christ, I was just thinking about him and there he is, man is this getting freaky, and he still doesn’t know, what is he going to do then?

Ashley “You think so?”

God, he is so sexy sounding, I wish I could spend every second with him, and to think, I was scared of him when I first saw him at the bar, now here I am, aching to climb in with him in the shower, and I think he wants me to, should I? Maybe I should ask first?

Terry “Yeah I do, so why don’t you get your scrawny ass in here and I’ll help clean those ears out, among other things, or didn’t you learn water conservation down on the farm?”

Shit, I sound like a love sick cow but the idea of washing his tall body and seeing that hard cock again, man I am a pervert, but fuck it, at least I can get one more time with him, but I gotta tell him, after anyway, well, before we get to the bar. Fuck, this is harder than I ever dreamed, but then, shit, the door is opening, fuck he is so gorgeous naked and shit, he’s hard like a goddamn rock!

 

Ashley slid open the shower stall door and looked inside. He saw Terry against the far wall, soap covering his entire 5ft 10in body. He looked so handsome and sexy as the soap was slowly sliding down his firm chest, the small tufts of hair matted together and his eyes, oh Christ his eyes just seemed to sparkle as he took a hesitant step inside, feeling the warm water start to splash against his backside, as he kept his front facing Terry, his hard 7 ¾ inch cock sticking straight out from his own body.

The shower stall door slid shut and he stood in front of the soapy body, staring into the eyes, feeling the ache growing in his loins as he felt the hot water spray against his back, the needles shooting strange thoughts through his body. His heart was beating fast as he reached out to take the soapy washcloth into his own hands and he moved in closer.

Terry stood perfectly still, his breathing suddenly stopped, as he watched the tall figure climb into the shower to stand before him. His whole body seemed to be standing still, as if at the edge of a cliff, waiting for that right moment to leap off.

His eyes widened as he saw Ashley reach out for the washcloth that he was holding in his hand. He felt the strange jolt of electricity as their fingers touched ever so lightly and yet it made his entire body tremble in desire.

He looks so damn innocent, so adorable and cuddly, why can’t I just come out and tell him? Get it over with so he won’t be hurt any more than he has to be? It isn’t fair; I have been with lots of guys, why do I have to fall for this one?

Christ am I ever falling for this guy, just his fucking touch is making me want to cum.

I have to keep control, shit if this goes on much longer I’ll never get the nerve to tell him the truth, and then what? Maybe I can keep it secret, after all, not many really know about it as fact, maybe, oh shit, he’s going to wash my chest, fuck.

The cloth was still foaming with the soap and he could feel his own body starting to ache so much that he thought he might pass out, but somehow he managed to hold on, and he took a deep breath as he haltingly reached out, the cloth in his hand and he slowly moved it towards Terry’s body.

God he is so handsome, I am the luckiest person alive, I wonder if he knows how much I care for him?

Just look at him, he is waiting so still, like he knows exactly what I am going to do, it has to mean we are meant for each other, there isn’t any other explanation.

He really didn’t know what was guiding him; he just knew that he needed to be close to Terry. His hand had slowly inched forward, the hot water spraying all across his own back and spurting around his tall frame. The spray splattered against the glass doors and the ceramic tiles of the walls and it made him tingle all over, as if he was the water itself.

Moving his hand close, he felt the excitement rising up from Terry’s body and he looked into his soft blue eyes, to see the swirling mists inside and it made his own heart thump even harder in his chest.

The ache in his body was growing and despite the steady stream of water against his body, he felt himself growing hotter, as if he was slowly catching fire. Every part of him started to tingle and he could feel small tremors racing along his spine, fanning the flames that were flickering inside of his body.

It is so strange, I can feel my hands moving and yet all I can think about is how much I want him to like me?

Maybe I shouldn’t do this, but it seems so right, like this is what he wants, but then how do I know? Are we connected somehow? Is this what the poets’ mean? I never did understand poetry much, but this feels so right, so good, how can it really be bad like the preacher’s say?

 

As his hand touched the wet skin, he could feel the sudden jolt as it passed between them. It was like a bolt of lightning had jumped in between them and he found himself gasping for air as he started to rub the hard muscled chest of Terry.

Everything began to flicker as his eyes blinked several times, the power of Terry’s desire was overwhelming to him and he couldn’t hold on, his body began to sway a little until the hard touch of fingers around his thin waist filtered past the raging flames of his own desire.

Terry had reached out, moved at last, and his long tapered fingers were now carefully pressing into his flesh around his waist. God, he felt like he was in heaven the way his body started to rock and the washcloth fell to the shower floor, unheeded as he felt his body being pulled inwards, pulled close to the masculine body standing before him.

God it is like being on fire, just the touch of him is making me weak at the knees, I must be in love, but is he in love with me? He’s so much more experienced than me, why would he want me?

Shit, it is like he is calling to me, pulling me but from the insides, how does he do that? I can’ believe he really feels this way; no one could want me like that, no one.

Shit he feels so good, the way his body just makes me ache, I can’t believe I am doing this, oh man he smells so damn nice, why can’t I smell like that? His desire, shit, he really is so hot, I can’t hold out, I need him.

The press of Ashley’s hand on his trembling chest was too much for him, and Terry reached out with his hands, to grab hold of the body in front of him. He needed to hold him, to feel his breath on his own cheeks and for some reason; the idea of being with Ashley only grew in intensity inside of him.

He had no idea what was driving him, but he knew that he needed to feel Ashley inside of him, that he needed to feel that long hard cock ride him hard now, this very instant, and he could think of nothing else, as the urgent desires of his body took hold over his thoughts.

Terry’s hand gripped hard at the solid waist, feeling the flesh give and his fingers took hold of the slender body, pulling it close to his own aching form, to crush it into his own body and he sighed as he felt the hard solid cock sliding under his aching balls.

The pain was growing inside of him as he held the quivering body into his own trembling one. Nothing seemed to matter to him as he felt his cock pushed up between the two hard bodies, the hot steamy water greasing the way and easing the hard pain that was lancing up from his groin.

Fuck he smells good, I have never felt so fucking horny as I am right now, Christ I want him, damn he is making me hurt all over

Damn my ass is hurting, I can’t believe this, but I need him inside, fucking hell this isn’t real, it can’t be real, I have never felt like this, not even with that damn porn star, I never felt like this, shit, he’s gotta fuck me, I need to be fucked by him, I have to, its my last chance, my only chance, damn it Ashley I need you inside of me.

The sudden pull almost took him off his feet but somehow he managed to keep his balance. Raging waves of desire seemed to be running thru his entire body and he groaned a little as his hard body crashed into Terry’s equally solid frame.

The press of his cock was making him wince in pain as it was forced to rest under Terry’s full balls. He could feel the leathery sac rub against the top of his throbbing cock as he hips pushed forward, out of reflex and he marvelled at how his body seemed to know just what to do.

He felt the hot throb of Terry’s solid cock as it pushed up on his belly and Terry’s. The warmth surpassed the hot water and he felt it gliding up his stomach, and he could tell that it was oozing pre cum, and he seemed to even feel the dull throb of the cock, as blood rushed in and out of the pulsing organ.

Every nerve in his body started to quiver and he felt his stomach muscles shifting, the way they simply rippled to the hot touch of Terry’s cock and body against them. It was adding to the rising flood of desire inside of him and he felt the flames flickering at his soul as he leaned hard into Terry’s body, his face now right in front, not even an inch separating them.

Fuck it hurts, I never thought it would hurt so much, but it does, God I want him so badly, can he tell? 

His eyes look so hot, so dreamy, damn I feel like I am falling right inside of them, oh shit, I can see inside, he wants me, he really does, I can feel him telling me that, damn I am going crazy, how can I hear what he wants? 

No way, no fucking way, oh Christ the feel of his cum in his balls, I can feel the milk moving as he pulls me in, oh shit it is amazing, I can feel his milk, it is so hot so full, shit, that’s his heart beating, it has to be, its coming from there, it feels so strong, so forceful, oh fuck this hurts.

Ashley’s hot breath wafted across his face and he blinked, trying to clear his eyes of the dripping spray and the strands of his hair that hung down across them. He stared into the face of the boy of his dreams, his passion taking hold of his wildly beating heart and he began to moan a little as he found his face closing that small gap between the two faces.

His lips were pursed and his tongue was already reaching out, going past the thin lips to reach for the small little tip of Ashley’s own tongue, which was also starting its own search mission.

Terry felt himself shudder as the tip of his tongue flicked out and touched the hot wet tongue of Ashley. His whole body shuddered; his legs grew weak as he wrapped his hands around the quaking body of Ashley.

His fingers dug into the wet hot flesh of Ashley’s cheeks, digging hard into the shaking mounds of skin. It was unreal, the way his body was acting on its own, no thought or planning being allowed, as the flames of his desire grew more intense inside of him.

Jesus Christ what a sweet smell his breath has, oh God is he so fucking hot, I am hurting all over, and it is getting worse, how can it be so hot, oh fuck he is so cute, look at his eyes, they are so innocent, so trusting, shit I want him bad I can taste it, damn it, I am hooked, I can’t get him out of my mind, I need him.

Fuck how can I say that? I never needed anyone or anything in my life, how can this stranger make me need him so bad? Christ he has to be a magician or something, damn I can feel him reading my thoughts, he can feel my heart, I can see it in his eyes, and shit, he wants me as bad as I want him, that is impossible, I have never, oh fuck I do want him bad.

The kiss was hard and powerful as they locked lips together. Nothing seemed to matter as their tongues duelled within each other’s mouth. Terry’s tongue was the more experienced but the wild abandon of Ashley gave it a good battle.

The two tongues licked at each other, both of them trying to get past, to taste the sweet fruit of the other’s mouth. Terry’s tongue flicked out and pushed aside Ashley’s tongue, reached deep inside to try and taste the furthest reaches of Ashley’s mouth.

Ashley’s tongue felt the raspy underside of Terry’s tongue as it pushed past and he curled the edges of his tongue upwards, rubbing against the harsh underside of the pulsing tongue, and he moaned as he felt the tip reach deep into the back of his throat.

His hands moved up the backside of Terry’s quivering body, his own body shaking as his emotions took hold and began to control his movements. Nothing seemed to be too much for him, as his hands flew up and down the wet body, reaching the shoulders in one second then back down to run across the rippling stomach muscles and the jerking penis that lay between them.

His whole body was a mass of molten flesh as he struggled to mould his own frame into Terry’s body and vice versa. His skin was etched deeply into every curve and fold of Terry’s body and he could feel the nerve ends inside, the blood vessels as they rushed blood everywhere but most of all he could feel the strong rising beat of Terry’s heart as his groin ached and throbbed with his own desire.

Fuck I can’t hold on, shit, he tastes so fucking good, damn I wish this my cock in his mouth not my tongue, fuck it tastes good, I can’t believe how good he tastes, man I want to fuck his mouth, oh man this is unreal.

Oh I can’t believe he is doing this, oh shit it feels better than before, almost like when he had his dick in, oh Christ I want him so badly, I am hurting, I can’t believe it is so intense, the pain in my ass and my dick, I don’t know which hurts more, fuck I want him, I have to please him though, god my tongue, it is on fire, I know it is burning up, I have to get out of the way, shit that is so fucking good.

Shit the books had it all wrong, oh man this is too much, I just want to be a part of him, I can’t stand this, damn I wish we were joined together somehow, he is so much a part of what I want, oh please it hurts so much, how can I make it stop, I want him, damn the pain is unreal.

Oh Shit, his flesh is so hot, it is so fucking hot I can’t believe it, he has to be on fire but God it feels so good, so fucking good.

Terry was gasping for air as he felt the hard press of Ashley’s body against his own. He quivered with passion and desire as the growing pain in his rectum took hold and he could feel his cheeks clenching in anticipation of taking Ashley’s cock into his body. He needed that long hot weapon in him, he needed to feel Ashley’s love inside of him and he didn’t know why he was so desirous of it, so demanding for it but it was all he could think of as his hands tried to reach down, tried to just touch the throbbing pole that was making him swoon.

His entire body ached as he struggled with the roaring emotions inside, his own cock was oozing pre cum by the gallon it seemed as his mouth no longer locked to Ashley’s, began to wildly lick at the chin, feeling every cleft, every curve or indentation of the otherwise perfect flesh.

Nothing could equal the urgent desire that was consuming his mind or his body. His hands were grabbing at the tall young man’s body in every possible manner as his own body twisted and turned within Ashley’s own grasp. His breathing became harsh and shallow as his head arched back and his hips pushed forward, his cock aching and trembling to the wild feelings that were flashing inside his mind.

Mother fucker, I had him last night, I had him this morning and then this afternoon and yet it feels like I haven’t even touched him, oh shit it is so fucking hot with him like this, Christ I need him up my ass, god I am so much in pain, how the fuck can some hick from the country make me feel this fucking hot? How?

Shit, I want him, I have to have him, I don’t give a fuck about anything else, I have to have him, God he makes me ache so damn much, fuck him, I have to have him, damn it hurts, it never hurt like this before, shit I am close, I can feel my jizz pushing at me, damn I want him, he tastes so fucking good, so clean and so damn hot, how can he be like that? I have never had anyone like him, damn you Ashley, you are making me so fucking horny, I can’t stand it!

Terry “Fuck, oh God Ashley…”

Damn I can’t hold on

Ashley “Yes, yes Terry”

Oh Shit he really wants me, I can feel him, he wants me, oh god I want to please him, please God, let me please him, I need to make him happy, please, oh please

Terry “Fuck me, damn it I need, no, oh shit…”

Ashley “I don’t, I don’t, oh I want to…”

Terry “Then do it, God do it Ashley, please, I need you inside of me now!”

Shit I can’t wait, I have to have him inside of me, oh mother fucker, damn it hurts

God he wants me to, oh shit what do I do? I don’t know how, I mean, what if I do it wrong, oh God, I want to, I really want to, oh shit, he’s moving, no, he can’t, not yet, tell me what to do Terry, oh shit, I can’t fuck this up, I can’t, he wants me in him, oh man I have never, this is too much, tell me what to do oh please Terry, tell me, show me what to do…

Yes, yes Ashley you can do it, I know you can, oh Christ it aches so much, I have to turn, I need to have that cock in me, man look at it, its dripping, I can see the pre cum, fuck I need that in my NOW!

As he spoke his body turned around, he broke the stranglehold that Ashley had around his body and twisted free to lean up against the shower wall. His back now facing Ashley and his own hands now pressing up against the hard ceramic surface as he stuck his buttocks outwards, his cheeks quivering with an almost insane need for Ashley.

Fear raced thru his whole body as he felt Terry rip away from him. He couldn’t believe the sudden emptiness he was feeling as Terry’s hot body was suddenly wrenched from his grip and he stared at the sudden backside that now loomed in front of him.

The way his hips arched back, and those perfect white glistening cheeks that seemed to be calling him was too much. He fell forward, his own hands resting besides Terry’s on the shower wall.

Every part of his body started to throb and ache as his groin moved in close, his hard 7 ¾ inch cock was pressing just on top of Terry’s quivering cheeks. He could feel the sudden wave of desire that was rolling thru his whole lower body, making his cock jerk and his balls sway from side to side.

Christ I can’t wait, he has to pump me now, god I need that pole in me, I can see it quivering, he wants to as much as I want him to, oh Christ this is too much, oh shit, I am close, damn it I gotta hold on, not yet, can’t shoot yet, fuck hurry Ashley, come on boy, you can do it, shove it in, oh shit what is taking so long, damn it, hurry

Fuck he wants me to, look at, oh Christ it feels so hot, his skin is burning my dick, fuck its dripping all over his ass, what do I do? 

Oh man I can feel him, he wants it, his cheeks, look at the way they are shaking, he really is excited, he wants me to do it, I can do it, yes I can, but, oh shit what if, fuck I gotta hold on, shit my balls ache, no not yet, they can’t not yet, I have to hold on but fuck, it hurts, oh Christ my legs, shit I can’t stand this, I need to push it down, that’s it, I need to reach out and push it down, oh man, I can’t move my arms, I have to, fuck look at those, I can’t believe it, they are so soft, so damn fucking soft.

Terry felt the hot cock against his cheeks and a flash of passion roared into his body. He could feel his spirits soaring as he came close to spewing his own hot load. His balls had swung upwards, squeezing into his own hard throbbing 7 ½ inch cock and he cried out.

Terry “Please, OH GOD, Ashley, do it, please, do it now, oh Christ it hurts, I want you so badly…”

Ashley heard the words and terror held him in check. He looked around like a deer caught in the glare of a floodlight, as he searched the shower and he realized that he had no condom with him. He panicked, unsure of what to do and yet the ache grew only more intense as his body shook with each tremor that was racing through Terry’s body.

The feel of his cock against the clenching and unclenching cheeks was making him hurt like he had never hurt before. The pain was becoming excruciating as he could hear the desperate pleas from Terry’s mouth, and his own heart was not listening, was holding him back while his mind was screaming at him, telling him to reach down and shove his cock in.

Oh Christ he’s torturing me, I want him, why can’t he move faster, Christ Ashley fuck me already, damn it fuck my ass, come on shove it in, oh mother of god it hurts so much, come on Ashley, stick that pole in, you know you want to and you know I want you to, Christ come on Ashley, please do it, oh fuck it hurts.

There is no condoms in here, shit, he has to have some in here, what if I don’t use them, he’ll be mad, he doesn’t know me, he says he believes me, but what if he doesn’t, shit should I go get some, there was still some on the night table, fuck tell me what to do Terry, oh God he’s gonna hate me, if I don’t fuck him he’ll think I don’t want to or if I do he’ll think I don’t care about him because I didn’t use a condom, fuck what do I do? Please God, Terry, help me, what do I do?

Terry “Please Ash, oh Christ, please give it to me, please, what are you waiting for? Please, it hurts, I need you in me, please, shit, please…”

He was begging and it didn’t make sense, he never begged for anything in his life, nothing was worth begging for and yet he couldn’t stop himself. His voice echoed in his ears as he felt the hard cock throbbing above his cheeks, he tried to reach back now, desperation in his mind as he felt the pain rising, growing more intense and his desire overwhelming him

Ashley “I can’t, oh God, I can’t, there are no condoms, THERE ARE NO CONDOMS TERRY!  WHAT DO I DO? TELL ME! PLEASE, OH GOD TELL ME!”

The words rang out loudly and he shivered as he heard Ashley’s voice. His hand had reached down and was touching the hot cock, he could feel it jerk and tremble to his touch and his mind was yelling, shouting to his hand to shove the hot throbbing pole down his cheeks and into his ass, it was filling his body with its shrieking sounds when the words hit home and his heart skipped several beats.

I can’t stand this, damn him, why won’t he push it in? Shit, I need him inside of me NOW!

Fuck I hate this, I can’t, oh God please Ashley oh please do it, I’ll do what ever you want, Christ I’ll support you if you want, oh shit just fuck me, oh please I am in such pain and only your hot cock can stop it, please, oh Christ, please Ashley, fuck me, FUCK ME ASHLEY!

I am a failure, I know it, he’s going to hate me, oh shit why didn’t I bring one of those with me? How can he like me now, oh shit, he’s so beautiful, I want him, what do I do? Someone tell me, what do I do?

Fuck the damn condoms, shove that dick up my ass you bastard, fuck, I need it, can’t you see that? Oh shit, what am I saying?

Christ Ashley, fuck me, to hell with it, I need your dick in me, shit I can reach it, fuck, it is so god damn hot, it is like putting my hand on a fire, damn it is hot, oh shit, I want it inside, I really do, oh Christ, I want it!

No, no, not now, why the fuck, shit, I can’t but I have to, oh damn, I can’t, fucking shit, I can’t do that to him, I care, damn it I do care.

Despite the pain crossing his forehead, Terry understood the words and his heart took charge once more, its beat growing even stronger as it took control over his limbs.

He turned to see the pained expression that was etched in Ashley’s face and yet he also saw the desire, the way his body was holding itself in check and he smiled as he kissed Ashley hard on the mouth.

He felt the boy melting in his arms as he slid down the tall lanky frame, his mind no longer filling his head with crazy thoughts, instead he heard the passionate beat of his heart and the prideful song of his soul as his mouth moved down the trembling frame.

Terry kissed and licked at the shaking flesh as his hands held the body from falling. He could feel the shuddering tremors that were running up and down Ashley’s body and he smiled to himself, knowing that Ashley really did care for him and that they might have a chance together, if he had the courage.

He cares, how the hell can he know, he doesn’t know about this shit, how can he? He’s still a damn virigin farm boy but he knows, look at him, you can see it in his face, I terrify him, he thinks I’ll give him AIDS, look at his eyes, they are terrified

Fuck, that isn’t it, he is afraid of hurting me, of giving me something, oh god how stupid can I be? He is worried about me? Shit, I am nothing but a fucking whore and he’s worried about me?

Damn he is so hot, so sweet, how can I tell him what I do? How? It will kill him, he’ll never trust anyone again, but I have to, I can’t hurt him, he really is worried about me, that is impossible, it has to be a dream.

Terry felt the heat coming from Ashley’s groin before his chin bumped up against the shaking cock. He didn’t wait long to press his lips up against the long throbbing pole and he kissed eagerly at the winking slit, drinking the hot pre cum as if it was nectar of the Gods.

The pain in his rectum was tremendous, and it felt like someone had taken a red hot poker and shoved it up his ass, and yet as he began to suck on the long throbbing cock, the pain eased and he felt his desire for Ashley only becoming more intense, more arduous and the wild beat of his heart only became more intense, more strenuous.

Fuck I can’t let him down; he cares for me, me a damn hooker and he cares for me.

Damn my ass hurts, I wish his cock was buried deep inside it, but I can take his cock instead, I can let it fill me this way for now, oh god he is so hot, I can feel him, he’s scared, oh Christ he’s so scared, I need to hold him, fuck I need to do more than that, I need to make him know it is okay, I have to show him its okay, I have to.

Ashley was in tears as he felt his cock being kissed and the sudden tremor in his body was like a rolling earthquake. Every part of his body vibrated to the tight press of Terry’s lips against his throbbing pole.

Terry couldn’t believe the waves of joy that were starting to crash into him. He felt his heart ache and he was amazed as he felt his hands reaching around to grab at Ashley’s shaking cheeks.

His fingers dug remorsefully into the soft flesh and with surprising strength, he pulled the body forward, forcing the whole 7-¾ inch cock deep into his mouth in one giant swallow.

The hot cock bounced past his teeth and flattened his flicking tongue, to shove its way deep down into his throat. The cock head banging hard against the farthest reach of his throat and he felt like choking but held back the spasm.

Oh Shit, he is taking my cock in his mouth, oh fuck, god he doesn’t mind, he still likes me, how can he like a screw up like me? I didn’t please him and still he likes me, this is a dream, I can’t be this lucky, oh shit it feels good, I can’t hold, fuck it feels good.

Shit why haven’t I ever felt like this before? God he is so hot, he wants me so badly, no one has ever wanted me like he does, how can he want me so badly? Why? I am nothing special, and yet, God it is so hot, so warm inside, and its from him, I can feel it, he is so desperate to make me happy, I have to make him happy, I have to.

There wasn’t any room for his tongue or even for his saliva as the huge throbbing organ filled his mouth and yet his hands continued to pull the shaking body inwards, continued to try and force the huge cock further into his mouth. 

The pain was growing and yet his soul was singing and his heart seemed to be reaching out, to touch at Ashley’s own heart and the roar of the two hearts suddenly filled his head. Nothing else mattered as he felt the huge throbbing cock jerking and he felt his body tense, his muscles tighten as he waited for the coming explosion.

Damn he’s fucking huge, it didn’t feel like this earlier, god has he grown? 

Shit, it hurts, but he wants to please me, fine please me stud boy, fuck my damn mouth like you would fuck my ass, come on you sweet farm boy, shove it down my throat, give it to me, oh man, it fucking tastes so damn good, come on Ashley, harder boy, harder, pump those farm boy hips, send me every damn inch of this wonderful meat, oh shit, it is so good.

Ashley couldn’t help himself, he was taken aback by the sudden switch in positions, from one minute being begged to fuck the most gorgeous person he had ever dreamed of to having his throbbing cock buried deep in that person’s mouth.

The tight press around his cock base, the hard press of Terry’s face into his groin was too much and as he surrendered to the force pulling at him, he felt the jerk of his balls, the sway of his cock and he cried out.

His cum came flooding out as if shot out of a cannon. He felt Terry’s head sling backwards, almost forcing it to hit the shower wall, and he dug his hands into the wet blond hair, holding the head as best as he could, praying that he wouldn’t hurt the one person who had shown any care for him.

The body jerked hard again and again, as if it was a repeating rifle, each shot careening out of the barrel to find its mark deep inside of Terry’s mouth. He could feel the throat muscles as they struggled to take it all, as they swallowed in a frantic pace, eager to hold all of his wild shots inside the mouth, refusing to even let a drop escape from within.

He cried, as his body shot its load, and he could feel the hot cream splattering at his empty balls as Terry’s own hard cock had reached its own explosion point. The hard splash against his leathery sacs were only icing on the cake for him as tears of joy fell from his face and he leaned over the still sucking head of Terry.

His whole body was a massive tremor, rolling back and forth and the feel of Terry’s lips against his still shooting cock was making him groan loudly and incoherently as he shuddered and shook and still the water sprayed against his back, oblivious to the wild cream that was oozing from around Terry’s lips, or the hot white drops that were splattering across the pink flesh of Ashley’s balls.

Damn it, how can I be doing that, this isn’t me, I don’t know what to do, yet, shit, he’s doing it, he’s in me taking me, guiding me, but how? This isn’t possible or is it?

Fuck it hurts, I can feel something inside his throat, God is that his tonsils? Shit, he’s taking my whole cock, every inch of it, shit it is so tight, he’s squeezing it so hard, oh fuck it hurts, shit he’s sucking it, I can feel the cum, Christ he’s sucking it right out of my damn balls, fuck, oh shit, I can’t hold on, I can’t, it is so unreal, fucking hell look at those lights, man he’s hot, he wants me, do you hear that little brothers, someone does want me, someone who is hot and a city boy too, he wants me you little pukes, oh fuck it hurts, I can’t stop, oh shit, I am shooting, oh fuck here it goes, shit, shit, he’s sucking it, don’t suck it, ooooohhhhh damn, it hurts so much, fuck.

FUCK HE’S CUMMING TOO! Oh mother of God, he’s shooting on my cock, fuck I can feel the jizz now, oh shit, I can’t hold on, fuck I have to shoot, shit shit shit, oh man look at those lights, I can see the flashes of red, it has to be from him, damn it, I can’t stop, oh shit I am gonna black out, I can’t, I have to stay awake, I have to make sure he gets all he wants, fuck he is still sucking it, oh fuck it aches.

His body was totally spent and he couldn’t even hold himself upright anymore. Slowly he felt himself sliding down, his back to one side of the shower, and his legs buckled under him as he sank down to rest on the shower floor, next to Terry’s own spent body.

He looked over at him and felt so ashamed of himself, and yet somehow he felt he had done okay, that maybe he hadn’t done what was asked for, but he done what he could. 

Staring at Terry’s face, he felt the warmth of Terry’s desire for him and he wondered if it would ever get beyond that, if there was more to gay life than what he had done so far, and if so, would it be as good as this was?

Terry couldn’t believe how much Ashley had shot, the taste of his cum still filling his mouth and his senses with its powerful aroma. He couldn’t believe either how turned on he was by Ashley, even now, after all that, he still felt like he would like to just pick him up in his arms and carry him to the bed to start all over again.

God, he hoped that once Ashley found out the truth about him that it wouldn’t matter, but deep inside he knew that would never be, that it was simply wishful thinking on his part, but he could hope, couldn’t he?

I tried to do my best, he’s got to understand that, he’ll know I tried, oh shit I can’t stand up anymore, Christ I am so weak, it feels like I have lost every ounce of strength in my body, God it feels so weird, but is he happy? Does he know I tried my best? Please, he has to know, I have to make him understand, he’ll understand, oh shit I hope he does, I can’t stand, I really can’t.

Fuck I want him even more now than before, how the hell can that be? He didn’t fuck me, but God it feels like I have been fucked by a thousand dicks at once, I am so exhausted, so drained, God what would I feel like if he had fucked me? Shit, I gotta find out, not now though, I couldn’t bend over no matter what.

Damn it, if I could just figure out how to pick him up I’d carry him off and sit on that damn cock of his, shit I want it even more, but I can’t hurt him, he’ll bolt, I know it, soon as I tell him he’ll bolt, but I have no choice, fuck I hate this life, I wish I was dead, I really do, then I wouldn’t have to tell him or hurt him, fuck, I still want him though, God how I want him.

 

Terry “Fuck, that was a hell of a shower Ashley”

Ashley “Really? You aren’t just saying that? I mean, well you did want me to, well…”

Terry “Yeah, still do but uh, look, I know I really wanted that, and I really do, but you were right, I mean, if there isn’t a condom, well, then it’ll just have to wait till later, Ashley…”

Ashley “I really wanted to do it Terry, please, don’t hate me for not doing it, I know you are just saying all that but…”

Terry “Listen up stud boy, I don’t just say anything, I mean what I say, and I mean it when I say I still want your dick up my ass, God, you don’t know how much I really do want it, but you were right not to, not without a condom”

Ashley “Terry, shit, you make me feel so good…”

Ashley was in tears and Terry reached over and brought him close to him. The shower spray adding to the wetness but it also felt good too, cleansing their bodies and their souls, or so it seemed as Terry held Ashley close, wondering if there really was hope for him. If there was a God up there, maybe he would help, maybe he would let Ashley accept what he does for a living but in his heart, he just wasn’t sure.

Ashley “Terry, you really mean it? You still really want me to, uh, you know, do it to you?”

Terry “Yeah, I do, I never really liked it much myself, but, I don’t know Ash, I just feel like I need to have you cum inside of me, it is stupid maybe, hell I am mostly a top, but then, uh, well, shit… Look, I think we need to talk before we go any further”

Ashley “Why? I mean, is there something I am doing wrong? Please, just tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it, I’ll do anything for you Terry, I, uh, well, I think I am in love with you”

Pure terror filled his heart as he looked into Terry’s eyes. He saw him lower them, as if he couldn’t stand to look at him and that made his heart cry out. It was like a hot knife was slicing into him, tearing at his flesh and ripping his heart apart as he held his breath, knowing that he shouldn’t have listened, he should have pushed ahead instead of panicking, but he didn’t know what to do, he really didn’t and now it was all over. He was sure of that, as he saw the sadness in Terry’s face, the way he merely glanced at him, as if the sight of him was repugnant to him.

He couldn’t bear to look at Ashley’s innocent face. It was ripping his heart apart but he couldn’t go on without telling him the truth, without letting him know all the facts. Maybe that was why he had held back; maybe he had already suspected that unprotected sex with a guy like Terry was like playing Russian roulette with all six chambers loaded. Fuck, how do you tell someone you have fallen for that you are a slut? How?

Terry “I know that Ashley, I don’t know how I do, but I just do know that, it isn’t you, fuck you are my dream man, but that is maybe just it, maybe once you know it all the dream will go away, and I won’t blame you either…”

Ashley “What are you talking about? You want me to leave? Please, don’t make me leave Terry, look, I’ll do it, honest, I just wasn’t sure, I mean it was a surprise, honest, I can do it, you’ll see, please, give me another chance to show you… please Terry…”

Terry “Whoa, I am not sending you away, it is just… Fuck this isn’t how I wanted to do this Ashley, Christ, I feel so… so helpless I guess, I don’t know, look, uh, why don’t we dry off and go sit down, okay?”

It was pure torture, drying off in total silence, as both were lost in their own dark thoughts. Terry was sure that once he spilled the truth out that Ashley would run for the door and he really couldn’t blame him, but still there was a part of him, buried deep down within his soul that prayed it would turn out differently. Ashley was on the verge of tears, he was sure that Terry was finished with him, that he had failed to satisfy him and so he was going to end it, and he had such dreams of the two of them. Christ, why didn’t he just do it, instead of wimping out like that, after all, it would have been so good, he knew that it would have been an experience he’d never forget, to have his dick inside of Terry.

Terry had said he wasn’t going to send him away but he knew different. He knew that Terry was just being polite, after all he was a nice guy and wouldn’t hurt anyone, but he knew that he couldn’t stay, knowing he had failed to hold up his end, failed to keep Terry pleased. He didn’t know where he would go, maybe he’d just hitch hike out of town and try somewhere else, and after all, without Terry there really was no reason for him to stay.

They had made their way into the main room, and Ashley just couldn’t keep it together. He had reached for a pair of boxer’s to put on and as he started to slide them on, he realized too late that they were Terry’s. The feel of them against his body was too much and he fell to the bed, his head buried in his hands and the deep sobs of his despair filled the room, breaking the ominous silence.

Terry didn’t know what to do at first, he hadn’t a clue as to why Ashley had started to cry and he felt so helpless, it was as if he had slapped him or something, and he felt his own body gasping for air, feeling light headed and dizzy as he stood there, unsure of what to do. He stared at the sitting boy, and he saw the way he held his head in his hands, and he felt the pain deep inside of his own heart, and no matter what he thought of himself, he couldn’t let Ashley cry like this. He had to do something but what, he didn’t know and he closed his eyes for a second, praying for the answer.

Deep inside of his heart he felt a twinge, a sudden glow that made him clench his eyes shut even harder. He could feel his own tears welling up as he searched for that glowing spot, diving deep into his own heart to search for the answers when he felt a strange flash cross his face. A deep warmth passed before him and he staggered a little as the heat grew and his mind screamed in panic as the light blinded him.

He blinked several times and then opened his eyes to stare once more at the still sobbing boy on his bed. He moved forward, resting his hand on Ashley’s shoulder and then sat down next to him. He brought the sobbing boy into his own arms, taking Ashley’s face out of his hands, and placing his head onto his own shoulder. He let him cry on his bare shoulder, knowing that he still had to talk to him, still had to explain it to him, but he knew now that Ashley was just who he had claimed to be. He was an innocent looking for love, and while the chances seemed slim, he hoped that it would be with him.

Ashley, listen to me please, don’t cry, it isn’t what you are thinking, honest it isn’t, please, try to get a hold of yourself, and let me tell you what it is about, okay? Please Ashley, I don’t want to see you crying like this, at least not for the reason you are crying, okay?

This is going to be worse than I thought, oh why did I have to ask him home for a drink, why did I want to fuck some hot newbie, why?

He couldn’t help himself, the soft sounds of Terry’s voice was only making it worse, he couldn’t stop even though he wanted to, he just knew that Terry was only trying to be nice to him, that in reality he was going to end it, and he couldn’t blame him, after all he did screw up, just like his family told him he would, just like his jerk ass little brothers yelled at him, just as his step mother thought and screamed, it all was true, he just wasn’t any good for anyone.

I am trying Terry, but I can’t help it, I don’t know, I just, I just…

God he must think I am just a baby, sitting here crying like a damn two year old, but I really don’t want to end this, I think I am in love with him, Christ it hurts so much, it has to be love.

Everything I do is always fucked up, why can’t I just get one thing right, why can’t I just tell him I love him and see what happens? Maybe he’ll understand, maybe he’ll give me another chance?

What? You just what Ashley?

I have to make him open up; he has to see this isn’t his fault. Shit, how can you feel on top of the world one minute, then down in hell the next second?

I guess, I know it will sound stupid, I know it, but I can’t help feeling this way, honest, I know it is dumb, but I really do feel this way…

Shit, it sounded so easy a second ago, just tell him that I love him, now I can barely move my lips, why can’t I just tell him? Am I that hopeless?

Which way? Tell me what it is Ashley, don’t you trust me? Is it something I did? I won’t think you are stupid, just come on, don’t cry anymore, tell me what it is, okay?

Oh Christ, he’s in love with me, that has to be it, how can he be? I mean, I know I am with him, shit, did I just say that? I am in love with Ashley? Me? I have to be nuts, no way can a slut be in love, it doesn’t work that way, we just perform a service, we don’t get to feel love, to have a lover, it doesn’t work that way.

Ashley managed to lift his head up off Terry’s shoulder and he stared into his face. He saw something he hadn’t seen before and his heart suddenly leapt forward as it recognized it for what it was. His heart started to pound faster and his pulse raced as he struggled to believe what he was seeing, and somehow the tears seemed to just stop.

I am in love with you Terry, I know its stupid, I don’t even know you really, but I love you and I know you can’t love me, not yet, but I want another chance, please? Can’t you try to give me another chance to show you that I do love you? That it is real and not my imagination or something? Please?

He is so patient with me, look at him, he’s trying to let me down easy, and it hurts him, I can see that, but he has to know, I have to tell him how I feel, it’s the only chance I have.

 

Terry heard the words and he felt the ache in his heart grow. Ashley wasn’t making it easy for him and yet somehow, he didn’t mind that. In a way, it felt good, and yet he felt his head lower, saw his eyes glaze over for a second as the enormity of Ashley’s words sank in. 

If he had any thought of holding back the truth, it was all blasted away by Ashley’s declaration of love for him, that and his pleading for another chance, as if he was the one who had screwed up when in fact, it was him, Terry, who had made a mess of things. Now it was up to him to set it straight and he didn’t know how to even begin, but he had to, if there was to be a chance, he had to find the words, and find them now.

Ashley, oh God Ashley I wish you could know how much those words mean to me, or how much you mean to me, and yeah, we don’t know each other, hell, you really don’t know me and it isn’t your fault, you haven’t done anything wrong, it is me, all my fault…

Oh God I am right, now what do I do? He’s going to wind up hating me, either way, if I don’t tell him now he’ll find out and feel betrayed and then the me even worse than if just tell him now.

Why couldn’t he be like all the rest? Why does he have to have that look? Shit, I can’t stand it, he’s so damn gorgeous, and the way he looks at me, so trusting, well that’ll change as soon as he knows the truth.

I don’t know how, but I have to tell him, I can’t let him go on thinking that we can be lovers, how can anyone love trash like me? I mean, okay, I am not trash, I am actually a good person, but I sleep with guys for money, how can he accept that? It is hard enough for me to accept it at times, so how can a guy fresh from Hicksville USA accept it?

No! Terry it isn’t you, it is me, please, don’t blame yourself, I just froze, honest, it won’t happen again, I’ll make sure that there are condoms everywhere, please, I don’t want to leave, please Terry…

I thought once I said the words it would be easier, he would understand then, why doesn’t he understand? Is he afraid that I won’t be faithful?

Ashley, stop it!

Look, please, just let me explain a few things to you, after I do, you might think differently about things, okay? Just listen, all right?

He really doesn’t want to understand; he is so hung up on what he thinks love is, how do I tell him it’s a myth? How do I explain to him that love is just another four letter word, no more powerful than fuck or shit, how do I get it across to him?

Terry, you are scaring me, Why won’t you accept my apology? Am I really that much of a disappointment to you? I have tried, I know I can do better if you’ll help me, honest, I can be whatever you want me to be, just give me a chance, please Terry

He doesn’t believe me, that has to be it, I knew it, I screwed up again, I shouldn’t have told him how I feel, not yet, but I can’t let him get away, I really do love him, I think, I mean, I know I can’t exist without him, that’s love isn’t it?

He was getting irritated for a few seconds but it passed, as he looked deep into Ashley’s eyes. He could see years of self-doubt inside, and he knew how that felt, after all he didn’t just suddenly become this carefree hooker overnight himself.

It was strange, but maybe he was like Ashley when he first showed up, but that ended a lot quicker than he would have liked. Terry could feel the pain and he knew that if he really did care for Ashley, he would have to make him understand, make him see the truth.

He reached out and held Ashley’s hand in his and stared up at him. He stared him straight in the face and smiled a weak smile, trying to put Ashley a little bit at ease before he hit him with the truth.

Ashley, you don’t get it, what you did or didn’t do in the shower, hell whatever it was I enjoyed it, you make me feel so young, so alive, that nothing you failed to do could ever make me want to send you away, or stop you from being with me, but..

Fuck why me? I always get the hard cases, the one’s who can’t decide what they want, or if they do know, they think it is okay to want me to want the same shit.

How the fuck am I supposed to make him understand all this if he won’t listen? Damn it, why doesn’t he listen?

Christ, I should chill, I mean he is new to all this, what else should I expect? It isn’t like he was raised in this type of place, I bet he never even knew what a blowjob was until a few years ago, if that.

I have to admit though, he looks so damn hot, so innocent, and it would be nice to think we could have a life together, I mean to really share things, to have someone I could talk to about things, to listen to, to just be with, but I pretty well have ruined any chances of that ever happening, damn, I wish I had never started tricking, but a guy has to eat, and sure, there are soup kitchens, shelters, welfare even, but Christ, what you have to go through to get that help, easier to be a goddamn whore.

But what?

He liked it? I don’t get it, why does he look so sad? If what happened in the shower was good, why is he looking like the world ended?

That is what I am trying to tell you, I mean I didn’t think I would, but then again I didn’t think I would ever fall so hard for someone as I have fallen for you.

You are something Ashley, you really are, you have made me feel so different in the short time we have known each other, that at times I forget who I am, which isn’t a bad thing, but you need to know who I am, what I am

No I don’t, I mean I know who you are, you are someone special and you make me feel good, can’t we just leave it at that?

No, I wish we could but we can’t, it will come out eventually, and so it is better if you find out now, before we get too close, I mean, shit Ashley, I don’t want to hurt you, but better you find out now than later or from some stranger, so, uh, well, here goes, uh,

Terry it doesn’t matter, honest, I mean whatever it is, it can’t be bad, I mean maybe you think it is, but I know you, well not really, but in my heart, I sort of think I do, I mean, you are a good person, I know that much, and well, that is all I really need to know.

Yeah it does Ashley, look, this isn’t easy for me, for the most part, I have never cared what others thought, but well, it is different with you, I do care.

Okay, I guess if you really want to tell me, but it won’t make any difference, I still love you Terry, I know that, honest.

God I hope so, uh, see, do you have a clue as to what I do to earn money?

Uh, no, I never thought much about it, I guess, no I don’t, is that what this about? You some uh, what is it, uh shady person?

Haha, yeah, I guess so, uh, I turn tricks for a living Ashley, you know what that is?

Turn tricks? Uh. You mean like you uh, you sell yourself?

Yeah, I sell myself, I let old men pay me to touch me, to suck my dick or fuck my ass or have me suck them off or fuck them, that is why I am not angry at you for not fucking me without a condom, shit I would never forgive myself if you got anything because I was too horny, so you have to know, that isn’t the reason that I think we should, uh… well I mean, I do want you, but hell Ashley, I have to make money and I do that by letting others have sex with me, so that’s the reason, uh, that…

So? I don’t understand, okay I can see why not uh, fucking you, uh isn’t what has you mad at me, but, I mean, you aren’t sick are you? I mean you don’t have that AIDS thing do you?

No, No I don’t and I get tested regularly and I always use condoms, so no, I am not HIV+

Then why? Why don’t you want me to be with you?

Hell, I do want you to be with me, but, well, can’t you see it? I mean others have sex with me, how can you want me knowing that?

But they pay you, right?

Yes, they pay me

I don’t pay you, you do this cause you like me, right?

Yes, I do like you, of course.

Then why is it a problem us being together? I mean, as long as it is me you come home to, or me to you, I don’t see what you do for making money is a problem that should keep us from caring for each other

This is getting me nowhere fast, I have to tell him, before I just lose it and fall apart. God I really do care for him, and that is so weird, I don’t know anything about him and here I am going to tell him my deepest secrets, and yet, I don’t know, it feels like it is the only way to go. Shit, I never did that with Shawn, why do I feel I have to with him?

He’s trying to tell me something, God, he isn’t sick or anything is he? I heard about that, gays and the gay sickness, but he looks fine, so what is it I need to know other than I love him and he loves me? He did say I am special to him, that he cares for me, so what else matters?

God, if you are up there, hold me tight, here goes nothing, he has to know, and I have never felt so scared, I don’t understand it all yet, I mean, why should this matter? Can I really love him?

I don’t care if he’s sick or not, if he is I’ll be his nurse, I don’t care, what else can there be? He is all I want, oh God, if you are listening, make Terry understand, please, let him know I don’t care what ever it is, I just want to love him, please God.

God, help me, I really don’t know if I can do this, but I do love him, I know it sounds silly, me, a damn hustler, falling in love, but hell, I am human, aren’t I? I mean, shit, you know what I mean.

Just listen, that’s all I have to do and then tell him I love him, that’s all I need to do.

Here goes, shit, I can see him thinking, he’s no dummy, that’s for sure.

Shit, is he some robber or something? No, not Terry, he’s too nice, what is this about? Who cares how he makes a buck?

There, I have said it, now I guess it’s all over, look at his face, he looks confused.

I don’t get it, that’s it? Why should that make a difference? 

He still doesn’t get it, how can he not get it? He should be trying to move away from me, how can he still be sitting so close to me? Is there, no this is just shock, it’ll sink in and then he’ll run, guaranteed.

He is sick, that’s it, and he doesn’t want me to know, he thinks he’d be a burden but he won’t be, I can look after him, I mean if you love someone, that’s what you do, isn’t it?

Shit, he thinks I have AIDS, great, well, for sure he’ll run now, that clinches it.

If he isn’t sick, then why does he think I would leave? I love him, isn’t that enough?

Shit, could this be for real? Does it really make no difference to him?

Okay, he gets money for sex, is he telling me that we only had sex too? That it is the same?

Here it comes; he’s starting to figure it out. Shit, I wish it would work out differently, I do care for him.

Fuck, is there a chance?

Why is this supposed to make a difference? Okay, maybe I am not as good as the guys who pay him, or am I preventing him from working? Could that be it? Shit, all I know is I love him, what difference is it if someone pays him for sex, least they aren’t the ones living with him, they don’t fall asleep in his arms, so why is he so uptight about this? Am I missing something?

 

 

The room grew silent as both of them just stared at each other. Terry couldn’t believe that it made no difference to Ashley. That was impossible, because it sure as hell would bother him if the shoes were switched. He couldn’t handle it knowing that someone else was touching or holding his lover, and yet Ashley seemed sincere, as if it was really true, that all he cared about was what they would share together, that others never did get.

It really was different, how could he explain to Terry that he didn’t care who or what he was, just as long as he was his in ways that no amount of money could buy? Least, isn’t that what love was about? That you reached a level in your feelings that no one else could touch? That is how the books said it was, the poems or the love stories, so why couldn’t Terry believe him then? Why did he look so confused, so doubting?

Terry “You really mean it don’t you? I mean it really doesn’t matter to you that I sell my ass to strangers?”

Ashley “Well, I think I do, I don’t know Terry, guess I am stupid or something, but all I know is I want to be with you, as your boyfriend, and what you do for money, well that isn’t who I am in love with, I don’t know if that makes any sense, but it is how I feel”

Terry “So, you mean if we go to the bar and I have to leave for an hour or two, you aren’t going to be pissed?”

Ashley “No, I understand why, I mean it isn’t like you are just going to get up and leave is it? I mean you are going to tell me first, right?”

Terry “Yeah, but Ash, I mean, it doesn’t bother you? Not in the least?”

Ashley “I don’t know, I mean, it hasn’t happened so I can’t really say, but, I don’t see why it should”

Funny, he really does care what I think about him, and I don’t really care about him doing this, well, no, I do care, it is dangerous, but still, he cares what I think, and that makes me feel so good, no one really ever cared for what I thought before.

Terry “Man you are too much Ashley, I never thought, I mean, well most wouldn’t like it, Hell I don’t think I could handle it if I was in your position, I mean are you really sure? You aren’t just saying this, I mean if we are going to be boyfriends, well, we need to be honest, it’s the only way it can work”

God, I can’t believe I am saying this stuff, boyfriends? Shit, I never thought, but he seems to mean it, he really does. I don’t know, will it be that way when I come home some nights and he wants to do it but I am too tired from already doing it? Will he mean it then?

Ashley “I know that, I mean it seems that everyone always has some secret, I guess all I can do is tell you how I feel, I mean I have never felt this way about someone, I only know for certain that I want to be with you, to be in your life anyway you will let me, and that is the honest to God truth”

I do love him, I know that much, so what else is there to know? Why should it bother me, I mean he is so fucking hot, why wouldn’t guys be willing to pay him to be with them? Just look at him, I wish I could just find a way, no, that isn’t right, I can’t try to change his life, that’s what he’s afraid of, I just want him to hold me, to be with me, so what does anything else matter?

 

Terry didn’t know what else to say or do, so he leaned over and just kissed Ashley on the lips and broke apart quickly, feeling the rise in his desire as their lips touched. It really was something, the way this stranger had managed to wreak such havoc with his heart in such a short time, but maybe that was why he made the decision, why he was willing to risk his quiet simple life. He couldn’t explain it, and he certainly felt the fear of what the future may hold in store for him and Ashley but somehow, he just didn’t care, he just knew that this was right and worth the shot.

Terry “Well, guess we are boyfriends then”

Ashley felt the power of the light kiss and he reached out, his arms holding onto Terry’s trembling body and he could feel the excitement in his own body rise as he could sense the desire growing in Terry. God, even after all they had done, the way they had both spewed their loads, and here was Terry raring to go again, God it had to be love, it just had to be.

The words were so softly said but as he stared into Terry’s eyes, he could see the glimmer and sparkle inside. He could actually see deep inside, see the warm golden glow of the fires burning inside of Terry’s soul and he felt a sudden flash of warmth roll through his entire body and he felt like this was the happiest moment in his entire 18 years of life. Nothing could be this wonderful, or if it were, it would only be with Terry.

Ashley “You mean it? I mean, I don’t know what to say, I feel so happy”

Terry “Haha, well I hope so, I don’t know, it does feel kind of strange, I mean I haven’t ever really felt like this myself, it is different, a good different”

Ashley “Really? I would have thought you would have tons of guys wanting to be your boyfriend, I mean, well you are so nice and all”

Terry “Hey, no need to flatter me, you already got the job stud boy”

Ashley “Haha, okay, I guess, I mean if it bothers you for me to say that, I uh,”

Terry “You are priceless, no Ashley, you can say it to me every second if it makes you happy, come on, we should get dressed and get a move on, time we went to the bar and celebrated, after all, I want to show off my boyfriend, feel up to it?”

Ashley just nodded, as he was too busy staring at the young man who had just made his heart melt. He couldn’t speak because here was someone who wanted to be with him, who really and truly did and that was going to take some getting used to. How do you act in front of others? He hadn’t a clue and he could feel the nervousness growing inside, but shit, one look at Terry and everything just calmed right down. It was like he was special, and yet he never thought of himself that way, and sure as hell no one else ever thought of him that way, so this was a double shock for him.

Getting dressed in front of others was not something new to Terry, but suddenly it seemed so different, so much more exciting as he slowly put his clothes on. It was like he was on parade, and that every move he made was bringing the audience to its feet, and it kind of felt weird, nice, but weird as he struggled to keep his mind on just dressing. Shit, it was so weird actually, and each time he would look at Ashley, he found himself staring into those wonderful eyes, and all he could see inside was a warm glowing passion for him, him a two bit street hustler, but still, he couldn’t deny the feelings were there.

The bar was filling up rather fast and Rob was carrying full trays at a record pace when he spotted Ashley and Terry walking in. He couldn’t explain it but he just started to feel better. It had taken him some time to finally get ready and he had already broken two glasses so far but hell, he’d make it up in the amount of booze he was pushing. One thing no one could take away from him was his ability to gently coax people into drinking just that one extra shot or glass. That and the fact that he always walked home with the highest tips for the night, which seemed to piss off some and certainly seemed to piss off Ned, the owner. 

Rob didn’t know what was Ned’s hang up, after all, the more tips he made meant the happier his customer’s were, which had to translate into more money but then he also figured Ned was really pissed that he was straight and not a fag like the other staff. Made it harder for him to get into his pants, though he had no illusions that at some point Ned would try, but as long as he kept to himself, kept the bar take high, he doubted if Ned would push it to where he’d have to quit. He rather liked working a gay bar, made it easier to get tips plus he didn’t have to worry about consorting with the clients.

He smiled as he noticed the two sitting in his section so he nodded as he unloaded his tray and then made his way for a fresh tray of orders. On his way back, he stopped to drop off two drinks with Terry and Ashley who were glowing. Christ, he wondered if they had decided to make it more than a casual affair, and he sighed a little, wishing he could find his own version of an Ashley or Terry.

Standing at the pick up area, he grabbed a quick drag off a smoldering cigarette and surveyed his section, seeing who was in need of a refill and who was just nursing them along. He spied one older man who saw him looking and beckoned him over. Well, here goes he thought as he got his ‘sorry but I am straight’ line ready but was surprised when the man asked him to take a drink over to Terry. He was normally better at gauging people’s whims but he chalked it up to having a rough night and with a nice wiggle, he waltzed over to Terry and Ashley. Rob could feel the older man watching him, and he could almost hear the man licking his lips and he smiled, knowing that at least that one would leave a nice tip.

Rob “Hey Guys”

Terry “Shit, we haven’t even gotten half way thru the first one, man you are really pushing them”

Rob “Haha, now hun, if I was to push it you’d know it, but sorry, guy over there, the one by the post next to the pull tab machine, he would like to by the sexy curly haired one a drink, so? What’s your pleasure?”

Ashley turned to stare at the man and he could see him, the way he was leering at them both and he felt a strange lump in his throat, and he realized now just what Terry had been trying to tell him, that his life was a constant parade of guys wanting to seduce him or at least purchase him and he was only now experiencing it. Terry was right, it was feeling weird, and different and he turned back to see Terry looking at him over his drink, as he pondered on how to answer Rob. Ashley smiled at him and reached out and touched his knee under the table, squeezing it a little, as if to tell him it was okay.

Terry saw the way Ashley looked over at the table, and he did too, recognizing the man as a client, a rather lucrative one too so now what did he do? Did he accept or did he reject him, and then where would he be later on? He could see the realization dawning on Ashley and as he stared at him, thinking about what he would do, he saw Ashley’s eyes and he could still feel the desire in them, still feel the want and need that Ashley seemed to exhibit for him. 

The small gentle touch on his knee was like a jolt of electricity running through his body. He shivered a little as he sipped at the drink and he could feel his dick growing hard again, which it seemed to do every time that Ashley touched him. God, he was becoming like some teenager with his first love affair except he was 22 and he had known about sex for almost ten years now, so what the fuck was making him feel this way? Was he really falling in love? Was it even possible that someone as jaded as he could really love someone else and mean it?

Rob “Uh, you want to take a few minutes to think about it?”

Terry “Huh? Oh sorry man, no bring me a rum ‘n coke, on the man, and tell him I’ll be by in a few minutes”

Rob “Uh, you sure? I mean I can blow him off for you if you want?”

Terry “No, it’s okay, thanks anyway Rob”

Rob “Uh sure, okay back in a few with your drink, how about you sexy, you want another now?”

Just looking at Ashley, he could see how much in love he was with Terry and yet the guy was going to go and talk to the letch over there? Man, sometimes he just understand gays, the way they seemed to float around from one guy to another and yet, for a brief moment he thought Ashley and Terry would be different. Oh well, it was their choice and besides, they were nice, he wouldn’t mind being friends with them, and he really didn’t have many, shit if he was honest, he didn’t have any in this town. He sighed as he collected some empties and fresh orders and sashayed back to the bar.

Terry “Well, bit sooner than I thought, so uh, Ash, I guess…”

Fuck, figures, it would happen now, before we even get started but might as well find out how he’s going to take this now than later, besides, I am nearly broke, and Jason does pay good

Ashley “What? Oh, you mean that guy sending you a drink? Or am I missing something?”

It does feel strange, knowing he might be going with someone tonight, I mean, we just agreed to be boyfriends, maybe I should, no, no that wouldn’t work, and so what if he does, I mean it isn’t like he didn’t explain all this to me

Terry “He’s a regular Ash, and he does pay well, I might have to leave you for a bit, are you sure you going to be able to handle this? I mean this is going to happen often, and, well, it isn’t easy to say no to these guys, not if I want to keep them coming to me”

Shit I knew this would happen, just not so goddamn soon, but I can see it in his eyes, he’s not sure what to do, maybe I should tell Jason another time? But if I do, maybe he won’t, shit, I hate this, and I really would rather be with Ashley tonight, fuck, and here I was worried about how he’d take it and yet I am the one wondering how I am going to take it, fuck this is not going to be easy.

Ashley “I can handle it Terry, really, you have to do what you have to, honest, I am going to be okay with this, I told you that and I meant it, besides, it isn’t like you haven’t warned me, right?”

I am not jealous, I thought I might be but I am not, but it still does feel kind of different, I am not sure how I feel, but fuck, if I was working maybe he would stop, or at least try for something else, but I have to trust him, I mean if I love him I have to trust him.

Terry “You sure? I mean it is our 1st night and well I do want us to celebrate together, maybe I should just tell him another night…”

Damn I feel like a kid in high school on his first date. How do I get myself into these situations?

Shit though, Ashley is so fucking hot and I can see the way he looks at me, he really does care, I guess maybe I should tell Jason not tonight, but he won’t like it, and I don’t know if I can afford to lose him as a customer, it would mean more work on the street, and shit, I doubt if Ashley could handle that on top of this shit.

Ashley “No, it is okay, I mean you won’t be gone long will you? I can go back to the apartment if you want and wait there?”

He really is upset, he does want to stay but I bet he’s worrying about money, and this is how he makes it so why should I stop him? I mean, okay, maybe selling your body isn’t the best job around, but it is what he does, and I have to trust him.

Terry “No, uh stay here, uh maybe, I don’t know, you sure it isn’t going to piss you off? Cause if it is, I can blow him off, honest”

Why is he so nice? I can’t believe he wants me this way, even after seeing what I have to do for a buck he still wants me, fuck that is unreal. I guess I should blow Jason off, I mean maybe I can work it so he won’t be pissed, doubt it but fuck, Ashley is worth the risk, I mean, shit he looks so damn hot and yet he really does want me, man this is wild.

Ashley “I am sure, I told you at the apartment, and I am telling you here, I am okay with this Terry, I just want you, I don’t care about the rest, honest? Now, go on, do your thing, and I’ll be here waiting to hug you and kiss you when you get back, okay?”

I have to get used to this, I mean not just guys buying him drinks and taking him home or wherever it is they go, where do they go? Do they take him home or does he take them home? Maybe that is why he wants me to stay here? Shit, I don’t care, it is different here, seeing all these different guys and knowing they are all gay, it is a trip and half.

I never had anyone want to do things for me, he really would blow this guy off, if I asked, and that is scary, I mean does he really care for me that much already? I know I do for him, but he’s experienced, but shit, I wish I could just kiss him now.

Terry “Okay, but uh, no hugging aloud in this joint, and keep the kissing to a minimum, the bar owner thinks it gives the place a bad image, but we can go right home when I get back and I’ll give you more than a kiss or hug, if you still want…”

Shit if he does that Ned will blow a gasket, the prick. Man why couldn’t someone decent own a fucking bar instead its always some slime, well at least any of the bars I know, they always got an angle to run, or have some scam but Ned is just a prick.

Man I wish we had stayed at home, should have too, I could be fucking Ashley’s hot ass right now instead of thinking about doing Jason, which isn’t exactly how I wanted to spend tonight. Fuck, maybe he’ll only want one of his quickies instead, guess I’ll find out soon enough.

Ashley “Well I sure as hell will want, and thanks Terry, I know this isn’t easy for you, but honest, I am okay with it”

This time I am sure as hell going to make sure I have several condoms close by, no way am I going to disappoint him a second time, no fucking way. God, I wish the night was already over so we can go home, he is so fucking gorgeous, the way he tilts his head, the eyes, his nose, Christ I am hard again, damn he makes me want him so much, he must make a ton, I mean just look at him.

 

With drink in hand, Terry got up from the table and walked over to where Jason was sitting. He glanced back and knew that Ashley would be looking, and he smiled, knowing that he was doing this under protest. It was really strange, here he had been so sure that Ashley wouldn’t be able to handle his work and it was turning out that he had more of a problem with it than Ashley. Fuck this was strange but he shook it off as he sat down at Jason’s table and they began the standard circle of conversation before getting down to it.

Ashley watched Terry for a few minutes and then felt a bit guilty about staring so he turned to check out the bar. The only other time he had been here, he was too scared to really notice much and tonight he had been too preoccupied with just enjoying Terry’s company. The place was rather nice and he noticed the bouncer kept looking at him and he wondered if he was doing something wrong. He did feel a bit uncomfortable plus he wondered what he was supposed to do if Terry left with that guy, he didn’t have any money with him and he felt a panic attack coming. 

Should he ask Terry for a few dollars or what? If he did ask for money, would Terry maybe think all he really wanted was to mooch off him? Shit, he might think that anyways because he was moving in with him and he hadn’t much to offer, except he could cook and clean up okay, but that sure as hell didn’t go far in paying rent or other stuff. He needed to get a job, but what? Maybe Rob would have an idea, he seemed pretty together and hey, now there was a thought, maybe he could get a job here at the bar?

Carl “You look like you lost your best friend, Terry desert you?”

Ashley turned to see the tall bouncer leaning across the table. The guy was huge, man, he had to be at least 6ft 3in or more and yet his eyes seemed to be so warm, so gentle that he felt suddenly calm. It really was strange the way you could look at a person’s eyes and see parts of them, or just know how they were. Like he knew that looking into Terry’s eyes he saw a lot of passion and loneliness, and in Rob’s eyes he had seen someone who seemed to really be in pain and very lonely, but looking into this man’s eyes, he seemed to see nothing but peace. It really was strange and rather exciting for him too.

Ashley “Uh, no, he’s just talking with a cu… a friend”

Fuck, I almost blew that one, I can’t go around blabbing what Terry does, some people might not like that, specially the guys running this place.

Carl “A friend? Jason? Oh, okay, so, what’s your name, you are new here, and I know most everyone in town too, so you just come into town or?”

Ashley “Yeah, guess I am new here, uh my name is Ashley”

Carl “Ashley huh? That’s a nice name, mine is Carl and I am the doorman here, so, you known Terry long or just from the other night?”

He looks like he’s ready to jump out of his skin, but he looks so innocent too, wonder what Terry has told him? Knowing Terry most likely he’s been straight with the kid, hate to see him get hurt though, but he’s old enough to make his own choices, least he better be or I’ll have Terry’s hide for bringing a minor in here.

Ashley “The other night, but he’s been super to me, uh, you know Terry?”

Carl “Yeah, he’s good people too, don’t care for his line of work, but he’s good people, so you staying with Terry?”

Wish he would stop working the streets at least, damn he takes a lot of risk doing that shit, and yet, I don’t know what else could he do? He never did finish school, and shit, he’s been out here on the streets for what must be an eternity to him and yet he is still a nice guy, not really into the drugs, and far as I have heard, he doesn’t really run any scams on his customers, well, except when he works the strip, but shit, they at least get a good blow job.

Ashley “Yeah, we just got a new place too, much nicer than the one he has now, bigger and brighter, uh, so how do you know Terry so well? You uh, I mean, uh, from just working here?”

Does he know what Terry does? Shit, I have to be careful, need to keep this on a more general basis, but he seems so nice, and he is easy to talk to, wonder why? I always thought bouncers were mean people, always ready to drop a person, but he doesn’t seem that way, but then you’d have to be an idiot to want to pick a fight with him, he’s so fucking huge. Christ if he hit someone they’d go flying.

Carl “Haha, yeah from seeing him around here, so a new place huh? Both of you too? That will nice for him, he could use a good friend, well, I have to get back to work, if you need anything, let me know, I know a lot of people here and I am a good listener, see you around I expect”

Ashley “Uh, okay, uh, thanks.”

Terry “Hey, what did Carl want?”

Ashley “Nothing, just to introduce himself I guess, he seems nice, said to call him if I needed anything, uh, do you think that means he wants to just be friends or something else?”

God he is so hot looking, but I can see he isn’t sure, he has to go, I can see it in his eyes, but then I knew he was going to have to go, that’s what he warned me about, but it does take some getting used to. I guess I just need time at this, besides I need to try to figure all this out, I mean things aren’t what I expected, like was the bouncer trying to pick me up? Maybe he thinks that cause I am with Terry that I do that too? Shit, what do I do if someone asks? I should talk to Terry about this, but how do I do that? No, I had better wait, maybe tomorrow he can explain it all to me, or at least tell me how to answer people. I never thought it would be this complicated.

Terry “Haha, no, he just wants to be friends, he’s pretty cool actually, and a nice guy, he’s sort of looks out for most of us, he used to be a monk or something in SF, guess it’s a habit he can’t break”

Shit, if Carl likes him I really must have tumbled onto something special. He rarely likes people that fast, but then he is such a sweet man, it really sucks about him, how can someone who never harms a fly could have to live with that? Fuck, I know if it ever happens to me, I am taking a fucking gun and blowing my head off, no way could I go thru life with that, no fucking way.

Ashley “Oh, I see, I kind of wondered, I mean, uh, you know. SO, uh, you gotta go?”

Terry “Yeah, uh, should be back by 1am, that okay with you?”

Ashley “Uh, 1am? Yeah sure, uh, should I go home or what? I mean, I can’t sit here all that time without buying something, can I?”