Come Play in Utopia

Chapter 19

The reporter closed his notebook and sighed a little. He turned his coat collar up as he stepped out of the alcove into the sudden blustery weather that had sprung up out of nowhere. He was pissed at his editor for sending him out and he wondered if he’d still be able to salvage the night with his latest fling.

He doubted it as he still had to return to the city desk to file the story. If he rushed, just maybe he could catch up with Lisa and have a few drinks. He shrugged as frankly he didn’t care whether they had drinks or not. She was the one who insisted on more but damn it, she wasn’t all that bad in bed. Still maybe she’d understand and put out anyway, though he really didn’t think so. She was a stickler that way which made him wonder why he was even bothering still with her.

The sound of the wind picking up made him think suddenly of the dead kid upstairs. He looked decent enough but as the beat cop had said, he was one of those gay kids. The cop figured it was some family thing that made the kid take the overdose, but there was something about the place that made him wonder. The picture of the two others by the corpse was nagging at him. He thought he recognized them but it didn’t matter. One less queer he thought as he hailed a passing taxi to head back to write one more obit.

-------

Carl watched as Paul stood silently staring out at the ocean. He could feel the despair as if it was something you could touch. It felt so real standing there, the wind nearly howling around them now as the waves kicked up around the boat. It heaved and strained at its moorings and yet he could see how Paul rolled with the motion. It was like he had died too, and worse, he seemed to have known. It was like he had expected it when Carl had suddenly shown up to tell him.

Why he had been the one the Police had called he didn’t know, but the news had nearly broken him at first. He had cried out, condemning the one saving grace he had ever known, ever trusted. How could GOD do that he had thought as he listened to the cold voice asking him what they were supposed to do about the body.

How cold it all was and yet he knew that he couldn’t leave it to them. He had told them he’d look after it, and he would. Still the news of Ashley’s suicide was unexpected, though in all honesty he should have seen it coming.

There was no doubt that Ashley had been devastated by the loss, and Carl should have seen the signs. He should have gone with him, or at least kept him close by. Maybe he could have prevented it, if only he had talked to him, had refused to let him suffer his loss in silence. Now here he was, having to lay it all on another who was near the breaking point.

Paul had to make choices, ones no man would wish for. He had done it but you could see how it had left him. Carl knew that Paul felt like he had killed his own brother, and now he would blame himself for Ashley too. It wasn’t fair and anger came to him, as he glanced upwards at the swirling clouds, at the angry sky that had appeared without warning. He felt the chill in the air as the boat heaved to the growing ocean swells.

Carl “I am sorry Paul, maybe I should have waited till tomorrow, but…”

Paul “No, no its okay. I should have seen it Carl, the way he looked when he left the hospital, I shouldn’t have let him go..”

Carl “You couldn’t have known Paul, its not your fault, you can’t blame yourself, you have done all any…”

Paul “No, no, I knew Carl, I knew he would, Terry knew too, but we couldn’t tell him, we didn’t have the words, but I should have tried, I should have tried…”

Carl “Paul you are in shock, all that has happened, you know you tried, his mind was made up, you had no choice Paul, you did what you had to”

Paul “Did I? I wonder… maybe if I had listened to Ashley, maybe if, hell I don’t know, it’s all too late now, they are gone, I’ll never know him, never hear him laugh or see him smile, and I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t have let him sway me, but he was hurting Carl, he wanted to go, he needed to go, but I never told Ashley… maybe I should have tried, I…”

Carl stared at the sobbing man. He didn’t know what to make of his words, if the grief and shock had somehow twisted his thinking or what. He wanted to hold him, to comfort him but he stood there, stilled by the words and unsure himself. He had those same thoughts, about Ashley, about not being there for him. He felt the anger inside too as he didn’t understand the why. There was no reason for such despair, Ashley wasn’t old, he had a whole life ahead of him but he couldn’t see it. It wasn’t fair and yet he felt like somehow he had failed him.

As he tried to find the words, his eyes glanced up from the heaving deck and he watched as the shadowy figure came forward. He saw the figure hesitate then as if a great decision had been reached, Carl saw him go closer and put his arm around Paul’s trembling frame. He was him hold him close and watched as he bent over and placed Paul’s head on his own shoulders.

Carl recognized the figure and stood silently as Rob held tightly onto Paul. It was as if something was passing between them that he didn’t want to intrude on. His eyes stared as Paul looked up into Rob’s face and then the tears came flooding out. Years of pain and regrets came flooding out as his body heaved and Rob held him, letting Paul’s pain escape, holding him and giving him his own strength.

Silently Carl turned away and left the two alone. He didn’t know what had just happened, but he felt a little easier in his heart as he walked away. Rob had come forward at last and it made him feel good. Maybe, just maybe there might be some good come from all this death, this horror that he called Life. He grimaced as he walked away, the wind chilling him still but deep inside, he felt the fires of hope still burning.

Maybe, he thought as he left the two figures standing there, facing the elements together. The wind still howled, the sky still looked angry but it didn’t seem to make a difference to the two at the front end of the bopping boat. They just seemed to take shelter in each other and Carl felt slightly better as he walked away.

-----

He was tired as he opened the door and walked in. Bruce took his jacket off and just let it fall over the chair, not even caring if was hanging right. The exhaustion was catching up to him and he couldn’t get that last case out of his mind. The gay bashing. With the funeral coming up in a few days he wondered why it had struck him so deeply. People had died under his care before, but somehow he felt cheated this time, more than normal.

Bruce Collier took it personal. He hated death and yet he knew there was nothing he could have done differently. The damage was too severe but he had seen how it effected the others, not just the staff but the family members. It had struck a nerve that he had kept hidden and it rankled.

Walking into the living room, he was stunned to find Connor spread out on the couch. He had a drink in his hand and was just staring at the blank television set.

Bruce “What are doing home?”

Connor “Drinking”

Bruce “I can see that, but aren’t you on shift?”

Connor “I was, but not now, now I am just sitting here drinking”

Bruce looked closely at his partner. He could feel the despair even without hearing it in Connor’s voice. The feeling of impending disaster grew as he stared at the sullen figure who still hadn’t even bothered to look up at him.

Bruce “What happened?”

Connor “You haven’t heard?”

Bruce “Heard? Heard what? What is it, you are freaking me out Connor”

Connor “He’s dead, that kid”

Bruce “What kid? I don’t…. oh shit, you mean that one from the gay bashing, the boyfriend or …”

Connor “Yeah him. He took an overdose and McKenzie took the call. It was too late, as fucking usual”

Bruce “I am sorry, God, why? Did he leave a note or…”

Connor “Yeah, the cops had it, it was to the brother. He’s going to be buried with Terry, the one you couldn’t save”

Bruce “I tried Connor, I really did you know.”

Connor “I was there, remember? Sorry, I guess I am just fed up Bruce, all this death, day in day out, it is like being in a way, the dead just keep on coming, younger too, every day younger. I can’t handle it anymore”

Bruce “He got to you didn’t he? I know it did me, but its our jobs Connor, we do win a few you know”

Connor “Do we? I wonder…  it is like sticking a finger in a gaping hole your whole hand couldn’t stem, it just keeps on coming, more and more, it never ends”

Bruce “Seems that way but what else is there to do but keep on fighting? If we don’t, who will Connor? Look, I know its not easy, maybe you should take a few days off, that whole thing with Terry, it was, well.. it got to you maybe too much.”

Connor “Too much? Christ Bruce, doesn’t it bother you? I mean those creeps are still out there, still breathing, and guys like Terry are being buried, and you know Bruce, no one gives a shit, no one cares anymore.”

Bruce “Some still do Connor”

Connor “Do they? I wonder. It was in the news, dies off and then flared up once more, papers sold a few extra copies and the ratings went up a bit on the television, but its over, on to the next gore, the next dead one. They all condemn it, but do they do anything about it? Do they Bruce? Shit your own bosses told you to not press it, and they are supposed to be healers for Christ sake.”

Doctor Collier couldn’t argue that one. He sighed as he sat down next to Connor and stared at the blank screen in front of them both. He was right, his bosses had definitely tried to stop him from pursuing any action against those who had backed off on helping him with Terry. There were the same arguments, the closing of ranks and he knew it wouldn’t end there.

They had the shareholders to protect, or so the line went. The big shots had told him to tone down his outrage at nurses who wouldn’t help, who wouldn’t do the job they were hired for and all the time all he could see was the swollen face of Terry.

It didn’t make sense that people who would risk their lives to help someone would be so reticent of helping one who they knew was gay. It seemed that as soon as they knew, they got less passionate, less determined to help. He couldn’t explain it because he knew these people. He had worked with many before and had even admired their dedication to serving, until they knew the person was Gay. It was something he struggled with but couldn’t find an answer for.

Bruce “They’ll change, give them time Connor”

Connor “Time? Kids are dying Bruce, you see it every day, so do I, they are dying and no one wants to lift a finger to help. It is worse that leprosy I think. If he’s gay, they slow down, they look the other way, they even walk away, give up without even trying, it insane.”

Bruce “Yes, but its people, it’s the way it is today, but it’ll change, it always does, you just have to be patient.”

Connor “I can’t, not anymore. It’s too much Bruce.”

Bruce “So what then, you going to give up? To walk away and let kids like Terry not even have a chance? Least you were there, least you gave him a chance, something the other’s wouldn’t do, are you going to give that up?”

Connor “Yes, I guess I am”

Bruce “What do you mean? You going to quit because some 18 year old couldn’t handle being without his lover? I know, its cruel, but what he did, come on Connor, he wasn’t thinking, it was the grief, there was nothing you or anyone else could have done to change that. You know that”

Connor “Yes”

Bruce “So?”

Connor “I quit this afternoon Bruce, I had to”

Bruce “WHAT? You quit? Just like that?”

Connor “I had to, I can’t go on doing this, day in day out, cradling them in my arms while my friends, my partners crack jokes about one more dead fag, while they back off because they think they’ll catch something, I just can’t, I am not GOD damn it, don’t you see? Its killing me, slowly but its killing me too.”

Bruce “Connor….”

Connor “No Bruce, I can’t… honestly I just can’t, I am sorry, I never thought I’d say it, but I can’t anymore. I just can’t stand to see it keep on happening, and nothing changes Bruce, you know that. They hate us, they fear us and we can’t change that, least not here.”

Bruce “It isn’t that hopeless Connor, Christ look at New Jersey or other countries, it isn’t that bad, it is changing.”

Connor “We aren’t in New Jersey , we are here and its not just that, I mean it is but it is the looks, the jibes, the constant watching my back, the wondering too. It scares me, and it isn’t getting easier. Terry was, I don’t know, maybe he made me realize this isn’t for me anymore. Maybe it was just the last straw, but when I heard about Ashley, when people I respected made a joke about it, I don’t know, it just all seemed so pointless Bruce, I am sorry, I am…. But I can’t go on, I just can’t.”

Bruce “Okay, I guess I can understand where you are coming from. You know I love you and will support you anyway I can Connor, I mean it doesn’t change how we are, does it?”

Connor finally moved his head and stared at Bruce. He saw the fear in his lover’s face and it made him shiver a little. He loved Bruce, more than he had ever realized. All he could see was how he had looked when he had changed. The way he had moved in those desperate hours trying to save Terry. It all came back to him as he looked at him. The tears rolled down his cheeks as he reached out to hold Bruce’s hand in his. The touch made him relax, just a bit.

Connor “I have never loved you more Bruce, I just, this whole thing”

Bruce “It’s okay Connor, I understand. We’ll manage, you take some time, try to sort it all out and we’ll figure it all out later, after you are more, at ease. Okay?”

Connor “No, no I can’t stay Bruce, I mean all this, whether I am at work or not, its still out there, still in my face, I can’t deal with it, not now, and I don’t know if I ever can again. It is just too hard.”

Bruce “Then what? Where can you go where it isn’t in your face? Don’t I count? You willing to throw all that away, all that you and I have build up together? The house? Our lives together?”

Connor “I don’t know, I don’t want to leave you, I just know I have to get away from here, from this country, these people.”

Bruce “And go where?”

Connor “There is an opening on some research gig, out in the South Pacific. I applied for that after I quit.”

Bruce “Huh? How did, I mean have you been planning this? How could you… what about us? I don’t know if I can, I mean, shit Connor, I don’t want you to go.”

Connor “No, no some old guy, he was at the station when it all went down, I didn’t plan it Bruce, oh God, you have to believe me, I just couldn’t, I mean I don’t know, I don’t have to go, I just, it sounded just right though, it is something I can do, without all this.”

Bruce “Did you sign anything? I mean, okay, this is too much. I can’t, shit, what did you tell this guy? What is this all about?”

Connor “He heard me quit, guess I wasn’t exactly soft spoken, and when I left the Captain’s office, he was there, a rather peculiar old guy, but he was nice. I don’t know, I told him I’d let him know after I talked with you, but Bruce, it sounded right, he said they had room for a Doctor too, maybe.. I mean you aren’t happy here either, come with me, together maybe we can do some good, without all this, without this stupidity.”

Bruce “This is going too fast, what exactly is this? I mean is he just some old guy who hangs around fire stations, or what?

Connor “He’s from Marine World, they have a five year expedition to study Dolphins on some remote South Pacific Islands , they need a doctor for the team. He’s legit, I checked with Marine World, and its for real.”

Bruce “What are you signing on for? To be a paramedic or what?”

Connor “No, nothing like that. I can’t, not right now deal with that, but to help with the research, to use a computer to enter the  data the head guy collects, to do some diving and stuff, guess a general all purpose type job. It’s got no responsibilities, no obligations, and its what I want Bruce. To go diving, to help build things like a house, to take notes, that sort of stuff.”

Bruce “Sounds okay, how many on this team? Why do they need a doctor?”

Connor “The team is I thing about 6 all told, and the islands, they have about a few thousand natives I guess, so they want to have proper medical care for the team, but also to provide a sort of clinic for the natives, to I guess get their help or something. He didn’t say much really.”

Bruce “And where would you live?”

Connor “Well they said at first it’d be rough, camping on some island until accommodations could be erected. Part of my job he said. I mean its all that prefabricated stuff, and they are already loading some freighter with it all. I mean its quite the deal, guaranteed five years, but maybe more. I don’t know, it just seems like it would be what I need, but…”

Bruce “But what?”

Connor “I won’t go if you won’t Bruce. I know its asking a lot, you have a great career here, have a chance to maybe do more, its selfish I know, but please… I just can’t stay here dealing with this place, and I know it bothers you too. I see it in your face, the way your eyes look. You need to get away too, and this is an opportunity for you to do something where you can make a difference, one that won’t suck the life out of you. Please Bruce.”

His head was reeling. Connor knew him well and he was right. The constant barrage of coping was taking its toll on him, but he didn’t know if he could just pack up and leave like Connor wanted.

There was a certain attraction to it all. He knew he was good at what he did. Bruce was a damn good trauma doctor, but lately he was wondering what it was all for? Life seemed so unimportant to so many, that it made him question his own calling. There was no doubt that going with Connor was tempting, but it all seemed so, well impulsive. He wasn’t one who just did things on spur of the moment, but if he was honest, work had become something he dreaded. The thrill had long gone. Bruce questioned himself nightly if he was making any dent into the callous world around him.

Taking a quick glance at Connor he knew in his heart that he couldn’t bear to be apart from this man. His life was his, intermingled in a way that no one could separate. If he said no, Connor would stay. He knew that but at what price? It would maybe destroy what they had and he couldn’t bear that. Yet if he went with him, they’d maybe lose all they had build up, but as he looked around he realized something.

All they had was nothing but possessions. So there might not be 200 channels to watch, hell there more than likely wouldn’t be television anyhow, and did it matter? He enjoyed reading, he had a good collection of books that he never had gotten around to. Then there were all the journals he should read, that he also didn’t have time for. So maybe the idea of five years off in the South Pacific on some remote backwards islands wasn’t all that horrid of a thought.

The more he looked around the room, the more he realized that there wasn’t anything of value in it, nothing that he would miss. They were just things and as his eyes finally settled on Connor’s face, he realized that him he couldn’t do without. It was what he wanted, to be with Connor, to share more than a couch watching some mindless program that was just filling time to sell something. It was the way Connor looked when he had spoken of the job. The way the eyes had some spark then, not like they normally looked these days.

The despair, the sadness was hidden when he talked about this, and in all honesty he knew his own eyes were getting duller with each day passing. He too was tired, of the constant budget squabbles, of the need to watch costs when his job was supposed to be about saving lives. Everything had a price tag it seemed, and it wasn’t what he had gone to med school for. Maybe this was his chance too?

Bruce “You really sure about all this Connor? I mean have you thought it through, what it will mean if we leave all this?”

Connor “We? You will come?”

Bruce “Fuck you know I wouldn’t let you go without me, but seriously, this is a huge change, you thought it through?”

Connor “No, not really, and yet, maybe. I mean, look I like our life together, but Bruce, its you and me that makes it good, not all this stuff. I don’t care about the fancy crystal dishes, the wide screen television or any of that, all I ever cared about is you.”

Bruce “Sure they going to want two fags along?”

Connor “Yes”

Bruce “Oh? You tell them? I mean Connor, you just met this guy, how do you know they are willing to accept us?”

Connor “When I said I needed to talk to you first, the old guy, he uh, well he asked, and well, I don’t know, I told him you were my lover, and I guess his answer, well it sort of clinched it for me.”

Bruce “Oh?”

Connor “Yeah I can’t explain it really, but he smiled and just sort of said that he looked forward to adding us to the team list. That having an old married couple would help make it easier for the newlyweds.”

Bruce “Huh? Newlyweds?”

Connor “Yeah, seems the team leader, or head scientist who is leading the expedition is also gay, and has just gotten into a relationship.”

Bruce “Christ, that is bizarre. Who is this guy?”

Connor “Funny, I didn’t ask”

Bruce “How helpful, you sure about all this Connor?”

Connor “I am now Bruce, if you are willing.”

Bruce “When does all this happen?”

Connor “A month I gather. He said that if you accepted the offer, that you might want to get together a list of medicines and stuff to add to the freighter before it sails.”

Bruce “Do we go with the freighter?”

Connor “No, said we would be going out with the rest of the team after the freighter has left. He said he’d give us all the details later on, once I had convinced you.”

Bruce “Not like you had to do much arm twisting.”

Connor “Its funny, in a weird way, but you know, when I told him it would depend on you, he said it wouldn’t be a problem, that he would list our positions as filled. I wonder, it was like he knew you would agree”

Bruce “Maybe he just knew how persuasive you are”

Connor “Maybe, shall I call him? I mean, you okay with this, or you want to take more time? Think about it more?”

Bruce “No, I know it’s a huge change, unexpected too, but damn it Connor, I somehow feel like a kid again. I don’t want to think on it, I want to do it. I want to go, and you know, I think you can call him later, because right now, I want to make love to you.”

-----

Paul stared out at the darkened waters. It was unusual for this time of year, but a storm had been brewing for days now it seemed. Ever since he had gotten the news about Ashley, the weather had been worsening. It was almost as if the heavens themselves were angry and it had taken him some time to accept too.

How could he have done it and yet even as he asked himself once more the same question, he knew the answer. It was all in the note that Ashley had left him, and he felt it in his pocket. All crumpled and yet it was all he had left to cling onto. Even his dolphin had disappeared but as he stared out he could feel the presence next to him.

Rob “I miss him too Paul”

Paul “I know, he had a whole future Rob, how could he do it?”

Rob “He didn’t see it that way.”

Paul “I know, but I don’t think Terry would have approved”

Rob “No, he wouldn’t have, but he would have understood I think.”

Paul “Yeah, it is just such a waste, I should have seen it coming, maybe I could have stopped him, talked him out of it, but I didn’t. I knew Rob, I knew it in my heart that he would do it.”

Rob “Come on, you know there was nothing you could have done, nothing you could have said. He was determined. Sure maybe you could have stopped him then, but he’d not have stopped there. You know it.”

Paul “I guess, still I should have tried. I owed it to Terry”

Rob “Terry would understand Paul, he might be more pissed at Ashley but he’d understand. He was that way, he never held a grudge.”

Paul “Yeah, even as a kid he never stayed mad for long, no matter what. I hope he’s at peace Rob. I never really believed before, never accepted all that heaven and hell stuff, though maybe now I do, I mean, I can’t explain it, but somehow I think Terry is okay, and I think Ashley is too, odd, maybe I am just crazy”

Rob “Or too much of that Human Resources dude that’s been hanging around, Mister Assa or something?”

Paul “Yeah, he is a strange one. Older than Moses I would say, but you know, he really does know his stuff. He’s really put this expedition together fast, and I know, that’s no easy task”

Rob “So you taking it on then?”

Paul “You knew I would”

Rob “I suppose, its going to be strange, you off on some island working with dolphins.”

Paul “Not for me, I get along better with them than people.”

Rob “We get along okay”

Paul “We do… or so I thought. I still think you should come with me, I know its not really your thing, but we’d be happy I think”

Rob “Would we? I don’t know, I never think about that anymore, never have for a long time Paul. I told you, I’d be a burden, and besides, what would I do?”

Paul “Learn to dive, learn lots of things that could help, and even if you didn’t, wouldn’t matter. I mean I know I am not the easiest guy, but I kind of hoped we had gotten past that stuff. I really still do want you to come with me.”

Rob “I Know you do, but I wouldn’t fit in. You have all those eggheads going, they’ll keep you out of trouble, besides you know how I get, you don’t need some lush having the DTD’s around you.”

Paul “Shit, you aren’t a lush, so you drank a lot, word is drank. You haven’t gotten hammered since we’ve met, despite having cause, so knock off the self flagellation.”

Rob “There you go again, the big words. But I am not beating myself up, I am being realistic. And you know it too”

Paul “All I know is that I want to be with you. I can stay here too you know. It is you who keep pushing me to take Assa up on this, and now you won’t come along. If you don’t want to be with me, say so, but don’t hide on me. I don’t want to lose another friend. I have lost too much already Rob”

Rob “I am not going to do anything stupid. I just don’t think it would work, not because I don’t care enough for you, I do care, but I am not your type. I am too damaged, too fucked up inside.”

Paul “Bullshit”

Rob “So you say”

Paul “I am not the only one”

Rob “Oh, yeah the old geezer? Come on Paul, he’s a nice old guy and maybe he can put an expedition together, but what does he know about me? About us? You hated me not all that long ago, you really don’t think that that won’t come back at some time in the future? I still hate myself for it, so let’s be honest, we owe each other that.”

Mister Assa “I am not a geezer young man”

Paul and Rob turned around, startled at the sound of the man’s voice. Neither had heard him come aboard the ship and they were surprised to see him there. He was leaning on his cane, that old gnarled wooden thing that he never seemed to be without. Yet when he moved, it hardly ever seemed to touch the ground.

Rob “I didn’t mean it in a bad way Sir, I uh…”

Assa “I know that Robert, and I know too that this is all rather frightening to you, as it is to most who have gone through what you have, but listen to me, both of you.

I may be old in your eyes, but in my heart I am still a child, and while the weight of the world might rest on my shoulders like Ajax , it is not a burden.

Paul “He didn’t mean anything bad…”

Assa “Trust me, I am aware of what you both mean, more than you could ever know. The point is, time is running out and this childishness has to stop. You are both grown men, you both care deeply for each other and it makes no sense to deny what you both feel in your hearts. Now be mentsh (Yiddish slang for man) and admit it, ignore the fear that clutters up your mind, for in your hearts you know you both will be miserable without the other, so here is your chance to have what you both need, what you both desire, and more importantly what you both deserve.”

Rob “Deserve? I don’t…”

Assa “Yes deserve, because you are both good men inside, you are not evil, not vicious, and you love. You may think otherwise, but it is not your place to determine what you do or do not deserve. That is for others who judge, not you”

Paul “I am not hiding, I want Rob to come along”

Assa “Tell him, not me, but tell him the truth, tell him why you want him to come along, stop this pussy footing around, speak to him from your heart as your brother spoke to Ashley from his, now it is your turn, speak from where it counts, be the man your brother admired, be the man he loves, and let Robert know”

Paul “I have.. I mean… how do you, I…”

Assa “I know, that is all you need know, and if you truly do feel the way you do, then tell him, tell him now while you can. Don’t regret this later on, risk it, it is what you want, what you desire, so tell him”

Paul stared at the old man, and saw the fire in his eyes. He couldn’t look away as he realized the old man spoke the truth. He knew if he didn’t speak now he might never get this chance again. He couldn’t stand that and turned to Rob.

Paul “He’s right, I do need you Rob, not out of guilt or anything else. I need you to make me whole, to be part of me, to love. I don’t just care for you, I never have, I have loved you, just too pig headed to not realize it, but I do now, I do. I love you and want you with me, please. It is as he says, it is what I feel, deep down in my guts, in my very soul. I love you, I can’t go unless you are with me.”

Rob was taken aback. His heart was beating a thousand times a second, or so it felt. No one had ever told him that and if they had, he hadn’t believed them. This was different, and he knew that as Paul spoke the words, said them aloud that they were real. He felt it himself and tears rolled down his cheeks. He felt alive and wanted and words weren’t enough as he rushed into Paul’s open arms.

The press of his body into Paul’s was crushing the breath from his lungs. He couldn’t help himself but he needed Paul as much as it seemed Paul needed him. He cried and his body was racked by his sobs as he clung desperately to the tall young blond man. He had searched for this and never thought it possible, and yet here on this heaving sailboat deck, he had found it.

Rob held him tightly, afraid to let go and all he could say was yes, over and over again yes was all he could say.

It took them several minutes to collect themselves. When finally they were able to break apart, Mister Assa was gone. It was like he had never been there and from over the bow, the sound of a dolphin singing broke in on their wonderment. The sky had cleared a little and the ocean was no longer boiling with anger.

----

The sun was setting and the wind was calm as he looked upwards. The deep blue of the lagoon was still and yet he didn’t feel alone. His eyes were sore from the tears he had shed, but his heart was still in one piece. It beat slowly, the love he had for Terry had kept him safe. The pain had finally left him, defeated by his love. He thought once more about Terry, knowing that soon they would find each other again.

His head turned from the lagoon to stare at where he had come from. A small figure was visible and he stood up, his knees weak and his body still recovering from the pain that had come to him. Yet as he managed to rise up, he saw the glint of the setting sun and heard the cry of the dolphins off in the distance.

As the figure began to come closer, he just stood there waiting. A smile came across his face as a lock of his blonde hair fell across his eyes. He swept it aside waiting, knowing that what he had sought was coming to him. His heart felt lighter as the love he had for Terry was more powerful than ever. He watched as the dark haired figure grew closer, and he waited, knowing soon he would hold Terry once more in his arms, that once more and for eternity, they would have each other, have what no one could take from them, or deny them, as their love was true, it had kept them together.

The dolphins were singing as Terry finally came to rest in Ashley’s open arms. They were dancing in the lagoon and all around them, the wind swirled filling the air with a warm breeze and the perfume of the island. It was all there in his mind as he held onto Terry, feeling his heart beat in time with his own and he was content. It was just as he had expected if not more so.

The small coastal freighter dropped anchor just off the shoreline. The small coral reef was visible as the freighter stood off, ready to unload its cargo on the deserted island. Dolphins were playing in the lagoon, and all around the now stopped ship. It was just a dot on a chart, and in a few days would be the base camp for a scientific study from America .

The Captain of the freighter shook his head at the insanity of it all. Even as the deck crane began to lift the small little barge off the deck, to ferry over the supplies, the sound of the dolphins rose higher. In a few days the island’s population would increase with some Americans. The sailboat had contacted them and had made good time. It was only two days behind and would arrive just as he would be ready to leave. Couldn’t have been timed better he thought as a dolphin jumped out of the water. They were certainly playful around here he thought as he watched the supplies begin to trickle up on deck, waiting to be ferried to the island.

 

Novel Chapters

spacer

spacer

special compact disc offer for gay books