Being Gay is Not So Different.

Chapter 9

It was like being in a daze really. The way they had walked so slowly hand in hand down the street. Normally he didn’t go for that kind of stuff and yet this felt right. Some partiers had stared but for the most part they seemed to have managed to get to his apartment unscathed. It was always a risk but tonight nothing seemed able to mar the night.

Even walking up to his apartment had been something to just enjoy. The way Ashley kept so close, barely room for a fly to sneak through between them was amazing. It felt so invigorating and he had to admit, it sure as hell made him feel special. That was a feeling he was rather starting to enjoy actually. It was also one he never had allowed himself to feel before tonight.

Running past his homophobic neighbour didn’t even register on his mind. All he could think about was Ashley and how good it felt to have him so close. Yet as they took the stairs up to his apartment he began to feel nervous, skittish even. Thoughts about how the place looked flashed inside his mind. He tried to remember if he had even cleaned the bathroom recently or if he had left with clothes all over the place. Panic was starting to gnaw at him as he wondered if he had done the dishes in the sink or were they still there?

Christ would Ashley freak at the mess of the place? He had no idea even if Ashley was a neat freak or a slob. For himself he liked things put away but he didn’t get anal about it. Still it was different now, and he wanted to make a good impression on Ashley. The whole thing was rushed. Maybe he should have taken him to a hotel instead of home but damn it, he needed to watch the money now. After all he wasn’t working and he’d have to find something that would allow him to afford to live.

It felt like walking on clouds or something like that. Ashley still found it hard to believe that he was walking hand in hand with Terry. It was still too much like a dream. He could still see the way Terry had looked at him while dancing. It was a memory that he would never forget. The way Terry’s soft blue eyes seemed to sparkle and glow at him. It had given him the shakes then and did even now as he saw them staring at him. He felt so alive and yet also frightened. The closer they got to the building the more nervous he had become. Sweat was slowly pooling in the palms of his hand and he prayed that Terry wouldn’t get disgusted by it. Still he refused to let go of Terry’s hand even for a second to wipe the one hand. The other he kept rubbing against the side of his pants but with little success. The sweat just seemed to keep forming and even his forehead was dotted by beads of nervous sweat.

Despite the anxiety that was making his chest ache he still felt himself to be the luckiest guy in the world. He had someone who cared for him. It still felt strange to suddenly know that Terry was his and he Terry’s. But as much as that thought kept him moving forward the panic was never far from his thoughts. What if he was wrong? Maybe all this was was a brief fling? What if Terry would find him unsuitable for more than a night’s play? It all seemed possible and yet despite the fear his heart seemed content. It beat steady and only raced when he would catch Terry sneaking a peek at him.

When they had started up the steps towards the older brick building Ashley had been a bit surprised. It wasn’t that it was an older building but he had just assumed that Terry would live in some modern singles building. This one seemed more of a family type place. In one sense it was typical he thought. After all Terry wasn’t just some guy from a bar. He was special and this place had character to it, just like Terry did.

The halls were wide and the stairs were even carpeted to keep the noise down. A single narrow carpet ran down the halls as well but he noticed that the underneath was a nice rich brown wood. He hated floors of concrete like in Carl’s apartment building because it was all so cold. This place felt warm and comfortable, just how he imagine what his own place might look like.

He squeezed Terry’s hand as he realized that this was his home. At least if what Terry had said in the bar was to be believed. God to think he was actually going to be living with Terry made his heart skip a few beats. Then the doubts came back as he wondered if that was what Terry had really meant? Maybe he had simply been taken up in the emotion of the moment or something like that? After all he had managed to keep his distance for a week or more but then he saw once more those soft blue eyes staring into his face. He knew that Terry felt the same way for him as he felt for Terry.

This is it

Ashley hadn’t even noticed that they had come to the door. It looked like any other door but as he stared at it a whole range of emotions came flowing into his body. He felt fear as he wondered what it would be like to actually be with another man. He felt doubt that he could live up to what being with someone meant. He also felt strangely excited as well as apprehensive about what would happen next. It was like a whole new world suddenly was before his eyes. He didn’t know if he was up to it.

Uh huh.

Terry felt nervous as he dug into his pocket for his keys. It was also the first time he had let his hand go from Ashley’s grasp. The sudden loss of contact actually made him feel a bit feint. He couldn’t understand that and yet he also began to bite his lower lip in fear. What if Ashley was turned off by what was on the other side? Hell what if he simply took a look inside and ran away? God if that happened he knew he’d die.

His hand shook a little as he fumbled with the keys to the apartment. Christ he felt like some first timer or something worse, he felt like a dumb teenager who just had his first kiss. Maybe that was it? Maybe he was just smitten by that and maybe it wasn’t like he thought? God just thinking that thought made his stomach churn because no matter what, he knew he was committed now. There would be no turning back on his part, but what about Ashley?

Terry stole a quick glance at the young man. He took it all in. The way Ashley stood, his body erect and his head a little bit tilted as he tried not to show his own nervousness. The strong jaw and long arms that hung aimlessly at his side only made Terry want to hug him. God he had it bad but he could see that Ashley was scared too. He hated to see him uncomfortable and the idea of just kicking the door open and then scooping Ashley up into his arms flashed through his mind. He knew he could probably manage it but he also knew he’d more than likely wind up either dropping Ashley or in twisting his back. Hell of a way to start off a life he thought.

Just as that notion came to him he realized just what it meant. For the first time he actually believed that there really was a future for him, one that was based solely on the love of the tall younger man next to him. It felt so warm and inviting that he couldn’t help but smile. He turned to stare quietly at Ashley, waiting for him to also turn. It took merely a second before Ashley was staring at him.

Nervous?

A little, you?

A lot, but… this is it.

He turned the knob and opened the door knowing that his moment of truth was at hand. Terry didn’t know what would happen next but he just couldn’t ignore it any longer. He wanted Ashley but without terms. Either he liked what he saw or not, it was who he was and what he was. If Ashley was repulsed by it then so be it. It simply meant that they weren’t meant for each other. In his heart the panic, the doubts seemed to not exist. Only in his mind did he feel the trepidation of what might happen or maybe it was more of what could happen.

Ashley stepped inside, his heart beating a mile a second and threatening to burst free from his chest. He could feel the sweat running down his face as he stared into the wide open apartment. It was not large but it seemed perfect to him. The entrance looked off to one side to the kitchen area. A small light was on over the stove and he could see a few dishes in the sink.

Walking in more he saw the bathroom to the right and he could smell Terry’s shampoo or soap. It gave him the chills as he walked in ahead, because there in front of him was the door to the bedroom. It was wide open and he could see the bed from just inside the door. There was a small night table just before the bed with a lamp and clock radio sitting on it. The bed itself was pushed full up to the wall and the curtains in the room moved a little from the open window.

His heart was almost at breaking point as he saw the rumpled bed sheets. The dark blue sheets were messed and tossed about but he breathed in deeply. It was where his Terry slept and where he would sleep tonight. It struck him how it looked really no different than his own bedroom. The bed was just a bed but it felt like he was looking in on a shrine or something sacred. After all it was Terry’s room.

As much as he wanted to just keep on walking forward into the bedroom he held back. His hands were damp and he wiped them against his pants as he turned to walk into the kitchen area. He could see that it went all the way across and that you could enter the main room from it as well. There was a small table and two chairs up against the wall which had to be the dining area.

He could feel Terry’s eyes boring in on his back and he shook a bit at that. It wasn’t what he had imagined as he walked into the small dining area and turned to stare into the much longer living room. The floor was wooden, a small throw rug in the centre. It actually was quite large he realized and the windows against the far end obviously opened up onto a balcony of some sort. He looked around at the sofa and chair and everything else that was in the room, feeling Terry’s presence even more so. It was his place and he was actually here.

Ashley’s silence was beginning to make him sweat. He could feel the beads rolling down from his forehead as he followed him into the kitchen and then into the small dining area. His eyes had seen the dishes in the sink which made his heart sink a bit. Then worse he noticed that he had left a plate and cup on the small dining table as well. God Ashley must be thinking he’s walked into the city dump or worse. It made him cringe as he watched Ashley turn to look into the living room.

I know its not much Ash, but uh…

Not much? It’s perfect. I love it Terry, I mean… it’s just right, and you have… I mean its got that feel to it, ya know?

Feel? Uh no, not really.

Sorry, guess I am just being silly.

No, go on, what did you mean?

I don’t know, it just feels, well, it feels like home.

Really?

Yes.

He couldn’t believe it but Ashley wasn’t running away. He liked his place despite its messy appearance. Looking at him he could see a small tear in Ashley’s face. He reached out and gently wiped it away, knowing his fear had been unfounded. What he felt inside was real and to hell with what his mind had said. This was a home, theirs.

Uh, want a drink or anything?

Okay.

Uh, I uh don’t have much, I mean I really wasn’t expecting this…

I am sorry…

No… no don’t be sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.

Okay, I guess I am… I mean… I really am just uh..

Nervous?

A bit… is that bad? I mean…

It’s okay, so am I.

You? Why?

I don’t know really, I mean… well I never have anyone over…

No one? Not even Carl or Rob?

Carl’s been here for a minute or two a few times, Rob’s crashed a couple of times but not, I mean that’s different.

Rob’s slept here?

On the couch, besides he’s straight…

You’ve never had, I mean… shit sorry, guess I am nosey.

It’s okay, you have a right to ask.

I do?

If you want…

I don’t… I mean…

Look, I am not sure how this goes either, okay? But I know that, well… I want this to be right for us… I don’t want you to feel I am hiding anything… I don’t mind telling you anything you want to know? Okay?

Us?

Yeah… Ash, I don’t want you to think that I brought you here just for a shag… I brought you here, well, cause I meant what I said at the bar… I am serious, I know you maybe don’t believe me and…

I believe you… I really do Terry…

But?

But… but I am scared.

Of me? Don’t be, I know that you haven’t uh, haven’t had sex yet, we don’t have to either, I can wait till you are ready… I just want to be with you… you don’t have to be afraid of me…

No, no it isn’t that. Honest.

Then what?

It’s me…

You? I don’t…

What if I can’t? What if I never can let, can take it? Or worse, what if I don’t do it right?

If you can’t do it, we don’t do it. As for not doing it right, there is no right or wrong. You just do it the way you can… Ash, sex is okay, I mean its great at the moment but there is more to it. Hell I can’t really remember the last time I really enjoyed doing it, least the mechanics of it. But well… at the bar tonight…

I am sorry, I know I shouldn’t have let that happen, it was just that…

Hush… I came too, remember?

But… I mean… really? I thought you were just saying that to make me feel less of an ass…

No… I did too, and well, to be honest, I enjoyed that a whole lot more than I have ever enjoyed Cumming any other time before.

You can’t… really?

Yes really.

I don’t… but… what if…

What if nothing, shit Ashley, what ever happens when we do, happens. All I know is that I can’t think of not being here with you… the sex part, well somehow I kind of think that will just take care of itself.

It isn’t that I don’t want to do it, I do, God you don’t know how much I do but…

Oh I can see how much…

Fuck…

Not until you are ready…

Terry…

Okay, I know, it’s scary, it is for me too.

You? But why?

What if I am not as good as you been thinking? What if I disappoint you?

You could never… I just know that…

I could, but well, that’s how I feel about you too, I just know you will be more than I could ever expect from anyone… silly I guess but…

You mean that don’t you?

Yes.

Can we maybe just… I mean is it okay if we just not talk about it?

If you want.

Not that, I mean, can we just maybe go uh… go into…

The bedroom?

Uh huh

Sure… want me to get you a drink?

No booze… but water?

I have some OJ or would you prefer milk?

You drink milk?

Yeah, why does that surprise you?

I don’t know, guess I just never…

Okay. So, milk?

Yeah… if you are having some.

Oh I hope to… but I’ll have some of this kind too.

Shit… you are mean.

Am not.

Are to. Teasing me that way… uh.. do you really, I mean..

Swallow?

Yeah

No, least I haven’t in a long long time.

Is it cause you don’t like it?

No, actually I do like it, just that, well, it never seemed right when on a date… those kind that is… but yours… now that is different.

Why? I mean…

Because its yours.

Oh.

What?

Nothing.

Ashley… what? No secrets, remember?

It is just, well, what if you don’t like how it tastes?

Haha, that huh? Well don’t worry, I know I will love every bit of how it tastes, how it feels, everything.

How can you…

Same way you know you want to be here, same way you knew you wanted to know me as more than just a friend… that way.

The two of them just stood there looking at each other. Terry couldn’t believe the emotions that were racing up and down inside his body. There was every range possible and it confused him. He had always been self reliant and yet here he was acting like a pre-schooler really. He had no idea what to expect and even his own confidence in his prowess in bed was being questioned by his mind. Nothing seemed to avoid the self examination as he wondered if his eyes were too bright, if his smile too wide or his nose too hooked. He worried that his body was too thin or too chubby in spots. His mind continued to worry about whether he even smelled okay or if he should dash off to the bathroom to douse himself with cologne. Then he naturally worried if maybe his cologne was too strong or not enticing enough.

Ashley could feel the same fears racing up and down his body. He felt it in his legs and his arms as he stared deeply into Terry’s troubled eyes. He saw his own doubts reflected and mirrored deep down into Terry’s soul. He trembled as he worried about his own body. Would Terry laugh at his naked form or would he cringe even? What if he couldn’t keep his cock hard enough or worse, what if he couldn’t get it up when needed? The fact that he had a raging erection right now didn’t seem to count much as he struggled to figure out what would happen. He wanted Terry so much that it hurt and despite the fact that he had felt that strange wetness earlier on he was frightened that that would be it. He hated the idea that he would disappoint or fail Terry. It ate at his very soul as he stood there trembling, worrying.

Knowing that Ashley was feeling so scared didn’t help his mood. Terry felt the fear and he thought he could even smell it. For a mere flash of a second he thought that if he reached out with his hand he could touch the fear that flowed between the two of them. Looking deep down into Ashley’s navy blue eyes he felt the fear striking at him. It was worse than a full handed slap across his face. How could he cause this guy such deep pain? He wasn’t anything special, didn’t really have a look or chiselled body so why did Ashley want him so badly? What was it that made him cringe with the mere thought of hurting or disappointing Ashley?

Ashley wanted to run. He knew it was crazy because this was exactly where he wanted to be, where his heart told him he was supposed to be and yet his mind was reaching panic stage. He felt the feet shuffling and he glanced down at his feet, wondering how they had become so big and awkward looking. They were a mismatch just as he knew he himself was a mismatch for Terry. He could have anyone he wanted and yet he had brought him here, had taken him to a place that no other living soul had been. Could it really be that Terry did feel for him the way he felt for Terry? Was it true or was he just fooling himself into thinking that way? Was Terry just trying to be nice to him because he had kept hounding him, dogging his every move?

The pain in his body was making him feel a bit dizzy. He could feel the involuntary trembling of his calf muscles as he stood there staring down into Terry’s face. He could see the questioning doubts deep down inside of Terry’s soul. He felt them asking him, trying to seek an answer and his mind was confused by it all. The sudden beat of his heart and racing of his pulse jolted him as he lowered his eyes, breaking the contact between them. He was frightened by the terror he felt and yet he felt even more frightened by the prospect of losing Terry.

The stillness of the room grated on his nerves. He thought he could hear his own heart beating as he tried to move, tried to just end the sudden stalemate that had grown up between them. His mind was suddenly petrified by the prospect of moving and yet in his heart he knew he wanted to just take Ashley by the hand and lead him towards the bedroom. Yet even as the notion welled up inside of him he saw the way Ashley’s face grew pale. He could feel his fear mixing with Ashley’s own doubts. He knew that Ashley couldn’t quite comprehend why this was happening, what had suddenly changed Terry’s mind.

As Ashley’s head lowered and his eyes broke off contact with him, Terry felt the panic reaching for him. The fear of suddenly losing him made his body quake. The sudden pulse of his heart made his eyes water as once more he let the walls down. The rush of love suddenly came rushing in from out of nowhere. He had no idea where it had been in all that deep soul piercing look but suddenly there it was in front of him. He felt it strike deep down into his body and sweat suddenly beaded up all across his forehead.

He heard the voice telling him there would time later for explanations. He heard the words soothing his doubts and his fears as the warmth invaded all of his inner body. No place was left untouched by the sudden wave of passion that came to him and his hands shook as he reached one up to gently place it on the side of Ashley’s face.

Lightly he let his hand run down the soft cheek. He felt the fuzzy warmth of Ashley’s peach fuzz as his finger traced a small ark down the jaw bone and then run lightly across the thin pale lips. He felt their dryness and knew it was from fear, an irrational fear that he himself also felt. The wave of passion that had so suddenly jumped into his body flared inside and he could feel the flames of his desire and his suppressed needs being awakened in one giant raging inferno.

From deep inside he felt the voice talking to him, gently guiding his hand as it moved slowly across the trembling face of the boy in front of him. He felt the rising lump in his pants as his hand moved down under the chin, gently lifting it up so that once more their eyes would meet. He felt his heart shake as their eyes locked together. The voice long buried by his need to survive suddenly came to his ears and to Ashley’s own heart. It told him to have faith as it guided Terry’s hand down the shaking arm. The hand moved slowly but tenderly as it reached for the sweating hand that just stood aimlessly at Ashley’s side. The hand reached and found two fingers, dampened by the sweat of fear that held the boy. It took the two fingers and with a firm steady pull brought the quaking hand upwards.

Terry watched his own hand pulling Ashley’s hand upwards. His eyes were still fixed to Ashley’s but somehow he could see the hand moving upwards. The smell of the boy was suddenly filling his whole body with its powerful scent of desire. He felt the heart beating as his own hand seemed steady while in his mind he thought was shaking like a leaf in a hurricane force wind.

He saw the fingers shaking in his grip and gently brought them up to his lips where he lightly kissed them. Terry could feel the sudden jolt that leapt from his heart towards Ashley. He felt it strike home as he moved Ashley’s trembling hand down to let it rest lightly on his chest. He pushed it firmly into his chest, letting Ashley feel his heart and then he let his eyes open even wider.

Ashley thought he was going to fall backwards as the jolt of electricity hit him squarely in his heart. He felt the beat of his heart change, and he felt the sudden beads of sweat on his forehead become a torrent of dripping water. His whole body quivered and his mind was in a state of absolute panic, urging him to run, crying for him to leave but his feet refused. His heart suddenly grew hot as it raced faster and faster inside.

Then as his eyes stared into Terry’s face he saw the soft blue widened before him. In that mere instant he felt the power of Terry reach for him and he could do nothing to stop it. His heart refused to let him as the sudden wave of passion came to him. His body rocked and he felt the fire of Terry’s desire tapping his soul. He felt the flames flicker all around his insides as he was held transfixed by the sheer force of the passion that had come to him.

His legs quivered uncontrollably as did his arms. Every part of him was twitching as all he could think of was how much love he had for Terry. There was no doubts now of that and as Terry’s passion reached deep into his soul Ashley felt suddenly calm. The doubts, the panic were suddenly banished from his mind as the power of love rushed deep into his very soul. Nothing else seemed to matter to him as he felt his hand being taken softly into Terry’s own hand and in a blind wave of desire he felt himself being led out of the room and off towards another. All he could do was meekly follow and then without even knowing it he was standing next to the edge of Terry’s bed.

He felt himself being turned so that his back was towards the bed itself. His eyes burned with the passion that was touching his soul and he felt the hot stream of water that was running down his back. His eyes were clouded by the tears that had come to him. The force of that passion continued to grow inside of him as he saw the man of his dreams just look at him. The room was lit brightly by the main light but all he could see was Terry standing no more than an inch from him. He could feel his breath on his own face even and it only fanned the desire that was growing inside of his tall lithe body.

Ashley saw the face moving closer and instinctively he knew what was coming. He braced himself as his eyes shuttered and then it happened. He felt the soft press of Terry’s lips against his own and he cried out in anguish. The pain was so intense that he felt himself falling backwards and as his body hit the bed, he felt it groan and give to his weight. But he didn’t have a second to ponder what was coming next as he felt the press of Terry’s body on top of his own.

In that brief instant he knew that he was one. His mouth suddenly opened and he felt the rough raspy edge of Terry’s tongue suddenly filling his mouth. He gagged briefly and then his soul took charge. With a passion of its own that equalled Terry’s he felt the desire growing inside as he eagerly began to draw Terry’s mouth inwards. He wanted it to taste him to feel him and it felt so good that he couldn’t believe the heat that suddenly filled him.

The fire that burned so brightly inside of him suddenly exploded as he felt Terry’s tongue reaching deep into his throat. He felt its edge and tasted its sweetness. Nothing escaped his hearts vision as he saw the blue flame of passion that suddenly enveloped them both. He could see Terry’s own body convulsing with his. There was no denying the power of that blue haze that only seemed to grow deeper and more brilliant with each beat of his heart.

Just as he thought he could take no more he felt his body surrender to the constant crashing of the waves of passion that came to him. Terry couldn’t believe how his whole body was suddenly on fire and yet even as he wanted it to cool he couldn’t let it. He couldn’t stop his heart from racing faster and faster with each breath that he took. He found the harsh ache in his lungs grow as air was being expelled faster than he could take it in. The ringing in his ears was deafening to him as all he could hear was the hard loud beat of his heart as it struggled to be set free.

The waves of desire that came to him from all over stunned and shook him. His legs were suddenly numb. His mind no longer could focus on anything as his body shook and shuddered. The touch of Ashley’s body next to his in a crushing force of weight only added fuel to the burning flames deep inside of him. He cried out as his tongue found its way for the first time into Ashley’s mouth. He suddenly felt a second wave of passion coming towards him and this time nothing stood in its path. It hit him hard and true.

His heart quivered, shook and trembled as the jolt of passion came fully inwards. Terry couldn’t believe the force as it made his body convulse in spasm after spasm of pleasure. His whole body felt like it was burning up as he lay on top of Ashley. He felt the same thrill he was feeling come from the body underneath him. He felt it rise up and meet his own and become one giant bolt of passion. He felt it striking deep into his soul and he cried out. Tears rolled from his eyes as his body surrendered to the force and will of the passion that had sprung up between them.

As much as his mind wanted it to be different, Terry’s heart wouldn’t let it. It had to finally surrender to the inevitable and in that split second the two bodies heaved together. The bond of passion had suddenly found its mark and as Ashley’s body heaved upwards, Terry’s own body came crashing downwards. Their bodies for one millisecond of time was suddenly one and in that moment their souls and hearts became one as well. It was a fit that made Terry shake and Ashley cry as their two minds realized that it was a perfect fit. It was as it was meant to be.

It didn’t last for long but just long enough. It was terrifying in its strength and in its force of power that even afterwards still run through the two shaking bodies. Terry rolled off of Ashley feeling the power of that brief encounter of his soul with Ashley’s. He knew it for what it was and the doubts had gone.

Despite the pain in his body and the terrible ache in his heart as his body separated from Ashley’s, Terry knew he had to do this. He slowly let his body slide away and then stand up so that he could look down on the person who had finally broken through all of his barriers. His eyes eagerly took in the tall blonde that lay on his bed, his eyes glazed and coated by sweat. The drops forming small rivers of water that were streaking the soft white flesh of the boy.

Terry saw the arms shaking and the legs still quivering. He saw the way Ashley’s chest rose and fell, aching for air just as his own chest was doing. It was as if they could suddenly read the other as Ashley’s dark blue eyes opened and instantly searched for and found Terry’s face. He saw them peer into him and this time there were no barriers to knock down, no walls to break down. He stood there, trembling as he let Ashley find him where no one else had ever found him.

Once more he felt his heart at one with Ashley’s. Once more for that millisecond of time he felt his soul as one with Ashley’s own soul. It was brief and all to short for his needs but as the bond was formed again without them even touching he heard the voice come to him. He hard it clearly this time and he felt the strange peace that it gave him as it spoke to him.

You are as you were meant to be, you are now whole and not even death can alter this, for this is how it is, for today, for tomorrow, for eternity and beyond.

Terry’s eyes cleared as he felt his hands slowly moving up to his rumbled shirt. His face beamed as he stared down at the smiling face of Ashley. It was as he had dreamed and yet not. It was so much more than that and yet inside he knew he was only just beginning to experience what lay before him. There was no longer any doubts left to banish, he had made the right choice.

Ashley had felt that connection come again. It had shocked him the first time and once more it took him by surprise. He still couldn’t believe how intense, how deep it had gone or how amazing it had felt. He craved more of it and the sudden separation he felt as Terry slowly rose up and stood before him gave him a sudden feeling of intense pain.

Then his eyes opened and once more he felt them drawn towards Terry. He felt helpless laying there as his eyes moved on their own accord. His mind no longer able to keep pace with the urgent demands of the voices within. He gazed upwards into the changing face before him.

He saw it all, the pain, the fear, the horror, the doubts but through it all he saw something more amazing than anything else. He saw Terry before him, all of him in a way that he knew no other living being had ever seen. It was like a door thrown open for him and he didn’t walk in but he ran instead. He could feel it reaching for him and this time his arms were open willing and eager to embrace what lay behind the door.

It was exactly as his father had told him and more so. He felt it touch him just as it had earlier but this time with even more intensity. He could see Terry swimming in a wide ocean with him beside him. He saw the dorsal fins of  dolphins frolicking nearby and he knew that it was as close to heaven as there could be for Terry. No clouds existed above or around them as he felt the love closing around him and he knew then that this was where he belonged. His own fears left as the love grew between them and his eyes stayed open as he watched his love slowly open to him.

Ashley saw the golden skin begin to show before him as Terry slowly removed his chest. He eagerly drank in the way the chest still heaved from earlier or perhaps it was from this moment? He wasn’t sure which but he knew that it was because of him which only made his own chest heave a bit more. The pounding of his heart no longer was all he heard as another beat echoed softly next to his own. He felt Terry’s love still as his eyes devoured the beauty that was being shown to him ever so slowly, ever so completely.

Every part of Terry’s body became etched in his mind and carved into the very flesh of his heart. He could feel it as he lay there, seeing the pain that some stranger had inflicted on Terry a time before, see the welts that were long since healed almost as if they were freshly made. He saw beyond the smooth firm belly to the nights when it rumbled from being empty. He could see the redness around a firm nipple where a cigarette had once been placed to it. It all came to his eyes as he stared at the growing golden ray of life that now stood before him. This was now part of his life too and even as he stared at all that made Terry he knew that his own past was being revealed to Terry.

Part of him could hear his panting breath and yet all his mind could hear was the words of eternal love that burned between him and Terry. There was no doubt of that even as he saw the scars that had long since healed. There was no doubt as Terry saw the pain and scars that Ashley himself carried. They all flashed and then melted beyond sight as their love surrounded them with a healing bond that made them once more see each other for what they were.

Terry could see the understanding coming to Ashley. He saw the pain that his life had been but he also saw the brief moments when that life held some joy. There was a sadness in Ashley’s eyes that he felt but which lay unexplained to him. He could suddenly feel the truth of their love as it grew between them. His hands were obeying the will of his soul as his pants gradually slipped down from his trembling legs. His body felt the sudden breeze that blew across his bare chest and lower torso.

His eyes drew back to stare down at the form on his bed. He could see that Ashley was no longer dressed but somehow mirrored his own state of clothing. It was almost as if one single entity had controlled his hands and Ashley’s. Together they had moved in unison, his hands undoing his shirt, Ashley’s hands doing the same. His hands had slowly unbuttoned and dropped his pants as Ashley’s had as well.

He could see the chest heaving but he felt the beat of his heart growing steady. It was almost as if another hand was gently caressing it as his eyes misted over by the sheer beauty of what lay out before him. Once more he saw beyond the flesh into the person who laid there. He saw it all and more than that he felt it too. The words didn’t leave his thoughts either as he felt the soft gentle caress of them against his own insides. His limbs were not his anymore as he stared deep down into Ashley’s face and beyond. It was more than he had ever hoped for and there he saw it all. He saw the clear blue sky mirrored within, the soft gentle roll of the deep blue of the water as he swam without effort because next to him was another. He knew who it was without even having to turn his face and he could smell that scent now. It was that of an offshore ocean breeze and yet more than that for mingled in with it was the aroma that he know knew to be Ashley. He smelled the musk scent of the boy and his heart trembled a bit.

Fear rose up from out of nowhere and the soft caressing fingers of love began to slowly massage the doubts away once more. The voice whispered once more its words to him and he felt the fear leave him. He knew that the future would hold pain but that at the end there would always be Ashley. It gave him the comfort he needed as his eyes misted and his body shook.

He stood there staring down and at last their eyes met together. No more were they buried deep within but as he stared in amazement he felt the love only growing hotter and brighter within. Terry looked down at the naked body before him. He could see it all, the soft creamy flesh that still had a bit of baby fat around the belly. The touch of bronze around the lower arms and legs seemed to glitter in the light of the room. He saw it all but what made him shake and tremble was the way the body laid there, inviting him inwards.

It was the first time he had ever seen another male totally nude in this manner. His eyes stared eagerly at the man before him, watching his every move and yet inside he knew that this was for him. He knew that no one but he had ever or ever would see what he was witnessing at this second. No one, despite all that had gone on before had ever seen the image that stood before him now. Terry wasn’t just devoid of clothing but he stood there for Ashley to see all of him. There were no barriers, no walls, no hidden places where Ashley was forbidden entry.

Ashley saw it all unfold before him and all he could think of was how beautiful the image was. There was no guile, no deceit and no fear. His body surrendered to the vision that slowly moved forward towards him. His arms were open even thought he didn’t even know it. His body was there open and waiting for that embrace that his heart knew was coming. He watched with eager anticipation as the golden flesh move towards him. He felt the pressure on the bed as Terry’s weight came softly to rest on it. His mind was agog as it saw the passion swirling around and caressing them both. There was no denying the warmth that now covered them both. His heart no longer had a singular beat to it as it was joined by the pounding of Terry’s own heart.

In that moment he felt like he had two hearts as his eyes flickered and the fears of being inadequate were slowly being put to rest. His legs moved apart as Terry’s body slowly lowered itself once more onto his. Ashley felt the touch of hot burning flesh as the outside of Terry’s legs touched the inside of his own burning thighs. The fires within flickered for just a second then roared forward and upwards.

He felt the flames consuming him as their naked bodies touched for the first time. It was a feeling of unbelievable power and strength. He could feel Terry’s strength of character now as it filled his own aching spirits with its durability. He shuddered as his own indomitable faith reached out to supplement Terry’s weakened resolve. It was a fit made in heaven he thought as Terry’s stomach slowly rested on top of his own churning belly. He felt it all and knew that Terry did as well.

Ashley’s chin trembled as he felt the fires burning around him and within. There was no going back now as his eyes glowed waiting for Terry’s own burning orbs to come back into view. He didn’t have long to wait as the eyes now hovered over his. They peered deeply into each other and in that moment Ashley knew what love truly was. He felt it dig deep into his body and once more the two of them became one single voice.

The cries echoed back and forth as their love grew stronger and burned brighter than any light ever could. If the sun itself was to have been captured and let loose in the room it would pale against the glow that came from their entwined bodies. Nothing could equal the brightness of that growing passion. Nothing could ever come between it either as they found their hearts becoming one strong beating organ of pure unconditional love.

Time no longer mattered as they strove to understand what was happening to them. Terry groaned loudly as his body ached and trembled. He could feel Ashley’s love holding him, touching him in ways he didn’t know even existed. It was as if the mere touch of Ashley’s fingers against any part of his body was like a dagger of pure fire that reached deep down inside of his body. He felt each caress, each tear that mingled with his own. There was no way for him to compare what he was feeling with anything he had ever known before. It was all knew to him and yet it didn’t frighten him but only drove him on for more.

Ashley felt the flames burning through his body and consuming the body above and inside of him. He felt it melt and could feel each drop of liquid flesh that mingled with his own molten body. It was as if they were two pools of hot magma joining in the centre of a raging volcano. Nothing could stem the flow of their passion now as they cried outwards. Nothing or no one could come between them no matter what and in that moment of unity they both knew that they had become one. There was no doubt, no hesitation as their bodies followed their hearts lead. They joined in a way that was both beautiful and mind boggling at once. It was a physical impossibility and yet they could feel it happening, sense it taking charge over them and they surrendered completely to it.

Both of them felt the passion burning through. No barriers existed as their desire and hope became the same. No more did they feel lost or alone as their souls were finally together. They fit as they were meant to. All that life had done to them had neither worn nor altered the two pieces as they fit snugly together, just as they had been created to a long time ago. Their union was complete and their bodies thrashed and rolled but nothing would ever break what had once more been joined.

As their cries echoed loudly into the empty room their hearts rose upwards. The fires didn’t flicker for one instant as their love became absolute. All the darkness that both had felt before, all the words of hate and pain no longer held sway in their life for they were no longer one part missing the other. Now they were finally whole and together and the world be damned, for nothing created by love could ever be quelled or conquered. Their cries might have echoed in an empty room but it had not gone unheard.

*****

He didn’t know why he couldn’t sleep or why he had come out on deck this late at night but he stood there now, trembling a little. It had been like this for a few nights now but he didn’t understand why. In some odd way it was like he was expecting a storm or something. His eyes scanned the far off horizon for some sign of clouds or something but he saw nothing untoward.

Paul didn’t know why but ever since he had found that guy on the swimming platform he had been having trouble sleeping. He felt more alone than ever before and thoughts of Rob mingled now with an ever increasing desire to find and see Terry. It had been too long he thought and yet he couldn’t shake his need to see him.

The peal of chatter surprised him and there just near the edge was a dolphin. He saw the yellow eyes peering up at him and he felt the sudden force of the creatures thoughts reaching for him. Maybe he really was losing it he thought because everyone knew that a dolphin was just a fish. Yet even as he stared down at the dolphin he could see the image of his dream once more.

His eyes grew misty as the dream flashed before him again. It was a beautiful clear day, no clouds in the sky and the water was a crystal clear deep blue that shimmered in the golden rays of the sun. It was almost what he imagined heaven would be like and there in the distance were the two blonde images. He could see them splashing and laughing as they played in the very middle of the ocean. Around them four dolphins swam and frolicked as well, as if it was perfectly natural for them to be there, to be swimming with the two blonde boys.

His heart grew silent as his dream continued to run even though he was fully awake. Paul saw the two boys better now and one was Terry. An older Terry but there was no doubt in his mind that it was his brother. He saw the smile on his face as he splashed water at the other blonde. He didn’t know who that was but in his heart he wished it would have been him but it wasn’t. It made him begin to cry as he watched how the two of them looked. There was no mistaking how they felt about each other and for a moment or two he prayed to God, hoping that what he saw in his dream would be real, that his brother had someone who loved him as the unknown figure in his dream so obviously did.

The image faded as his prayer ended and he stared down at Tobias. He saw the quiet almost thoughtful look that came up to him and as he had so many times before he wondered if the dolphin could read his thought or feel them? As if to answer him he saw the slow nod of the dolphins long nose and the eyes suddenly seemed to burn brighter in the darkness. He shivered a bit as he smiled a sardonic smile wishing he knew what it was that kept troubling him.

He glanced upwards just in time to see a strange bolt of blue go flashing across the sky. There was no sound of thunder nor any sign of clouds anywhere and he shivered a little. It was almost as if it was a bolt of lightning that had come across the sky from the direction of the city. He turned away from the ocean to stare over at the glittering lights of civilization.

Are you out there Terry? He wondered as he stared at the yellow lights. The harsh chatter of Tobias didn’t even make him turn away as normally it would. Instead he felt a resolve come to his heart that was strange and new to him. Paul knew he wasn’t a strong man, that if he had been one tenth as strong as his little brother had been then maybe Terry would be here with him now. If only, he thought, and once more the strange resolve came to him as he thought about Rob and wondered what his story really was.

The nagging feeling of impending doom wouldn’t go away but each time he let his mind wander to the voice of resolve that had come to him, he felt more at ease. It was strange to feel that way and yet as he finally sighed, he knew that he could do nothing less than what the voice seemed to be commanding him to do. He turned to glance towards Tobias but the dolphin had left just as quietly as it had come. He felt alone and afraid but then he also realized that it didn’t have to be this way. It was his choice to make and the resolve grew stronger inside of him as he climbed back down into the cabin and his bunk.

 

Novel Chapters

spacer

spacer

special compact disc offer for gay books