Gay Men Have Dreams Too.

Chapter 4

He leaned back against the cold brick of the building, staring down the rather empty looking street. It hadn’t been exactly a banner night for him so far and to be truthful, he felt rather bored by it all. The urge for a quick thrill had long since past and the wind had turned rather cool as well. It was just one more annoyance in what seemed to be a constant state for him these days.

Terry knew he wasn’t exactly a dog and when he bothered he knew that many found him attractive. Trouble for many though was that not too many found him attractive enough to get past his work choice. The few who it didn’t seem to matter to drew the line at the sideline to his job and to be honest, he couldn’t really explain why he did it either.

It wasn’t exactly a safe sideline either. It was one thing to go hang out with the others in his trade dressed in some tight shirt and skin tight pants, it was certainly different to work the area for woman. Man some of those broads got pushy and if the customer ever found out, well he had some experience on how that went. Still it was something he did and for the most part, the idea of going down on some straight john gave him a unique thrill. It filled a void and added to the excitement he felt each time one of those hot sailor boys would let him do all sorts of things, never suspecting he was a he.

Course there was a downside to all that as well. Rarely did he manage to get his own urges satisfied and some of those straight guys were to die for. God they had some of the nicest butts a guy could see and their dicks were something too. Maybe it was simply that he knew he couldn’t enter those butts or really feel those dicks that made them so much more enticing, or maybe it was just that dressing up as a woman got him more younger guys than if he trolled for men as a man? He wasn’t sure but you didn’t really see too many young hot guys looking for a hustler, but boy you sure did see them looking for a prostitute.

In some ways he felt a lot older than his 22 years would indicate. He had been out on his own for 8 long years now, a lifetime really. It felt so empty at times that maybe he was just trying to compensate for it by seeking cheap thrills or maybe there were other reasons. God how he hated this mood and as he stared down the street he didn’t see much coming that would change it. The idea of just going down to the bar was becoming more attractive by the minute but no way was he going to go without at least getting one fast trick.

There was some noise coming from the other end and for a second or two he ignored it as he thought about his life and where it wasn’t going. The sadness he had been feeling was becoming too frequent and yet inside he felt like there was nothing else for him. He couldn’t just go off and learn a trade or even get a real job. He had no skills unless you counted knowing how to bring a guy to a quick ejaculation a skill or how to make some old geezer feel like he was King Stud when he had a 4 inch dick. Those were his skills and he knew he was good at that despite his old age of 22.

Shit he knew some of the latest group that hung out at the bars and boy streets who really didn’t know the first thing about sucking a cock or in making a john cum quick. They thought it was better to take their time but they didn’t seem to realize, time was money and as long as the guy had a good orgasm, well shit it didn’t matter if it took him 2 minutes or 20. Fuck what did he expect though, most of those working the streets these days were just like him 8 years ago. Many wouldn’t make it much past 19 or 20, hell he wasn’t even sure how he had made it this far, and maybe that was why he was feeling this way? Of course it could be that in a few weeks he’d be turning 23 and for the life of him he hadn’t a clue who would even care.

Terry was still lost in his dark mood when the voices startled him. His mind had been so turned off into trying to figure out why he was so depressed that he had almost missed the three men in white that were zig zagging down the wide sidewalk. His eyes stared quickly at the three, trying to judge which might be a likely candidate for a quick $20 or so. The one in the middle was obviously the drunkest of the three but he also was the cutest. The other two were definitely middle-aged men, perhaps no more than early to mid 30’s but the one in the middle looked young enough to be Terry’s younger brother.

He watched carefully as they staggered down the street and his eyes never once left the tall young one. There was no mistaking his solid build or the way he kept his head rolling from side to side as his friends kept him from falling flat on his face. It was strange how the young one’s always seemed to be the drunkest looking until you got their pants down. Then it was like they were instantly sober and he smiled, letting his tongue moisten his lips a little as he stood up from the wall. The one in the centre certainly had a nice pair of legs as Terry turned to watch them coming closer.

One of the older men had noticed him already and they had stopped for a minute as he pointed Terry out to the other two. Well there was definitely a chance here Terry thought as he waited patiently. He had his opening line down pat as he surveyed the three and knowing which one he would want. The two older one’s were definitely seasoned service types and Terry really didn’t feel like listening to their normal banter. The young one now held promise as even in his drunken state his uniform had a nice fit to it. The others, well they look old and tired and besides, he hadn’t gotten all dressed up tonight for an old man’s dick, he wanted a young one and so he cocked his head to one side, staring fully at all three but keeping his eyes centred on the younger sailor.

The aimless meandering suddenly became less as a certain swagger took hold of all three. After all they were about to try and claim a prize so they had to put on a good show. Terry watched amused as the older two stood up taller, their walk a bit more steady while the younger one simply stared at him. He could feel the young guy’s hunger and he felt that stirring inside, that sudden rush of excitement and desire.

The three came closer and Terry could smell the beer on them even from a few feet away. For a minute or even less he felt a twinge of distaste as he saw how crumbled their uniforms really were but business was business. There was a definite leer coming from the one on the far end and Terry knew he’d have some quick talking to do to insure he got the prize he wanted. He stood up and moved a bit closer to the lamp standard, letting the streetlight’s glare bounce off his brunette coloured wig. His shadow now moved across their path as he stood there, feeling the rush of adrenalin as it poured into his body.

“Hey boys, any of you got a spare cigarette for a lonely girl?”

Terry batted the fake eyelashes a little and talked in a soft warm voice that made the young guy look up for a second before his eyes once more rested on Terry’s small but supple bosom. It had taken him a long time to find the right kind of bra to wear that would make his own natural bosom look attractive and he enjoyed the attention the young guy was giving them. It made the expensive price for them worth it as he felt his heart racing a bit faster with each breath that he took. If pressed Terry couldn’t explain why he liked taking this kind of risk but right now, feeling the adrenalin pumping, his heart screaming into overdrive he didn’t give a shit what the reasons were, this was worth anything that could happen.

The one on the far end quickly dug into his pants and yanked out a crumpled package of Winston’s offering them to Terry. His eyes were staring hard at Terry too as he asked what a nice young girl like her was doing standing here all alone. Terry just smiled as she took the cigarette out of the package and gave it back to the older man, her long tapered fingers gently touching his hand. He could feel the effect it was having on him but he turned his attention to the young one in the middle, asking if he had a light for her.

The old one closest saw the way Terry looked at his friend and made some smart ass comment to the other one but Terry chose to ignore it. He wanted that young one, even if it was for less than normal. He waited patiently for the younger one to dig a packet of matches out and then Terry stepped in closer, holding the cigarette up to her lips as she waited for him to light it for her. The other two were laughing a little at their friend who was definitely corked. His hands fumbled with the match and he was having a lot of trouble keeping his eyes off of Terry’s small but firm chest.

“Thanks honey, now just what are you boys doing tonight? Looks like you been out celebrating something”

He never let his eyes leave the younger one as he spoke. Every fibre in his body was yearning for this one and he bent his whole mind towards securing his own trophy prize. The other two seemed amused as the closer one told Terry they were out celebrating junior’s birthday. It was the opening he couldn’t refuse to take, knowing it was risky.

“Birthday? Well, that is special, do I get to give the birthday boy here a Kiss or is he too bashful? How about it birthday boy, can Tara here give you a little birthday kiss on the lips?”

“Uh… yeah… yeah sure”

The young sailor’s eyes had grown to saucer shape as he moved in close and gently placed one hand on the young boy’s face, the other he easily slid down to rest it on his hip. With all of his experience he bent forward, keeping his eyes open as he brought his ruby painted lips closer to the sailor’s mouth. He could smell the beer more now but Terry ignored it as he pressed his lips against the boys slowly and firmly. He let the force of his own motion force the boy’s head back a little which gave him the chance to move his hand from the boy’s hip back to hold onto the nice firm buttocks. His fingers dug into the boy’s flesh as he opened his lips and stuck his tongue out.

The hard press of Terry’s tongue surprised the young sailor as he stepped back one-step, Terry’s hand holding him from falling ass backwards. The boy’s mouth opened willingly and Terry could feel his hot breath enter his own mouth as he let his tongue move inside quickly. He let it move all along the boy’s mouth, searching and tasting while his hand now held him tightly, pressing his body into his own. The hard press of the boy’s groin into his own was like a match to him. The adrenalin began to rush even faster and he could feel his heart thundering as he ground his hips forward, forcing the boy’s groin harder into him.

As they kissed Terry could feel the boy’s desire growing. There was no mistaking his desire either as the hard lump that was pressed into his belly was still growing, still getting harder as Terry worked his tongue all inside the boy’s mouth. He felt the heat too as his own body reacted and for a second Terry prayed that he had done his thing up right. It sure as hell wouldn’t help things if it suddenly popped out now to press just as firmly into the Sailor’s body as his was. God it felt good to feel it pressing as he kissed the Sailor deep and hard. His hands were both on the boy’s firm round buttocks as he let the sailor’s body crush hard into his own.

For a mere moment he wondered what it would feel like to have that hard dick splitting his own cheeks or his unwrapped dick digging into sailor’s tight little hole but he quickly pushed it aside, knowing that it was three against one. He might have pressed it if it was just the kid but not with the other two around. Instead Terry kept his lips hard up against the boy’s mouth and enjoyed the taste of his tale breath.

Finally he had to break the kiss off and as he did he could tell that the young sailor was definitely up for a lot more than just a kiss. Terry could see the lust that filled the boy’s face as the old one on the far end began his own attempt at picking Terry up. He asked if she was looking for a little company and the one closer to her just smiled at her, showing that he wouldn’t mind some of Terry as well.

“I am always UP for some company with the right fella”

“Yeah? And do I qualify in that department?”

He looked at the Sailor and smiled coyly at him. There was no way he wanted to do him but if the price was right, well he might have to reconsider. The trouble was, the guy didn’t look like a spender, which really wasn’t all that bad. It just might work out for him despite the guy’s obvious leer.

“I don’t know, you might, depends on how well you know your presidents”

It took him a few seconds to understand what Terry was implying to him and then it dawned. He wasn’t sure which President was on which bill as he tried to recall who was on a $20 bill.

“Really? Well I know a few of them very well”

“That could be handy, so handsome, just which one do you know best?”

“Oh I don’t know, old Andy Jackson was always a favourite of mine”

Terry smiled inside knowing that he had pegged the guy right. There was no way this guy ever forked out more than $20 for a working girl, let alone pick one up who had his looks. It wasn’t really conceit either, just simple fact that with a good wig and the right touch of make up he looked fucking hot. It had worked 99% of the time and Terry could tell it was working now.

He looked at the older sailor with a sad face, trying to feign disappointment despite the glee inside. This would at least give him a chance to scare this one off, but how to entice the young one was going to be tricky without pissing off the older guy. Still, he sure did look worth it as he stood there with a sort of dumb blank look on his face. That look might be an act or not Terry thought, but it did hold out promise. Maybe the kid was too drunk which just might work in his favour, if he could bet past his friends.

“Really? Well he might do for some, me on the other hand, I really don’t even get interested unless someone starts talking about that hard drinking Yankee general Grant”

The older sailor closest to him started laughing the second Terry mentioned Ulysses S Grant, which adorned the $50 bill. Hell if he had to do him at least he wanted to make it worthwhile. The laughter though reassured him that he still had a chance at his prize.

“Christ she’s out of your league Ben, besides you are too cheap to know how to appreciate quality like uh, Tara is it? here has”

Ben didn’t enjoy the peal of laughter that his friend had let out even though he completely missed the small smile that graced Terry’s face. He felt the growing lump in his pants, which was all he really cared about. Hell he knew she wouldn’t do it for no $20 but hell, if you didn’t ask you sure as hell didn’t get. Besides he had known a few who had willingly gone for his low offer simply because it was a quiet night. Tonight didn’t exactly look like the little lady was doing a booming business so to him it was worth a shot.

“Fuck shut up Hank, besides what do you know? $20 is not cheap”

“Sure as hell is, man you are such a tightwad Ben, I’d swear you were Scottish or worse Jewish”

“Fuck You”

Terry could tell that both were drunk enough that they would think nothing about taking a poke at each other, which he didn’t want. That would ruin his opportunity and besides that, he certainly didn’t want any MP’s nosing around. God that would really fix him and knowing his luck, well soon as one took a swing a jeep load of MP’s would sure as hell show up.

“Fella’s, now don’t you two get into a spat over me, how about the birthday boy here? You care to have a real nice birthday present there sweetie? Maybe Tara here can help make this a real memorable one for you honey, tell Tara who your favourite president is?”

The one called Hank seemed to cool off quickly but Terry could tell that there could still be trouble with the one called Ben. Why the hell did some of these sailors naturally figure they were a gift to women? Hell most of the Ben types had such small dicks you needed tweezers to find them. Hopefully she wouldn’t have to find out if he fell into that category or not as the birthday boy just looked at her with an open mouth. He had the nicest pair of lips on a guy he had ever seen or at least compared to his friends he did.

“Haha careful Tyler , she may want to marry you boy”

“Hey Hank, fuck off, besides I was negotiating here”

“Negotiating? Shit Ben you got shut out before you even opened your mouth”

“Fuck you, hey lady, look, maybe I might throw in two Andrew Jackson’s, what do you say?”

Terry just knew that Tyler would be his, how he wasn’t quite certain yet but the itch between his legs and the smile on that Hank’s face told him that Ben was definitely out of the running. Besides, he knew that anything with Ben would be asking for trouble. It was one thing to risk his neck for the thrill but it didn’t mean he had to be stupid about it. The rush he was feeling added a glow to his cheeks which he could feel. The slow creeping warmth only helped to steady his nerves as he blinked the fake eyelashes at Hank, trying to simply ignore Ben.

“Well now sweetie, that is getting a lot closer, but I thought you boys were all friends, was Tara wrong about that?”

“No,  I mean yeah we are all friends but…”

“Well then, first opportunity should go to the birthday boy here, don’t you all think so, right Hank dear?”

“The lady is right Ben, how about it Tyler, you up for some female company to help celebrate your birthday?”

“Me? Yeah… yeah I am up for it, but uh…”

“So Tara , how about a real nice time for our friend here? You in a giving mood?”

He knew it was risky as Tyler was pretty loaded. If he did find out that he was a he there could be some tough times ahead but Christ the guy had a face that was to die for. Not only that his body was well formed given his young age which was strange, given that Terry himself really wasn’t that old. Fuck he was maybe only a year or two older if that. He must be sick to try this but shit, the idea of having this stud was making his dick hurt.

“I suppose I could be persuaded there Hank, what did you have in mind?”

“Oh I don’t know, hey Tyler , how much you got left?”

“Huh? Left? Oh… uh, I got, uh… I got $28, why?”

“Okay well Tara how about we let birthday boy here give you his personally autographed Andrew Jackson and oh hell, I’ll toss in a Lincoln or two as well, how about Ben, why don’t you toss in a favourite president for the birthday boy?”

“Shit, what for Hank? Not like he’ll know what to do with the chance, now me on the other hand, I can show little Miss Tara here what a real US Navy Sailor can do”

“Yeah bore her to tears, Christ you can’t show her anything but she can show our new partner her a few things, so come on, kick in a fin or two”

“Oh fuck, I suppose I can throw in a five”

“Good, so how about it there Tara ? Feel like giving our birthday boy her a gift he won’t soon forget?”

Terry licked his lips and made a sort of pout look. He could see the way that Tyler ’s eyes were glued to his face and he ran his hand down his slim sides, accentuating his form that in that light looked quite sensual. Least he thought so and judging by the look on Tyler ’s face and the bulge in his pants so did he. This was indeed worth the wait he thought as he quickly calculated the money and figured it’d be enough for him to call it a night. He really doubted if it would be worth returning and besides, he kind of figured on hitting Rich’s for a few drinks anyhow.

“I think that can be arranged, after all he is rather handsome, and like you all said, it is his birthday. Well let me see your presidents and his and we can all take a walk down to that little hotel I know around the corner, I got a nice room where your friend and I can get better acquainted”

“Okay, come on Ben, fork over the five”

“I don’t know Hank, she could just take off once you give her the dough”

“Ben, how can you say that, can’t you tell this here is a classy lady? You wouldn’t do that now would you Miss Tara?”

“Certainly not Hank, tell you what, you two give me your Presidents and the birthday boy can give me his when he and I are up in the room, how’s that sound there Ben?”

“Well… I suppose, okay here”

“Now why don’t you two go on about your business, I think the birthday boy and I are going to go get better acquainted, right there Tyler honey?”

“I don’t know… maybe we should…”

“Oh Christ Ben will you knock it off, he’s old enough to look after himself from here on, besides we can grab a few drinks at the bar down there, uh Tyler how about it, you wanna meet us over at that bar we started off at earlier?”

“Yeah sure, uh, thanks guys, uh… Miss Tara?”

He saw the look in Ben’s eyes and was thankful he had managed to deflect him away. For a time he had thought it would be an interesting challenge even though the guy looked like shit. Still in his line of work you couldn’t always choose, well not least all the time. This time he had won out and he was rather pleased with himself. The rush of adrenalin was just beginning as he looked Tyler over one more time, trying to imagine if that bulge in his pants was as big as he hoped. It would be nice to go all the way with a hot guy like him but he knew it would never happen. Too bad he thought as he smiled and ran his finger down Tyler ’s cheek.

“Come on sweetie, you just put your hand around my waist and we’ll go see about unwrapping your birthday present”

‘Okay, uh fella’s, thanks and uh, I may be awhile”

“Haha, yeah right… come on Ben”

“Fuck I don’t know Hank, what the hell is wrong with me? I mean I got good looks, how come she choose him?”

“Geez, I’ll draw you a map, come on”

Terry could barely hear them as they sauntered off down the street opposite to where she was taking Tyler . God the sound of that name was enough for him as he felt his breath on his cheek. The stale smell of beer still was overpowering but it had a certain muskiness to it now, a scent that only made Terry itch between her legs. So far, the night hadn’t been a total waste as she rounded a corner and opened a rather weather beaten door below a large flashing neon sign that said simply ‘Hotel’.

The feel of his arms around his own waist was nice and Terry stopped briefly at the front desk, handing over $20 to the night clerk. The clerk grinned and shook his head and handed Terry a key. The grin on the clerk’s face made Terry smile back as he guided Tyler up the few stairs towards the rooms.

Carefully he guided Tyler through the dimly lit corridor until they came to the door with the right number on it. Terry deftly opened the door with one hand, enjoying holding Tyler next to him at the same time. He even managed to reach around and give the guy a quick little peck on the cheek which only made Tyler seem all the more compliant. There was no doubt that he was totally hammered and the notion of doing more with him kept coming to his mind. Christ he had to be nuts if he was seriously thinking of that but then again, if the guy was drunk enough maybe it could work out?

The rush of adrenalin was growing as he helped Tyler into the room and led him to the bed. It wasn’t exactly a warm room and he let Tyler sit while he went and closed the door, putting the brass chain on just in case. He didn’t want any unexpected company as he turned to stare at his quarry.  There was a single light hanging from the ceiling and a bolted lamp next to the bed. Terry quickly moved to flick the small lamp on and then he switched off the main light. At least in this light things looked a bit easier on the eyes as he moved over to the sitting sailor boy.

So honey, you ready for some real southern hospitality?

Umm, I sure am… uh I never… I mean…

You never what hun? Big strong boy like you never been with a southern girl like me?

No… I uh… I mean I never been with… shit, what am I supposed to do?

Huh? Oh… really?

I am sorry…

Nothing to be sorry about honey, well… this is certainly a surprise for Miss Tara. You never?

No, never.

Well… why don’t you just lay back there and let Miss Tara look after all the details, how’s that sound honey?

If you are sure, I mean… you won’t tell the guys will you?

The guys? Oh, of course not, besides, after tonight there will be nothing to tell, now will there?

Okay.

Terry took in a deep breath as he stared down at the young sailor. Christ the guy was hot and a virgin too? How could his luck get any better as he bent down over the boy and kissed him fully on the lips. He could still taste the booze but this time there was a little bit more to it. He let his tongue lick deep inside the boy’s mouth and at the same time he ran his hand down his washboard stomach. The feel of his rippling stomach muscles only made his own body quiver as he stood upright again. His eyes were glued to the boy’s soft face and the tiny little tufts of peach fuzz that he could barely see. Christ this was a chance of a lifetime. He wondered if he should call down for a bottle from the desk and then maybe, with a few more drinks in him he just might get to have a bit more fun than he had first imagined.

The idea of turning this sailor boy onto his stomach and ploughing his tight fresh virgin ass was an overpowering thought. He could feel the tightness between his legs and his own dick was already fully gorged by the rushing blood still the idea nagged at him. He really wouldn’t mind a good fuck with someone as young as this guy but as he looked over to the phone by the lamp he also saw the face of that waiter from Richs. Now he was hot too and he wouldn’t have minded a romp or two with him but then most of the guys at Rich’s wanted that. Trouble was the guy claimed to be straight and Terry’s eyes moved away from the phone.

He was fairly certain he could get away with doing this sailor guy but so what? It wasn’t like he could brag about it and okay, maybe he’d get his rocks off but then what?  Deep down inside he felt a strange sick feeling rising up as he thought about making the call and about how he would go about it when once more his mind was dragged back to the bar and that waiter. Rob was his name he remembered and his eyes grew a bit distant as he thought about him.

Something wrong? Did I do something I shouldn’t?

Huh? No sweetie, I am just admiring you, anyone tell you how handsome you are Tyler honey?

Well, no, not really.

Not even a girl back home?

Well, there was one, but uh… can we not talk about her?

Of course hun, now uh, you just close your eyes for a bit and let Miss Tara get you in the mood, okay?

Okay, uh…

Terry leaned back over Tyler and smiled his best smile at the young sailor. He could see how it was affecting him as he ran his hand down the centre of the boy’s chest until it reached his pants. Carefully Terry let his hand slide in under the shirt and he pushed the thin material up the boy’s suddenly shivering body. He could see the eyes glued to his face as he moved his hand along the bare skin, feeling the muscles coiling and shaking to his touch. The rush inside of his own body was easily transmitted to his hands that moved along the pure milky white flesh. He felt his legs quiver a bit as he pushed the top up and let it bunch up at Tyler ’s throat.

He leaned down and lightly pressed his lips against the warm tender flesh of Tyler ’s chest. Terry’s tongue snaked out and flicked at the ripe hard nipples and he could hear the sudden groan that came from the boy’s lips. Gawd it felt good to hear and yet also not good. Tyler was pretty drunk and Terry didn’t want him shooting just yet. He lifted his head up and in a few quick expert moves he had the shirt off the boy’s body. It was tossed over to the far side away from the door and then in mere seconds he had the shoes off and the pants undone.

Tyler had pushed himself up onto his elbows to watch Terry undress him. It was weird having him watch him and he could see the glint come into the boy’s eyes every now and then. Suddenly Terry felt a little weird inside, sort of like something wasn’t quite right but he shrugged it off. The rush of adrenalin was too much for him as he pulled the pants off and sent them to join the other clothes over away from the door. His eyes bulged a little as he saw the huge thick basket that rested before him. Christ the kid really was hung he thought as he saw the outline of one huge massive cock inside a pair of dark tight spandex type boxer shorts.

The legs of the shorts were skin tight as was the rest. His eyes took it all in as he saw the hard thick pole jutting across the entire centre and over to one side. He couldn’t believe how huge it looked nor how full the balls seemed to be just under that long thick tube that was stretching the fabric to its maximum. He licked his lips and glanced up to see a strange smile cross Tyler ’s face. The glint in the boy’s eyes was something else and he couldn’t explain it, but he felt a strange chill in the room as he smiled back at Tyler .

Terry let his hand run down the belly and then across the hot material of the shorts. He could feel the hard flesh underneath and his own heart skipped a beat or two as he thought once more about calling the desk clerk. Christ the guy was huge and it would be fun to ride that pole but he shook his head as his hand moved down to tease the full balls that were also threatening to break out of the material. Christ wherever this kid was from they sure knew how to grow em he thought.

His hand moved along the inner thigh and then back to once more caress the huge pole being held captive by the shorts. Terry felt a lump in his throat as he stared down at it, wishing he had the nerve to just rip the shorts off the kid and then rip his own clothes off and sit on what he was certain would be one huge thick cock. God it was almost too much as he felt his own pole aching between his legs. The smell of the boy’s groin wafted up and filled his nostrils as his hand pressed hard into the lump, the boy’s voice groaning louder and the legs shaking and moving further apart as Terry continued to massage the covered cock.

This was one reason for his deception, the thrill of touching another man like this without him knowing, without him running away. He knew inside that it was not only risky but also perhaps wrong. He didn’t really have much thoughts about the latter or at least he normally didn’t. For some reason though lately he had been having them and it made him enjoy the sensation less each time. He thought it could simply be a case of fear but he knew damn well it wasn’t. Ever since that time Rob the waiter had saved his ass when he was blind drunk he had gotten this strange urge to end his drag routine. Trouble was he loved the thrill it gave him but was it really that?

His mind felt confused by his sudden indecision and yet the feelings that came into his body from touching this straight sailor made his heart skip a beat or two. He could hear the animal like moan coming from the bed and he knew that he could easily make Tyler cum right now. He was ripe for it and yet he didn’t try, he didn’t want to end this so fast even though deep down inside a small voice was telling him to. The rush was still powerful enough to keep his hands moving as he slid the fingers up under the tight waistband. The sudden blast of hot moist air made the hair on the back of his head stand on edge. He could feel the desire welling up not only in Tyler but in his own body as he pulled down quickly, setting free the huge throbbing organ inside the shorts.

The sound of it popping free startled him for a second as his eyes focused on the huge throbbing piece of meat that now stood up in front of him. He swallowed hard as he stared at the giant cock that now seemed to rise straight up from the centre of the sailor’s groin. He heard him moan louder now as his hand moved across the wiry pubic hairs to touch the hot sizzling flesh. As his fingers curled around the thick base he suddenly felt very frightened. He couldn’t explain it as he tried to concentrate, the adrenalin rush suddenly gone from within. His mind was cast into confusion as he held onto the boy’s hard throbbing cock uncertain of what he was doing.

Terry felt two powerful hands suddenly gripping his head and bringing it closer to the huge throbbing pole. For a second he resisted until he realized that Tyler wanted him to suck on it. He licked his lips out of reflex and opened his mouth wide as the huge pole filled his eyes with its beauty. Terry’s eyes opened wider as his face was pushed closer towards the huge dick and he could see the small smear of white pre cum oozing from the large slit in the centre of the huge cock. His stomach groaned a little as his lips came closer and he breathed in deeply. The scent of a man filled his nostril and lungs with its powerful aroma as he let the boy’s hands guide his face to the top.

SUCK IT! GOD SUCK IT NOW!

Tyler ’s harsh command echoed loudly in the room and Terry felt the fear inside again. The way his voice sounded so sober and so urgent made him look up at the boy. He saw the glint in the eyes and the strange sparkle that made him tremble a little. Tyler had suddenly become someone totally different and he felt the power in the boy’s hands as they pushed his head down onto the huge throbbing pole. He felt the hot flesh split his mouth open to drive itself deep into his mouth. Terry’s throat constricted at the sudden force and he gagged, coughing badly but still the hands held him tightly, refusing to let his head come off the throbbing pole that now filled his mouth. The salty taste of Tyler ’s pre cum made his stomach turn a little at its sudden presence. He fought back a little, using his neck muscles to resist but Tyler ’s strength was greater and he found his head being lowered more and more over the hot throbbing cock. He gagged again feeling his throat muscles tighten even more. Terry was choking and it felt like Tyler didn’t care. He kept pressing Terry’s head down onto his cock, forcing him to take the huge cock deeper into his throat.

YES! TAKE IT ALL! YES! OH GOD YES!

Tyler ’s voice was loud and it echoed harshly in Terry’s ears. He tried to hold back to give his throat time but the boy’s powerful hands refused to lessen their hold on his head. He placed his own hands against the boy’s thighs trying to stop his forward motion but the boy was impervious to it as he continued to push Terry’s head down. The thick cock was firmly in his mouth and the head was halfway down his throat before Tyler stopped pressing down. His legs bucked a little as he started to move his hips in a gyrating motion. His whole body was suddenly coiled and tense as he pressed his body up while his hands held Terry’s head from moving up.

The huge cock slid further into Terry’s mouth and he gagged again and again. His stomach retched and he felt himself getting the heaves as the boy’s huge throbbing cock filled his mouth and throat. He struggled for air as his lungs emptied and he felt like he was suffocating with that huge dick wedged in his mouth. His body shuddered as he fought for air now. His hands reached out to press hard into the soft thigh muscles that felt like rocks now. Tyler ’s whole body had suddenly become one single band of steel it seemed and Terry felt the fear rising up inside of him. He pressed and then twisted his head violently to one side, his teeth coming down against the hard solid flesh that was between the lips.

Tyler yelled and the hands were suddenly off Terry’s head. Terry fell backwards onto his heels and then onto his butt. His breathing was hard and ragged as he gasped for air. He looked over towards the bed where Tyler was and saw the boy staring at him with his mouth wide open. The look in his face was stunning and a cold chill came to Terry. He didn’t understand the look at first but something inside made him push himself back out of the way of Tyler ’s legs that hung over the bed.

There was a wild stunned look in the boy’s eyes as Terry gasped for air. Slowly he was regaining his own composure when he looked once more up at Tyler . The look of stunned amazement was being replaced by a darker more ominous look that Terry recognized. It was a look of disgust and of hatred. He recoiled from the boy, his legs pushing him further away from the bed and from Tyler .

CHRIST! YOU ARE A FUCKING FAGGOT!

The words stunned Terry for a minute and then he realized that in getting free from Tyler ’s grip, his legs were spread out and open towards the boy. His hidden cock had broken the thong that held it tucked in between his legs and now dangled loosely out in front. It wasn’t hard given the situation and all Terry could do was move his ass further away from Tyler . The boy’s eyes were bulging wide and Terry could see the look turn to rage. He saw the face grow white and thin as Tyler started to stand up. Terry knew that he had very little time and he quickly jumped up heading towards the door.

In that instant Terry knew that his secret had more or less popped out. Still though he felt a sense of excitement despite the obvious danger. Tyler was outraged and yet in the back of his mind Terry was still wondering what it would have been like to do him. Christ he had to be sick to be thinking that given that Tyler had murder in his eyes.

His hands flashed at the door knob and he yanked the chain off and opened the door just as Tyler lunged for him. The boy had forgotten that his shorts were only below his knees and not totally off. His movement to grab for Terry forced him off balance and he went falling face forward towards the floor. Terry smiled a little as he saw the two perfectly white orbs of Tyler ’s ass come upwards. God it would have been nice to dig between those hills he thought as he quickly exited the room to the loud expletives coming from the fallen Tyler . Terry’s heart was pounding and he could hear his blood rushing in his ears as he headed out the back way. It was the safest way out without Tyler being able to follow him but somehow Terry knew that the kid wouldn’t come looking for him.

Still he didn’t take any chances and made sure that no one was following him. He turned a few corners and in a short space of time he was several blocks from the hotel and from the angry Tyler . God it would have been fun to have done him but the stupid kid had to rush it. Man what was it with these kids now a days? Worse though was that he had fallen for that virgin routine. No way was Tyler a virgin, no virgin would have acted that way and as he leaned up against a wall to catch his breath, the adrenalin slowly began to subside. His jaw still hurt from the force and thickness of Tyler ’s dick being shoved into it and he twisted his mouth to the right and then the left making sure nothing was loose inside. God the kid was huge but he could have taken it if only he had the time. Fucking idiot ruined it but hell, least he had some fun though right now his heart wasn’t exactly thrilled by it. He could feel it beating hard inside his chest as if it still was feeling the fear or panic.

Leaning up against the cold wall he felt  like he had been cheated out of something. He hadn’t gotten exactly what he had wanted but then he told himself, neither had Tyler . He was glad in one way that it ended so quickly because somehow he kind of thought Tyler had more in mind than just getting his dick sucked. So much for being drunk too. Christ no way was he as blitzed as he had appeared to be. As he realized that he also realized just how fucking lucky he had been tonight. Tyler wanted to fuck him and what would he have done then? Christ he could have wound up in hospital again and he certainly didn’t like that prospect to much.

Why do you do this?

For the thrill, the chance, you know that.

Uh huh, so uh, how was the thrill this time around?

Okay not great but you gotta admit, he was hot.

So, that would have comforted you in a hospital room?

No, but I didn’t wind up in a hospital room now did I?

Not this time bucky.

Yeah yeah I know, next time I might not be so lucky.

Hey you learning.

I guess. I don’t know, maybe I am crazy, maybe the old lady was right and I am doomed to hell and damnation, but shit man, he was hot. Should have gone for the drinks first, might have worked out better that way.

Yeah, you could have been drunk when he found out you were a guy instead of the hoe he thought you were.

The sound of voices and people made him start for a second. The conversation inside his head ended as he peered out from the alley towards the street. He saw a couple walking down the street and realized that he was near the bus station. He could see the burger joint sign flashing off in the distance and he straightened up a bit. He had a spare change of clothes stashed there and he knew he needed to change. It was then that he also realized that he had no shoes on but he didn’t panic. Tomorrow he could drop by to pick them up because the desk clerk and he had an arrangement. He would make sure though to show up as a guy just in case the sailor boy staked the place out though he doubted it. Still it paid to play it safe and right now, that was all he wanted to do.

The thrill no longer seemed so great as he carefully made his way towards the flashing neon sign. At least he always planned ahead for these instances but he wished that just once he could find someone where he didn’t have to pretend to be who he wasn’t. Just once he’d like to meet some guy who would want him because of him and not because he was available for the right price. Just once, was that asking too much?

He shrugged as he made his way to the back of the burger joint and knocked on the back steel door. He waited and knocked again shivering a little as the realization of how close he had come to getting the shit kicked out of him dawned on his mind. The high from the adrenalin had long gone and now all he could think about was hitting the bar and downing a few drinks. He’d have to change there too and he sure as fuck hoped Ned wouldn’t be around. At least he could get past Carl and make it to the john to change but if Ned was poking around he’d have to skip the bar.

=

The bathroom was not exactly the largest of rooms and he wondered how Ned got away with not having to upgrade it. Still he shouldn’t complain because at least Ned wasn’t here tonight. Carl hadn’t exactly been pleasant either about him showing up in drag but he ignored the obvious distaste. Shit what was it tonight, seemed everyone had a mad on or something. He had passed Rob on his way to the bathroom and ordered a rum ‘n coke and got a look. Christ it was going to be one of those nights it seemed as he took his dress and stuff off and stashed them quickly into the gym bag. He didn’t want to have them lying around and he pulled out the pair of faded blue jeans and began to pull them on when the door opened.

With his pants only half way up and his dick still hanging out Terry turned to suddenly find himself staring up into the face of a vaguely familiar face. The face was lean and the navy blue eyes seemed to suddenly widen as they took in Terry’s half naked body. He felt a strange jolt deep inside and he suddenly recognized the boy from an earlier encounter. He quickly pulled up his pants covering his now almost fully erect dick. It didn’t really make sense to his mind because he was used to being naked in front of strangers but somehow this one effected him differently. For a mere instant or two he felt embarrassed and shy. For just that second he felt strangely different, almost peaceful and yet also excited. The sudden rush of adrenalin inside made his heart skip a few beats as he stood up to see the strange glow in the boy’s eyes.

Hi.

He couldn’t believe it. Once again here he was running into him and in a bathroom again. Christ he felt so weird as he had walked in and seen Terry bending over. God he was more handsome than he had remembered if that was even possible. Shit it was all he had been thinking about since last night and now there he was, almost naked and shit, was he fucking hung too. God what must he be thinking he wondered as he tried to find his voice, feeling the sweat suddenly rolling down from his forehead. He was making an ass out of himself as he stood there, his hands damp and his body feeling like it had just gone through a tornado or something.

Huh? Oh… uh hi…

Terry felt a strange warmth seeping up inside of his body. He couldn’t explain it but staring at the boy’s face made him feel bashful really. He didn’t show it but inside he sure as hell could feel it. Weird how that went and yet as he looked at the stammering young man he felt a growing desire to know him, to actually spend time with him but he knew that wasn’t possible. You didn’t really mix with any of the others in the trade and this guy had gone with Jason so he had to be part of the clan. If he wasn’t then he would be he thought and for an odd second or two he felt sad about that. Somehow he just didn’t like the idea of this kid being a part of the trade. He shook it off as he continued to stare into the boy’s eyes, feeling like they too wanted something, almost as if he too wanted what Terry did.

I am Terry by the way.

Shit his voice sounded just like it had before except it was sexier if that was even possible. He stared at Terry not sure what to do or even say and deep inside he felt like once more he was being a total idiot. Christ why couldn’t he just say how he was feeling, why couldn’t he just tell him that he had spent the whole night and day dreaming of running into him again? Why couldn’t he just tell him?

Hi, I know… I mean uh, I am… my name is Ashley… uh…

Terry stood up and stared at Ashley for a minute or two. He couldn’t help but lick his lips a little as he looked at the tall young boy that stood there. For some reason he appeared nervous which only made Terry’s heart flutter a little. He felt a flush and knew that his face was turning a shade of red as he continued to gaze at the tall young guy, wondering just who he really was. After all no one gave their real name at first, well almost no one. He used to do that but got tired of trying to remember the fake ones so now he just used his real first name. Course he never did give out his last name.

Hey Ashley, we keep meeting in bathrooms it seems.

He fucking remembers me! God I can’t believe it, but shit, what is it he remembers? Does he think I am some hustler too or just some lame idiot who keeps walking in on him in bathrooms? Fuck, what do I say? I want him so badly but it doesn’t make sense, why am I so fucking lame?

Yeah, uh, guess so… uh… sorry, I didn’t uh…

No problem, you need to use the john? I’ll be just a second but go ahead if you want.

Huh, oh, uh… yeah I guess… uh… thanks.

Ashley moved past Terry towards the stall but stopped as he came to the urinal. For some reason he didn’t want to hide anymore and he stepped up the white urinal. His hands were shaking as he tried to undo his zipper without showing how nervous he was. Damn it, this was his chance to say something and yet he didn’t know what to say. All he could think about was how hot Terry looked when he was bending over to pull his pants up. Shit, had he just done someone in here?

Terry watched as Ashley carefully moved past him towards the stall. For some odd reason he wished he would use the urinal instead of the stall and it was almost as if Ashley had heard him. He stopped and made his way to the white urinal instead of gong further towards the stall. God he looked hot standing there. Terry felt a strange excitement as he pulled on his shoes and tried not to be obvious in his staring at the tall young boy. Yet he wished that Ashley would turn around so he could look at his face again.

He shook a little as he tried to suppress the strange thoughts that came welling up as he pulled his other boot on. For a minute or two he was feeling like some love sick teenager and that was a feeling he really never had before. Getting tossed out of his home at 14 kind of put a damper on that kind of shit but he never really felt like he had missed much. Sure he would have preferred to have had a normal life but living with those two so called parents, that sure as hell would never have let him have a normal life. He was gay, had known it long before he got the boot and given who his mother and father were, well normal life was not something he could have had. If anything they had done him a favour in throwing him out because at least out on the street he didn’t have to pretend who or what he was. He had been able to be himself and yet right now, with Ashley standing only a foot or two away from him he wished for that lost time. For just that one second he wished he had been a normal teenager and had crushes and dates and all that went with it, instead of turning tricks at 14 to get food or clothes or drugs.

Shaking off the reminiscing he tried to button his shirt up. His fingers weren’t being co-operative and trembled a little but he managed to get them to work in a fashion. He stared at Ashley’s back and could see that the guy was obviously nervous for some reason. Maybe he was one of those who had trouble pissing when someone else was in the room but he’d get used to it. Funny though how it seemed to matter to him and he wondered if maybe he was just feeling the aftermath of his date with the sailor? Christ that could have been a disaster and the thought of what could have been with him no longer gave him even a slight thrill. Instead he just felt grateful that it had ended without him getting the crap beaten out of him. Looking at Ashley though made him feel glad he hadn’t done Tyler .

You just get into town?

The sound of Terry’s voice being directed to him was like music to his ears. He had finally managed to unzip his pants but getting his blood gorged dick out was still upsetting him. Christ to have a hard on right now was not what he had in mind still he couldn’t shake the desire to know Terry, to try and talk to him but what could he say? Lots of things came to his mind but he just didn’t have the balls to say them and now here he was, talking to him instead. His heart skipped several beats as he tried to keep his voice calm though he doubted if he succeeded.

Uh yeah, last night.

Guessed that, so Jason bring you down here tonight?

Christ what do I say? Is he a friend of Jason’s or worse, could he be pissed cause I went home with him last night? God what do I say?

Huh? Oh… uh no, I uh, I came alone.

He couldn’t quite figure it out but he was kind of glad that Ashley had come alone. Terry didn’t mind Jason just that for some reason he felt better knowing that Ashley had made his way here on his own.

Oh?

Uh, yeah, uh you with anyone?

Me? No, not yet anyhow, uh, look Ashley? Want to join me for a drink when you uh, finish?

Ashley’s face lit up as he heard that Terry was not only alone here but actually was asking him to join him. Christ this couldn’t have gone better if he had planned it. Okay maybe in a way he had by coming here but to meet him in the bathroom again, then to have him ask him to join him was like divine intervention. It had to be a sign, it just had to be.

Seriously?

Haha, yeah, why not?

Uh, I don’t know, uh, yeah sure, if you are sure, I mean…

The way Ashley’s face had lit up was amazing to him. The obvious pleasure at his offer was kind of startling really. No one had ever acted like that before unless they were some old fart looking for a date. Christ to have a guy as good looking as Ashley was act like that felt kind of nice and warm inside. Maybe this was how it would have been like if he had actually been going out on real dates instead of tricks at 14 or 15. Trouble with that thinking was that he doubted if he would ever have met anyone who looked as nice as Ashley and he didn’t mean in physical looks either. For some reason he was feeling a strange attraction to this new kid and he didn’t even know dick about him.

I am sure, chill man, wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t serious.

Great, Uh, I guess I am done, uh…

Ashley pushed his thickened dick back into his pants, his need to pee suddenly gone. He turned to stare at Terry and saw the warm grin on his face. It felt so nice to see and he felt a warmth growing inside of him that only made him blush or so he thought. He quickly rinsed his hands and wiped them on his jeans as he followed Terry out into the bar. It was like being next to a God or something he thought as he could smell him and almost, if he had the nerve, reach out and actually touch him. Christ to think he was actually going to be sitting with him made him feel even warmer inside as well as making him sweat a bit. What would he say? Could he say anything?

They made their way through the tables and patrons to a smaller table near the wall in one of the busier sections. Terry sat down with his back to the wall and waited for Ashley to sit. Ashley couldn’t believe how hot Terry looked and there was a glint in his eyes that made his heart swoon. He couldn’t get enough of looking at him and as he sat down he felt like a kid meeting his dream date for the first time.

Ashley stood there for a second and then feeling like an idiot he started to sit down in the chair across from Terry. Terry’s eyes were smiling it seemed and as he sat down he saw the way he looked at him. His heart was beating a mile a second or so it felt like and he was certain it would pop out of his chest given half a chance. He licked his lips with the tip of his tongue as he sat down, freezing as Terry suggested he move the chair off to the side, next to him. Ashley almost fell as his legs grew weak with the notion of being even closer to his dream date.

Where you from Ashley?

Me? Uh… Nebraska , you?

Small place not far from here.

He didn’t know what else to say as he stared over at Terry. The way his face looked so alive, so fresh and exciting was making him sweat like a pig. He couldn’t believe that he was actually sitting next to him and each time he took a breath he could smell Terry’s aroma. It wasn’t sweat or anything but more like a hint of some perfume or something. Whatever it was it made his head spin with desire and his heart race with a strange warmth that only made his pulse beat faster.

Oh.

What you drinking?

Huh? Uh… I don’t know, how much is beer?

$4 unless you want the imported shit, highballs are $5

That much? Uh…

Terry couldn’t get the guy out of his thoughts. It was like going out on a real date and yet he wasn’t sure. He could feel his own nervousness which was bizarre because he had been down this road many times before. Ashley was good looking and yet in some ways he was more than that. He couldn’t explain it but he felt like Ashley was someone very special and he had this insane desire to know much more about him. He could also see how the prices were making him feel and he knew that tonight was a chance for something special. What he wasn’t sure yet but special without a doubt.

My treat, what do you drink back home?

Well, I uh… I mean…

Don’t drink much huh?

Just hearing him talk to him was like being high on some weird drug or something. He really couldn’t care less if he drank water all night as long as he could be near Terry and listen to him talk. It was unreal and he wanted to pinch himself to see if maybe this wasn’t just some dream that he was having. Still, looking at that smile was making him squirm a little as his groin was feeling Terry’s presence in other weird and wonderful ways.

No, not really, uh what do you drink?

Rum ‘n coke mostly.

I’ll try that then, uh, I can buy, I got some money.

Next round if you want, this one is on me.

Thanks, uh Terry…

Yeah?

Nothing, sorry.

Uh huh, so how much did you get from Jason?

He just blurted it out without even stopping to think. His mind recoiled at the sound of his voice but in his heart he knew that he could never keep anything from Terry. It was like Terry had become a part of him without him knowing how or even why but it was how he felt. There could be no secrets, not now, not ever.

$40… uh…

That all? Hope you didn’t do much for that.

No, well I didn’t uh, he uh, he did…

BJ?

Huh?

Blow job.

Oh, uh yeah.

Anything else?

Thank God he hadn’t done anything else, getting his dick sucked was bad enough and yet even as he had said it to Terry, he could tell that it didn’t seem to really matter. Well that wasn’t quite true as he saw the small narrowing of Terry’s eyes but inside Ashley could feel that whatever had bugged Terry it wasn’t that he let Jason do that to him. It was weird, he really wanted Terry to like him and somehow he felt that maybe, just maybe Terry wanted that too. If this was a dream he hoped he’d never wake up because all he wanted was to spend his life with this guy, even though he didn’t even know him.

NO!  I mean, uh, no.

Christ he was feeling pissed at Jason and for what? So he sucked the kid off, least he didn’t plough his ass or anything and yet it still pissed him off. He could see too that Ashley felt ashamed about it which really was odd. Hell you did what you had to in order to survive and being young, good looking, sometimes all you could do was sell your ass. Hell he had been doing now for almost 8 fucking years so why should he be pissed at Jason? Didn’t make sense except that he was.

It’s okay, nothing to be nervous about, shit a guy has to do what he can to get by.

I suppose, uh, is that why you, I mean…

Hustle? Yeah… how’d you know? Jason say something?

Sort of I guess…

Fuck he could just imagine what Jason would say about him but then again, he had never cheated Jason so maybe it wasn’t that bad. Christ it felt strange talking to Ashley about this and he couldn’t help but wonder what it was that made him want to just sit here and listen to Ashley talk. It felt so good inside that he really didn’t feel like he was in the bar. Hell he wasn’t even bothering to check out potential customers which was really unusual for him.

Sort of? What’d he say?

Nothing bad, I uh, I was asking and he uh, well…

Asking? About me?

Yeah

How come?

There was an edge to Terry’s voice that made him feel frightened. Suddenly all he could think about was that Terry would get up and walk away from him. His heart was aching as the thought raced up and down inside and he felt a tear near one of his eyes. Christ he was feeling so nervous and scared at the same time. All he wanted was for Terry to like him, to maybe let him hang around with him or something. He shouldn’t have told him about Jason or anything but as much as his mind wanted him to shut up he just couldn’t. Something else was forcing his mouth to give voice to exactly how it was, something that somehow he had no control over was in charge of him. He prayed hoping that it would all work out and he kept his head bowed down, afraid to look Terry in the eyes, afraid that he might see anger or worse, disgust there.

I don’t know… I mean… uh, shit…

Uh, look Ashley, uh, you seem nice enough, but…

Please, look I am sorry, it is just that after seeing you last night, I mean… well, I was curious, and he asked if you had said anything, and well… I mean…

Whoa… chill dude, you gonna give yourself the bends unless you take a breath.

Sorry, it is just that, uh, just that I… I don’t want to give you the wrong, I mean…

Terry couldn’t help but smile at the halting words that came from Ashley. It reminded him so much of his brother Paul when he had tried to explain why he was jacking off in the dark one night. God he had such a laugh at Paul’s face and just thinking of his older brother made him feel a bit sad but not enough to ruin the warm feeling that sitting with Ashley was giving him. Christ he was in a strange mood tonight. Thinking about Paul was not something he liked to do when in public because it always made him sad and usually he would wind up burying his head in a pillow and crying. God if some of the guys here only knew that, well he’d never live it down and yet even as he thought that, he began to wonder what Ashley would think about it? Would he laugh or would he understand?

Suddenly he felt like he would like to tell him about Paul and how much he missed him and yet even as he thought about it, he knew that he couldn’t. At least not yet. His voice grew softer as he saw how much Ashley wanted him to like him. It was really no different than how Paul used to look at times, and he missed those looks but more than that, he missed feeling his brother’s arms around him when he needed him. Paul may have had his own doubts and fears but whenever Terry had needed him to comfort him, he had been there without question. All that was gone now and he felt the sadness of it all and yet, somehow being here right now with Ashley seemed to make it seem just a little less unbearable. Maybe he could talk to him about Paul later, once they got to know each other better?

It’s okay, I been there before.

Huh? Been where?

First time, we all have our first times, it’s cool man.

No, no it isn’t that, well yes in a way, but… fuck, sorry, I don’t normally swear it is just, I mean…

You are a hyper one, that’s for sure, so what Jason wasn’t your first trick?

Trick? Oh, uh, yeah he was I guess, I mean I never… I haven’t…

Oh… he was a first first? You serious dude?

Somehow the question didn’t upset him like it might if it was from someone else. Hell even Jason had asked and he had more or less answered him but Jason had only seemed to enjoy his discomfort more than anything else. He wondered if Terry would do that as well but looking up quickly at his face he knew that Terry would understand.

Yes.

Shit.

I am sorry…

Sorry? For what? Hey look, no big deal man, sex is sex and like I said, you gotta eat right?

Ashley felt encouraged by Terry’s matter of fact answer. It helped him a little and gave him some courage as he tried to explain himself, wishing he wasn’t feeling so damn stupid. Terry was experienced and he didn’t want to seem like a total dork in front of him but he couldn’t lie to him either.

It wasn’t that. I mean… oh Christ, I didn’t do it for that, and I… I mean that…

There was a strange knot down in the pit of his stomach as he tried to figure out what it was that Ashley was trying to say to him. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it and he thought maybe he was being dense or something but still, that strange knot was pressing upwards, making him shift a little in the chair. What was it that was making him feel suddenly very frightened and apprehensive?

What? You wanted it that bad  or something?

No, well yes but not like what you mean.

Okay, then what?

I did it, cause, well… he knew you, and… well… I don’t know, I just sort of… I mean…

It felt like someone had just punched him the stomach. To think that some hot guy like Ashley, fresh from the country would let some old geezer such his dick just to get the dope on him was unbelievable. It had to be a joke or something but the way Ashley spoke told him that it was no joke. He couldn’t believe it and felt strangely moved by it. It was freaking him out too in a way he couldn’t quite explain.

Fuck, you did it to find me?

Sorry… yeah, guess you are pissed huh?

Pissed? Uh, shit no, but why? I mean I don’t know you do I?

It didn’t look like he was pissed but he looked so unsure. Ashley didn’t know what to do or say and he wished he could kick himself for just blurting it out but he had no control it seemed. He was so desperate to be honest with Terry that he might be blowing it. He had to try and explain it, to make Terry understand that he wasn’t some idiot or worse some stalker. He just didn’t know how but he had to try.

No, it is just, I mean, fuck I know its lame, but when I saw you last night, I don’t know… I just, well, I couldn’t help it, I wanted to know who you were and well, he knew you and he wanted to, to touch me and all, and well… I am sorry, honest, I am not normally this much of a dickhead but, I mean… I…

Christ stop apologizing. You really mean you let Jason suck you off so you could have him tell you about me?

He felt so ashamed of himself that he couldn’t bear to look at Terry. He couldn’t stand it if Terry looked disgusted with him but he had no other way of finding out who Terry was or where to look for him. He had to let Jason suck him off and all he could do was hope that Terry wouldn’t hate him totally for it.

Yes.

He wasn’t sure how he was feeling right now. Part of him felt angry at Jason for doing that to Ashley and yet part of him felt kind of happy too. No one had ever gone to such lengths for an introduction. Christ he was used to drinks coming to the table and even sometimes little gifts like a stuffed animal or some cigarettes or even the odd joint but to go out and turn a trick? That was totally amazing and he couldn’t help but feel a little special himself which also was unusual for him.

Wow…

I am sorry, I didn’t mean for you to uh, I know it sounds kind of…

Why? Why did you want to know more about me?

I don’t know, it was, well, the way you looked at me, it sort of did something, I don’t know.

But you don’t know me, how could you…

You hate me now, don’t you? I am so sorry Terry… please… I really didn’t…

He felt a strange fire beginning to burn deep down inside of his stomach. It freaked him out because it brought back an early time just before all hell had broken loose at home. They had been joking around and Paul had suddenly gotten all serious. He had looked at Terry and told him that one day he would find his soul mate and that when that happened, he wished he would be there to see it, to enjoy it. Funny, but it was like he had known that he wouldn’t be around, that somehow they would be split apart. A month later he had been tossed from the house and since then, almost 8 years now he hadn’t seen his brother. God he wished Paul was here right now.

Hey I don’t hate you, it is just that, well, no one has ever wanted to meet me that badly before, kind of weird feeling that.

I am sorry, honest, uh, please, let me buy you a drink and try to explain, please?

No, that’s okay, uh, you never had any sex with a guy before?

No.

And you did that with Jason just to try and meet me?

Yes.

Jason tell you about me?

Some, but I mean… I know it is lame but…

As much as his head wanted to not believe Ashley deep down in his heart he knew he was telling him the truth. He really had wanted to meet him that badly and why he still wasn’t sure, but that could wait. All he knew right now was that he felt like he was on cloud nine or something. Strange but he hadn’t felt this good since the last time he and Paul had been out swimming and just talking. It felt good and he wished he could have Paul here too.

No, it’s cool Ashley, kind of neat, you really wanted to meet me that bad?

Yeah.

Bizarre guy, really bizarre.

He felt like he had just been roped and hog tied. He had told it all and had blown it. Terry did think he was a nut case or worse and he felt like he was going to break out in tears. He tried to hold on, hoping for a miracle yet feeling like everything he had dreamed for, had hoped for was disappearing from his grasp.

I guess, you must think I am a loony or something, but uh…

There was no mistaking Ashley’s look of dejection. Terry didn’t quite understand it but he knew that he couldn’t let Ashley go away. He also knew that he couldn’t let him go back to Jason or anyone else like that. An idea came to him as he leaned forward to stare at Ashley.

No, no I don’t, uh, where you staying? I mean you get a place or what?

No, all the places lock up early, guess I’ll get a motel room for later I suppose.

It was like he was back to being 14. He could hear the quiet determination in Ashley’s voice along with the fear. Somehow he knew he couldn’t let him go back to Jason or waste his money either. Something was prodding him though he had no idea what. All he knew was that Ashley held something special and he wanted to know more. Crazy for sure but it was how he was feeling.

You got much cash?

Not much, enough.

Jason offer you his pad?

Yeah but… I’d rather uh…

Yeah I know what you mean, so what, you going to get a motel for the night? Then what?

Maybe there was hope? The way Terry’s voice had sounded relieved when he said he didn’t want to go back there made him wonder if maybe he still had a chance. His mind told him no way but some strange feeling kept him hoping. He couldn’t help it just like he couldn’t stop himself from blurting things out. It felt weird because he could feel his body squirming still and he knew that he still was excited down there like maybe there really was a chance or maybe Terry was right, maybe he just had some strange perversion or something.

I don’t know, look for a job I guess.

You do anything special?

Huh?

I mean you ever worked anywhere before?

No, just on the farm back home. Boxed groceries one winter for extra cash, but that’s been it.

Okay, hang tight and let me go talk to someone.

Huh? I mean…

Just hang tight okay? Oh, order me a rum ‘n coke and one for yourself when the waiter comes by, damn he’s slow tonight too, oh, here, $10 will cover it.

At first he had thought that Terry was going to just take off, but leaving the money on the table meant he was coming back didn’t it? His heart had almost given up or was it maybe just his mind? Something inside of him told him to hang on, to still dream his dream and he tried, desperate that it would work out. He felt a sense of fear rising up but the way Terry had spoken to him made him think that maybe he still had a chance at this. That maybe if he could just hang in that he could convince Terry that he wasn’t some wacko or stupid hick. He had to try, he knew that and so he managed to hold back the tears.

I can buy.

No, told you I am getting the first round, okay?

He wasn’t sure what was happening but suddenly he felt a rising sense of hope inside. The doubts in his mind were cast out as his heart beat just a tad faster now. If he was right, it meant that somehow Terry wasn’t pissed with him and wasn’t just making an excuse to bail on him either. God could it be possible? Could he really have found his dream?

Well…

Just order the drinks and don’t take off, I won’t be long, okay?

Okay.

Terry got up and stopped next to Ashley. He stared down at him and felt that strange glow burning hotter inside of him. He couldn’t explain it but suddenly he wondered what it would be like to live to be an old man. He touched Ashley’s shoulder lightly and felt a jolt inside his body. His blood felt like it was boiling as he smiled down at Ashley and saw the glimmer in Ashley’s eyes. God it felt strange to feel like this but he wouldn’t trade this feeling for any rush, not even for a chance to do someone like that sailor boy. He walked quickly up to the front, beckoning Carl to come over when he had a chance. He turned away from the entrance to stare back into the bar, to look at the far off table where Ashley waited for him. His heart was racing and he could feel the hardness in his groin as Carl finally came up to him, asking him what was up.

 

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