Wrath or Rage Builds Up in a Person

Chapter 02

He stared out at the wide expanse of the city before him. it really was quite a site to see, all the shimmering buildings off in the distance with the sun setting behind him. The greenish colour of the ocean made for an interesting contrast to the powder blue sky and the scattered clouds above. Paul sighed a little as he realized that this part of his journey was finally coming to an end.

There had been no real rush for him and yet something had more or less spurred him on to make the journey down from Seattle in record time, well at least for him and his twin masted schooner ‘The Inseparable’. The winds had been more than favourable for his trip down the west coast which made him smile a little more. If anyone could see him they would be amazed at how innocent he looked when smiling. The grin was wide and while his lips were thin, his curly blonde hair bleached by days under the sun only helped to give him a boyish look.

At first glance his face looked clean shaved but if one was to look close they would see the tufts of light coloured facial hair all across his cheeks and chin. After all he had been at sea for almost an entire week and shaving had not been a real priority for him. He stared out at San Diego and wondered why he had even accepted the offer to come here. It was the last place he really wanted to be but somehow when approached to accept the job at Marine World he hadn’t even hesitated in accepting it.

Leaning over the rail to stare out at the wide expanse of civilization he realized just how much of a recluse he really was. He didn’t like the city life and while he once lived in a small town that was in a time he’d rather not remember. Paul Jamison had left home early on and he still kept the details buried deep inside of his mind. It wasn’t good to dwell on the past but as much as he kept trying to escape it, he never could shake it from popping up at inopportune moments, such as now.

Somewhere out there was his younger brother and while he knew that he wanted to see him he also knew that it just wouldn’t work out. So much water had passed since they had last seen each other but still, deep down he rather wished things had been different between them. Everything he was today and might one day be was because of his younger brother’s sacrifice for him. How do you ignore that he wondered as he stared out at the tall spirals of building intruding on the beauty of the dusk?

He shook his head as he looked down at the shimmering glass of the ocean. It always amazed him how something so placid one second could in a flash suddenly rear up into an angry torrent of dark green water. Everything about the ocean held him in a constant state of awe and at times he wondered what had gone through God’s mind as he created the oceans and skies. Had he put some of his own anger into the water or was it a mirror to God’s own ever changing moods?

Christ if  he ever told his mother these thoughts she would have a fit, or worse maybe a heart attack. The sudden image of her clutching her chest in pain made his leg quiver a bit and his face grow hard like a stone as the thought passed thru him. It wasn’t that he really wished her ill but then again if he was honest he knew that he did. How could she have done all that she had without some shame, some regret?

For all of her holier than thou attitude she really was no different than many of the people you read about in the corporate world. She was only interested in clawing ahead and how she got there didn’t really matter. Her kids were a stepping stone, part of the whole act really and now that his father had been taken out of the picture she had quickly moved on to the next phase of her life.

It wasn’t like he could complain in one regard. The life they had lived with their father and his religious zeal had been unbearable. His notion of fatherly advice had been to quote scripture and then if that wasn’t enough, the harsh application of a broad leather strap would help him punctuate his words of Godly advice. Paul shivered a little as he remembered many of those moments with his father and the way she would stand there, her face cold and impassive and uncaring. Each hard slap of leather against bare flesh would ring out loudly and yet he never saw her flinch, never saw her cringe when the huge belt would rise high up in the air before coming down with unbelievable force on either his bare back or ass or that of his younger brother’s. Not once did she suck in her breath or even try to intercede in his father’s so called just punishment against his perceived children’s’ transgressions.

Standing there with his head resting on his arms as he looked out at what was soon to be his home he couldn’t help but wonder if this was a mistake. She was based out of there with his step father and the idea of having to have anything to do with that religious swindler only infuriated him. Mind you it hadn’t stopped him from accepting the man’s money which had paid for his education and even had paid for this schooner. Of course deep down he knew that all that his father was wasn’t because he was some anointed disciple of God but instead had been her choice.

The cold chill continued to gnaw at his bones despite the sun beating down on his bare back. Paul loved the chance to be on his boat out at sea away from humans. Here he could be who he wanted to be without worrying about convention. For almost the entire sail down from Seattle he had worn virtually nothing but shorts on occasion. Even then he had rarely had them on, enjoying the wind beating against his flesh or the sun shining on it. Now here he was, golden from the rays of the sun and his fine blond hairs bleached to a fine shade of white. The hairs on his chest were curled around and yet if you were to look at him from any distance you’d swear he was devoid of any body hair. Not even his small tuft of hair that poked up from just under the waist band would show.

The feel of the sun on his bare back finally turned his thoughts away from her and the life she had moulded for herself. He didn’t even care that in the last 6 years he had spoken to her twice or seen her only once. Instead their contact had been thru an intermediary, John Childs who had been a close friend of the family back when they were just poor nobodies. Now even he had moved up the ladder of success along with his mother. She guided the ever widening empire of the great Jerry Hartwell who spouted his venom every Sunday coast to coast on national television. What a phoney the man was and Paul knew that first hand, just as she did too. After all nothing ever escaped her vigilance, and if it wasn’t for the boyish charm of Jerry Hartwell and his golden voice he would never have lasted in her orbit. She had always wanted more and now she had.

Paul couldn’t quite get his mind off her and her new life. Sure it had paid well for some things, but then maybe it was only their due. After all if it hadn’t been for him and his younger brother there would have been no way that she could have snared the great Jerry Hartwell. Well at least he had gotten something out of it and as much as he despised the man, he still felt more hatred for his own Mother. No doubt some shrink would make a big deal out of it but over the years Paul had grown accustomed to the reality of his life. She no longer needed him or his brother around and in many ways he was pleased with that choice. As much as she didn’t want them near he didn’t want to be near and yet here he was, moving to the same city that housed the huge Hartwell Ministries.

Somehow he doubted if it would make any difference to her but he had wondered about his younger brother. Strange how he had just naturally moved to San Diego when he had a whole lot of other places to choose from. But then again he was more independent than Paul had ever been which maybe was one more reason for his strange feelings of guilt and shame that came over him as he looked down into the swirling Pacific Ocean . His schooner was merely floating gently among the calm waters but he knew that just under that calm surface was a host of undertows and strong violent currents that could drag a person under in no time flat.

Paul shivered again as he tried to force his thoughts away from the past. He hated looking back and yet he had found himself returning to his childhood more and more lately. Ever since the offer had come to head up a research project here at San Diego Marine World he had found himself reliving many of the times he had tried to push out of his mind. He couldn’t seem to stop himself and a deep scowl came over his face even as the water glimmered a few feet from his eyes.

He could see the skinny legs of his brother kicking and splashing as he swam in the waters of the lake back home. They had come there just a week or two before it all came tumbling down on him. He had never really understood his brother and yet they were inseparable from each other despite the age differences. He was the older but at times you couldn’t be certain. His brother had a way of suddenly changing expressions that made him look years older. Paul knew that the girls at school drooled over his younger brother and while he got his own fair share of attention, it was always his brother who got the lion’s share.

It never really bothered him either and as much as those girls would try, they never really had a chance. Paul knew way back then that his younger brother wasn’t interested in girls. He himself had sort of been, at least he had thought he was but somehow he never really did click with females. He had found them too noisy and shallow which wasn’t fair of him, but then his brother always joked that Paul was the serious one while he was the fun one. It always would lead to a wrestling match between them or a small play fight but now, well now Paul thought that maybe he had been right. He was more serious and he did take school seriously while his younger brother skated through his classes. He could have gotten honours with a little bit of work but he never bothered to, not when there was a chance to go swimming or hiking or really anything that wasn’t school related.

Now here he was, nearly 25 years old and about to start a job that would pay him nearly $100 thousand dollars for less than a year’s worth of work. His brother on the other hand was somewhere out there, earning only God knew what because he had never finished school. Hell his father had thrown him out when he was just 14 and once more the guilt rose up inside of Paul. He struggled as he felt a tear trickle down his cheek as he looked up and out towards San Diego .

His heart felt heavy as he tried to focus on the shimmering city before him but all he could feel was a deep sense of shame. It was his fault and he knew it but he had never once come forward with the truth or even tried to. Instead he had silently let his younger brother walk out the door, and that had been it. Paul wished he had that kind of courage but instead he knew that inside, he was basically a coward. He might have been the serious one, but it was his brother who was the strong one. He was the one who had the guts and for a split second he wished he too could have that inner strength. Just once he wished he had stood up to her and her cruelty.

The sound of chattering and then the cold spray of water across his face and torso startled him and he stepped back from the rail before it all registered inside his guilt tortured mind. His eyes were cloudy from the welling of tears and sea spray as he wiped the combined liquid away. He stepped back towards the railing to stare down at the swirling grey shape that frolicked only a few feet from him now. Inside his heart grew a bit easier as he stood there, his nearly naked body swaying to the gentle motion of his boat as he watched the torpedo shaped fish circling like a dog chasing its tail.

Instinctively he knew it was the same dolphin that had first shown up just as he was leaving the shelter of the harbour in Puget Sound . Dolphins had always amazed him and he had the awesome pleasure of having swum with them a few times as a result of his work. Back at school in Florida he had spent many hours in the ocean swimming and studying these strange shaped animals. He couldn’t quite get over how just being near them would make him feel so at ease, so comfortable.

His mind finally went back in time to a more pleasant time and he smiled a little as he watched his new friend playing near the boat. He enjoyed the wild abandon in which the dolphin would sometimes leap upwards, sending his entire body high up into the air and then when it would come crashing back into the water Paul could hear its laughter or what he thought was laughter. There was no doubt that they were intelligent beings but to what depths he was only just coming to understand. Too many of his fellow scientists saw them as a potential worker for some of mans more less enjoyable underwater tasks but he had come to realize that they held more than just the ability to learn tricks. In some dark ways he was certain that they could read his mind or maybe more accurately his heart.

That notion had troubled him and many of his fellow scientists who were much older and had tons more experience than him had sort of scoffed at the idea. Yet he believed it and if he wanted proof it was just under his bare feet. His boat had been one of those strange happenings that he couldn’t really explain.

It was maybe his second year out at Florida where he was attempting to get his degree in Marine Biology. Well not really the second year, that was perhaps a week or two ahead but he had dreaded the upcoming season. His first year had been a disaster for him. He had tried everything possible and despite his hard work he had barely managed to make it thru for the second year. They called it being on the bubble and he had gone through a rather tough session with John Childs.

His mother it seemed was concerned that she might be wasting some of that new found money her new husband was bringing in. She wanted to make sure it was not being thrown away and so had sent her hatchet man, John Childs to make sure Paul understood that while she would pay for his education, he would have to show he deserved it. The grades he had so far gotten had made her wonder if perhaps he shouldn’t be looking to some other field of endeavour. He had almost given in at that point but before he had given his final answer to the great John Childs and so to his mother, he had elected to sleep on it over the weekend.

That was the weekend he dubbed as his rebirth. He had found himself wondering around the campus feeling totally exhausted and desolate. Even his brief affair during the school term had ended in failure. For maybe the first time in his entire life he had contemplated just throwing his hands up and walking over to the dark side of his mind. The only other time he had given in to those strange impulses had already cost him his brother and yet now he was once more on that road, knowing it would cost him his education. Still he couldn’t stop the feelings that he was missing something and so his despair had led him to the one place where he had felt some peace.

The beach was deserted for some reason and he had shucked his clothes off and simply gone wading into the Atlantic Ocean with just his boxer shorts on. His long arms reached out and began the regular strokes as he swam away from the shore and headed down along the coast. His strength was slowly growing weak as he finally stopped swimming and found himself off the coast some ways away. His heart felt a sense of panic as he realized just how far off he had swam and he questioned whether or not he would have the stamina to make it back.

Somehow the idea of not making it back didn’t frighten him as much as making it back did. It was at that moment that the torpedo shape had suddenly appeared near him, the strange eyes staring at him in absolute quiet. It was like it was trying to talk to him in some way or maybe it was just that it was trying to figure out what this strange thing was that was in its path. Whatever thoughts it had he wasn’t sure but it stared at him for several minutes. It was in that time that Paul had begun to think about the past, about how he had deserted his brother and let him take the heat for something he had done. It was then that he had started to think that maybe life wasn’t really worth the trouble.

Funny how the dolphin seemed to look at him as those thoughts had crossed his mind. The eyes seemed to glow and then slowly Paul watched in amazement as the fish came closer, its eyes never leaving his until its body was gently rubbing up against his own torso. Paul could still feel the jolt of electricity that seemed to pass between him and the dolphin and for the life of him, he couldn’t explain how it changed him either but change him it had.

He had begun to cry then, a sort of endless sobbing that echoed loudly in his ears but which no one but him and the dolphin could hear. Paul had no idea how long he had treaded water crying but at least a good ten or so minutes he thought. When finally he had caught his breath and ended his self pity he felt the nudge of the dolphin’s nose against him and he once more stared down into the yellow coloured eyes of the fish.

Whatever had happened he never quite understood but in that instant he found his hand clutching at the huge dorsal fin and was suddenly being dragged along the top of the Atlantic Ocean in a sort of easy gentle motion that didn’t quite follow a straight line. How long the dolphin pulled him he never really recalled but the next thing he did recall was that he was in a quite cove off the coast. The calm waters were warm and there on an old rickety pier was moored a large 40 foot wooden schooner. His heart had suddenly leapt at the site of the graceful looking schooner and the chatter of the dolphin had stopped the instant his eyes had fallen on the transom of the boat.

Written in a strange sort of script lettering was the word ‘inseparable’ and as he read it, he could hear his brother talking to him. It was the day he had left home and once more the tears welled up inside of him as his heart raced a little faster, recalling that moment when Paul had tried to stop Terry from leaving. Terry had simply smiled at him and told him that no matter how far apart they would be, they were still an inseparable pair and that he would always be near if Paul had needed him. Funny how a conversation so many years ago could be recalled in an instant by just one word.

Paul had swum to the pier and climbed up to see the lines of the boat as she sat there, moored by fine manila hemp rope. It was unheard of to see such rope these days and yet as his eyes took in the fine shape of the boat he could see his brother’s face before him. Terry had always talked about one day getting his own sailing boat so they could escape away from the land, to be out on the ocean where there was no father with a leather strap, no cold stern mother to glare at them. It had been his dream and there it suddenly was before him.

As the boat rocked a little in the calm waters Paul could see it all like it was just yesterday. The old man who had come slowly down the rickety pier and the wild chattering of the dolphin as he tried to contain his emotions. It was all there again as the man showed him the boat and told him her history, showing him the logs and even letting him rummage around in the anchor locker alone. Paul could tell that it was a boat that had been taken care of as he had run his hands along the seams of the boat inside the cabin. There wasn’t a single rough edge and the wood felt good to his touch. Even in the engine compartment he was amazed at how it had been placed with absolute loving care. The oak beams gleamed even in the darkness of the interior and he had fallen in love with the boat in that instant.

He sighed as his friend played and splashed around the boat that had changed his life. The man had told him it was available and somehow Paul knew that he needed to have it. The old man had even allowed him to stay the night on board and in the morning had driven him the 60 or so miles back to the city. Paul hadn’t realized just how far he had gone that day but once back on campus he had called up John Childs at the hotel and given him his answer and his request. To say that John had been surprised would be an understatement but for the first time in his life Paul had stood his ground.

The money had appeared in his bank account four days later and two days more and Paul Jamison became the proud owner of the 1956 schooner ‘Inseparable’. He had moved out of his dorm room into the boat and from that moment on his life had somehow changed. School no longer seemed to daunt him and his grades gradually improved to the point that on graduation he was runner up for Valedictorian. Maybe more importantly was that he had offers to work post graduate studies in some of the most prestigious places in the world. Seattle had somehow wound up being his chosen place and one of the conditions for him accepting the job there with the United States Navy had been that they would arrange for his schooner to be shipped to the West Coast.

Now here he was, standing on the deck of that very same boat looking out at San Diego . He had few regrets about forcing his mother to pay for the boat, and in fact the hardest part of accepting the job in Seattle hadn’t been that he would be closer to her but that he had to say goodbye to his companion, that dolphin that had found him all alone that day in the ocean. No matter what his older colleagues said, he knew that somehow that dolphin had known what it would take to make him try, to make him reach beyond his own capacity in order to succeed. Call it coincidence if you wanted but he knew in his heart that somehow that dolphin had sensed his need and had acted on it.

They had become companions over his remaining time there and it was rare that when he went sailing that at some point the dolphin would show up. Whenever he did Paul would shuck whatever clothes he was wearing and would dive in to go swimming with his pal. It was a time he would always enjoy because each time that he did it, he would be reminded of the great times he and Terry used to spend swimming back on the lake. It was like he had gone back in time and he never worried about going too far or even if the weather would grow bleak. His dolphin never once let him down and the final parting had seemed like it would break his heart but that last swim had only further made him a believer in his theory.

Some might think he had an unhealthy relationship with the dolphin but what did they know? He even had given it a name or maybe that wasn’t quite right. He had called it several different names at the beginning but only when he finally began to call it Abijah (ABIJAH   m,f   Biblical Pronounced: a-BIE-ja  Means "my father is YAHWEH" in Hebrew.) from some past mention by his bible thumbing father. Strange how the dolphin responded when he had called him that but had ignored him when he had tried other names.

There were so many strange things that had no explanation. It was like how at times when he had a particularly tough test and tried to go swimming that Abijah would push him back to the boat, would refuse to play or even let him get past him. There were other times too like when it was his birthday how Abijah would show up and almost more or less force him to jump in a play. It was like the dolphin knew how birthdays were a time of pain for him and was determined to make it a fun day. Of course how he knew it was that day was something he just didn’t want to even try and figure out.

Hell if he thought about it, Abijah was more of a friend to him than any human had been since Terry had been forced out from home. He would spend hours at night talking to the yellow eyes that would peer up at him from just under the transom, telling a dolphin some of his darkest secrets and yet each time that he did, Abijah never seemed to grow frightened, grow distant like some people might. He had told him his thoughts, his worries even and yet standing here now he didn’t feel foolish or stupid for doing that.

Paul walked towards the back and slowly let himself down so that his legs now were immersed in the warm Pacific waters. He sat on the transom, letting his head wander off somewhere while his heart kept him thinking about his time with Abijah and Florida . Strange how his memory of his time there revolved a lot around his time spent with Abijah. Maybe he was crazy or heading that way but the hardest decision he had ever made had been in accepting that job in Seattle because he knew it would mean leaving Abijah.

He still felt a strange sadness and as he began to feel his regret at leaving, his new found friend came near and rubbed up against his legs. For a second or two Paul thought it was Abijah. The touch was almost unbearable as he felt the loss inside of him rushing up but it never quite reached his heart. The touch of the dolphins body against his own flesh seemed to stop the emptiness cold and he sighed, wondering if he really was going nuts. His whole life lately had been one of solitude and the only human contact he had was at work.

Even there he never really bothered much unless necessary and he wondered if he was slowly becoming a recluse? The idea of no human contact didn’t really scare him as he wasn’t enamoured much by what he saw out there. His eyes grew a bit misty as his thought once more brought up his childhood. He could see the foaming mouth of his father as he once more disciplined them for some transgression. How he would spout the bible at them with each whack of the huge leather strap and how his mother would stand there, the occasional amen escaping her lips as their father struck them hard with his sword of righteousness, as he called it.

It was almost as if their entire youth had been spent being scolded or told about the bible. Dinner had been particularly bad because there they had to recite some bible passage and if they said it wrong or couldn’t remember it, it meant at best less to eat and at worse a date with the leather strap. His mother would make them recite some obscure biblical passage if they wanted more food passed to them. If they got it wrong they would have to empty their plate or go to their room if the plate was already empty.

Paul looked down at the circling dolphin and smiled. At least he still had that connection but then he realized that it wasn’t Abijah. His mind was confused because something had kept this dolphin near him and he reached out, letting his hand rest in the warm water and the dolphin came close and allowed him to pat his smooth body.

Without even thinking he simply let his body slip off the transom to fall fully into the water and he began to swim away from the boat. The dolphin came with him and for a few minutes Paul felt like he was back in Florida with Abijah. It felt so calm and peaceful that he didn’t’ want it to end either but the growing darkness made him stop and turn to look back at his schooner. The sails had been lowered and she looked so lean and graceful in the final rays of the setting sun that he couldn’t help but smile.

The nudge in his back almost made him laugh out loud and call for Abijah as it was he would do when he wanted him to leave his ocean. Only this wasn’t Abijah and he felt suddenly sombre as he wondered how it could feel the same but yet not. His heart quickened a little as he noticed the light fading quickly and then right by his hand was the dorsal fin and out of an automatic reflex he reached out and held onto it. Only when his hand had firmly gripped it did the dolphin begin to move and Paul could see his darkening boat growing closer with each passing beat of his heart. The dolphin took him right up the transom where it stopped and then raised its head up and stared fully at Paul, as if to scold him for going out so far so late at night. Paul felt it in his heart and even heard his voice apologize for it as he climbed up onto the transom.

He looked down at the yellow eyes that peered back up at him. A strange shiver rushed up and down his spine as he stood there, the water dripping off his near naked body.

And what do I call you my friend? Somehow I don’t think ‘Abijah 2’ suits, do you?

The dolphin tossed its head and chattered loudly almost as if it understood him. It was impossible but then again he had been around dolphins enough to know that anything was possible with them. They were intelligent and he believed they could think, more than what his associates thought possible. Sure they gave them credit for rudimentary thought processes but he believed they were far more advanced that that. How else could he rationalize his entire relationship with Abijah? God he had to be nuts if he was calling his time with a dolphin a relationship but what else could you call it? He had shared his thoughts with the fish and maybe it wasn’t that the dolphin was less intelligent but that he was which was why he couldn’t understand what Abijah or the others were thinking?

Standing there he wondered about names and his childhood regimen came back once again. Reaching back in his memory he thought about some of the biblical names and his eyes were glazed a little as he tried to tickle the memory banks of his mind. Names like David, Saul flashed through but as he thought of the names they were just as quickly discarded.

Suddenly the name ‘Tobias’ came to him as he recalled an old testament passage that he had to recite. It had saved him from a beating and was about some ancient character that had defeated some demon or something or other. The Greek word Tobiah (From the Hebrew name Tobiyah which meant "YAHWEH is good". This is the name of an Ammonite in the Book of Nehemiah in the Old Testament.) came to mind from his studies as well and it seemed to fit he thought as he stood there. Well, maybe that would work he thought and he looked down to see the dolphin waiting, as if it already knew what he was thinking. He shivered a bit as he hunched down on his legs to look at the dolphin.

So what do you think? Tobias (Tobias is the hero of the apocryphal Book of Tobit in the Old Testament. It relates how Tobias is able to defeat a demon with the help of the archangel Raphael.) sound good for you?

The dolphin reared its head up and danced backwards along the water as if telling him ‘yes it is fine’ and he smiled as he watched the display for a minute or two. Suddenly he didn’t feel so alone anymore as he climbed back up and headed to set the running lights and get the boat ready for night. He would enter the harbour in the morning, hoping that the bay he had chosen was as advertised. It had taken him a long time to find a nice quiet moorage for his boat. Somehow he felt it would all work out even though the nagging voice urging him speed still persisted within.

Paul glanced down the side of the boat to see the dolphin slowly following him. In some ways it reminded him of Abijah but it was different. The way the nose seemed to have a different shine to it or the way it moved along the side of the boat even was different. Funny, how at first they all looked alike to him but over time he was able to distinguish the differences that they all had from each other, no different perhaps than humans? His eyes grew moist as he had this sudden urge to seek out his brother and his head turned towards San Diego in that second. Below from the water came a soft chattering noise, as if his new found friend was agreeing with the desire of his heart. Paul stared down at the dolphin that looked up at him. The yellow eyes fixed firmly onto his own powder blue one’s and he knew that he had a friend.

Tobias it is then.

=

Paul had woke to first light and it hadn’t taken him very long before he was slowly edging his boat next to the dock where he would eventually live during his stay in San Diego . The place had been as advertised which made him relax a little more. Tobias had never been far as he had rounded the outcrop of rock and then slowly edged into the man made bay. Tobias had stayed clear but Paul could hear him even as he tossed the lines onto the wooden pier. A slender young man had come down to greet his arrival and he barely paid him much attention as he edged the boat in with a gentle nudge on the engine’s throttle.

It felt strange to be here at last. This was one place he had promised himself that he would stay clear of and yet here he was, committed to being here for at least one year with the possibility of more. His contract was flexible enough still he stood there feeling a bit apprehensive as he felt the boat snugged up against the tires of the wooden pier. His heart felt torn between elation and trepidation as he finally took in his surroundings.

The dock itself had perhaps seen better days but he noticed that the tires lining the sides were all fresh which showed him something. The other boats moored were all sailing craft too and he couldn’t see any real motor type boats moored anywhere along the several piers that jutted outwards. A large wide slipway down at the far end told him that this was a place that maybe he could trust to look after him and his boat.  Up towards the land he noticed a tall fence to further show that they took things seriously here.

He had passed the main dock on his way in and he noticed its convenience for all boaters. The fuel dock was situated so you could easily come alongside whether leaving or returning and then proceed to the berths or out to sea. The office was there too so the harbour master could keep tabs on who was leaving and who returning. He liked the layout as he also saw trees lining the far off fence. They obviously planned to be here for a bit as the trees were still young but in time this would be quit the spot.

Paul stared outwards towards the huge pile of rocks that formed the breakwater for the man made harbour. He saw that it was well built and that it was high too, almost blocking off the entire expanse of ocean that was just yards away. It  was good to see but it also made him feel a bit isolated for some reason. The sound of Tobias off in the distance though seemed to reassure him as he finally turned his attention to the young boy who was standing at the edge of the pier.

He noticed how the boy was staring at him and his boat with his eyes wide and his jaw slightly open. The boy couldn’t be more than 16 he thought as he took his look in. He was maybe 5ft 10 or 11 inches tall and couldn’t weigh more than 140 or 145 pounds and yet there was something about him that made Paul take a second look. His legs were long and tanned and he didn’t wear a shirt either, so Paul could see his bronzed chest which didn’t appear to have a single strand of hair on it. The ribs were visible as well but it was his face that made Paul blink a bit. He had the long narrow face with a small roman type nose. His lips were thin and pale despite the golden hue of his flesh. His hair was a bit matted and hung down to just a bit above the shoulders. It was a dark brownish colour perhaps but hard to tell given the effects the sun had on it but still it did look a lot darker than say his own hair. His eyes seemed to be dark and yet as the boy took in the lines of Paul’s boat, Paul could see the shimmering glow inside of them.

Thanks. You work here?

Yeah after school and on weekends.

I see, well I am Paul, Paul Jamison

Yes Sir I know, my name is Manny Davis, well actually it is Emmanuel (EMMANUEL   m   Biblical, French, English Pronounced: e-man-WEL (French), e-MAN-yoo-el (English)
Means "God is with us" in Hebrew. This was the foretold name of the Messiah in the Old Testament.) but everyone calls me Manny.

Funny how the sun could play tricks on a person’s eyesight. For just an instant the boy on the dock reminded him of his younger brother. The way he had looked at the boat was exactly how he imagined Terry would act. Strange too how even though the boy didn’t come close to resembling Terry that somehow he still reminded him of  Terry.

Well nice to meet you Manny, you got a nice place here.

Thanks, uh you made good time, Dad didn’t expect you till first of the week.

Guess the wind was with me, not a problem is it?

No, not at all, man she is sweet, sails really good I bet.

Maybe he was just tired from the long sailing trip down from Seattle but the more he looked at Manny and listened to him the more he began to remind him of Terry. God they were so different and yet so much the same that it was scary actually. His voice was just like Terry’s in how it always seemed filled with awe and excitement. He shivered a little too as he thought about Terry, wishing that it was him standing on that dock instead of Manny but then, Terry didn’t even know he was coming to San Diego let alone actually here.

Yes she does, you like sailboats do you Manny?

Yeah, powerboats are okay if you in a hurry or something, but I like to just go out and enjoy the wind and stuff… corny huh?

No, it’s how I feel… you go out much?

A little, when I can.

His heart gave a little tug as he listened to the excited voice of the young boy. It would be what Terry would have said when he was Manny’s age or would he? Terry had left when he was 14 and he wondered if he still had that wholesome freshness or had he lost it in just trying to survive? The fact that he knew Terry had survived wasn’t quite the same though he was glad he had. The shame and guilt came rushing up to him as he saw the awe in Manny’s eyes and face. It was how Terry should have been but in his heart he knew that Terry had been robbed of having that kind of life. In many ways Paul knew that it was his fault too as he stared thru Manny, seeing a darkness coming up the coast and yet as he blinked all he could see was the clear sky with the sun shining brightly.

Well maybe one day you can come crew for me if you like, ever sailed one this size before?

Wow, really? I mean that would be sweet, bout the biggest I ever worked was a 28 footer but it had bad lines to it. This one looks so lean and all, older build, what year, do you know?

Paul stepped back just a little as he felt the boy’s enthusiasm. Funny but it used to be just how Terry would sound when they found something exciting to watch or see. Terry had loved the lake but not like Paul had but then again, he could remember how Terry would get more excited than he did when it had to do with stuff Paul loved. It was almost as if seeing his older brother excited made Terry excited. God why hadn’t he spoken up back then? Why had he been such a coward?

’56 the guy said

Man they sure knew how to build em then, not like the stuff today.

Yeah, well, do I need to go check in or anything?

Oh, yeah, up at the office by the fuelling dock. My dad is there now I think. You gonna need her washed down or anything?

Yes I suppose so, was going to do that tomorrow, hoses near by or?

Uh huh, we got hoses up at the office, taps at the top of each dock too, brushes if you need em, uh I can do it for you now if you want?

He didn’t know why, but somehow he felt sad at the conversation he was having. The boy Manny seemed nice but in the back of his heart he reminded Paul almost too much about Terry. He knew it was stupid and yet he couldn’t help it.  Washing down the Inseparable was something he took a lot of pleasure in. It was a time for him to reflect and just enjoy the pure pleasure of touching something so alive as his boat but the way Manny had asked and the way he looked, Paul didn’t feel like he could refuse. Still there was something about Manny that held him hostage and as much as he wanted the pleasure for himself, something inside wouldn’t let him.

Well that is nice but… you sure?

Yeah, no problem at all.

Paul nodded and smiled at the obvious pleasure his agreement gave the youngster. Funny but for just a second or two the way the boy looked almost reminded him of Terry and how his face would light up when he got to do something that made him happy. God how few those times had been back then and he wished he knew how he was now. The thought made him shiver a little and he glanced over at the breakwater, as if seeking some assurances but Tobias must have left. The only sound was those of the gulls over on the rocky breakwater. He sighed a bit and headed down into his cabin to throw on a pair of jeans and shirt. He also thought about slipping on his canvas soled shoes as he went to his bunk down in the spacious cabin of his boat.

His eyes moved along the dishes laying in the sink and he made a mental note to get the water tank filled up and to also see about hooking up to the local system. He was ashore now and the transition from being out alone at sea to being a part of a teeming mass of humanity began to intrude on his thoughts. He quickly moved past the galley to his sleeping quarters and the picture posted up over a row of hand crafted shelves made him stop. His hand twitched a little as he reached into the shelf just under the faded photograph that was wrapped in plastic.

They really had been inseparable as brothers until that time. Paul felt the pain ripping into his heart as he realized just how much he had missed his younger brother. They had done everything together that had been possible given their parents and home life. They had enjoyed swimming together or just going for long walks with nothing but a hidden sandwich or two in their backpacks. It never really seemed to matter to them back then that they had nothing except some basic clothes. No toys to speak of or anything but the well worn bibles that they had to read each night. Still they never seemed to miss all those things that other kids took for granted because they had each other back then.

Paul had been the student and yet inevitably it was Terry who would wind up helping him with some of the homework. Terry always had a keen mind but it was not his thing. He always wanted to duck school and go swimming or hiking or something outside. The only time that Paul really excelled over Terry was when it came to the water. There Paul was more at home than even Terry. In fact he had taught Terry how to swim and while his younger brother enjoyed splashing around and racing, he preferred to lay on the diving platform sunning himself rather than swimming for hours on end.

Evan back then Terry seemed to know more of who he was than Paul did. Hell if he was honest Terry knew who he was then while Paul still wondered who he was. There was an oldness to Terry that bothered Paul. He knew even back then that Terry would be the one to do stuff that he wouldn’t even dare to think about let alone do, but had it worked out that way? He felt strangely sad that he didn’t know and in some ways he wanted to blame his mother and step father but deep down he knew it was his own fault, not theirs.

Staring over at the picture of him and Terry he knew that in many ways Terry scared him. He sighed a little as he tried to figure out what it was that made him frightened of his own younger brother but he just didn’t have the courage to really think hard about it. It made him too nervous and yet he knew that he wanted to know, wanted to figure it all out because he really missed Terry. He missed hearing his laughter and listening to his dreams. It was like a part of him had been ripped out from inside and he wanted it back but he was afraid to go looking for it.

Despite their lack of toys and other amenities they never seemed stuck for things to do. They had each other back then and he tried to think if he could ever remember a time when Terry wasn’t always bouncing around laughing or just plain enjoying being out with him. It was like once they were away from the sight of their parents and the house they lived in that Terry would suddenly come alive. He would joke and tell stories or just plain hum even. It was like being with a totally different person then and he had to say, it was the highlight of any day when he could be alone with Terry. He felt so alive then and yet now that was all gone. It had been almost 9 years since Terry had left, and it felt like an eternity to him.

The sight of Manny had brought back those childhood memories and in some ways Manny was nothing like Terry. He might have long hair but he was taller than Terry even now and yet, there was that look in his eyes and on his face that reminded him so much of his younger brother. Moving here had been an impulse or so he thought but what if it wasn’t? What if he really had come here because Terry was here? That much he had learned from John Childs but that was about it. Funny but he always managed to find out some scrap of information about Terry but never enough to pick up a phone and call him or pick up a piece of paper and write to him.

Strange too how John Childs always had the answers for him too. Maybe his mother kept tabs on her youngest but somehow he doubted if her reasons for doing so were out of concern for Terry’s well being. He knew her a lot better now and he doubted if she cared for anyone other than herself. Strange how he had come to know her better and yet rarely were they ever in each other’s company. He felt the coldness reaching inside and he sighed as he stared at the clothes laying in the wooden box like shelf.

Paul reached out and took the small manila folder out of his drawer. Well it really wasn’t a drawer but served as one. He had learned that nothing that could slide was what you wanted in a boat. The boat had hand crafted wooden shelves that had lips on them. They could hold stuff inside and he used them for his clothes and other things so that in heavy seas the stuff stayed pretty well inside. There was nothing worse than coming down into the cabin after a storm to find everything on the floor among the wash that flew inside. This arrangement worked great and as he took the manila envelope out, he wondered if he wasn’t just being selfish. Maybe Terry didn’t want to see him or maybe worse, Terry no longer cared to see him under any circumstances?

It was a thought that made his heart ache and he tried to suppress it but it never quite succeeded. He had to find out but would he? Paul let the envelope twist around his hands, as he tried to make up his mind wishing at the same time that he had Terry’s courage but knowing inside that he didn’t, least not yet. Sure time had changed him but he still was the same person he had been all those years ago when he had stood there, watching his 14 year old brother leave home.

The Inseparable rocked a little in a swell and in the corner of his mind Paul knew that another boat was slowly going past his mooring. He thought back to that day and felt the shame inside as he had just stood there. How could he have done that? How could he not have said a single word and only stare at the departing figure that had been closer to him that his own shadow was? His mind kept telling him that he had no choice in it, that if he had said anything he wouldn’t have helped Terry and would have wound up hurting himself too.

Sure maybe his mind was right but he could have tried couldn’t he? Maybe it would have helped Terry and maybe not, but wasn’t it his duty as Terry’s big brother to at least have tried to protect him? Wasn’t it only right that he take the blame for his own actions instead of letting Terry take it? Surely he could have tried but he hadn’t and that still gnawed at his insides. Terry deserved better from him but instead all he gotten was a cold stony faced look as he had left. No tears even though Paul had to admit that inside he had been bawling like a baby.

It didn’t change the fact that he had stood silently while his parents administered their so called brand of discipline. Terry was only 14 for Christ’s sake, how could they stand there and let him leave like that? His father he could understand given how uptight he was about anything sexual but his mother? How could she let her son go like that simply because HE had said so? Even good old pastor Jerry had been there watching and giving his blessings actually for their actions which made no sense to him. Wasn’t there supposed to be a special bond between a boy and his mother? Wasn’t there some special connection even further strengthened if the son turned out to be gay?

All the reading and all the journals that he had devoured looking for answers couldn’t tell him why. All he knew was that his once inseparable shadow no longer was there and he had stood idly by allowing it to happen. The pain grew in his heart as he took the envelope and thought about opening it, about finally seeing what was inside but once again the power of his shame and fear held him powerless. He quickly placed the envelope back into the shelf unit and tossed some shirts over it.

His eyes found his reflection in the tacked mirror that was just above the wooden shelving. He saw the deep bags under his eyes and wondered what the kid must think of him. He could see the darkness of his skin too as he stared at his image, hating the sight of his own person and then wishing for something that he really wasn’t certain about. He knew that deep down he had some secret desire, some secret urge but what it was he didn’t know or at least refused to let himself know. He shivered as he stared at his face and wondered if Terry would ever recognize him after all this time or worse, would he even want to recognize him?

Quickly he broke his connection to the mirror and all the doubts that it was bringing him. He tossed the shirt on and pulled up the jeans while slipping on his canvas soled shoes. The moment had passed and once more Paul felt himself in control. The reins were once more in his hands as he hurried out onto the deck to see that Manny already was laying out the hose to wash down the hull. He had a big bucket as well with a long handled brush in it and he smiled, realizing that Manny seemed to care for his task in way that Paul could admire.

Wow you really do work fast, don’t you?

Huh? Oh yeah, guess so. I guess I can be Jack Flash when it’s for something I really enjoy.

He stumbled a little as the words echoed inside. He hadn’t heard that phrase for a long time and a host of memories came rushing back to him as he stared at the young boy beaming up at him. In that light and with his memory flooding him with a time long since past he almost thought that he was staring down at Terry. Those words were right out of Terry’s own mouth and that grin, it was just like his brother’s used to be. The way he would joke around and move quickly which was always when they were doing something he enjoyed. It was one of Terry’s bet sayings, calling himself Jack Flash and now the memories tore deep into his stomach. He could feel the tears welling up as he tried to regain control over his emotions.

What? Uh…

I said that I can move pretty fast when its something I really am into.

Oh, uh, yeah, sorry, guess I am still out at sea.

He could see the quizzical look that he was getting as he tried to cover the embarrassment up. For a mere second he had almost called him Terry and the boy looked like he knew that something was wrong. Still he couldn’t let himself lose control but the thought of racing back inside to snatch up that envelope and read the report was becoming unbearable to him. He struggled to gain hold of these persistent thoughts. Paul reached out for a halyard to steady himself as he tried to recover. The boy, Manny seemed to sense his unease and looked up at him with a look that only made Paul struggle harder. It was almost as if he had been transported back 10 or so years and was facing Terry on some wooden diving platform.

Was it a good trip?

Yes, it actually was, you ever go on long sails?

Me? No, wish I could and maybe one day, wouldn’t mind just going out and sailing, never really stopping unless I had to.

Sounds like you really enjoy sailing.

Guess, my dad says it is cause I don’t like the land, said I must have been a fish or something in an earlier life…

I can understand that, sometimes being on land is just too much.

Yeah, kind of like you feel in prison or something, least it does for me.

His heart was pounding inside his chest as he listened to young voice. It had an almost old quality to it just like Terry’s used to get when he was off on one of his thoughts. Paul felt strangely moved at the way the boy talked about the sea and he found himself turning to stare out across the huge breakwater, wondering if Tobias was near at hand or not? For a moment he thought about just upping anchor and heading back out but he knew he couldn’t do that just yet. Maybe tomorrow he could head out and go swimming with Tobias, assuming the dolphin showed up.

The idea that his trailing friend wouldn’t show up almost made him retch, the pain almost like he had been kicked squarely in the midriff but even as the thought came to him, it disappeared as quickly. Tobias would be there. The pain left him but not without a trailing feeling of uncertainty that would only ease once he saw the dolphin once more. His head perked up as he tried to see if he could hear him or anything that would put the fear to rest but there was only the sounds of birds and the land.

Yeah, like prison, but sometimes… well never mind, so your dad, he’s up at the office?

Yeah… uh, you gonna want the water tank filled? I can take care of that now if you want? And uh, the septic stuff?

Okay, sure you don’t mind? I mean, is there a charge or something?

No, I don’t mind, no charge, well not for me, the water and disposal there is, dad will have all that, but it is cheap.

Strange how a look or a tilt of a person’s head could make you think of someone totally different? The obvious desire to please was evident in Manny’s voice and yet as he stared at him all he could think about was how Terry used to tease him, getting a sort of puppy dog expression on his face and rolling his eyes upwards and pursing his lips almost into a pout. It would make his heart skip a beat and then would cause him to laugh from deep in his belly. God it had been a long time since he laughed like that and as he stared at Manny he realized how much he truly missed his brother. Terry had been his joy and without him life had become nothing more than a chore.

Maybe taking this job here had been a mistake but then again maybe it was his chance to once more find his joy? Maybe this time he could find the courage he would need to find his brother, to talk to him and to who knows, maybe to once more be inseparable? It would be nice but then Paul didn’t really believe in fairy tales, or miracles. Well that wasn’t really true but if he did believe in miracles then he might also have to believe in God and that he just wasn’t ready for.

Gotta have it don’t I? Go ahead, fill the water and all that, and, uh Manny… thanks… maybe once I get settled I’ll take you out for the day if you want

Really? Gee, that would be great Mr Jamison, but uh, you don’t have to, I like working on boats like yours, she’s really something, ya know?

Yeah I know… and I meant it, besides sometimes it is nice to have some company out there, so maybe one day soon, okay?

For sure, thanks Mr Jamison

Oh, one thing Manny…

Yes?

It is Paul, none of this mister stuff okay?

Okay… thanks uh, Paul.

He jumped off the deck onto the wooden dock and smiled at Manny as he made his way up towards the main walk way. Somehow the wide grin and expression of pure joy on Manny’s face had made his heart feel giddy and happy. It was almost like feeling a fresh breeze across the face even and that was something he relished. Maybe taking this job after all had been a good choice though he still wasn’t sure about that. There was way too much lurking in the back of his mind for him to be too happy but at least it was starting out better than he had hoped. He had Tobias and now who knew, maybe Manny would be someone he could share his love of the ocean with?

=

He sat out on deck looking at the sun setting and the darkness slowly overtaking the water and his own private little world. He had been kept busy filling out forms and everything for most of the late morning and early afternoon. Things were certainly organized he thought as he sat up against the forward hatch of his schooner. It kind of helped to that Marine World had done all the set up for him.

In many ways it was a compliment to him that they were so anxious to have him aboard that they were willing to pay for his moorage and basic necessities such as the water hook-up, sewage disposal and even a landline hook-up. He wasn’t too sure about that part though because he really enjoyed his solitude or maybe it was because he was just a natural loner, or was he?

Sitting there in the calm of the coming twilight he realized just how much alone he was. Hell he talked to dolphins more than he talked to people and for the life of him he just couldn’t recall any human that he had ever taken into his confidence like he had Abijah or even now Tobias. Christ he must be crazy he thought, giving fish human names but then he really didn’t consider dolphins just fish. There was something almost mystical about them that appealed to him and in fact always had. Terry had told him once that he had to be part fish or something the way he simply devoured everything marine.

He supposed that was one reason but maybe it had something to do with the fact that animals in the sea had what he wanted the most. They had the freedom to go where they wanted without permission, they had the freedom to roam but more than that, they had the solitude of the vastness of the oceans to escape. Maybe that was why he was so enamoured by the sea and the life it held within. On the surface it looked so empty, so devoid of contact and yet just under its surface was a teeming mass of life that existed in relative harmony.

Sitting there with the distant noise of some far off freeway only helped create the illusion for him that he wasn’t really a part of that world. Off in front of him was the world he had craved ever since he was a child. Now it was all happening for him but was he happy? The concept had never really seemed to matter much in his later teenage years or during college, but somehow lately it had begun to eat at him, gnaw at him in a way he just couldn’t quite understand.

There was so much about himself that he knew he had locked away, had hidden that he didn’t know if he dared to try and open up that part of him, still the idea of wanting to know seemed to be growing within which scared him a little. He had always been fascinated by a thirst for knowledge when it came to the ocean and to life there but when it came to his own real world, well to say he was a mere spectator was putting it mildly. If there was a definition for recluse he surely would fit it even if he did live in the middle of cities. Hell he could be alone if he stood in the centre of Times Square on New Years eve which come to think of, he had done.

Thinking back he wondered how he had gotten to this point without at least making some friends but he hadn’t. He also was smart enough to know that there was once a time when he wasn’t this way. The trouble was that he no longer had anyone pushing him that way and he felt the pain inside as once more he thought about Terry. God how much he had meant to him and he had always known that so how could he have just stood there? That maybe was what really had troubled him the most so why had he done nothing about correcting it? Why had he spent his life avoiding doing anything about it?

The sky was shining a brilliant orange as the sun finally began its final descent into the far off distance. He could see the orange tint and how amazing it was to his eyes as he just leaned up against the forward hatch thinking. Such beauty the world displayed at times and yet at other times it was filled with menace and evil. He wasn’t sure if he believed in God but he wasn’t convinced that some higher form didn’t exist. There had to be some explanation for all that existed around him but there was one certainty he knew. If there was a God he sure as hell wasn’t the one his parents believed in if they really did believe. Well maybe his real father did but in such a twisted and distorted way that he would have been better off believing in some monster. His mother he doubted believed in anything but money and power which she now seemed to have gained.

For a moment or two he wondered what she thought about him accepting the position at Marine World? Did she have any ounce of humanity inside that would maybe make her feel some pride in his accomplishments or was she more worried that he might one day expose her for what she really was? Strange to think of that while the sky put on its brilliant display of colours and magic and yet such sunsets inevitably did make him think of her. Strange that something so beautiful as the setting sun could make him think of someone so evil and hideous but it did.

The sound of the water gently lapping up against the hull of his boat made him yawn a bit and managed to soothe the doubts that seemed to be a constant companion. It was at times like this that he wished he had someone to talk to or maybe just be with but he had never quite figured out how to go about it. Back in high school he had been out on dates and stuff, even had experimented with sex that had rather pitiful results. It wasn’t that he didn’t know what to do, just that he never felt really comfortable with anyone enough that it became a driving force with him.

To be honest he didn’t think that he was unequipped for the act, just that he wanted more than what was being offered. He had talked about it a few times with Terry who simply told him that he was not a playboy, that he was one of those rare breeds that simply wanted the whole package and not just the twat or the slap & tickle that many wanted. Funny choice of words for his younger brother but then Terry knew more about sex than he ever did. Still, he never had really found that right person, though to be honest he had never really searched for them either. Another point that Terry had brought up to him just before their world came to an abrupt end.

Deep down he knew what he wanted, it was just that he was frightened by all that giving in to those desires could lead to. Even back then Paul knew that he wasn’t made of steel like Terry. What people thought of him had mattered then and to some extend still did. It was his way of excusing himself from being a part of his own race really, was maybe why he spent every possible second avoiding human contact. Maybe it was time to change that he thought, as he stared out at the darkening sky?

His mind was off somewhere else so he didn’t hear the footsteps until they were almost upon him. His head swivelled around at the shadowy figure that was walking down the dock towards his boat. His was the only vessel docked so it had to be for him and he squinted trying to see who it was when the voice cried out to him.

Anyone Home?

He recognized Manny’s voice and smiled a little. The boy had been all over the boat earlier, and to be honest Paul had never seen anyone clean a boat down like Manny had his. He doubted if he could have done any better and it felt nice to know that someone else had the same respect and pride in his boat as he did.

Yeah, up forward.

Can I come aboard?

Sure.

Uh sorry to bother you, Dad thought you might not have had time to get any groceries, so he uh, well its not much, some stew he made the other day but it is good, if you want.

There was a brief hint of pepper and garlic that came to him which made him salivate a little. He hadn’t eaten since earlier in the day and his stomach gave a small grumble as it sensed the food. He felt rather happy at the gesture which surprised him. His experience with people wasn’t exactly filled with such offers and he had wondered if it was something he inspired? Was he that aloof but even as he asked himself that he knew that the answer was a resounding yes.

That is nice of your dad, thank him for me.

Okay, uh shall I leave it here or should I put down in the galley?

Galley will be fine.

Okay, uh… nice out isn’t it?

Yeah, nice and peaceful.

Sorry, didn’t mean to…

Paul cursed himself as he could almost feel the dejection in Manny’s voice. He didn’t even have to look at Manny to know how he had to be looking. More than likely the kid’s jaw was down to his ankles and he felt sad for causing that pain to someone who merely wanted to please him. Christ he was acting like his mother and that thought made him sit up a little as he tried to make amends, wishing Terry was here. He at least would know how to make Manny feel welcome and at ease.

No, I didn’t mean it that way Manny, why don’t you put that away, I’ll have it a bit later. You can uh, sit up here if you want?

Really? Gee thanks Mr… uh Paul… if I am not, I mean don’t want to be a pest or anything…

You aren’t.. besides could use the company if you got the time.

Thanks… you sure its okay? I mean…

The obvious pleasure was evident in the voice and Paul felt a slight easing in his heart. He was a bit amazed that Manny would even want to hang around him let alone be pleased by such a simple offer. Yet it was obvious that Manny was pleased by his offer which only made him wonder why he couldn’t do that more often, make people happy? He had to admit, he hadn’t really tried or even thought about it. All he had ever done was keep to the bare minimum of conversation with his co-workers and classmates, so how could any of them even know if he wanted company or friendship? Terry was right, he was too much of a thinker, too much of a worrier but damn it, it was who he was, wasn’t it?

It is fine Manny.

Okay, be just a sec.

He watched the gangly youth rushing back to climb down into the cabin and he wondered what it was about him that kept reminding him of Terry? Maybe it was the way he smiled or maybe it was just that his only memory of his younger brother was when Terry was about Manny’s age? He sighed wondering too if he would ever have the nerve to open that manila envelope and if he did, would he do anything about what it contained?

 

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