He moved past the long line of buses following the crowd of pushy people into the brightly lit chamber that was like a huge domed parking lot. His eyes glowed as he stared around at the milling people carrying suitcases or pushing a weird looking shopping cart piled with suitcases and boxes. It was like a whole new world for him and yet strangely he felt almost as if he was alone amidst the sea of people that moved around him. Some bumped his shoulder as they hurried past him. None even glanced at him or said a word despite the contact. It was almost as if he was invisible to them which scared him a little.
Ashley felt lost and yet even as the beat of his heart rose a notch or two he still didn’t regret his decision to finally leave the farm and come out here. It wasn’t an easy decision because he was a country boy at heart as well as in reality. He stood 6 feet tall and weighed a solid muscular 185 pounds and yet right now, standing amidst the sea of strangers he felt like a fly around a picnic table. No one really paying any attention to him and he gripped the duffle bag strap tighter as he struggled with the strange fear that was inside of him.
Life back home had been good for the most part until his mother became ill.
Things changed rapidly from that point on and despite everything he and his father had tried, she hadn’t survived
the cold winter out
Standing there he wished things had been different, wished that his father had not changed and married that cow Betty. Man how he had hated it when they had started seeing each other and worse when she started showing up to help his dad out with meals. He could feel the knuckles growing white as he gripped the strap, seeing her smiling face that day when he came home to find her there. She had made dinner and worse, his father had acted like some stupid teenager from his school the way he kept staring at her all through dinner. It was sickening really and worse, he could still see his mother’s face in his mind and it bothered him that in such a short time his father couldn’t. It was like his father had simply forgotten all those years with his mother and him.
Ashley shrugged the chill off that had come over him as he had recalled that day and moved further into the bus station. He glanced around and finally saw the restroom sign and headed towards it. He had the urge to pee for the last hour or so and despite the bus having one of those toilets he just couldn’t force himself to use it. Back home he could get out and take a whiz at the side of the room without feeling self-conscious yet in the bus he felt like everyone would stare at him.
He pushed open the big door with the stupid little stick man on it and found himself in a huge chamber. There were several men lined up along the wall, each one standing close over a white urinal. He looked towards the other wall where the stalls were and could tell that they were all occupied which only made him feel even more self conscious. He hated to use the urinals but the urge was overpowering so he moved down the end as far away as possible from the others.
Ashley sat his duffle bag down next to his legs and stepped inwards, unzipping his faded blue jeans to finally let his dick out. He struggled as he moved in as close as possible, feeling almost as if all the others were staring at him though no one seemed to be. It was a dumb thought but he also felt a strange thrill run through his body as he tried to get his soft dick out and take the whiz that had been threatening to happen no matter what. Suddenly it just didn’t want to come and he knew it was from his own fear of being seen and yet in the back of his mind it was what he kind of wanted too.
The first dribble of pee started and he felt the release it gave him. His
body sagged inwards and he sighed a little as he also began to remember that day which led to him being here
The first sign of trouble had been the sudden jolt he had felt when his stepbrother Tommy had slung a pillow at his sleeping body. The jolt had made him spring up quickly, which was a mistake as he liked to sleep in the raw and the dream of that hot centrefold was fresh in his mind. He leapt out of bed stark naked with a hard on that only made his 15-year-old stepbrother holler with laughter at him.
Tommy had started chanting some stupid nonsense at him and he had taken a swipe at him with his own pillow. That in itself wasn’t too bad but then his other stepbrother Brad showed up and he too began laughing as he raced in to help Tommy. The pillow had somehow broke its casing and feathers flew all over the place which made them all quiet down. He had yelled at them and bent down to begin to push the feathers into a pile when Tommy had reached for the pillow casing, which had fallen just under the bed.
It was too late for him to reach out and grab it himself and Tommy had found the magazine lying under the bed where Ashley had left it. He knew it was careless of him but still, this was his room and they weren’t supposed to ever be in there. Still he should have known better as Tommy grabbed the magazine and stared at it. Brad had seen the changed expression on Tommy’s face and asked what was wrong when Tommy had flung the magazine at him, yelling that Ashley was a fucking queer and that their mother had married into a family of faggots.
As his pee finally turned into a torrent he could still see their faces. The hatred was something he had sort of gotten used to but this time it was different. He couldn’t explain it then and even now he still wasn’t sure he could understand it but it was different. Ashley had never really gotten along with his stepbrothers but this look, it was almost as if they wanted to hit him despite him being older and bigger. He could feel their anger too like it was something real instead of just some emotion. He shivered a little as that memory flooded his mind which accounted for him not noticing the older man that had stepped up next to him.
The sound of the man’s soft voice startled him, making him almost miss the urinal as his head swivelled to glare at the source. His eyes narrowed and Ashley felt a strange thrill race up his spine as he looked into an older slightly wrinkled face. The man had to be at least 50 or more judging by the lines around his mouth and the greying strands of hair at his temples. Still there was something else about him that made Ashley tremble a little, wishing that the pee would stop so he could tuck his semi hard dick back into his jeans.
First the thought about why he was standing here and now having some guy
staring at him made him both frightened and rather pleased. He was happy that he had finally left home and gotten
away from Betty and her four smart mouthed brats but he was also sad that he wouldn’t have his father’s company
either. Still it was better than living in that place and then there was the thrill of being in a real honest
to God big city like
Sorry, what did you say?
No problem, just asking if you were from around here or not.
Ashley felt the man’s eyes travelling downwards to gaze at his exposed dick and then back up to Ashley’s face. It felt strange to have some stranger checking him out and while for the most part it felt uncomfortable it also seemed to be giving him some strange thrill. He couldn’t really explain it but it felt almost like getting a pat on the back for doing something right. On the other hand it did give him the creeps as he tried to remember his manners.
Oh, uh, no I just got in, uh you from here?
Me? Yeah, lived here for a long time now, just got back from visiting some nephews of mine back east, you sort of reminded me of them.
The man’s voice was soft and almost a whisper which made him have to lean more towards him than he would have liked. Still it was kind of nice to have someone acknowledge his existence instead of just pushing past him or ignoring him. Yet even as he thought that he felt a growing unease by the man’s eyes constantly trying to get a better look at his exposed manhood. Christ he wished he could just stop as he tried to turn away, feeling the unease take hold.
Uh, well… thanks.
No problem, uh, you going to college here?
Huh? Oh, uh, no, at least not right now.
Oh? So you just here for a visit or?
Ashley kind of wished he hadn’t been so particular on using the bus toilet as he would be finished taking his whiz by now if he had. Still it did give him kind of a thrill to know that this guy seemed to like what he was seeing. All he had ever known was how kids his own age looked and while he had snuck a few glances in the locker room he never really knew if he was good enough to match those guys shown in his magazines. Some of them were pretty huge compared to his own but this guy didn’t seem to be turned off by it. In fact, he kind of thought the guy was a bit turned on though he hadn’t dared look himself. Still in the back of his mind he kind of wanted to but was too afraid to.
Uh well, not really sure. Guess uh I’ll play it by ear for now, find a job or something.
Well good luck to you, uh, this your first time here?
Thanks, uh yeah.
It’s a nice city, you’ll enjoy it I think, got a place to stay?
He could feel his stream lessening and he was kind of hoping that the guy would leave before he would have to tuck it back inside. Still he didn’t seem like a bad guy or anything and Ashley had to admit that the guy’s eyes weren’t exactly glued to his dick. The pounding of his heart though made him realize that being stared at this way was kind of exciting in a cheap sort of way. There was a gentleness about the guy and for a minute or two he kind of wondered what the guy’s story was or even if this was perhaps not his normal routine either? I mean not everyone you met in a bus station washroom was a pervert, where they?
No, thought I’d stay at the Y for now.
Nice place but you won’t be staying there tonight.
The guy’s voice sounded so sure that it kind of startled him once again. He glanced up at the man this time and saw him staring straight at him, not at his crotch which was nice and yet also rather disappointing. He couldn’t tell if there was some hidden meaning in the guy’s words or not. All he could see was a rather nice face, bit full for his tastes but then he really didn’t have any idea of what his real tastes were. All he knew was he liked guys but he didn’t think he could go for someone so obviously older than he was. After all he was just 18 and this guy had to be 50 or more.
Huh? I mean…
Well it closes the doors for transients at 9 and it is after that now, you’ll have to get a room somewhere.
Shit… sorry, I didn’t know, uh, rooms expensive?
Depends, most are about 80 or so bucks for the night.
Bad enough that he was here at night and now on his first night in town he would have to spend money he really didn’t have to waste. Christ how could he have been so stupid to come all this way instead of finding some city closer to home? He felt like fate was against him as he tried to figure out his finances in his head.
The bus ticket had been a whole lot more expensive than he had planned for starters but he knew he had to get as far away from that cow Betty and her spoiled brats. He could still feel the anger and hatred that spewed from them all when they had found out he was gay. Shit if he thought about it, he never once actually admitted to it except that they had his magazine. Well brains weren’t exactly something he could claim as being his cause if he was smart he wouldn’t have had the stupid magazine under the bed like that and he would have locked his bedroom door.
Leaving home hadn’t really been a hard choice to make and he had to admit, despite these set backs he didn’t feel so bad about being here. The only thing that really hurt was how his father had given in to him wanting to leave. It was like he was actually relieved by Ashley’s decision to leave and while he had given him some money, most of what he had with him was from his own hard work elsewhere. She made sure that he didn’t take any of the ‘family funds’ as she put it but then shit, most of the money was from his farm and not from her. He could feel the indignation rising inside as he tried to figure out how much a room would set him back and he didn’t like the answer.
That much? Back home the rooms were like $20.
Welcome to the big city kid.
Yeah, uh thanks. There aren’t any other places like the Y around are there?
Not really, there might be some shelters in town, but I think they close up at 10 and it’ll take you about an hour or more to get there from here. You on a tight budget huh?
If he was back home he’d just camp out somewhere but could you do that in a city like this? He didn’t know what he was going to do but shelling out $80 or so for a room just wasn’t in his budget, least not if he wanted to eat and stuff. Christ he knew he should have thought this out more before packing up and maybe he would have if only his dad had said something or given him some hope. Instead all his father did was tell him to keep in touch and that he’d help out if he could. Like she would let him? Christ he knew he was on his own then and besides, staying would mean dealing with the kids at school because sure as shit those brats Tommy and Brad would be telling everyone they could about him and his magazines. Christ he wished his mother had never died.
Kind of, guess I’ll really have to find a job fast.
Well… uh don’t take this wrong, but maybe I can help you out?
Somehow he just knew this guy wasn’t talking about giving him a job that was exactly legal. He had read those stories about how guys would get money from old guys in return for sex. While this guy didn’t really look bad and even though he had a bit of a paunch on him he doubted if he could do anything sexual with the guy. Hell he didn’t even know what real sex was yet so how could he even think about getting any money for it?
He felt a chill creep into his body as he thought about that for a brief moment. It was something he had never really thought about and the way all those stories read, well it was like just a party or something but inside he knew somehow that it just wasn’t quite like that. Besides, he doubted if he could get any real money given how he looked. He sure didn’t look like any of those pictures and for the most part assumed he was just average. Mind you they might like the fact that he had long hair but he doubted if that feature would get him any bucks.
Oh? Uh, well that is nice of you, but uh…
Yeah I know the stories too but like I said, you remind me of my nephews, hate to think of them alone in some strange city and no one wanting to help them, but like I said, I know the stories, just a thought anyhow.
Well, I don’t know, I mean… well this is all kind of new to me…
Gets a bit scary don’t it? Been there myself a few times when I was your age, look here is my card, I sell insurance, if you want to take a chance, I got a couch you can flop on for the night?
Maybe this guy was on the level and then again maybe not. Trouble was he knew how much of a dent $80 would put into his budget and he had been counting on at least checking out the city first. If this guy was for real it would save him that money and besides, the guy hadn’t made any really rude suggestions or anything. Christ even his staring had been discreet and not really obvious, so maybe it would be okay for the night?
Granted he was taking a chance but he had sized the guy up pretty good. If he tried anything he was fairly certain that he was strong enough to take care of himself. Only thing was, what if he had friends waiting for him and then too, he didn’t know his way around so the risk was there. Yet as he carefully finished taking his whiz he knew he really didn’t have much of a choice if he wanted to hoard his little bit of cash. Besides he came to the city to be on his own which meant making his own decisions and living with them. The guy looked okay and it would only be for one night so how much trouble could he get into in just one night?
I don’t know… I mean sounds okay…
Hey up to you kid, like I said, just trying to be helpful.
Well, it would help out, uh, I mean, just for the night, right?
Sure, look tell you what, how about we go grab something to eat first, talk a bit and you can decide after if you feel safe enough, my treat, what do you say?
There was a nagging doubt in the back of his mind as he listened to the man but the idea of at least saving the nights shelter cost whether it be the Y or a room held more power than some nagging voice. Hell he was even going to get a free meal out of it too so it couldn’t be all bad could it? The guy didn’t look like some pervert and worse that would happen is that he’d still have to find a place to crash for the night. The growl in his stomach kind of helped settle the argument for him as he stuffed his dick back into his pants, feeling the man’s eyes on his crotch as he did.
I suppose that is okay, I am hungry, okay I guess something to eat can’t hurt.
Great, look there is a nice burger joint a block or two down the road, we can go there or if you’d rather we can grab something from the cafeteria here though the food here really isn’t all that good.
Burgers sound fine, just a block or two?
Yep, they have the best burgers I think, plus you can get a beer with it, you drink?
No problem, ready?
He could feel his stomach agreeing with his decision even if the nagging thought persisted deep down inside. For now his priority was to get a place to crash and some food and hell, if he could get that without dipping into his tiny cash reserves all the better. Ashley didn’t really think this guy would try anything but he felt the knife in his pants for comfort. It had been a gift from his mother and was about all he had left to remember her by. The touch of it with his fingers helped calm him down as he zipped the pants up, noticing that the older guy was already zipped and standing away from the urinal.
Yeah, uh just gotta wash up.
The walk thru the bus station terminal was a whole new experience for Ashley. He had never really seen so many gathered in one place like this before and it felt weird as he pushed forward trying to follow Jason Crawford and still see all the was going on around him. His head kept swivelling all around trying to take it all in but it was too much for him. He must have looked like some lost kid in a candy store the way Jason kept chuckling to himself and stopping every few minutes so Ashley could catch up.
He wasn’t sure if Jason was poking fun at him or not. It wasn’t his fault
that he had spent all of his time on a farm back in
All those small little carts or shops that were all over the terminal was
something new to him. In many ways they looked no different than some of the stalls at the fair but they were
selling some awfully strange stuff. Heck even one was selling insurance and another was selling jewellery. Heck
there was even a place where people could sit and watch television it seemed which had amazed him. They had
a television back home but until his dad married that cow Betty they had rarely bothered to turn it on. Her
and her spoiled brats seemed glued to it at times but here in the city it seemed like everyone was like that.
It kind of made him wonder if he had done the right thing in coming here but then it was
Betty had originally been from some place called the
The way she had screamed at his father when Tommy had run with the magazine to her was still something that made him cringe. He had seen the disappointment in his father’s face and yet he knew in his heart that if she and those brats hadn’t been around things might have worked out. At least he would have had a chance to talk to him more without her beady eyes always following him around. Christ she had even wanted his dad to put dead bolt locks on the doors of the bedrooms for her brats. Like he would even think about wanting to do anything with those four pain in the asses. Still it had hurt when she had demanded it and he had seen his father’s pain too.
If she hadn’t been there it would have worked out, he knew that but she had been there. Now here he was, seeing all the things that she had talked about for real. There were the big television sets hanging down from the huge ceiling, weird stuff flashing across it and the constant booming voice announcing some arrival or departure. It all reminded him of her which only added to his discomfort as he tried to take it all in. He felt kind of glad that he had met Jason and yet at the same time felt uneasy.
For starters meeting some guy at a pisser just didn’t seem right. Yet here he was trailing the older man thru this teeming station and worse, was going to be spending the night at his place. He shook his head as he hitched the duffle bag and hurried to catch up again. They had finally gotten around to exchanging names and that too kind of bugged him a bit.
When he had told Jason his name, the guy had sort of stepped back a little and his eyes had narrowed some to. What got Ashley though was how the eyes seemed to suddenly glow a bit as they went up and down his body in one very quick glance. It felt kind of weird to have some old guy look at him that way and then the way Jason had said that he found Ashley’s name intriguing kind of gave him the creeps. He couldn’t explain it but in some ways he felt like suddenly he hadn’t showered in a week or more.
Then too there was the way Jason would stop and wait for him to catch up.
He always seemed to have this semi smile on his face as he would turn and look at him, waiting for him very
patiently and to be fair he never complained either, but somehow it felt kind of creepy. He kept shrugging it
off as just being a case of nerves and the whole experience of being in a huge city like
Everyone seemed to be in a hurry and the short walk to the burger place was not much better. The store windows were mostly dark but you could still see all the stuff inside. It felt weird to see some of the clothes being displayed and not see any jeans or coveralls like in town back home. There it was mostly farm related stuff but here, man there was so much that just seemed unreal. His first instinct was that he wasn’t going to like living in this place and he wondered if maybe he could find some small town to head to but then if he did, what could he do there? At least in a city this size he could find some work and who knows, maybe eventually find out more of who he was and all that other stuff the teachers talked about.
It wasn’t that he was stupid either, he had seen the television shows and read the magazines and even read the newspaper back home. Still seeing it for the first time made it all real. Before it was just something someone had talked about, written about or photographed. It had never really seemed real and as much as the other kids at school seemed to accept it, he never really had until now. Now it was real and worse, he was right smack in the middle of it. He could feel the fear inside and while he felt a bit of comfort by reaching into his pocket to touch and fondle the small pocket knife his mother had given him when he was just 11 or 12, he still felt the unease growing.
Ashley wasn’t stupid, he had gotten decent grades in school and in some things he was close to top of his class but this was all so different than what he had grown up believing. No one seemed to smile and those that did like Jason, well the smile seemed to be a tool and not a sign of pleasure like he was used to. Come to think of it, he never really did see Betty or her brats ever really smile except when he was the butt of some joke or being disciplined. Then they seemed to smile for real but other than that they sure as hell didn’t. It had been so different when his mom had been alive and until Betty had moved in he had always figured on spending his life working the farm but now, well now he just didn’t know what his future would be.
Leaving home just 2 years ago would have seemed impossible and yet when it finally came to that choice no it hadn’t been all that hard of a choice to make. Things had changed so much that for him that the farm no longer held him and yet he knew he was partly to blame for that too. Maybe if he had not been so quiet, maybe if he had said something back when Betty was nosing around things would have worked out differently but then he doubted that too. His father needed someone to be with, and maybe he did too but for him he couldn’t settle for second best. Though in his father’s case he kind of thought he had settled for bottom but his father did seem happier at times so maybe it was for the best that all this shit had happened.
Walking down the busy street didn’t seem to turn his mind off any, despite all the strange stuff that kept passing by him. People with strange hats or worse, strange things hanging from their lips or noses or even eyebrows couldn’t stop his whirling mind from wondering about the past. Here he was in a big city and all he could think about was the farm and what he had left behind him. Granted his home life had gotten rotten but shit, he could have stuck it out if he had to but then again, knowing some of his classmates maybe not. Maybe all this was some sort of plan and yet as he walked next to Jason he couldn’t quite shake the feeling that the future held some deep dark horror that would test him in a way he never imagined. It was like a premonition or something but for now he let his mind bury it along with the constantly scowling face of his step mother.
They had barely exchanged words since leaving the washroom and as they entered the burger joint, Ashley noticed that it was mostly filled with kids his own age. Towards the back there were some older guys but even they seemed to have younger boys sitting with them. He also noticed how almost every eye in the place swivelled to him and Jason as they entered which made him wonder if he had left his fly down. Strange to have thought that as they moved in and headed towards the back. In some odd way he thought some of the younger guys were checking him out but not in the way he had kind of hoped for.
Funny, this was his real first time experience being in a place where there were lots of other kids his age that he didn’t know and in his dreams he had always thought that it would be in a place like this that he’d meet him. Who him was he wasn’t quite sure of but he would recognize him the second they would see each other, but as he moved down the crowded aisles he could only feel like he was being scrutinized as some potential threat or danger. He didn’t quite get it yet but as he moved behind Jason he could see how some of them noticed Jason and how Jason would nod slightly at one or two of them. It was like he knew them or something but there was some unwritten law preventing them from acknowledging Jason.
Ashley had known he was gay for some time but what it meant had yet to really sink in to him. Sure he knew that girls and him were not meant to be, despite his few feeble attempts at trying to be like everyone else. He had dated, had even felt a girl up and been jerked off by one or two back home, but it had never felt right. Only time he felt good and managed to feel a thrill was when he would dream about some guy. There had been Scott but that had existed only in his dreams. Scott was no more gay than his stepmother loved him like her own child. Still Scott had what Ashley thought was the perfect look, and it was perhaps no coincidence that all the gay mags he bought had some hot guy on it that had that same look.
He didn’t know why he was thinking like this in here, after all the odds that any of these guys sitting around were the same as him was pretty slim or so he thought but something in the back of his mind seemed to awaken as he slowly followed Jason to a table near the back. He liked the look of some of them but as he tried not to stare he also noticed how many of them had a glazed look to their faces. The idea that they might be on something kind of startled him yet everyone knew that people in the cities were on something or other. Back home he had tried pot a few times but it had only left his throat feeling rather dry and itchy. Some of his classmates smoked a lot of it and those that didn’t usually drank a lot. He didn’t mind beer that much but somehow or other he never really cared for that either. Maybe he was just too scared of getting drunk or stoned and letting his secret out. Whatever it was, he had never really fitted in at the parties back home even though he had fantasized about what he would do if say Scott had gotten super blitzed. Course that had been a dream and yet as he saw the faces here he wondered if any of them ever had similar type thoughts.
It was weird how some of the younger guys would stop talking as they walked past and each one of them would stare openly at him and at Jason. Many seemed to know or recognize Jason but it was how they looked at him that made him feel nervous. In some way it felt like he was suddenly on display, like some slab of beef or something the way their eyes would take all of him in. They would stare at his face and without even blinking their eyes would all travel down to his crotch. He had this sudden urge to check his fly to make sure it was zipped up but somehow he contained the impulse. It made no sense if these were all just ordinary guys but as he sat down with Jason, he kind of knew that maybe the magazines and articles about city life weren’t all made up or glorified. Just maybe they were more real than he had thought possible.
You sure are the quiet type
Well you have hardly said a word all the way here, everything okay?
For a second or two he thought it was his father talking to him as they walked out to the barn. Yet Jason didn’t look anywhere like his father. His dad was tall and Jason was rather short, at least a few inches shorter than Ashley’s own 6 foot tall frame. He was also stockier but the way he spoke seemed to remind him of his dad. For just a moment or two he felt a bit homesick. Ashley quickly shook it off though, feeling a bit like a little kid.
Oh yeah, sure, guess just bit uh, I mean never really been in a… sorry, just bit much I guess.
First time in a place like
Can be kind of overwhelming I guess, felt that way first time I went
He didn’t know why but it felt like Jason was trying to impress him for some reason. Hell it didn’t make a hill of beans to him where the guy went or whatever. Still though maybe he was being a bit harsh, after all the guy was only maybe trying to be nice to him or was he? Strange how he kept wondering why Jason was doing all this but then maybe meeting him the way he did was to blame for that? If he had met him on the bus would he be wondering about him like he was now?
You travel a lot?
Fair amount, work you know. So, what you up for? They make a great bacon burger here, good onion rings too.
Okay, sounds fine.
Single or double?
Single burger or double patty?
The idea of a double bacon burger was appealing but he didn’t want to seem
greedy either. He still remembered his manners but he hadn’t eaten dinner when the bus had stopped. Actually
he had been asleep and didn’t really want to get out of the bus to eat in one more no name café. He was kind
of regretting that by the time the bus rolled into
Well uh… I mean…
Hey told you it was my treat, so go on, have what you want.
I know, just that… well I am not used to someone buying me a meal.
Suit yourself but you’ll get used to it, besides free is free, might as well enjoy it.
His stomach rumbled a little and he wondered if the whole place had heard it but as he tried to hide it, he knew that he was over reacting. Jason was just being nice and he had offered, it wasn’t like Ashley had hinted at this or anything. The idea of two patties of meat and bacon though sounded damn good to his stomach and Jason didn’t seem to mind either.
I guess, uh you sure its okay? I mean I wouldn’t mind a double, been awhile since I ate.
Go for it, difference isn’t all that much in price if you are worried about that, besides I had a good month so I can afford it.
Okay, if you are sure?
He wasn’t sure why but the way Jason was acting was making him feel uncomfortable. It didn’t make sense cause the guy was being nice and he had said that he didn’t mind. Granted the thing about his nephews was maybe a bit off but it could be true. Funny how back home he’d never question someone offering him a free burger and yet here it felt like he was being led into something. The magazines had been filled with stuff like old guys picking up kids his age or younger in bus stations but they didn’t make the old guys seem like Jason, still it nagged at him as he listened to Jason ordering.
The waitress had barely glanced at him but he still felt icky inside. It was like if he turned around he’d see all the other’s staring at him and why he couldn’t quite understand. In some ways he felt like some of them felt angry at him and others seemed curious. Maybe it was just him being different or new, sort of like how a new kid might be treated back home. Course there it would be different too as they would most likely introduce themselves to the new kid instead of just staring, least he knew he would.
Sitting there with his back to everyone was also giving him second thoughts about accepting the offer to crash at Jason’s place. He had no idea where this place was and he really didn’t want to get mixed up in some weird shit. He had read the stories about Gacy and that sicko from Seattle Dahmer and for a brief instant he wondered if Jason was like them. It gave him a few shivers just thinking about it but then he settled down as the drinks arrived. Somehow he didn’t think Jason was like those freaks and seeing as how some of the guys here obviously knew him, well it didn’t seem possible that he was into killing and eating kids. Still the coldness inside didn’t quite leave him even after a few sips of the hot chocolate that he had ordered.
The conversation pretty much dried up as the food arrived and Ashley had to admit, the burger and onion rings were much better than he had expected. The burger was certainly a whole lot bigger than what he was used to back home but he still thought that the burger he got at the local café was better tasting. Maybe it was that they used fresh lettuce and stuff or maybe he was just not used to city food. Whatever it was he did notice that Jason kept stealing glances at him while he was eating. It kind of made him nervous but hell, he was pretty well doing the same thing, looking when he thought Jason wasn’t.
Ashley knew he was trying to drag it out, the way he was slowly chewing the last remains of his burger and rings but he couldn’t help it. That stupid feeling of having doubts of going with Jason for the night was once more eating away at him. He didn’t really know why he felt this way and yet maybe he did. Maybe it was that he knew inside that Jason was somehow maybe interested in him? If that was true, he hadn’t a clue how he could tell him no way, after all the guy had bought him dinner and was putting him up for the night. Shit the guy had saved him close to a $100 so how could he hurt his feelings? Course there was the good chance that Jason had meant what he said about him reminding Jason of his nephews but he doubted it. Something inside seemed to say otherwise which only made him chew slower.
With all the food gone there was no excuses left and he could tell by Jason’s expression that he was getting a bit impatient. Didn’t really make sense to dawdle anyhow and besides, if Jason was gay like him maybe he would understand? It wasn’t like Ashley really knew anyone who was gay though he had his thoughts about one kid back home. Funny but the kids name was Jason too which brought a smile to his face as he thought about it. Thing was that the Jason back home was tall and skinny as a bean pole. Worse he wore glasses and always had a crew-cut and looked the perfect geek while this Jason didn’t exactly look like a geek and sure as hell wasn’t skinny. He did wear his hair short but then he did work too so maybe that was why.
Uh, mind if I use the washroom before we go?
Sure, it’s over that way.
Thanks, uh guess too much water and hot chocolate.
No problem Ashley, go ahead while I settle the bill, unless you want anything else?
Huh? Oh, no thanks, that was more than enough, Uh, you were right, the burger was good, thanks again.
He didn’t know why but the way Jason had said the words made the hair on his neck stand up a little. It was almost as if Jason was trying to signal him something but he didn’t know what. Funny cause he was getting all these strange feelings ever since they met but he just chalked it up to him being nervous. Standing up he headed towards the bathroom noticing that this time not too many bothered to even glance his way. Guess that too had just been nerves as he pushed open the door expecting to see another huge room like at the station. Instead he was surprised to see a small room with two urinals and one stall inside. A tall kid was standing by the one urinal taking a whiz and as Ashley entered the kid turned and looked at him.
Ashley felt his heart stutter a bit as he looked into the boy’s face. There was something there that seemed to just hold his heart still for a mere moment and then it was just as suddenly gone. The boy looked to be a bit older on closer examination and his soft blue eyes had almost drove a hole right thru Ashley’s body as they had peered at him. The boy quickly turned away and continued to take his piss while Ashley came over to the other urinal.
The boy seemed about 2 inches shorter than Ashley and maybe 40 or so pounds lighter and yet the way he stood there you just knew that he could take care of himself. There was a quiet strength about this curly blonde haired guy that made Ashley catch his breath. He couldn’t help himself and as he fumbled with his zipper he could feel the heat growing inside of him. Whatever else he might be, Ashley was still a typical teenager. The closeness of the stranger was somehow exciting in a way he had never felt before but worse was the look that had quickly passed between them. Ashley couldn’t begin to describe it because it was too intense, too strange and too powerful. It was in fact nothing like the look that Scott had or all those other’s in the magazines had and in its own way it was far more arousing that he thought possible. Ashley could feel the blood pumping down from his arms to his groin and he struggled to pull his thickening dick out so as to take his whiz.
Careful you don’t cut yourself.
Hey dude, watch it.
The voice had been so soft and carefree that he had forgotten where he was. He almost choked and could feel the red flush crawling all through his body. He must be beet red he thought as he quickly turned his body back towards the urinal. Ashley managed to keep his head turned though towards the shorter young man and his eyes couldn’t help but focus on the fine facial features of the guy. The guy was so damn hot looking that he was almost speechless despite his obvious embarrassment. He wasn’t too shook though to notice that the guy had quickly checked him out. His mind was off in some dream land and yet not to far off to notice that unlike earlier, his hand was pulled way back as if to show off his thickening pole. God, was this how it was or was he just stupid?
Sorry, uh… sorry.
Haha, it’s okay, you just get into town?
Deep inside Ashley felt like someone had driven a hot poker into him. He could feel the hot flashes that wouldn’t stop and for some insane reason he hoped they never would. It was a totally different experience for him unlike any other. He had been aroused by pictures before and by some of the guys he knew at school like Scott but nothing like how this guy made him feel. It was almost as if he knew him in some odd way that he couldn’t explain.
Yeah… how did you, I mean how…
You get so as you can tell.
Oh… I see…
Yeah well uh, gotta go, uh one word of advice? Play it on the level and you won’t get hurt too bad.
Suddenly the hot flashes turned cold and a sense of panic came over him. He was tongue tied as he tried to figure out a way to keep the young man from leaving but he couldn’t think of anything but how much he wanted to know him. It felt like his whole life was suddenly non existent until now and strange new thoughts were bursting inside his beating heart. His head was aching from the new sensations that kept creeping into focus and he felt his body shake and shiver as he tried to mutter something intelligent, instead he only managed to stutter softly.
Huh? I mean… play what, uh…
The sound of the door closing stunned him as he whirled around, ignoring the last dribble of piss that hit the tile floor. His heart suddenly felt a sense of loss that made him break out in a sweat. He didn’t know why but he wished he had said something that would have kept the guy there a bit longer, if for no other reason than to at least find out his name. He didn’t know why but he felt so alone suddenly, so empty inside that it startled him.
Ashley stared down as his now soft lump of flesh and in his heart he wished
he knew more about things, about what to do or say so that if he ever met that guy again he’d be able to not
look like such a fool. Christ he had to be an idiot to feel this way and yet something inside had been awakened.
He wasn’t sure what it was but he knew that somehow he had made the right choice in leaving home and coming
They had taken a taxi to Jason’s apartment. The ride back had been almost as quiet as the walk from the bus station to the burger joint. Ashley was lost in thought over the young man he had met in the restroom. He couldn’t explain it but even Jason had noticed it and commented on it. Asking him if he was alright because he looked flushed. Strange, the more Jason talked to him the more annoyed he became with him. He couldn’t quite explain it but it was sort of like feeling as if he was somehow being disloyal.
It was weird because he had no one to be loyal to and yet that face kept popping up in his mind. There didn’t seem to be even any peach fuzz around the chin or near the short sideburns and yet he knew that the guy had to be older than him. He was just 18 but whoever the guy was had to be about 20 or maybe 22 even but certainly not any older. The small wrinkles under the eyes kind of told him that but other than that you would think the guy was maybe 16 or 17.
Christ he must be nuts to be so consumed by a brief meeting in some greasy spoon bathroom but he just couldn’t shake that guy from his mind. Each time he thought about him he could feel the heat rising inside, feel his blood racing to his dick which made him angry. It wasn’t that he minded the thought of having sex with that guy but the constant thinking of him and subsequent hard on was noticeable, and Ashley was becoming quite turned off by the growing leer that his hard on evoked on Jason’s face.
He kind of thought that he was nuts or something. After all he had rarely thought about sex since leaving home and maybe once or twice he had seen someone that had gotten the blood flowing but nothing compared to how he was still feeling hours after seeing that guy in the bathroom. What was it with him and bathrooms anyhow? Did he have some strange quirk that he didn’t know about or was it just that he was an easy mark?
Christ he still could see how Jason had tried to see his soft dick and worse, he kind of knew that Jason wanted a hell of a lot more than just a peek. The whole spiel about nephews had sounded good but the more he thought about it the less he believed it. Still, the guy hadn’t really done anything to make Ashley feel angry at him but he did. He couldn’t help himself for some odd reason. The trouble was that he couldn’t get that guy out of his head.
There he had wanted him to see his cock, and that kind of frightened him a bit. He had never been with a guy in any way other than his own fantasies but thinking back he knew he had flirted with that guy. He could see himself now, the way he had held his almost totally erect dick with just his two fingers, almost desperate to show off its length and thickness as if that would make the guy stay. Well he had been wrong on that hadn’t he? The guy hadn’t stayed, in fact he had left pretty damn quick so maybe he should stop day dreaming about him but he just couldn’t help it. There was something unreal about the guy, something that had touched him the second they had locked eyes.
Maybe that was why the guy had left so fast? Maybe it was that his dick looked pitiful to him or maybe he wasn’t like Ashley? Christ what if he was straight? Shit he couldn’t handle that if he was so perhaps it was best that nothing had happened but then the wild beat of his heart made that thought a total lie. Was he being a total ass here or was it something else that had him in such turmoil? Ashley wished he could answer his own questions but all he could think about was that lock of curly blond hair that twisted down and around the guy’s temple. It looked so hot and inviting that he knew he had wanted to reach out and brush it off the soft golden toned forehead of the guy. Worse he knew he wanted to run his hand down those smooth cheeks and stare forever into the soft blue eyes that seemed to twinkle and sparkle when they looked back at him.
You okay Ashley?
The harsh sound of Jason’s voice made him snap back his answer. The instant he did he knew it was a mistake as he saw the way Jason’s eyes narrowed as they peered at him. The guy hadn’t done anything wrong really and yet Ashley felt a growing sense of anger towards him. It was like he was blaming him for something but didn’t quite know what.
Huh? Yeah, why?
Whoa, excuse me for asking…
He knew the second he had spoken that his voice had a sharpness to it that really wasn’t justified. There was no explanation for his anger with Jason other than he was intruding on his dreaming of that guy in the bathroom. Strange he had never felt so conscious of any one person as he was with this guy and maybe that was why his voice had such a sharpness to it. He just wanted to know who that guy was and find him. Looking over at Jason he saw the surprise in his face and he regretted his tone immediately, wondering if maybe he was losing it somehow? Could he be crazy like his stepmother claimed or was it that hormone thing he had learned in health class? Whatever it was he knew he wasn’t being exactly rational, still the image of that guy wouldn’t go away. It still seemed to constantly be floating in the back of his mind and turning his insides into mush.
Sorry, I guess I was lost in thinking about something.
No fooling, uh something happen back there?
Back there? What do you mean?
Back at the burger place. You been so quiet ever since you came out of the restroom…
It was that obvious? Man he really must be a jerk if some stranger could tell that he was lost elsewhere. He wished that something had happened back there but he couldn’t tell that to Jason could he? Hell he didn’t even know if the guy was gay let alone if he would understand. Mind you he kind of knew he had to be gay, otherwise he wouldn’t have tried so hard to sneak a peek at Ashley’s dick back in the bus station washroom, would he?
NO… sorry, no nothing happened.
You sure? Did Terry say something to you?
TERRY. Was that his name? The sound of it played inside his head as he tried to keep his face from showing his pleasure. He could feel the sudden rush of blood to his groin as he kept turning that name over inside, finally having a name to put to that soft enticing face that was haunting him. At least he knew who he wanted to look for now, and that was a step forward wasn’t it? Maybe there was hope for him and this dream guy but then again, how the fuck did Jason know his name?
Who? I don’t know any…
Terry, the guy who came out of the bathroom just after you went in.
You know him?
Yes I do, uh, did he say something to you?
Ashley was trying to figure out all the strange feelings that were rushing around inside of him. First he felt a sense of excitement at finally knowing that guy’s name, then he felt a strange sense of disappointment too in that while he had a name that was all he had. He knew absolutely nothing about Terry but he could feel the urge inside, the desire to find out more growing more powerful with each beat of his heart.
For a brief instant he chided himself for being such a fool. To be sitting in some guys apartment drooling over a guy he had met for what, 3 or 4 minutes tops? He had to be either sick or stupid to think that in that short of a time he could build a whole fantasy life with a guy whose name he only just found out. Then too there was that insane feeling of jealousy that came rushing up to him simply because Jason knew Terry.
In the blink of an eye Ashley felt like he knew what he wanted and yet in that same blink, that same split second he also felt a strange sense of dread wash over him. He shivered a little inside as he began to hear the strange voices inside, the words hidden by the softness of the voices and yet as much as he wanted to know what they were saying all he could think about was in trying to find out how he could find Terry. It was becoming an obsession to him but he didn’t care. Those eyes had been so special and he knew it was an illusion but he was certain that in that brief look his heart had been touched by Terry’s own heart.
There was no rational explanation for it but he felt like Terry was meant for him. Maybe that was why he felt angry towards Jason? It could be that simple but shit, he didn’t even know Terry so how could he feel this way? His eyes blinked as he tried to contain the raging emotions that were confusing him. All he knew for now was that he wanted to know more about Terry and Jason seemed like he could provide the answers. Inside he knew he didn’t like that idea one bit but his need to know overpowered his anger.
No, he didn’t, uh, how do you know him?
Oh from around, he hangs out there sometimes, but generally I see him down at one of the local bars, sure he didn’t say anything to you?
Okay he needed to relax and cool down. So far he knew that Terry went to that burger joint but could he remember how to get there? Christ he didn’t even know the name of the place. He felt like kicking himself for not noticing but maybe he could find a way to get that out of Jason? Shit, he didn’t need Jason for that, all he had to do was go to the bus station and walk two blocks to find it. Well that he could do but how often did Terry go there?
The blood was pounding in his head as he tried to plan how he could find and meet Terry again and at the same time he felt a sense of panic. What if he did find him, what then? What would he say to him or worse, what if this Terry didn’t care for him? Somehow he kind of hoped that wouldn’t be a possibility but he had to be honest with himself, what if it was?
The real question that he kept avoiding was what if this Terry wasn’t like him? What if he wasn’t into guys like he was? Christ that would sure as hell ruin his dreams but then again, Jason knew him. He didn’t know if Jason was or wasn’t but then why would the guy buy him dinner and offer him a place to sleep if he was normal? No, Jason had to be queer like him which hopefully meant that so too was Terry. God what sort of logic was this?
Looking at Jason he could see something different in his expression. It was almost as if Jason was afraid of something that Terry might have told him and yet as much as he wanted to say yes, he could hear Terry’s voice telling him to play it straight. He still wasn’t sure what that meant but all he could see was that Jason might be able to help him find Terry again. That alone made him feel cautious as well as angry.
Why would he? No he didn’t, should he have?
No reason, you just seem different is all.
I can leave if you want
He didn’t know why he said that or why he kept his hand in his pocket touching his small pocket knife. It was almost as if he wanted Jason to toss him out, to let him leave before he found out more about Terry. He tried to shake that feeling off but it persisted in nagging at him. For the life of him he couldn’t understand it. One part of him seemed almost desperate to get as much detail about Terry as possible while another part of him was trying to make him forget him.
He didn’t know why he felt so confused about it. That look was so inviting and yet to be honest they had barely spoken to each other. Christ he had almost pissed all over Terry at first, which really would have gone down well but thankfully he hadn’t. Course the fact that he had a raging hard on at that time might have had something to do with it but still, he almost had and Terry had noticed that. Maybe the one voice was right, maybe he should just forget about it. After all what did he know about Terry? He could be some real weirdo or into some crazy stuff. Hell he could even be a drug dealer or something like that. That would sure as hell make life fun wouldn't it?
The turmoil raging inside of him was becoming obvious to Jason. There was no mistaking the quizzical look that he was getting but somehow he just didn’t care. He knew that he would ignore that one voice and press on to find out more about Terry. It was worse than his dreams about Scott or how he felt each time he and Scott were together in the locker room back at School. This was worse than anything he had ever felt but he couldn’t ignore it. He had to find Terry again.
Now why say that? Did I do something?
No, sorry… I don’t know, guess this is all so strange to me.
Look how about a beer? I got some cold bud if you want or maybe something stronger?
Uh, beer is fine I guess.
Ashley leaned back into the big armchair that he was sitting in while he watched Jason get up from the couch and head into the small kitchen area that was just off the living room. He took the time now to look around at the apartment and was a little amazed to notice how sparsely it was furnished. If he didn’t know any better he’d say that Jason rarely lived in this place. That thought made him wonder a bit more about Jason and naturally about Terry.
The couch looked okay but it was certainly nothing new. Neither was the chair and to be honest, every piece of furniture looked more like it was from some second hand shop than having been bought new. Hell the stuff in the farmhouse back home looked better than this stuff. Maybe he was being paranoid or pre occupied with thoughts about Terry but the place really didn’t look like anyone actually lived in it. The television and stereo were old and didn’t look like they were worth much and it dawned on him then.
He stared at Jason as he came back with two bottles of beer in his hand and he felt a slight hitch in his heart. This wasn’t Jason’s real home but just a place he used and Ashley knew now that Jason wasn’t exactly who he had said he was. Sure he might actually sell insurance but he had been at the bus station to pick up boys like him. That was his game and he felt suddenly very scared. What else was Jason hiding? Was he some sicko like those he had read about in his magazines? As that thought began to take hold inside his mind he knew that couldn’t be. How did he know? Easy he said to himself, if Jason was a sicko then Terry would have warned him.
It was that simple really and he relaxed a little feeling secure in the unshakeable knowledge that at least Jason wasn’t a sick murderer or pervert. He was just some guy looking for boys and that he thought he could handle. He took the offered beer and drank deeply from it before he let the cold bottle rest on his knee. He felt better now that he knew in his heart that all he had to contend with would be perhaps some horny old bastard. Funny how the anger suddenly was gone as he took another drink and looked at Jason.
No problem, feeling better?
It was like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Everything seemed in order now for him and yet if he really thought about it, he would maybe wonder how one chance meeting had changed him so much. There was no denying that he was different and just how much he still wasn’t quite sure he wanted to know. All he did know was that he no longer was feeling petrified at what might happen if he stayed here with Jason. Worse case was he might actually have a taste of what he had so desperately wanted ever since he came to the realization that he liked guys instead of girls. As much as he wanted that first time to be with someone like Scott or now Terry, it no longer seemed to hold him hostage.
Yeah, guess I was, well… nervous I guess.
Nervous? You got nothing to be nervous about, uh, you want to watch some television or something?
Okay, uh maybe you’d like to listen to some music? Anything special you like? Country?
Sitting back and drinking the beer he was able to see the subtle changes in Jason. For starters Jason really didn’t look all that old. In fact he kind of had a boyish look to him if you looked beyond the obvious lust in his face. Christ had he just thought that? Funny but it was as if he could see more than before but he guessed maybe that was simply due to his nervousness. Maybe what Terry had said was right, play it on the level and things would go right. It felt kind of nice to know that someone else worried just a little about him or was he just reading more into it than there was?
If he was honest with himself he might say yes to that but he was still a rookie so to hell with being Mr Super Analytical. He liked the notion that Terry might actually have cared for a brief moment and who knew what the future might bring him? It might not be as he was trying to imagine but then again he had never dreamed it possible that there would be anyone more handsome, more desirable than Scott and yet along came Terry. So maybe there was hope for him? Hell could be worse he thought, he could still be stuck back at the farm with that cow and her brood of inbred cretins.
No thanks, country music isn’t really my taste.
What is uh, your taste?
Just the way that Jason had said it made him think for a second. There was an undercurrent that he hadn’t quite picked up but then again he wasn’t totally stupid either. In the back of his mind he knew that Jason wanted something and that his generosity wasn’t out of some sense of Ashley reminding him of his nephews or such. It wasn’t that he was totally blind to the obvious stares either but just that for now he wanted to ignore it.
Lots of different things, even some classical actually, uh, that guy at the burger place, you know him well?
Terry? Well enough I guess… classical music? Really?
Ashley couldn’t be certain but it felt to him like things had changed. He no longer seemed to be the total nerd he thought he was and Jason no longer scared him either. It was almost as if there had been a role reversal and for whatever reason he was hoping it would lead to more details on Terry. He couldn’t get him out of his mind, especially the look. God it was awesome and even now, few hours later he still felt that rush of heat as he thought about seeing Terry’s head turn and look at him as he walked into the washroom. It was like it had just happened and if his body was any judge it felt no different now than then.
Yeah, my mom enjoyed it, some of it isn’t that bad, depends on my mood though. So, uh, he a friend of yours, Terry that is?
I guess… uh why the interest in him?
I don’t know, he sort of reminded me of someone I suppose.
Friend of yours from home?
No, not really.
Hmmm… uh I don’t think I have any classical stuff, uh I can try and find a station though, if you want.
No thanks, I am fine.
Okay…uh so, uh, you planning on staying?
You mean here?
His head sort of perked up a bit as he heard something different in Jason’s voice. It was almost like fear perhaps or something more. He narrowed his eyes a bit as he took another swallow of beer and felt the strong bite of it hit his stomach. Jason looked less confident, almost frightful really and for a second he couldn’t understand why. Then it hit him really as he recalled Jason’s words. The guy was afraid he’d not stay and suddenly it didn’t seem like it was just about him being a young guy but ran deeper in some way that Ashley wasn’t sure about.
I don’t know, depends I suppose.
Well… I don’t want to seem rude, but…
Terry did say something didn’t he?
It was the way he said it actually that sort of made Ashley pause. Could he be wrong about trusting Terry? Looking at Jason he felt like he was more nervous than he had been when they first met. No he decided, it wasn’t that Terry held something back or anything like that but the nagging voice inside kept trying to get him away from thinking about Terry. He refused as he could see those eyes again, feel their power even now as he tried to figure it all out, trying desperately to avoid letting the panic come back again to his heart.
Huh? No, just that, well, I may be from the sticks but I ain’t a total hick.
I see… so what are you saying?
Ashley had never been one to blindly accept anything someone told him without lots of thought. Yet here he was relying on a brief few words as if they were the gospel. It was just one more first of many more to come he thought as he took heed of Terry’s brief warning.
Guess I just want to know what it is you expect from me, I mean it is nice of you to have bought me the burger and stuff, and offering me a place to crash, just that… well… I don’t uh… I mean I ain’t….
You don’t what? Turn tricks?
Turn what? Sorry… I don’t quite…
My mistake, uh… look, I won’t shit you Ashley, I like guys, guys that look like you…
I kind of figured that… it is just that…
Look if that isn’t your thing, fine, I uh can live with that… but uh, well it isn’t like you have to be gay to uh, to make a few extra bucks, you know?
The confusion was real as he tried to figure out just what it was that Jason was saying. For starters Jason didn’t know he was gay which was odd. If he didn’t think that then why did he pick him up? Could all that stuff about gays knowing other gays be just that, stuff? He sure as hell didn’t think he could pick out who was or wasn’t. Hell that was one big reason why he was still clueless as to what it felt like to be with a guy but surely someone like Jason could tell?
The allure of money also kind of startled him. Did Jason think he was out to get money from him? Christ the guy had approached him so why would he assume he wanted money from him? There was way too much happening and yet despite all that he still couldn’t quite get Terry out of his mind. In fact he felt himself trying to guess what Terry might say or do in this case and that made him feel even weirder. How could he even begin to guess how Terry would act when he only had just found out his name?
Part of him wanted to leave, to just get up and head out the door and yet part of him told him to cool it. That part that was holding him back also was trying to tell him that Terry wouldn’t run. It confused him because how the hell could his heart know what Terry would do? Shit he didn’t even know how old Terry was or anything about him and yet here he was trusting the guy as if he did know him. Either there was something weird in the burger or the beer or he was losing it. He should leave he thought and yet still he didn’t move.
Not really… look uh, maybe I shouldn’t stay.. I mean I don’t want you to get the wrong idea about me… it is just that…
No please, let me explain… I know it is all kind of strange to you, maybe I just, uh look let me explain it okay? Before you decide if you want to leave? I won’t stop you, hell I’ll even toss in cab fare if you want to leave after I explain, okay? I mean can’t hurt to just listen can it?
Jason had bought him food and was offering him a place to sleep so why shouldn’t he at least let him explain what he had wanted? Somehow he kind of thought he owed him that much at least. Besides maybe if it wasn’t too weird or strange, he might stay. Course the real reason that he wasn’t running out the door wasn’t just the strange thoughts about what Terry would do but was his own sudden need to know more about Terry. Jason could help him there and as he sat there, he noticed how much Jason was sweating.
There was even a sort of pleading look to him as he sat back and weighed his options. If he left now he might find Terry again but it wouldn’t be easy to do with what he had. If he stayed he could get a lot more information on Terry and that would help him find Terry faster. Somehow there was a sense of urgency in his heart that wanted him to find Terry now, to not wait for another chance meeting. With that filling his thoughts he realized that staying might also mean much more than just crashing on a couch alone.
Guess not… yeah okay, go ahead.
Uh, mind if I get myself something a bit stronger?
No go ahead.
Get you one too?
No thanks, the beer is fine.
Looks empty, how about another?
Well… sure, why not.
The most he had ever drunk in a night had been a six pack. He really didn’t care for the taste of the stuff but it was expected by his friends and back then, well he didn’t want to make anyone suspect so he did what was expected. Right now the one beer already was giving him a bit of a headache but he wanted to at least try to find out more about Terry. He was pretty certain that Jason more than likely paid Terry for sex, which made him feel a bit uncertain. For starters he wasn’t sure how Terry could let himself do that kind of stuff but then again, here he was considering doing something similar and not for money but for information.
It was all a bit overwhelming actually and for the life of him he couldn’t explain why it was so damn important to him to know more about Terry. Shit he didn’t know him, didn’t even know if he was gay but he hoped he was. That desire was almost overpowering his reason which explain why he hadn’t bolted. Instead Ashley was seriously considering staying. He either had to be totally stupid or else that jolt, that shock he had felt when their eyes had locked meant a damn site more than he understood. Whatever it was he had his mind made up to find out what he could and for now, that meant Jason.
He could hear Jason in the tiny kitchen and yet as he listened his mind kept reliving those brief moments in the bathroom. God how handsome Terry looked standing there over that white urinal. His legs filled the jeans nicely and he had a nice firm looking buttocks that seemed unreal.
What had him confused was he didn’t even remember himself looking at Terry’s behind. Actually the first thing he had noticed had been the golden hair and those penetrating eyes. The way those eyes had sparkled when Terry had turned around to look at him had been unreal. Even now he could still feel them burning into his very soul and yet now more things seemed to become clear to him. He could see the legs and the short stature even though somehow Terry seemed larger than life itself. It was all too bizarre for him but the urgent need to know more was very real. It was blocking all reason, all logic and he just knew that somehow, whatever it took he needed to know more about Terry. The sound of ice tingling against glass made his head turn toward the kitchen and he wondered just what it would cost him to get what he needed from Jason?
He jumped a little as Jason came back into the room. He had a rather large brown looking glass in one hand and a fresh beer in the other. He stood near Ashley and let his hand with the beer reach out for Ashley to take. It was almost as if he was trying to act natural when in reality he was nervous as hell. Strange he hadn’t noticed that before but then he hadn’t run into Terry either. Everything felt a bit awkward at first as he watched Jason sit down across from him and look everywhere but at him. It was weird because Ashley knew that Jason enjoyed staring at him. He couldn’t even count how many times he had caught Jason looking at him with a weird glint in his eyes.
Sitting back he felt a little uncomfortable not sure what it was that Jason felt needed explaining. Ashley already had a fair idea that Jason wanted sex from him, the only question for Ashley really was how insistent would Jason be on that? Of course he wasn’t exactly sure what he could do about it either though he knew that he would do what he had to if it meant getting closer to finding Terry again. Christ he must be sick or something because he never could accept how anyone could let some old guy touch them for just money. To him he always thought and believed that sex was something people did because they liked each other, even maybe cared for each other.
Yet here he was seriously considering doing exactly what he had thought was repulsive. To let some stranger touch him or more than that just so he could get some information on a guy he had only seen for what, four or five minutes? Maybe his dad had been right in saying that this was just a phase or something. Maybe it was the attraction of the forbidden fruit thing or like his stepmother enjoyed reminding him of his inability to properly please a woman. Christ she was such a pig at times and he couldn’t understand what it was about her that his father found attractive. After all she wasn’t exactly good looking and she certainly didn’t have a sexy voice or anything. He guessed it was most likely the sex but somehow he just couldn’t imagine her being very much fun between the sheets.
Ashley realized that Jason had said something and he had been lost once more in his thoughts. God he really needed to pay attention better as he looked up at Jason. He could see that glint in the eyes again but also there was something else there. It was sort of like once more Jason was back to normal, being the hunter or something like that. Funny thing was that it didn’t scare him now like it had back in the bus station.
Sorry… didn’t catch that.
No problem, uh, you seem to make a habit of that, am I that boring?
No, sorry, it isn’t you, guess it has been a long trip and all, uh, I am not exactly used to all this.
I can see that… just what are you used to?
In the back of his mind he knew what Jason was hinting at. Still he hadn’t come right and said it so there was a chance he was reading this all wrong, though he really doubted it. He couldn’t make up his mind if he would or not, or even if he had to. All he knew was that he wanted to find out more about Terry and Jason had the answers, or so it seemed.
Me? I don’t know, up until a bit I was used to getting up early, doing my chores then school then more chores. Not very exciting is it?
I don’t know, guess it depends on the person… so, you ever had a boyfriend or anything?
A boyfriend? Christ he wished he had but not like he had really tried either. Funny, all those times that he would dream about having someone special, someone who would teach him the ways to be were all he had dreamed about and yet when it had come to going out there to find someone, he always chickened out. Well if he wanted to have those dreams become real he couldn’t sit back. Maybe this wasn’t quite the way to go about it, but something about Terry made him want to find out. This was maybe the only way to do that.
I wish… no, no one really. Look, I kind of know that, well… you know.
Not really, normally I can read people Ashley, kind of keeps me from making an ass out of myself… you are different somehow, in a good way… don’t uh…
He thought that Jason was trying to be nice but then again he wasn’t totally convinced of it. The voice sounded sincere and yet when he looked at him, all he could see was that strange glint in the guy’s eyes. It wasn’t the same as the one Terry had, but then maybe he just didn’t know enough to know how it was. With Jason he was pretty certain that all the compliments were just talk, that if he was some geek with horn rimmed glasses Jason wouldn’t have even glanced at him once let alone try to pick him up.
It felt kind of nice though, to think that some guy thought he was good looking enough to risk picking him up. He never thought he was good looking but even the few girls he had dated had said he was cute and all. All he had thought was that they were just saying that, but all he really wanted to know was did Terry think that about him? Did Terry think he was good looking enough or was he just kidding himself in hoping for that?
That’s nice but I don’t know… I think maybe you have me pegged wrong…
Could be I suppose, I guess the thing is, well you kind of make me feel, well for lack of a better term, young again. I can’t really explain it but I know that I sure wouldn’t mind getting to know you a whole lot better.
He had almost missed it but it finally registered inside his head. His eyes opened a bit wider as he looked up and over towards Jason. There was no mistaking that look either and even though Jason kept his face staring down at the almost empty drink in his hand, Ashley could tell that he was anxious for an answer. Ashley wasn’t sure yet if he could do what Jason expected and the prospect of having to leave without finding out more weighed heavily on him as he tried to figure out how to answer Jason.
Well… thing is Jason, I never done this before, I don’t think you would uh get your money’s worth… I know it sounds like a cop out but, well it’s like I said.
It isn’t much different than with someone else, just that this way Ashley you get a few extra bucks is all…
Ashley felt a sense of disbelieve and also pride at how Jason assumed that Ashley had already been with someone. He wished it was true too and yet just as much as he wished for that, he also felt kind of happy that it wasn’t. Funny how Jason assumed that he had though. The words that Terry had told him suddenly came to mind as he had been leaning towards not saying anything more about his lack of experience. Why it mattered to him was confusing but he couldn’t ignore it. He sighed a little as he continued to look down at his feet, afraid of how Jason might look after he told him the truth.
Uh no, you don’t get it, I mean I never… not even once, least not with a guy…
You mean? Never?
Never. Dumb huh? You’d think that by now I would have, just that… well…
Wow… I never thought that… I suppose living where you did it was kind of hard to find anyone?
Kind of… I never really tried though, I mean I wanted to I guess, just…
Afraid they’d say no or worse?
He struggled to hold back the sadness that was coming over him as he admitted to a perfect stranger that he was a stupid virgin. Christ was there anything more pathetic he thought and then it sort of hit him. Jason wasn’t acting like he had expected. Okay yeah he seemed a bit surprised but he didn’t laugh or anything, which he had expected. Maybe it wasn’t so strange a thing after all? Still he couldn’t quite bring his head up to look at Jason. Instead he more or less glanced at him from under his eyelashes, expecting what, he wasn’t sure.
Not easy is it? Uh look, my offer to stay here…
The bitter disappointment welled up inside of him as he heard Jason begin to call it all off. Somehow he felt like he had failed totally, knowing that his quest to find Terry had just become a hell of a lot harder. If it wasn’t for that he might not feel so bad, but the prospect of once more seeing those powder blue eyes staring into his face dimmed as he tried to hide his anguish.
Yeah I know, I’ll leave.
No, no that isn’t what I was going to say, honest. I made the offer without strings, I meant it.
Yes, really, I mean I won’t lie, I was hoping, hell still am really that maybe there could be a bit more… I mean it doesn’t have to be all the way, hell just cuddling together would do me, I promise I wouldn’t do anything you weren’t comfortable with… I mean if you are interested?
There was a glimmer of hope still left he thought as he tried to figure out what he could do safely and still get more information on Terry. At the back of his mind was a nagging question and before he could even think about it, he could hear himself asking it. The fear was rising inside of him because he was afraid of what the answer would be. He prayed silently that it would be what he had hoped for, certain it wouldn’t be.
I don’t know… maybe I suppose, uh… you and uh, Terry, you two do stuff together? I mean is that how you know him?
Terry? Uh… yeah we do stuff, he’s uh, well he’s someone I enjoy seeing now and then.
Well… yes… uh, you sure seem interested in him? How come?
Ashley leaned back in the chair and took a long drink of his fresh beer. He wasn’t sure how he really felt about this latest news about Terry. After all what did he expect? How else would a guy like Jason know Terry if it hadn’t been for sex? Still it felt kind of disappointing to think that the guy he had become enamoured with was nothing more than a prostitute.
The sound of that word in connection with the image he had of Terry in his mind didn’t mix well. There was a flash of anger inside as he wondered how Terry could do something as dirty and cheap as selling his body. As the rage began to build inside he felt his own heart kick him square in the logic. How could he be so angry at Terry if he himself was willing to trade his own body for information about Terry? Somehow it just didn’t seem fair to condemn Terry for doing something that maybe he didn’t have a choice in?
After all he was doing it too, and it wasn’t really like he was desperate for some extra money. So if he could rationalize doing it for information, how could he be pissed at Terry for doing it when he had no idea why? Still, he was disappointed but as much as he felt sort of cheated the desire for Terry didn’t seem to change. There was no instant disgust or dislike and the idea of Terry being a prostitute did open up one new avenue for him.
If worse came to worse and Terry didn’t like him, he could always pay him. God was he really thinking that? He shivered a little inside as he tried to keep himself outwardly still. How could he even think of trying to offer Terry money for sex when he felt like people who did it were dirty? Perhaps it was his background that made him look down at people who sold their bodies or maybe it was simply that he didn’t know them? Whatever the reason was here he was considering paying such a person, so what did that make him?
I guess… he looked pretty hot.
He is that, nice guy too and he is pretty up front, one of the few like that.
One of the few? Huh?
Most hustlers are only out for the money, he is more, I don’t know, more up front. He’ll tell you what he’ll do and he always delivers, never makes it seem like its only about the money though of course it is. I mean I am not stupid, guys like him and well, you even, don’t jump into bed with me cause I am hot, but with Terry, well he kind of makes you think it possible, if you get my meaning.
Kind of… so he uh, he is a prostitute?
Haha, if he was a girl yeah I guess you’d call him that. Guys who do it for money are called hustlers, sounds bit nicer than prostitute don’t you think?
So… uh, what do you say? Think maybe we could uh, you know give it a try? I mean look, if you get totally turned off we’ll stop, I swear.
I don’t know… he does that often? Charging guys for sex?
Terry? I don’t know how often, often enough I guess… look, tell you what why don’t you and I see how it goes tonight, then maybe if you feel comfortable enough, you and I can go to the bar tomorrow night, my treat, and maybe we can talk to Terry and see if he’d like to come back and join us? How’s that sound?
Uh… you do that often?
What? Threesomes? No, not really but well…
The promised land seemed to actually be in reach and all he had to do was get through tonight. All he had to do was exactly what his dream guy did, sell his ass for a few bucks. Well if Terry could do it so could he and besides, Jason seemed like he really meant his offer. God if he did it could be exactly what he was dreaming about, or was it?
Ashley felt a bit uneasy, knowing deep in his heart that he could never accept Jason’s plan. If he was to be with Terry it would have to be one of two ways. One that Terry actually wanted him which was still his dream, the other way being that he would pay for it. He didn’t particularly like the second but he knew he didn’t like Jason’s option more. No, if money had to be exchanged then it wouldn’t involve anyone else. He simply didn’t want to share that experience.
The realization that he might need money now made the idea of staying less objectionable. He might as well start learning he thought as he tried to figure out how it all worked. Was he supposed to give Jason an amount or did he leave it up to the guy paying? Hell he didn’t even any idea how much Terry charged and he’d have to know that. Mind you he could probably get that information from Jason so that problem was more or less solved. Now the question remaining was, how much could he earn this way so he could afford Terry?
I guess… uh you promise to stop if I… if I want?
Sure… I don’t want you to do anything you aren’t comfortable with Ashley, and I tell you what, even if all we do is just cuddle, I’ll still give you the cash, uh say $40? That sound reasonable?
I guess… is that what you normally pay a guy?
Depends on what we do really… I mean I kind of doubt if you are into going all the way, or are you?
$40 didn’t really sound like much to him but then again, there was no way in hell he wanted to feel Jason inside of him, or for that matter for him to feel what it was like to be inside of Jason. Still, $40 seemed a bit low but then at the same time $40 wasn’t exactly pocket change to him either. He knew how hard he had to work back home to make the money he did have and it had taken him a hell of a lot longer to earn $40 profit than this would. Besides, it wasn’t like he had to act like it was special now did he?
All the way? Uh, no, no I don’t think so… no, not all the way.
Then yeah, $40 or so is about normal, bit more if the guy does me… but uh, well if it is just me doing him, well…
I don’t think I can do that… I mean I don’t know Jason… maybe we shouldn’t uh…
Even as he said it he knew that he would do it. He wanted more than anything to find Terry and at least Jason could do that for him. Having the extra cash wouldn’t hurt either even though he doubted if he would ever be comfortable in letting someone other than Terry ever touch him. Inside he knew he was being childish. To even think for a second that someone as experienced and as desirable as Terry would even want someone like him was a stretch. To think that he’d only have sex from now on with only Terry was just as dumb but he didn’t really care to reason it out.
All he could think about was how warm he had felt the instant his eyes had met Terry’s. There was no doubt in his heart that he and Terry were supposed to be together. How that would actually happen he had no idea yet, but he was working on it. At least he knew that for what he got tonight he might at least be able to achieve some of his dream. That in itself was maybe enough to get him through this ordeal, as long as he could manage to keep himself focused on the benefits he would get out of this.
Hey no problem Ashley, I know it can be a bit strange at first, look why don’t we have another drink and then maybe you can go into the bedroom and get into bed, that’ll kind of make it a bit easier for you, right?
I suppose… uh maybe I will have one of those, might help.
Okay, uh I have some pot if you’d rather have that?
Pot? Uh… no, no a drink is fine.
Okay, one bourbon coming up.
Thanks… uh you meant it about tomorrow night?
Huh? Sure if you want… I don’t have to go to work till next week and like I said, I did have a good month. Not sure which bar but usually he goes to Rich’s, we can try there first.
Ashley saw the way Jason hurried towards the kitchen. He had drained the last of his own drink as he stood up and headed to the small kitchen area to get Ashley his drink. The guy seemed almost like a kid getting good news which was kind of strange. He had slept with Terry and yet seemed happy to just lie in bed with him? Weird guy or maybe it was that Terry was a special treat that he couldn’t afford often? That had to be it he thought as he wondered what it would be like to have someone actually touch him?
The fear rose up as he tried to calm himself down, telling himself that this was necessary in order for him to finally meet Terry and hopefully get to know him. It was what his heart wanted for some reason and as much as his mind was trying to tell him otherwise, he just wasn’t about to listen. There was no rhyme or reason to this quest either. He had only a passing meeting to base it all on but maybe it was like some of the books had said. Maybe it really was love or whatever passed for love among two guys.
He still wasn’t sure if love existed. His mother and father had fought at times, he knew that, but they seemed happy together. If they really had loved each other like it said in the books he had read, then how could his father had so easily moved on? It had bothered him then and still did and now with Terry and all those weird feelings inside he really wondered if it was love or just a physical thing?
Okay Terry certainly had that look, not just in his eyes or his face but the whole package really. He might not be exactly tall but he was perfectly built for his frame. His legs were thin but looked strong and his arms were like that too. There was something about him that made Ashley sweat and he could feel the blood once more pounding inside. He also could feel his dick getting hard and he wondered if it would stay that way later on or would he be so nervous as to make a real mess of this chance?
Shit, what if he couldn’t get it hard when needed? Would Jason still pay him? Hell would Jason still let him stay there the night or would he turf him out? Man how could anyone do this he wondered as the image of Terry continued to feed his thoughts and as it did, Ashley realized that if he could just not think about Jason, if he could just think that it was maybe Terry then he shouldn’t have any problem in being hard. Did Terry think about someone else when he did his stuff and if he did, who did Terry think about?
Here you go.
Huh? Oh… thanks.
He took the glass that was filled with a very dark liquid and took a quick sip of it. He knew instantly that he didn’t care for bourbon and he also noticed that it was pretty well straight. Still he hadn’t really said how he had wanted the drink, just that he wanted one. Ashley raised the glass and drank it all down at once, feeling the raw burning fire begin at his lips and quickly travel down his throat and into his stomach. It was as if he had drank gasoline he thought as he coughed a few times while getting to his feet.
Wow.. uh, you okay?
Uh huh, so uh, now what?
Well… the bedroom is through that door there. Uh, you can go in first if you want, I mean maybe it’ll be easier if you get undressed first and then… uh well, when you are ready, just call.
I guess… uh, that how you and Terry do it?
Huh? Oh no, I mean if we are going all the way he usually lets me undress him, otherwise uh… depends sort of on what we have planned for that night… uh…
So what uh, if he does just this, he what, goes to the bedroom or what?
Not usually, uh, he usually just stands up and I… I usually unbutton his pants and… well you get the idea.
He felt a little dizzy but he knew that somehow he just didn’t want to do this in some dark bedroom, at least not with Jason. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Jason, the guy was nice and didn’t look all that bad considering. Still he just didn’t want to do it that way and besides, if Terry didn’t do it that way why should he?
Besides, he realized that if he did do it this way he could then crash on the couch. If he did it in the bedroom he was pretty certain Jason would try to get him to sleep there with him and he couldn’t do that. It wouldn’t be right in his mind, he only wanted to sleep with Terry and not some guy who was paying him.
Okay, well… go ahead then… might as well do it the same way, if that’s okay?
Sure… sure if you are okay with that, just thought you might prefer to be in a dark room under the covers is all… but uh, if this is okay with you…
Ashley could sense the disappointment in Jason but it didn’t really matter all that much to him. All he really wanted was to get this over with and if he had to do it, he might as well do it the way Terry would do it. Least this way he might be able to focus easier and not let the idea of it being Jason prevent him from performing or whatever it was called. He didn’t want to get Jason mad, just get him happy enough that tomorrow night would happen but only to a point. He still wasn’t sure how, but he knew that he didn’t want to have Jason around when he and Terry would first do something.
He shook a little as the hot burning liquid made his stomach turn a bit. The taste was harsh too and he was glad that Jason hadn’t said anything about kissing or anything. There was no way he would do that anyhow but at least he didn’t have to deal with it this time. All he could think about was getting thru this as fast as possible without ruining his chances for tomorrow.
Uh, well if it, if it feels too weird for me, I guess we can go into the bedroom, but, well… let’s try it this way first… okay Jason?
Oh yeah… just fine, just fine.
For a second or two he closed his eyes and once more he could feel that spark hitting his heart. He could see those perfect blue orbs dancing among the field of white and he sighed a little. The sound of his button being opened didn’t even register as he felt the touch of Terry’s soul next to his heart . The blood began to pour thru the pounding chambers of his heart and began rushing towards his groin. He prayed silently that Terry would understand as he felt his pants slowly being pulled down from his tall lanky frame. If only he had said something to Terry maybe he wouldn’t have to do this, but he vowed to himself that the next time he saw Terry he would say something. All that was necessary was that there be a next time.
The draft of cold air blowing across his naked groin brought a smile to his face. The feel of air against his hot flesh helped him know for certain that would indeed be a next time for him and Terry. His body trembled a little at that realization took hold in his heart. Ashley felt his pulse race faster as the blood rushed quickly towards his pulsing hard pole that now stuck straight out from his body. He felt the tremor rising up inside as his heart told him that yes, there was to be a next time.
The room was dark and he could hear Jason in the other room snoring away. He couldn’t stop his mind from thinking as he lay there on the old couch. It really wasn’t exactly comfortable and at the back of his mind he kind of wondered if that was by design? Had Jason got this obvious second hand couch so it was okay to sit on but a pain to sleep on? Funny how he was starting to think like Jason was more manipulating than he had first given him credit for. Could be too that the whole business end of tonight had simply soured him a little on Jason but then, he did have the option of not accepting the offer hadn’t he?
His eyes had grown accustomed to the room’s darkness but his head still ached from the after effects of drinking that full glass of bourbon. Ashley never had been one for the hard stuff well unless it was maybe his desire to experience sex. Still alcohol had never really been something he enjoyed and he knew now why. It had made him feel dizzy while he had stood there letting Jason touch him and then eventually suck on his dick.
The thought of that made him tremble a little and he turned his head towards the bedroom feeling a sense of anger towards the man sleeping inside it. He couldn’t really explain it to himself but somehow he felt that Jason had sort of tricked him but if he was honest, maybe he had tricked himself? He had to be pretty stupid to not have known what Jason’s plan had been from the start but he hadn’t objected. Instead he had almost eagerly gone along with Jason’s ruse and to top it off he had let him buy him a burger.
Maybe that wasn’t exactly smart because Ashley knew himself well enough that he would automatically feel obligated to this stranger. Still there was the plus side of it, if he hadn’t gone along with Jason’s obvious ruse he would never have stumbled into meeting Terry. Now that alone should make up for the way he was feeling but somehow it still didn’t quite cut it. Was it that he found out too much about Terry or not enough?
Lying there now, only a pair of tattered boxer shorts on, he tried to figure out all the strange stuff that had been roaring around in his thick skull. For starters he really wished he could explain the way he suddenly had to know Terry and how it had made him allow Jason to do what he did. Okay maybe that wasn’t a big deal because lots of young guys did it, or so Jason said. Question maybe should be, was what Jason said the truth or was it what he thought Ashley wanted to hear? Did he really know Terry the way he had said or was he maybe trying to get more out of Ashley by making out like he did know Terry?
Granted, he didn’t even know Terry or at least not how he wished he would know him but how could he know from just that brief encounter that Terry was the person he wanted to be his first? How could he know so definitely that what he did wouldn’t bother Terry even though it sure as hell was eating at him? He shivered a little as he realized that once more he had a raging hard on and it was simply because he was thinking about Terry.
Christ what was it about that guy that made him feel this way? He had seen hot looking guys before, had even met one or two, but none had gotten to him like Terry had. Hell it wasn’t even two or three seconds of looking at each other that he knew in his heart that he wanted Terry. Was he being silly or stupid or worse was he being just a dumb ass hick? Could his sudden desire for the short curly haired blonde be nothing more than his hormones going wild?
Ashley stared out at the quiet darkened room and wondered if he hadn’t made the biggest mistake of his life. What if what Jason had said about Terry was just horse hockey? What if Terry didn’t do this stuff and then when he found out that Ashley had would he even want to be in the same room as Ashley? Why had he tried to be cute about it instead of just asking Jason right off about Terry? Why had he used his body to get the information he wanted when maybe he didn’t have? Was he just a pervert or was it more about the money than he wanted to admit?
After all he had no real trade or skills other than perhaps a slightly above average brain, a willingness to work hard if given the chance so really, what did he have to fall back on? At least back home he could always get some work at some of the other farms, either in fixing fences or helping with the harvest or planting. Out here he had what to offer? A desire to work? There had to be hundreds if not thousands who had that so was he smart to have come here or maybe he should have tried to stick it out? Did leaving his home make him a hero or just a coward?
Sure it would most likely have gotten rough for him, maybe even a few fights would have happened but shit, he’d been in fights before and so what if some of the guys he knew would stop talking to him? It wasn’t like he was Joe Popular anyhow and there would be some who wouldn’t hate him simply because he was queer, so was it smart to have left?
The shadowy figure of Terry crept back into his mind and he could feel his heart once more starting to race faster as he looked into those wonderful blue eyes. God they were so crisp looking and mysterious too. It was almost as if they had been asking him to look beyond their brilliance and in that one second had somehow found a way to touch him that only excited him and made him want more, no matter the cost. Well he had already paid a steep price or had he? So he let Jason touch his dick and lick his balls some. So what if he had shot his wad into Jason’s mouth? That didn’t make him evil or bad did it?
The answer was ‘no’ but it sure as shit didn’t make him feel any better about it. He still had this weird feeling of being suddenly very dirty and unclean. Even the prospect of showering was filled with trepidation as he wasn’t certain that if he had asked if Jason wouldn’t find some way to join him or make it seem dirty too. Sex shouldn’t feel this way he thought but somehow it did for now. Would sex with Terry be any different?
That nagged at him because at first he had this silly notion that if Terry did work as a hustler like Jason said, that at least that way he could be assured of filling some of his wild dreams about Terry. Think was that while he felt Jason’s tongue licking at his sac he got this strange urge to puke. Maybe it was how he had downed the glass of bourbon but he kind of thought it had more to do with what he was letting happen. He felt dirty and cheap with each stroke of Jason’s tongue on his naked flesh and as he stood there, letting it continue he wondered if that would be how Terry would feel if Ashley was doing to Terry what Jason was doing to him? God this was too confusing and he had tried to concentrate on what it might feel like to touch Terry’s naked body but all he could see in front of him was those eyes peering at him.
There was something mystic about the way Terry had looked at him. It was as if he was checking him out like anyone else might but in a whole different way. In some ways it scared the crap out of him and yet in another way it kind of thrilled him too. No one had ever looked at him that way and sure as shooting no one had ever gotten behind his defences before like Terry had. Maybe his whole problem was that he knew shit about being gay and now that he did know, maybe it wasn’t for him?
Course the second he thought that he knew it was stupid. He was gay whether he liked the sex or not. Guys were what turned him on and the idea of spending a lifetime with some girl at his side just seemed to be impossible. On the other hand the idea of having a guy next to him each morning was pure adrenalin to him. He always felt excited by that prospect and now that nameless face that he would turn to had a name, and it was Terry. How or when he didn’t know but deep down in his soul he knew that he had to be with Terry.
The excitement filled him once more and he reached down with his hand to adjust the thick pole that was once more sticking up. God how could just thinking about Terry make him so fucking horny? Nothing he had experienced before had prepared him for this. All the magazines he had read, the books, even the odd television show had managed to tell him how crazy this whole thing was or how damn thrilling it would feel either. He knew that there had to be more and that most likely he was only going to wind up getting his ass kicked or worse but he just didn’t care. He wanted Terry and he was willing to do whatever it took.
In some way he kind of thought he understood how some of those guys could pose for those magazine pictures that he used to gaze at with wonder. He didn’t know them nor them him but he got off on some of them, which is exactly what they were paid for. Still they were guys more than likely no different than he was. Maybe some of them were doing it just for the money or maybe just for the kick of it, but maybe some were doing it for other reasons, like perhaps being able to just get a decent meal?
Back home you could stay at the local motel for less than $30 or grab a decent meal at the café for under $3 but out here at the city hotels were about $80 or more, or so Jason had said. The burger Jason had bought cost almost $7 and that was without the onion rings or drink. Maybe that was why so many who lived in the city turned to doing stuff like letting someone take their picture. He hadn’t realized it before now but lying on this stupid couch was making him realize a whole lot more than maybe he wanted to. What if Terry was one of those? Could he ever be happy with another guy who did that?
Ashley felt tired and yet as much as he wanted to sleep it just wouldn’t come to him. Every time he tried to close his eyes he could feel Jason’s mouth wrapped around his pulsing cock and that feeling made his stomach turn a little. If that wasn’t enough the constant noise from the street below would make him wonder what was going on. Then too there was the constant nagging questions that seemed to take delight in plaguing him each time he tried to close his eyes and sleep. He had more or less given up getting any real rest and as he laid there, he could feel more questions piling up that he either didn’t know the answer to or was unwilling to give the answer to.
His eyes tried to close but each time something made them open again. As much as he tried to ignore the feelings they kept pushing into his thoughts. He would lie there thinking about what he would say tonight when he met Terry and then the doubts would come. Would he meet Terry tonight like Jason had promised or was that as phoney as his nephews were? Hell did Jason know Terry or did he just know his name or worse, had he made up the name simply to impress Ashley? Nothing really made much sense to him and he had to wonder if Jason was real or not. Like why would he even offer to set Ashley up with Terry and then settle for just sucking him off?
It wasn’t like he had hidden his desire for Terry very well so why had Jason not pressed it? Okay he had tried in a sense but it wasn’t obvious like or annoyingly pushy, so he had to ask himself, did Jason know Terry? The prospect that Jason had made it all up terrified him. If Jason had lied, then he had traded his body for nothing but some cash which only heighten his feeling of being dirty & cheap.
Ashley could feel the panic slowly creeping into his very soul. He didn’t know what he would do if Terry rejected him but worse, he didn’t know how he would even approach him. He sure as hell couldn’t use Jason’s line now could he? Still he knew that somehow he had to meet him again and as he thought about it, he knew that he couldn’t allow Jason to introduce him or set up something like he had proposed. Christ it would make him seem like a slut if he did but then, well wasn’t he one?
A small tear came to his eye as he tried to figure out just what was it that he was? He knew he was gay but so far the only sex he had had been whacking off to some pictures in a magazine or to some old guy sucking on him. He had to admit that even all the thoughts about Terry hadn’t helped him all that much. Sure he had gotten it hard and kept it that way but the feelings that came to him weren’t exactly exciting. Granted his feelings of being cheap or dirty, well they weren’t exactly new either. He was gay so it seemed only natural that he would feel dirty especially if you listened to the local preacher at Church and then of course there was his step mom. Man had she ever torn a strip off him, calling him evil and a degenerate all because he had a magazine with nude guys in it.
Part him was feeling sad because the first time he actually came wasn’t with his ideal date. He had hoped for the longest time it would be Scott or at least someone like Scott. The idea of Terry naturally taking over from Scott in that one instant that their eyes met, but instead of it being Terry it was Jason. He shivered a bit at that realization and the tear rolled down his cheek as he tried to figure out how he could explain it to Terry if called on it. How do you tell someone that you let a guy suck your dick so you could get his name? Would he retch or would he feel impressed? Christ if someone said that to him he wouldn’t be all glowing about it so how could he expect Terry to feel that way?
Somehow he felt like his need for Terry was getting him into trouble. There was something strange about how that look had not only turned him inside out but how it had made him feel like there was a sense of urgency to it all. He felt like he should be out there right now looking for Terry, maybe even going back to that burger joint. The idea of actually doing it wasn’t new either, in fact he had it off and on so far for the whole night. He keep trying to push it aside but it wouldn’t leave him alone, just as the image of those eyes staring into him wouldn’t leave him alone. God was he ever getting fucked up over this guy and worse was he couldn’t explain why. It was driving him nuts but he made up his mind that he would pass on Jason’s offer to arrange a party.
Instead he decided that he’d head to the bar himself, Rich’s, which Jason had mentioned. If that didn’t work then he’d try that burger place or maybe ask around some. He was sure that if he did it alone it would work out but okay, say he did find Terry. What the fuck would he say to him? Like he couldn’t walk up and say ‘hi, I want to be yours’ could he? He felt the panic rising up as he tried to imagine the whole scene, a trick he used to use to get a date with a girl. It never really had worked out like he had expected then so why did he think it would this time? There was a hell of a lot more at stake for him now anyhow, but maybe if he could just imagine it, maybe he could figure out what not to do or say. At least that would be a help but how do you imagine a conversation with someone you don’t even know?
The constant questioning was finally starting to wear down the nervousness inside of him. Somehow he found his eyes closing slowly and actually staying closed longer each time. The idea of meeting Terry on his own had calmed some of his anxieties but there were so many more nudging him that he wished for a brief moment that he had never met Terry.
The instant that thought crossed his mind he felt a sharp jab to his midriff and he began to sweat as he opened his eyes wide. How could he even think that after all this? Worse was the sudden pain that rolled all thru his entire body. It was as if every organ inside was protesting his minds brief allusion to not going forward and finding Terry. He shuddered a little as he tried to figure that one out but all he could come up with was that somehow Terry was no longer just a stranger or just a casual encounter. Somehow the look that had passed between them had meant a whole lot more than his stupid brain could understand but the rest of him sure seemed to get it. Now if they would be so kind as to fill his head in he might get some sleep or would he? The idea of not having met Terry was something his body seemed unwilling to allow him to even ponder and as he settled back down onto the couch, he knew that he would have to find Terry no matter the cost to him. If that meant doing more with Jason or even other’s then he would do it. What mattered was that he find Terry and then let nature take its course.
Sleep was finally coming to him as he lay there, the image of Terry’s face floating before his eyes and yet a strange unease was also settling over him. It was like something was warning him that his goal was out there but that it wasn’t going to be an easy one. He had that thought before but he tried not to think about it. It was the one time when he had come close to doing something really stupid but he was just a kid then. Now he liked to think he was not so stupid. Still he saw that whole episode flash quickly in front of him as he finally drifted off to sleep. The breaking waves against a sandy beach began to play in his mind and he smiled a little, as his childhood memory of an old television show filled his mind. He could see the dolphin racing backwards against the current and he could see the two young boys in the boat laughing. Flipper had been a show he had loved watching and it was one of the few happy moment he had left to him. It was the one show where even his father would join him and his mom to watch and now that was all gone. His mother had long since passed away and his father was just as far away or so it seemed. The nagging thought of that time long past came back again but the laughter of the two brothers drowned it out and pushed it back.
Ashley finally fell asleep and turned away from the bedroom. His face was now pressed up against the back of the couch and he began to breathe evenly as his tired mind finally gave him some peace. Deep in his soul the fires that had begun to burn in a small washroom in some 24 hour burger joint began to settle into a steady flame. His body rested as it knew that its course had finally been set.